Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters. Those would be the property of Ryan Murphy, Fox and so on and so forth.

Author's Note:

Hey there, guys! Miss meeee? Ok, I won't push my luck, here. ;P As usual, life just loves to come and get all up in my way. =( Lots going on, but I swear it's never my intention to leave you guys hanging for so long! But alas! Summer is almost here! So that leaves plenty of time for writing! This fic should have an ending in sight somewhere, but ultimately, a new project might arise! *Cue celebration!*

Anyways, you guys remain to be the absolute best readers that any author wishes they could have! I owe you guys everything and a freaking Easter basket. Seriously. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. You guys are the best.

Anyways, hopefully Chapter 24 is as much as you'd hope it'd be! I hope you love it like I love you guys! Enjoy and send me thoughts in those beautiful reviews as per usual!

-Casey

Chapter 24. "Control"

"That was amazing, Kurt! Regionals here we come!" Mr. Schue praised with his typical run of the mill "Regionals here we come!" fist pump.

Kurt masked his triumphant grin with a grin of modesty and flitted back to his seat in record time. Normally he basked in the applause; hell, all of the Glee Club did. It was like a right of passage in the choir room to soak up applause like they were dying of dehydration in the desert. The opportunity didn't come nearly as often enough and Kurt wasn't typically one to snub the attention.

Today was different. Today, Kurt was waiting anxiously for the end of the school day to arrive. He had been meticulously planning this day for the entire week. He had focused on nothing but his Regionals solo for the past 2 weeks and now this week had a new theme: Blaine. Ever since the night of his and Blaine's fight, he hadn't been paying his boyfriend nearly enough attention. Blaine had assured Kurt over and over that it was OK and he needed to focus on his solo. Kurt had obliged, but he didn't feel right about it all the same.

He had spent the week devising the perfect plan of romance to reignite the spark in their relationship. It was an understatement to say that Blaine's past few months were difficult and Kurt thought it was high time that he and Blaine reclaim the romance that they had had stolen from them. The past couple of months had been made up of much needed comfort and love but now it was time to try to regain familiarity. Kurt hoped Blaine was ready for it, but he would be damned if he didn't at least try. He missed his Blaine and he was ready to try and find him again.

"Blaine?"

Blaine hastily threw the blood soiled razor into his book bag as soon as the knocking sounded on the heavy wooden door of the 2nd floor Dalton restroom.

Panic stricken, Blaine began to wipe at the droplets of blood that had fallen to the counter top and shakily called out, "I-I'll be right out!"

"Blaine, are you all right? You've been in there for over 45 minutes…Warbler practice started 20 minutes ago and we can't really start without our lead soloist, you know?"

45 minutes? Blaine had only meant to be in here for a few quick cuts just to take the edge off…how the hell had it been 45 minutes?

"Shit, sorry Nick…I-I've just had a headache all day and I had meant to come in here to take some aspirin and collect myself. I didn't realize i-it had been so long. Tell the guys I'll be right down, OK?"

"All right, Blaine, see you in a minute," Nick responded wearily from behind the locked door and as soon as the sound of footsteps diminished; Blaine slid to his knees and took deep erratic breaths. What if Nick suspected something? Admittedly, Blaine hadn't sounded like his usual put together self when he answered. He couldn't slip, not now; he had a good thing going and all he had to do was finish cleaning up, then he'd collect himself, get back out and put on his usual show.

The past few weeks had become routine. After the night of his and Kurt's fight, he hadn't been able to stop the cutting. He had only meant to do it that once, but he discovered that he liked the sense of control that he received whilst doing it. Kurt had been busy working on his solo for Regionals leaving Blaine ample time to think and be left to his own devices. This was the easiest and surest way to get by and Blaine would be damned if he let anything stop him now. He had to perfect for Kurt and this was the only way he knew how.

For several months, he had been in so much pain that was so far from his control and now that he found something that he actually had a say in, he was finding it impossible to let it go. He relished in his ability to control the pain; he got to decide when the pain would start and when it would end. It was evident to Blaine that the world decided that he deserved to be punished, so really he was doing the entire world a favor and carrying out that wish.

He dug into his bag for the bloodied bandage that had become a permanent fixture on his arm these past few weeks and began to wind it around the fresh wounds. His Dalton blazer hid the bandage completely from everyone and no one had suspected a thing; why would they? Blaine had every intention of keeping it that way. The lack of suspicion allowed him to quote on quote "Keep calm and carry on," and that's what he was going to do. He washed away the remaining blood from the sink and gave his reflection a once over in the mirror.

Or at least, he had intended it to be a once over. He caught sight of the gaunt look in his cheek bones, the dark bags that had become a permanent fixture underneath his eyes, and the uncharacteristic paleness of his skin. Had he seriously been walking around looking this terrible? He rubbed at his eyes and took a second look. He wasn't imagining it, he looked like shit. There was nothing he could do about it right now, he had to get down to practice. If the Warblers hadn't said anything about it yet, then they probably hadn't even noticed. With that thought put out of his mind, Blaine finally unlocked the door and made his way down to the Senior Commons.

Kurt finished the final touches of his plan before he heard the doorbell ring from upstairs: showtime. He made his way back up the steps, his stomach flipping with anticipation. He couldn't wait to spend this much needed time with Blaine; they had so much lost time to make up for. Kurt took a deep breath once he made it to the door. After putting Blaine on the back burner for the past week made him realize how much he needed to see him. With no more time to lose, he opened the door to reveal the love of his life…only he didn't look like himself at all.

Blaine looked like he'd lost at least ten pounds since he had last seen him; his gaunt appearance said that much. His eyes looked vacant and lacked their usual sparkle and the expression of confidence he had been trying to flaunt had completely diminished. Kurt was certain that the way Blaine looked now was a precise reflection of how he felt inside and he looked terrible.

"Oh honey," Kurt spoke softly, pulling Blaine into the house and straight into his arms.

"I've missed you," Blaine responded, burying his face right into the crook of Kurt's neck.

"I've missed you too, sweetheart. A week is really too long," Kurt declared, pulling Blaine's face back up to meet his. He placed both hands on the side of Blaine's face and caressed his lips gently with his own. The kiss started off light but steadily became hungrier and exceedingly more passionate. Kurt had missed this, the feeling of Blaine's lips on his and the love that they shared despite all of the horror they had to face. The pair kept kissing until finally Kurt pulled away so that he could take a much needed breath. "All right, let's go downstairs before I ravage you right in the doorway."

Blaine smirked at Kurt's remark, nodded his ascent and took Kurt's hand in his own. Kurt bit back a gasp of shock as soon as the contact was initiated. Blaine's skin usually felt warm against his, but not this time. His hand was as cold as ice.

"Are you cold, honey?" Kurt asked leading the way downstairs and despite the shock, still kept his hand firmly enclosed in Blaine's, desperate to give it some warmth.

"No, I'm fine," Blaine replied with a dapper smile.

Blaine was trying to put those walls up again, Kurt could tell. He wasn't going to try and dwell on it too much. He was hoping that his plan would give Blaine enough genuine happiness that would ultimately overpower the facade of contentment that he was attempting to emulate.

"Kurt!" Blaine breathed as he took in the sight of Kurt's room.

Kurt had dozens of candles placed throughout the room, the glow from the wicks being the main source of light. In the background, Kurt's I Pod was softly playing the 'Chopin's Greatest Works Collection', the sounds of the piano enhancing the romantic atmosphere of the room. On the floor, a blanket was laid out with a picnic basket placed atop of it.

"I thought we needed a little romance back in this relationship," Kurt whispered, kissing the spot underneath Blaine's earlobe. He could hear a soft intake of breath from Blaine indicating that he still enjoyed being kissed in that spot. Kurt grinned to himself, no one knew his Blaine better than he did.

"It—It's wonderful, Kurt…thank you," Blaine whispered, sounding on the verge of tears.

Kurt pulled away and assessed Blaine. He did in fact have unshed tears glistening in his eyes as he took in the aura of the room.

"I've missed—Well, I've missed us."

"I've missed us too Kurt, so much," Blaine admitted as he gently pulled Kurt back into an appreciative kiss.

Kurt felt himself fall into Blaine's embrace. Despite everything, being held by Blaine made it seem as if there were no problems in the world and everything was as it was. Kurt knew that wasn't true in the back of his mind, but for right now, he was going to lie to himself and enjoy this feeling. After a few additional kisses, Blaine kissed Kurt on his forehead, which was the way Blaine always liked to end a makeout session. Kurt felt butterflies in his stomach just at the simple fact that it was something Blaine would normally do. Once they let go of one another, Kurt dropped down to the blanket, pulling Blaine down with him.

"Hungry? I have sandwiches, veggies, fruit…whipped cream," Kurt felt his cheeks grow warm as he muttered the last item. He dared to sneak a glance at Blaine who had raised an eyebrow suggestively in response.

"I-it wasn't meant to be like that…I just like whipped cream with my strawberries."

"Well," Blaine began scooting towards Kurt. "If I recall, that's not the only thing you like to put whipped cream on."

Kurt felt his stomach twist as the heat began to move south. When he and Blaine had been intimate before he had been kidnapped, Kurt enjoyed spraying Blaine down with whipped cream and proceeding to lick it off…agonizingly slow.

"Blaine," Kurt breathed, attempting to put the dirty thoughts as far back in his mind as he could, "Tonight wasn't about that…the whipped cream was innocent, I swear. I-It wasn't my attention to put any pressure on you or any-"

Kurt was cut off when one of Blaine's fingers was placed against his lips.

"I understand, Kurt. I just enjoy making you blush."

Kurt scoffed playfully. "Blaine Anderson, you'll be the death of me, I swear…"

Blaine shrugged in response and began to search through the picnic basket and once he had set his eyes on his desired item, he looked up with playful look in his eyes.

"Strawberry?" He asked, innocently holding up the fruit in question.

"I am so in love with you," Kurt laughed in response.

And I you, sweetheart," Blaine grinned, feeding the strawberry to Kurt lovingly.

After they had eaten, they had moved onto Kurt's bed, just to cuddle. Kurt clung to Blaine as if he was the floating door in the ocean in Titanic. He didn't want this feeling to end. He knew it was selfish, but was it really? Blaine longed to feel normal, didn't he? Wasn't Kurt treating him normally? He really didn't know for sure, but right now, he just wanted to enjoy the feeling of being held by Blaine. Blaine was currently lying on his back and Kurt was on his side with his head resting on Blaine's chest.

"So, what's new in Warbler land?" Kurt asked, sliding his fingers gently through Blaine's curls that he had thankfully left un-gelled.

"Same old," Blaine replied, closing his eyes at Kurt's touch. "Just getting ready to annihilate The New Directions at Regionals,"

Kurt whimpered and jutted out his lip in a pout.

Blaine cracked his eyes open slightly and chuckled at Kurt's expression.

"Ohhh, I forgot they got a new soloist, didn't they? We're in for a world of hurt, I'm sure," He corrected himself playfully.

"That's more like it," Kurt affirmed, continuing to play with Blaine's hair.

Blaine sighed, "I've missed this."

"Me too, just let me know if I'm pushing too much on you, OK? I'm not meaning to move too fast, I just miss you."

Blaine sat up at that comment and fixed his gaze on Kurt.

"Honey, you're not pushing me to do anything; trust me, I'm fine. I'm sorry for everything, but I think things are getting better, really. You have nothing to worry about."

"Don't I?"

Blaine's eyebrows furrowed at that. "What do you mean?"

"Blaine, you went through some really emotionally scarring experiences…one's that couldn't have left you unaffected…um, intimately."

Blaine nodded in understanding and took both of Kurt's hands in his own. "Kurt, I know that you aren't him. I'll admit that I'm well, I'm ashamed that you weren't the first to...but it's in the past now. All we can do is look ahead, right? I know you'd never hurt me and we have a life full of firsts to have together, right?"

Kurt smiled and nodded in response. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Blaine's. "It's nice to hear you say that Blaine, but I just know there's something else wrong here. On one hand you seem normal, but there's something you're not telling me."

Blaine pulled away and shook his head. "I honestly don't know what makes you think that, Kurt."

"I don't want to scare you, honey, but you've lost weight since I've seen you, you look completely run down. I've never seen you look this-gaunt."

Blaine didn't respond. He looked at a loss for words.

"Don't take it as a negative, baby, I'm just worried for you is all."

"You don't have to worry anymore, Kurt. It's all under control."

Blaine had finally managed to get away from Kurt for a few minutes with the excuse that he had to use the restroom.

Kurt suspected…no screw that, Kurt knew. Well, he didn't exactly know but he was on to something and it was way too close for comfort. He felt completely nauseated by the lack of control he had with Kurt. He could convince all the Warblers that everything was normal, hell, he could even convince his own parents that he was fine, but Kurt? It scared him beyond belief; the lack of control he had when Kurt was around was enough to send him running to the bathroom to regain his control. He dug into his bag and retrieved the razor: his lifeline.

Blaine hadn't been lying when he said things were getting better. The thought of being with Kurt intimately didn't scare him like it had initially. He had made the distinction in his mind that Kurt wasn't Karofsky. Kurt wouldn't hurt him; Kurt was perfect. That was already a sign that things were beginning to fall back into place but the thought that was truly terrifying Blaine was giving up the control. No matter how much he loved Kurt, this was a part of himself that he couldn't give up. The control was everything; the minute he lost it, he lost himself.

He pushed up the sleeve of his jacket on his left arm and steadily unwrapped the bandage around it. Dozens of cuts decorated his arm in a twisted form of art. Blaine held the razor tightly in his clammy grip and strategically placed it against one of the healing cuts. He slowly dragged the razor downward, reopening the wound and watched as a fresh line of blood seeped out. He let out a shaky breath as a wave of calm swept over him. There it was: the control. He pressed a little harder to feel the pain increase in intensity. He felt elated at the pain he was inflicting and made the decision to take it to the ultimate limit, cutting deeper than he ever had before. The blood was steadily beginning to drip to the floor as Blaine focused on his breathing. The cutting had never felt better than this, the control had shifted so far away from him whilst being in Kurt's presence, that it felt as if he was in the middle of a game of Tug-of-War.

A gently knock and a light squeak of the door was all it took to have the feeling of elation ripped away and made his blood ultimately run cold.

"Blaine honey, are you-"

Blaine spun around in a panic and found Kurt looking paler than ever with his hand holding the handle of the door in a death grip. He looked as if he was about to pass out in shock and the only thing keeping him standing was the support of the door. Of all the times Blaine could have forgotten…it had to be tonight that he forgot to lock the door. He placed a hand against the fresh wound in a fruitless attempt to hide the gruesome scene that Kurt had walked in on. It was too late, there was too much blood and Kurt had seen it.

"Blaine, sweetheart, what have you done?"

Blaine…you ruin everything.

Ohhhhh shit. Kurt finally caught Blaine. About time, too. I didn't want Blaine to go through this cutting thing for too long. He needs help, I tell you! It was so nice to write some fluff for a change, but come on, Casey's writing this story! Of course it must end in ANGST! Lol.

It had to, I'm afraid. Blaine needs Kurt's help one more time. He's recovering in some areas, but he needs more! Anyways, drop me a review guys and leave me your thoughts! You know how I love them! ^.^

Hope you guys liked it! *Crosses fingers* Let's make chapter 25 get here sooner, eh? I've got time this week for another update if the reviews are awesome, which I'm sure they will be! They always are! =D

-Casey