It's so weird looking outside my window and seeing Troy or a family member of his next door.

Because for the past three years, they haven't been there and I've gotten used to that. I've gotten used to them being home.

They're back now, though, and it's so hard.

"Why aren't you hanging out with Troy?" my mother comes into the living room, grabbing some throw pillows on the couch and fluffing them, "I figured you two would spend the day together the day after he got back. Maybe go out for some lunch or something..."

"Well, he's coming over later, anyway, so it's whatever."

"Yeah, you're right," she went on her way, nothing saying much else. Thank God.

I never told my parents, my mom, about our kiss. About how we don't talk anymore. I'm not sure what his parents know, but I'm pretty sure they probably still think we're as close as we used to be or are at least still in constant contact with each other. Because our moms would have said something if we weren't, if they knew. And it's not like I made this big thing about making my mom think we're still in touch. Nah. It just hardly came up. I think she just assumed we would because of how close we were and because of how big of a deal we made about staying in touch the minute we found out they were moving.

But we didn't. We didn't keep in touch.

And as I was flipping through channels to see what was on, the doorbell rang.

My mom immediately went over and opened the door and the next thing I knew she was shouting out, "Troy! Oh my gosh. I was just asking Gabriella why she wasn't hanging out with you and now here you are. Come in!"

Fuck. Fuck my life.

I quickly sat up on the couch and peeked my head out to the foyer where they were standing.

Troy chuckled a bit and I can see his back turned to me. He was facing my mom and even from the back, he looks hot. I don't even know what I'm saying, but God, he's so hot. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty busy right now, but we'll be here later. My mom just wanted me to give you this... your mail."

"This is gonna start happening again," my mom laughs. They used to always get our mail and vice versa. "It's good to have you guys back."

And then there's another ring at the door and my mom quickly shuffles over to get it.

This time, I get up because I'm curious as to who it can be.

It was Cole. My boyfriend.

"Oh, hi, Cole," my mom tells him sweetly, even though I know inside she's wondering what the hell he's over. You see, my mom doesn't really care for him, but she'll never be mean to his face. Ever. "I wasn't expecting you. Gabriella didn't tell me you were coming over."

He stepped and smiled at her, "thought I'd just stop by, if that's okay..."

And now I'm in the foyer, standing behind all of them. "What are you doing here?"

Troy and my mom turned to look at me while Cole just shrugs and gives me a weird look, "nothing, I was just on my way to run some errands, wanted to see if you wanted to join or something. You mentioned you wanted to get some new shoes and I'm going to the mall. Maybe we can get ice cream."

Um, I don't really.

But for some reason I'm going to say yes. Probably to show Troy that I haven't been moping around for him since I'm sure he thought I was in love with him.

That's beside the point right now, though. Way beside.

"Oh, yeah, sure, sounds like fun."

"We're having guests in a couple of hours, Gabriella," my mom tells me, almost in a way where she's kind of telling me she doesn't want me to go. not in a way where she's reminding me to be home by five or whatever. She's just not a fan of Cole and my relationship. Which sucks. "At 5."

"I know," I say.

And then there's a little bit of silence and my mom's giving me a look and I'm not even sure what it means.

But then she tells me exactly what she's thinking. "Aren't you going to introduce them?"

I wasn't planning on it.

Fuck. I should. I know I should. But I feel so weird about it. Troy probably doesn't because he's not the one who kissed me, he's not the one who ruined what we had. Now our friendship,or lack thereof, is ruined and I honestly don't really know if we're still friends, if we're gonna hang out. I'm not even sure. I know I'm being the weird one, but it's hard. It's hard having him back here after him being away for three years. It's fucking hard.

"Right," I pretend like I forgot, "Cole, this is Troy. Troy, this is Cole... my boyfriend."

"Of course," Troy says before shaking his hand.

Of course? Of course what? Of course I have a boyfriend which means he expects me to? Or like of course, of course I have one and he didn't expect me to wait around for him? I don't know. I'm going a little crazy trying t decide what it means... if it means anything significant at all.

"Troy lives right next door," my mom speaks up, "he used to live there, moved, and just moved back. Gaby and Troy are the best of friends."

The look Troy and I exchanged solidified that we were in fact no the best of friends anymore.

And that really, really sucked.

Cole looked at me as if he was asking me what the hell my mom was talking about. Probably because he's never heard of the name Troy. Cole moved here sophomore year and so he never met Troy and his name hasn't even been tossed around, and we've only been dating a very short time, but still, I haven't brought up the name and if he's supposedly my best friend, you would think I would. Why would I, though? Since a few weeks ago, he wasn't supposed to be in my life. But now he's here and I have no idea what the fuck to do about it.

"Yeah, well we should get going if I'm gonna be back by 5," I walk over and grab m purse from the table, "see ya guys."

My mom looks sort of mad like I'm leaving and ditching them and I can't tell what Troy's thinking.

For the first time in my life, I can't tell.

But Cole opens the door and leads us to his car and we go on our way. I look back, the door's still open because my mom left it open and I see her and Troy standing there laughing about something. And I wanna go back in there and know what it was about. We all used to laug ike that together and I'm getting emotional just thinking about it. Thinking about how life used to be and how it's not like that anymore.

I should have never kissed my best friend. Ugh.

"Who's Troy?"

"Someone that lives next door to me," I tell Cole as we're driving down my street.

"Yeah, but your mom said he was your best friend. I've never heard you mention him once in your life. Were you guys best friends?"

The best of friends, I think to myself. And now I'm just thinking about all the good times we've had, the sad times we stuck by each other, and all the hard times we had each other to lean on. It was a real friendship that I thought was going to last forever and even our kids would be friends.

But one day, when we were 13 years old, everything changed.

When I came out of my room wearing a dress I had bought for a family friends sweet sixteen, he told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

Obviously to him, he was just being the best friend that he could be. Complimenting me and making me feel good.

But to me, it meant more. I heard something else, like he maybe had some feelings for me. The way he said it, it just felt different. And that night, when we danced the night away and I realized how much fun I have with him, I seriously got to thinking about my feelings for him. But I read that wrong, of course. He didn't mean it in a way where he had feelings for me. And for the next year, during 8th grade, everything stayed the exact same. We hung out, we did the same things, we still told each other everything.

Everything stayed the same but my feelings for him. I had a serious, major crush on Troy Bolton that turned into realizing I could love him.

And the night he left, I kissed him because I just had to let him know.

His reaction was everything I wanted it NOT to be, though. He was shocked, he was taken aback, he was surprised, but mostly, I think he was completely weirded out. He couldn't even really talk. He just asked what I was doing and I knew it was going to turn into a speech about how we're the best of friends and he doesn't want to ruin it and blah blah blah. So, again, I told him it was a mistake and got the fuck out of there.

"We were," I looked out the window, "we're not anymore."

"No?"

I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it anymore, "no. He left. I don't really know him anymore. It's been three years."

That was pretty much all that was said.

Troy Bolton left, without saying a word, without really saying how he felt about the whole thing, so I took it as a sign that he wanted nothing to do with me. And that I messed everything up. He didn't come to my house the next morning to say goodbye. He didn't call me or write me or anything.

Now that he's back here, though, I wish I hadn't kissed him.

Because I miss my best friend.

"How was shopping?"

Fuck. He scared me. "Um, it was good."

Troy chuckled a bit as I shut the door behind me. I put down my shopping bags and looked around my house. I couldn't see his family, but I knew they were here obviously. in the back. I mean, I am 20 minutes late. Oops. Whatever.

"Don't worry, your mom's not mad that you're late."

I know," I say, almost in a defensive tone.

I texted her telling her I was going to be a few minutes late because I had to stop by Madison's to pick up the form she wanted from her mom. And since it benefited her, she didn't get upset. But if anyone knows my mom, they know that she's very punctual and she expects everyone else to be. She hates when people are late. So I think I'm almost a little mad at Troy for thinking he could just come back into our lives and act like he still knows everything.

Troy just nodded his head, "okay, well, food's almost ready..."

"Wait, where are you going?" I ask as he walks past me and opens the front door.

"Home," he says.

I expected more, but um, okay. "Why?"

He turned around, taking his hand off the doorknob for a second, "I don't feel well, probably something I ate."

"Oh okay."

He gives me a small smile and then proceeds to walk out the door. And I turned around and went outside to where everyone was. My parents, my sister and her best friend, and Troy's parents along with his sister, who I assume knows everything since her and Troy are pretty closer. I mean, my sister knows. But whatever. They all greeted me and before I knew it, we were all sitting around and talking like old time. Laughing like old times. It felt like old times.

The only thing missing was Troy.

"What's wrong with Troy?" I ask his mom.

"Oh, he's feeling sick," Lucille tells me reaching for some watermelon, "he had sushi for lunch so maybe it just didn't sit well."

Suddenly, I'm back in the mode where I wanna take care of him. Like I did when we were younger. When he would get a cold, I'd bring him tissues and cough drops and movies and we'd hang out and battle the cold together even though I didn't have one. Of course I always got it a few days later and then the roles reversed. And that's always how it was. Even though he had a mom that provided him with things when he was sick, I still took it upon myself to.

Things are different now, though. We both know that.

But I'll make the first step. Maybe I'll try to see if we can be friends. Obviously not like before, but enough to make our parents think nothing happened.

"I'll be right back," I smile at everything and get up and walk away from the table.

I quickly go to the kitchen, grab a pot and fill it with water. I put it to boil as I grab a mug and a tea bag that does wonders for your stomach. As soon as the water is boiled, I dump it in the mug and let it cool for a minute. I go over to the cabinets and take out some honey followed by a lemon from the fridge.

Teas work wonders and it'll make his stomach feel better, I know it will.

I'm nervous, though. It seemed like he was trying to get out of here, like he didn't really care to talk.

So maybe this won't be such a good idea. But I suck it up and pour the honey and drizzle some lemon and take it over to him.

I take a deep breath, hold on to his hot cup firmly and then ring his doorbell.

"What are you doing?" He asks me.

"Heard you weren't feeling well," I give him a small smile and a shrug and present him the tea, "you want it?"

It looked like he almost doesn't believe it. And I don't blame him. I've been kinda cold to him. But what did he expect? He moved, he didn't say anything to me and that was that. Our lives moved on. He made them move on.

We were once the best of friends, though, and that's not something you forget. If I had my way, we'd still be best friends. I have Madison, but it's different. Troy knew the ins and outs of my life. He knew what made me mad, happy, sad, etc. Madison knows half of that. And so to this day, he will always be the best friend I've ever had. And I want it back. I know it's not going to be the same, but I can put forth the effort a bit, which is what I'm doing right now.

"Um, yeah, sure," he steps aside, opening the door even more, "come in."

For the first time in tree years, I step into the home I used to be at almost every day. And it was kinda emotional, to be honest.

But I put a small smile on my face and look around. It was different, but the exact same. And it felt weird standing here, but it also felt great. "I get if you wanna be by yourself. I just thought I'd bring over some tea. Sucks you had to miss out on all the great food.""

"No, yeah, it's fine," he closes the door behind him and holds onto the tea, "it was probably just something I ate. I'm sure this tea will help."

"Cool," is all I manage to say.

"Thanks," he tells me, "this was nice of you."

And now there's a silence and I honestly don't know where to go from here. It's weird. We were the kind of friends that knew if we didn't see each other for months or maybe even years, the minute we saw each other, it would be completely fine and normal. But throw a kiss in there and it messes it all up.

Absolutely everything.

"I can't believe you're actually leaving tomorrow."

"Don't remind me," Troy tells me, giving me a piece of chocolate to put in the middle of my graham crackers for my s'more, "I'm so bummed."

I might be more bummed. For other reasons than he thinks. but I could never tell him that. No way. It would ruin everything and that's the last thing I want. We didn't spend ten years on this friendship for nothing. "I'm sure you'll love Seattle, though."

Troy looks at me and kind of just laughs, "nonstop rain?"

"You like the rain," I remind him.

"Yeah, for sure, but I can't imagine liking it every single day," he grabs a marshmallow and sticks it on a skewer, "nothing beats the California sunshine."

True. "You're gonna make a ton of new friends, though. And probably even get yourself a girlfriend."

He didn't say anything for a moment. I mean, I thought I was being nice and supportive. Did I say something wrong? Maybe he's just thinking about all his friends here and how he's going to miss them. I definitely would be if I were the one who was moving away to a different state.

"Troy?"

"Sorry," he shakes his head and leans the skewer into the fire to toast his marshmallow, "I'm not so sure about that."

"About what? Making friends?"

He shrugs, "getting a girlfriend. High school girlfriends are pointless."

Pointless? Whoa, okay. I didn't know he felt this way. I guess they could be pointless. 90 percent probably don't work out. But I'm sure it's nice dating someone. "You don't have to get married to them. It's just someone to have fun with."

"Yeah, maybe," he shrugs again, bring his marshmallow back to him to put in the middle of his graham crackers.

"I'm sure girls will line up once they see the new kid and realize he's this cool, attractive guy."

I'm not sure why I just said that. When we were eight, I'd tell him I love his eyes and that his haircut was so cute. And he told me he loved my long hair and my laugh. But we're older now and at an age where thinking about boys and girls is happening and so maybe these comments are too much now. Well, obviously it's too much now because he told me I was beautiful and everything changed for me. It made me realize different things and realize that I have feelings for him. But it just slipped. I haven't called him cute or anything like that since we've entered middle school. And so I think he was taken aback by it.

Because he was real quiet.

After a moment, though, he turned to me, "you think so?"

"I do," I whisper, looking into his bright blue eyes. I couldn't help it. They were so bright. And he was so fucking cute.

"Thanks," is all he said in a soft voice, still keeping eye contact with me.

Everything suddenly feels different. I don't feel like I'm talking to my best friend. I feel like I'm sitting here, nervously talking and flirting with some guy I like. And he happens to be my best friend. And it could not be a more complicated situation, but I can't help it. I can't help but feel things for him.

Real things. Romantic feelings.

Troy Bolton is the greatest guy I've ever known.

He wouldn't hurt a fly so I know he'll never hurt me. Ever. And that's not just what is drawing me in. It's everything.

From the way he makes me feel to the way he treats people and everything in between. Any girl would be lucky to have him and I so badly wanna be that girl. I wanna be that girl who can be his best friend and his girlfriend and be cute together and make a ton of memories together with endless pictures. And share secrets and know that they can count on them for anything and everything.

I just want him to make me happy and I want to make him happy.

But I know it's harder than that.

All of a sudden, I feel myself leaning in and I can't tell if he is, but at this point, I'm in too deep and I'm going for it.

I kiss him.

And it felt magical. Absolutely magical. The second my lips touched his, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I swear I felt electricity running through my body. It felt like it was the right thing to do because of how good it was making me feel.

But when I didn't feel him kiss back after a moment, I pulled away. Nervous. Embarrassed. And anxious.

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry," I tell him, realizing by the tone in his voice that this was something he wasn't expecting this. And I wasn't either, to be honest. Also, that look he gave me meant I think meant absolutely nothing other than friendship. "Sorry, I don't know"

"You don't know?" He asks me.

No. I don't. I don't know anything. "Forget it. Can you pass me a marshmallow?"

He's not letting it go, though. "Why'd you do that for?"

Gosh, how embarrassing. I'm so freaking embarrassed. He doesn't want me. I'm such an idiot. The biggest idiot. If he did want me, he'd be kissing me right now, his hands in my hair, my arms around his neck and it would be magical. Instead, he's asking why I did that, why I kissed him. And it all just fucking sucks. "It was a mistake, okay? Give me a fucking marshmallow!"

"A mistake?" he repeats my words to me.

"Yes," I get up, dropping everything I had in my lap on the chair, "it was a stupid fucking mistake and I'm gonna go now..."

And with that, I walked away.

I couldn't be in his presence right now. I know leaving makes it seem like it wasn't a mistake and I wanted it to happen and now I'm running because I'm embarrassed, but I just couldn't sit there. I'd probably start crying knowing he doesn't feel the same way, knowing he probably doesn't wanna mess it all up. And I don't wanna mess our friendship up either, believe me, it's special, but I just can't help these feelings. If I could, I would. But I can't. I can't help but like him as more than a friend now. We've grown up. We're at that age where we're starting to think about the significant other and he's everything I would ever want in a boyfriend. In the last few months, I've come to the realization that it's not just some hardcore crush. It's genuine feelings as more than a friend and it's so fucking hard to be in his presence now and just be his friend.

But that's what I'm gonna have to do from now on.

Tomorrow morning, everything will be fine. We'll forget about the kiss and laugh at how dumb I was being. I'll remind him it was a "mistake."

For now, though, I'm gonna crawl into bed and try not to think about it.

Yeah, right.

"Gabriella!? I hear my name.

"Sorry," I snap out of it, "sorry. What?"

Troy chuckled a bit, "nothing I was just asking if you were staying or if you were going..."

Um. I was hoping I'd stay, but honestly, it's hard and I think it'll probably end up being awkward because how could we not talk about that night? Obviously I'm going to reiterate that it was a mistake, but I just don't wanna talk about it so I hope to God he doesn't bring it up.

To be honest, the reason I've been a little cold towards him is because he didn't keep in touch. I know I scared him away, but as a best friend, as someone who's been my friend for YEARS, he should have at least texted me.

But nope. I got nothing. For three whole years, Troy and I didn't speak at all.

"Oh, I can go," I tell him, sensing he didn't exactly want me here. After all, he's the one that shut me out. "I know you're not feeling well."

"I don't mind," he says.

And then the ball's back in my court. And I have no idea what to do and what to say to him.

No one understands how hard this is. Having someone back after some years apart who was your best friend, but they're pretty much not anymore. It would be so great if we could just pick up where we left off, but we can't. Things happened. And he shut me out. He didn't call me. He didn't text me. He didn't reach out to me. He was so freaked out by the kiss that he cut me off completely and that hurt so bad. It hurt more than he probably knows. This guy who was my best friend in the entire world and he so easily could shut me out after one stupid kiss hurt me so bad.

I resent him a little bit for it.

And I understand I'm the one that made things complicated and difficult, but I texted him. I called. And after a week of trying, I gave up.

Now, he's back and I really don't know where he wants to go from here.

But we're in the living room now and I'm sitting on the couch and he's sitting on the other one, diagonal from me, and we're both not saying anything. He's sipping on the tea I brought him and I'm waiting for him to start a conversation or something.

Which he does after a moment of so. "So, are you excited for senior year to start?"

"Yeah," I give him a small smile, "it should be fun."

"Hopefully," he nods and I'm sure it will be for him. He had so many friends before leaving and I'm sure they're all excited he's back. Plus, girls will be flocking to him. I know they will. He'll have no trouble adjusting, getting back into the swing of things here. "I can't believe we're seniors. I feel like just yesterday we were entering kindergarten, getting through elementary school together. And now we're tackling our senior year."

The way he said that, it's like we're friends or something and we're about to embark on another journey together.

But that's not the case here anymore.

And all of a sudden, I felt really uncomfortable and I realized I wasn't in the presence of a guy who used to be my best friend. Troy was pretty much just some guy now. And that made me feel horrible. But it's true. And it sucks.

I couldn't sit here in front of him acting like everything's fine. Like nothing happened between us.

"Sorry," I shake my head a bit and get up, "I can't do this. I, um, I have to go..."

"What?" he looks confused as he gets up, putting his tea down on the coffee table, "do what? Come on, don't leave..."

But I shake my head and walk into his foyer where he follows me. "I can't sit here and pretend like everything's okay. I'm so mad at you. You didn't call me, you didn't text me, you didn't keep in touch with me. And I know I did something incredibly stupid, but it shouldn't have caused this much..."

Troy looked me right in the eyes and I almost melted for a second. I swear. "Everything's not okay, but that's not true. I did..."

He didn't. But he's just trying to save face. "So, I can't stay here."

"I'm not asking for it to be like before," he says, "but we're neighbors again, we're going to the same school and we were once the most important person to each other and that's gotta count for something. Being here and not talking to you would be... weird."

"It would be," I agree, "but it's hard."

"I'm sorry," he apologizes and I'm not sure why. Probably because he didn't keep in touch. "I don't want it to be like this. I wanna be friends."

If I could go back in time and not kiss him, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I lost my best friend.

And now I'm standing here in front of him not really knowing what to say or what to do. He's right. Him being here and not talking to him would be so weird. But I've gone the past three years not talking to him, I think I could go for the rest of the school year. It's just hard... it's a really tough situation and I'm sad.

"Yeah, well, it didn't seem like you wanted to be."

"What was I supposed to do?"

Um, KEEP IN TOUCH. Or you know, maybe kiss back and it wouldn't be this way.

Obviously, I can't say that. So I don't. I just stand here for a moment and try to think of something to say. Everything's different now, yes, but cutting him out of my life when he's here just seems SO weird. "Forget it. I just don't really know where to go from here."

"I get it," he says, "it's different now, but I just don't want this awkwardness. It's never been this way and I don't like it."

"Well, I don't like it either," I agree with him.

Sure, I started it, but he's the one that shut me out completely so if anything, all this tension and awkwardness is his fault. I woke up that morning trying to forget what happened and expected to laugh about it with him and say bye and have it all be fine. But no. He left without saying one word to me. He left and didn't keep in contact. He's the one who messed this friendship up. Well, he half messed it up. I started the whole mess, but he definitely finished it.

Troy gave me a small smile, "it doesn't have to be like before, but I just don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you." I would never want him to think that. I don't know why he would think that. I hate him because he didn't like me back? Oh please. If that's what he's saying, it's kinda insulting. "I don't hate you at all."

"Okay," he keeps the smile on his face, "well, I guess we'll take it day by day."

That seems fair. And reasonable. But for me, feeling what I felt for him, it might be a little harder. "Yeah, okay, sounds good."

It's better than nothing, though.