Hanky Panky

Well, they had done it. Alistair groaned in exhaustion as he plopped down heavily into the boat and grabbed the oars. The mages would honor the treaty. Although Alistair was having doubts about whether they really wanted the mages on their side now. There were precious few of them left, and the experience they'd just had in the Circle didn't exactly bolster his confidence in their ability to control themselves or combat the Blight.

With the addition of Wynne to their party, there wasn't enough room in the boat for all of them to cross at once. Elaine and Alistair stayed behind to finalize their agreement with the mages, and now they found themselves crossing together alone. Carroll had offered to take them, but Elaine had immediately turned him down. "No, you must be tired from rowing the others. Alistair can do it," she'd said dismissively, then with a sharp look at Alistair – which he'd interpreted as "don't even try to object" – she'd gone out and gotten into the boat. He'd grumbled a bit under his breath – Carroll was tired? What about him? He was tired from fighting off demons all afternoon, for Andraste's sake – but had followed her out.

After he rowed a ways into the lake, she asked him to stop. "I just want to relax a bit," she said, "and the lake is so lovely. We don't need to get back straight away."

He willingly obliged, and they began drifting peacefully. He leaned back and listened to the lapping of the water against the side of the boat. He closed his eyes and let the soothing sounds and the gentle movements of the boat begin to dull the horrors of the day.

Elaine was leaning slightly over the side of the boat, trailing her hand in the water. She had a small smile on her face when she suddenly spoke.

"So, about the incident with my smallclothes…"

His eyes flew open. "Huh?" was his eloquent response.

"I think you were more embarrassed than I was, and I was the one who was naked."

He blushed furiously. He had been trying – and failing rather horribly – not to think about how she had looked running around the forest wearing next to nothing, and now he was afraid she was on to him. Surely she couldn't tell? He stuttered a bit, "Well, I – I mean, it was – you were – "

"Oh, come on. It's not like you've never seen a naked woman before."

"Stop saying you were naked. You were in your smallclothes." He blushed even deeper. Did he really just say "smallclothes" in front of her?

"A woman in her smallclothes, then. It's not like you've never seen it before."

Alistair squirmed and made a non-committal noise.

"I mean, you've seen a naked woman before, right?"

He rubbed a hand over his face. Why was she doing this to him?

"Yes, of course." He should have stopped there. He knew it, but he just kept rambling on like an idiot. "I mean, there are statues all over Denerim, and…"

"Statues? Did you just say statues?" Elaine's face bore a look of amused incredulity.

Alistair exhaled in frustration at himself. "Yes. Statues."

"So, you're telling me I'm the first real woman you've ever seen nak – I mean, in her smallclothes."

Alistair looked at the water. Perhaps he could just jump out of the boat and swim to shore. Or just drown. Anything to get this conversation to stop.

"So, what about when you have sex? Do you keep the candles out?"

At the word "sex," Alistair's head jerked up and he gave her a startled look. "Are teyrns' daughters supposed to use words like that?"

"Like what, sex?"

"Yes. I didn't think proper ladies talked like that."

Her eyes narrowed, and she pursed her mouth. "Don't change the subject. We were talking about you."

"You were talking about me. And asking some very personal questions." He picked up the oars again. "We should be getting back."

"No, no. Just wait a minute. I'm serious. Are you telling me you've never had sex before?"

He dropped the oars again with a sigh. "Why does this matter?"

She paused a moment, thinking. "It doesn't, I guess. I'm just surprised."

He laughed ruefully. "Why? There were no female Grey Wardens until you. And I was raised in a monastery. The templars don't exactly encourage hanky-panky."

Her laughter rang out over the lake. "Hanky-panky? Is that what they call it?"

Alistair grimaced and began rowing again. She didn't object this time; instead, she settled back and began to study him. He grew increasingly uncomfortable under her scrutiny and he finally demanded, "What? What are you staring at?"

She smiled slightly. "You can't tell me no woman has ever offered."

"Finding me irresistible, are you?"

She smirked and shrugged.

"No, no one has offered. At least, no one I would – " he broke off his thought and kept rowing.

"What? No one you would what?"

He slowed his movements. "Yes, there have been women. And, yes, I've wanted to – " He broke off again. "I don't want to do it just to do it. That's what my father did, and it didn't turn out that well for my mother, or for me. If that were to happen to me, I'd like to think I'd be with the woman. That I'd stay with her. I don't want to be like my father."

Elaine stared at him a while longer. "You're very noble," she said. There was a note in her voice he didn't recognize and he thought she might be mocking him. He wasn't sure, though, so he deflected.

"And handsome, too. It's a wonder I'm not chasing them off with a stick."

"And humble."

"Well, it's hard to be humble when you're as handsome and noble as I am."

She laughed. "I'm serious, though. Most of the boys I grew up with are nothing like you. They should send all the other noblemen to a monastery, too. I think it would do some good."

Alistair grunted. "I'm not a nobl-"

"Yes, you are. And on top of it you're actually noble. That's a rare find."

Something welled up in Alistair's chest at the compliment. His first instinct was to make another joke, but he found himself unwilling to diminish what she'd said. He wanted her to think highly of him. He didn't know how to respond without sounding like a complete arse. So he just kept rowing.

When they finally reached the dock, he got out of the boat first, then turned to help her. She stumbled a bit and fell against him, and when he put his arm out to steady her, he pulled her a bit closer than was necessary and held her there. She let him hold her a moment before she pulled back and lifted her face to his. Her violet eyes sparkled as she stepped out of his embrace and smiled coyly. "Alright, now, let's not get carried away. We have work to do." Then she laughed. "Just because I paid you a compliment doesn't mean there's going to be – what did you call it? Hanky-panky."

He dropped his arm and let her step away. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

She smiled wider, then turned and began to walk toward the tavern where their companions were waiting. "Probably not."

He watched her for a moment, enjoying the sway of her hips and the way the setting sun caught in her dark hair. When she realized he wasn't behind her, she turned around and smiled at him. "Are you following along or not?"

He began to walk behind her, thinking that as long as he could see her smile and hear her laugh, he would very likely follow her anywhere.