Okay, so I apologize. I know Konohamaru is kind of hard to understand, but most three-year-olds are and I'm just writing them out like they would be said. And I'm sorry... but I don't think I'm going to change it... -ahem- Oh my wow! Tainted-reflection-126 drew some fanart for this story! XD You should check it out! Seriously. Oh... uh, masturbation in this chapter, but it's short, so... you can skip over it if you like.
Beta: Ugawa
Note: Not my characters, NaruGaa, AU, yaoi, lemons, I fucked with the ages big time, prostitution, a grown up Naruto who is kinda cool (which I love more than anything), some OOC-ness and a tiny bit of a love triangle.
Chapter Seven
-Gaara-
The rest of the month passed without incident. Konohamaru and I playing in the mornings, Ino and Hinata coming over in the afternoons, Naruto coming home and convincing me to spend time with them. I'd perfected the art of waking the golden haired man without getting trapped in his strong grasp. I started to plan the upcoming holiday with excitement for the two balls of energy. I was paid for the first time without thoughts of self hate. And to top it all off, the awkward moments between me and the blond diminished into almost non-existence. It was probably the greatest few weeks of my life.
It would've been perfect if I'd been able to smother my feelings for Naruto completely, but the time spent with the little family just made my crush on him deepen. Everything he did was soft, gentle and amazingly kind. After my second pay day, I accepted the fact I had a small crush on the wonderful blond, but still stood by my resolution to keep a safe distance. I would stand back and watch but not touch. For that was the only thing I could do with the feelings festering within me.
I flipped pancakes and rotated the sausages, while the tiny brunette jumped around excitedly at my feet, wondering what I was going to do with the night off when Naruto shuffled lazily into the kitchen. "Morning." He yawned out and fumbled the coffee pot.
"Morning." Konohamaru and I chimed together. Naruto laughed through another yawn and leaned against the counter beside me. The toddler attached himself to his dad's long legs in a hug, going on and on about the candy he was going to receive tonight.
"jeez." The blond smiled. "It's a good thing you're a freaking health nut or I'd be worried about all the sugar you're going to ingest before nine." I laughed. Naruto felt the same way as I did about most of the food that was prepared or brought into the house, but the three-year-old was the ruler when it came to that. I'd never heard of a kid so young who was obsessed with whole grains, fruits, veggies and organic foods like Konohamaru was. I smiled. The stuff did have a way of growing on you, though. Their entire way of life was growing on me.
In the time I'd been living with them, the dark circles around my eyes lightened considerably so that I began to wear eyeliner just to recognize myself, the food made me flesh out with lean muscle and their happiness seeped into me, making smiles seem like second nature. I began loosening my grip on the thought that it would slip away and started enjoying what was given to me that day. In fact, the only darkness I paid attention to anymore were my memories and the crush on the kind blond who smiled at me everyday, who included me every chance he got, who made my heart beat faster with each glance. I shook the thoughts from my head and tipped the links of meat onto a plate with the potatoes and carried it to the table.
Breakfast was almost finished when I noticed Naruto staring at me. I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. His head tilted to the side before he opened his mouth to speak. "You know, it just occurred to me... shouldn't you be in school?" I froze, orange juice halfway to my lips, before covering my mouth and laughing lightly. I held the sound back with sealed lips but began shaking at the effort. "What?" he asked, smiling as well.
"I've been here almost two weeks and you're just now asking that question?" I managed to say without letting my laughter slip out.
His nose crinkled at me as his smile grew. "Yeah, well. It's been a long time since I even thought about school." I gained control over myself and lifted the glass for a second try when a knock on the door stopped me.
"I'll get it," I said, on my feet and through the door to the hallway before he could even react. I slid the locks back and opened it... only to gasp and jump back at the sight that greeted me. The green, slimy looking monster parted its disgusting lips and laughed. I grabbed my heart and tried to calm it down, while glaring furiously as the mask was removed to reveal a very amused Kiba smiling at me.
"Priceless." He patted my head like a child before closing the door and ushering me back into the kitchen. "Your face was priceless, Gaara. Dude, I was expecting you to answer the door." He laughed and put the blond in a chock hold. "but dang, red's face was freaking amazing." I narrowed my eyes at the stupid nickname Kiba had given me. Tan hands grabbed dark hair and pulled, forcing a strangled sound from the dog lover's mouth.
"Come on, Konohamaru. Let's go paint." I raised an eyebrow at the two men and grabbed the little one's hand. Naruto beamed up at me, still struggling with his friend, and I led the little boy out into the living room. I had the cakes of water colors out and was grabbing the paper when a crash sounded out in the kitchen, followed by Kiba's scream about syrup in his eyes. I chuckled lightly and sat beside the happy child, dipping my own paintbrush into the water.
We went through five pieces of paper before they joined us, faces and bodies sticky with syrup and random bits of food stuck to them. I made a face and regretted it when the same mischievous smirk broke over their faces. The blond crept towards me. "What are you doing? You're going to get syrup on the carpet." I leaned back as he got closer. "Seriously. Naruto... This isn't cool." The smile only grew as my eyes widened. "Don't even--" I yelped when he lunged forward, tackling me gently, gooey face sticking to mine as he rolled us all over the floor. "Naruto! Stop!" I shouted trying to push him off while he just laughed at my panic.
"Scared of a little syrup, kid?"
I lay limply in his arms, resigned to my fate of being covered in the sticky glop. "Terrified of it now." I growled.
"Oh, ho ho. Scary voice." He chuckled getting up and sitting me up with his warm hands right away. "Better stop now." That smile beamed at me, and I blushed lightly, feeling grossed out by the sticky substance that now covered my shirt and face. "Only playing around, kid." He smirked and messed my hair with one palm, before frowning. "Whoops." I glared when I realized the problem. His syrup covered hand was stuck in my hair.
"Not cool." I muttered again, pulling back quickly and winced when a few strands decide to stay attached to his hand rather than my head. "Ow." The loud brunette on the couch roared with laughter at that while Konohamaru walked over to stand in front of me. His pale, little hand reached out and touched my face. I smiled when his nose imitated his papa's and scrunched up as he pulled his hand back, the syrup stringing out in thin strands. He giggled cheerfully and repeated the action. "What are you doing, silly?" I asked as a smile spread across my face.
He smiled brightly at me before turning to scowl at the blond beside me. "Papa, you may mama all s'icky."
With that one sentence all the laughter in the room died instantly. I sat frozen in my spot, staring at the little boy and shrank in the silence. Kiba's eyes shifted between the three of us, his usual smartass comments far out of reach, face a mix of shock and concern. I didn't dare look at Naruto, but I could tell he was as still as I was. This was bad... this was very bad. My breathing shuddered violently as I tried to gather myself. What was I supposed to say? I knew I should correct the little one, but I didn't know how to word it. I figured the blue eyed man beside me was having the same problem when he remained silent. I smiled nervously at the little boy and stood. "I'm gonna go take a shower." My words were soft, whispered, but still they sounded out in the silence as if I'd shouted them. I hurried to my room, gathered my clothes and headed for the bathroom.
"Papa?" Konohamaru's voice made its way to my ears as I darted past, but I tried to shut it out, just as I had shut out how insanely happy I'd been when the child included me into his family in his own little way.
-Naruto-
"Papa?" Konohamaru's words brought me back to life. "You otay?" I glanced over at Kiba who stood instantly, mumbled something about a phone call and left the room. I tried to gather my thoughts quickly, but it was easier said than done. Brown eyes watched me expectantly, waiting for me to say something. I placed my hands on his shoulders and took a deep breath, not sure what to say.
"Konohamaru... Gaara... Gaara isn't. You shouldn't... Gaara isn't your mama." He frowned and his eyebrows creased together.
"Bu he is. Gaawa is mama." I squeezed my eyes shut against the sad look on his face. I hated that look. It was the same confused and sad look he'd given me the first time I tried to explain that I wasn't his papa, when I told him about our father and mother, when I pointed them out in the pictures. I knew he still wasn't old enough to grasp what I had been trying to tell him, but as he got older, he would begin to understand, and he would always know I never tried to take Dad's place. "Gaawa pay wif me an love me lie reel mama do."
My heart crumbled. "I understand that. I do. But you can't call him that, kiddo."
"Why?" I saw the redhead dart past in the hallway, heading for his bedroom, hair wet and face blank.
"Well... do you think Gaara wants to be called mama? What if he doesn't like it?" I regretted my choice of words immediately as his mouth fell open and he looked ready to cry.
"Gaawa mad?"
"No no no. He isn't mad, baby. He isn't mad at you, but Gaara is a boy. Boys shouldn't be called mama. Gaara is your nanny. You should call him Gaara okay, baby? I think you should apologize to him later, alright?" He rubbed his eyes and nodded. "Now, why don't you see if uncle Kiba will get you some juice?" He trudged sadly to the kitchen, and I just watched him go, still stunned by his words. In all the women, babysitters and nannies he'd had, he had never said that. He never called any of them mama. In fact, I was certain that I'd never heard him say that word at all. Now, after two short weeks, he'd deemed the beautiful, redheaded teenager his mama. I wanted to smile, I wanted to frown, I wanted to laugh and I wanted to cry. All of these emotions waged war inside me. I knew this would happen after that day in the park, but I still wasn't prepared for it.
The emotions I'd kept back for the pale teen broke loose and flooded me. I fought them back half-heartedly. Every sweet moment between him and my son remembered, every shy smile, soft laugh, and gentle look clouded my mind. Some part of me sighed in contentment at the thought of the little brunette connecting enough with someone to call them 'mama', but a larger part screamed that it was wrong because it was Gaara he was placing in that roll. My crush on the boy was wrong. He was only three years younger than me, but he still was not an adult. The teen worked for me, and a distance should be kept. The fact he was male didn't even register as a problem, but the rest of it did.
I remembered I had resolved to think of him as only a brother, someone to take care of, someone to help. As the days passed that began to weaken. He was such a fragile looking male, so lovely and delicate, but he was strong and stubborn. He would argue with me passive aggressively. He took time to understand both my child and I. He found a way to slip into our lives seamlessly, not throwing them into a frenzy, but blending in. And he was secretive. Not in a way I was worried about him scheming something, but he didn't broadcast his old life, he didn't share all his secrets, and that, if I were to be completely honest, made him all the more appealing to me.
I stood and shoved those thoughts to the corners of my mind, walking to his room. I knocked lightly and slipped in when he called out. The towel draped over his head, forehead in hands, palms pressed to eyes. He looked up slowly, large, teal eyes connecting with mine. I suppressed a reaction to that sight before it could even start. "Has he said that to you before?"
"No. I would've told you if he had," he murmured.
I smiled softly at the odd hint of guilt in his voice, but guilt for what? I could not say. "I had a talk with him. He won't say it again and will apologize to you when you come out." He nodded and stared at his sneakers. He looked so lost in that moment. I wanted to walk over, put my arm around his shoulders and drive that look away, but I kept myself in check. "It's okay, kid. Children call the people around them, the people who take care of them, mama and papa all the time." I grinned. "And you just happen to look more like a mama than a papa." He shot me a look, and I laughed lightly.
He sighed, and his slender hands gripped at the dark blue comforter beneath him. "Is this okay, though? Is it really okay?" I raised an eyebrow, my face falling into confusion, and walked over to sit beside him.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
One of his hands rose and rubbed his forehead. "Naruto... This could get very bad. Even if he doesn't say it anymore, how can you be sure he won't think it? If he gets it into his head... that I'm... that I'm some kind of look-a-like or replacement for his mother in the pictures, won't it create a worse reaction within him when it comes time for me to leave?" Something dangerously close to panic started in my chest when he said that, and I felt my body tighten. He must've felt it, because his words seemed to rush out of his mouth after that. "I mean, not that that's what he's thinking or what I'm thinking or... uh... I don't know." I calmed myself.
"Planning to leave us already?" I smiled, and a horrified look graced his delicate heart-shaped face.
"N-no. That's not what I meant at all."
I titled my head. "But that's what you were just implying."
"I. It was, I mean... How do you always manage to make me sound like an idiot?" His voice flattened, and he glared at me. I laughed and patted his shoulder gently, puzzled when he pulled away from it faster than usual. I pushed that aside and smiled.
"That is a trademark Uzumaki technique, kid." I chuckled softly and bumped shoulders with him. He looked so confused it was impossible to stop my arm from rising and draping around his thin frame, smiling brightly. "Neji says it must be some idiotic bloodline thing, and my dad said something along those same lines once." He stood rather quickly, sliding out from under my arm and rose to leave the room. My smile fell a bit as I followed him to the door.
I'd been noticing it for a while, but usually shook it off as my imagination. In those few moments in his room, I realized it wasn't. He was deliberately avoiding my touch, shrugging me off rather quickly when I did manage to connect with him. I puffed my cheeks out and started cursing myself out in my mind. He probably preferred not to be touched due to his previous occupation... Maybe it made him uncomfortable when I did things like that. "I'm so slow sometimes." I muttered to myself, slid the door closed behind me and continued to follow him into the kitchen. Konohamaru jumped up when we entered, rushing to the redhead's side and latching onto his leg, burying his face in his jeans.
"I sowwy, Gaawa." His muffled voice made its way to my ears. The teen knelt to his level and made him look up into his face with a gentle hand.
"It's okay. Lets not do it again, though. Yeah?" The little boy nodded and Gaara smiled.
My smile was soft at the sight before me. Why I loved it so much when they interacted like this, I refused to think about. Gaara's eyes always softened while looking at my little one, his face lighting up with a gentle smile and a sense of peace rolled off him. Konohamaru's face screamed adoration to the young man as his mouth rose in a bright smile. I had to force myself to look away. Kiba was staring at the two as well, though, the look on his face was something I couldn't place... it looked calculating... I didn't like it very much, so I picked up a roll of paper towels from the counter beside me and flung it at his head, laughing triumphantly when it hit him right in the forehead.
"Dude! What the shi-- watermelon?!"
I had to laugh at that one. "Watermelon?"
"Shut up. At least I didn't say what I was gonna say." He glared at me, arm pulling the roll back to throw it at me. I prepared to dodge it when Gaara walked over and snagged it from his hand. We both stared dumbly at the teen who continued on with his business, grabbing cleaners and a wet sponge from the sink, with Konohamaru bouncing along at his feet.
"Syrup everywhere... never making pancakes again."
"Wait!" I called out when I finally caught on to what he was doing and the two froze, looking back at me curiously. "Why don't you guys go watch T.V or something? Kiba and I will handle this." I smiled at the nod I received from the redhead and he put the things down on the table, scooped up the little one and disappeared into the other room. "Okay, dog breath. Get to work. I gotta go take a shower." I ran out$ the room before he could respond, locking myself in the bathroom as he began shouting.
-
"Naruto, tell him he's just gotta hang with us tonight!" I raised one eyebrow at my friend and continued to rub the towel over my hair. Gaara was on the opposite side of the room, stacking blocks with my three-year-old. I almost laughed when the redhead picked up my child and moved away when Kiba moved closer. The brunette let out a frustrated breath and hopped over the coffee table towards them, forcing the teen to flinch and Konohamaru to laugh happily. "I ain't gonna bite, hold still!"
I laughed loudly. "Now what's going on?" I asked, flinging my towel at the shaggy man. He caught it with a smirk.
"He wants me to go to some club with him and Hinata tonight." Gaara stated, stepping onto the couch and sliding over the back, much to Konohamaru's delight.
"Why not?" I asked
"It's an eighteen and over club."
I raised my eyebrows and turned to look at Kiba. He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Asuma's gonna be working the door, so he'll have no problem getting in. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna let him drink or anything. It's a guaranteed good time! And he said he wasn't even sure of his plans, anyway."
-Gaara-
Ino called Naruto an hour before Kiba arrived to pick Hinata and I up, and she showed up seconds later with flower fairy princess Moegi, Hinata and carrying a black bag of goodies. I had the urge to hit the blond man as he laughed when the women physically dragged me back to my room giggling happily. Hinata was already wearing a creepy, Victorian looking black dress that cut off above the knees, showing the ruffled petty coats at the bottom with a giant rip across her stomach.
Ino sat me down on the bed, putting the bag beside me. I was a little too freaked to even look into it, and when they began pulling things out... I felt something similar to dread fill me. Yards of black fabric, black jeans, and a puffy, white shirt that looked so thin I doubted it could hide anything even if I wanted it to. The blonde handed me the jeans and shirt with the orders. "Dress in these or I'll castrate you." before they left the room.
I sat there staring at the items in my hand with a slightly horrified expression on my face before stripping and pulling them on. They fit. That was the most astonishing part, the next surprise... I actually liked them. The pants were tight, but balanced out the white shirt I was practically drowning in. I turned to look in the mirror before calling out for Ino. She looked positively delighted and began tucking the excess fabric into the hem of the pants. "I knew this would look awesome on you! You look so slam!" She babbled on, pushing me back onto the bed and pulling out makeup from the bag. "I'm so leaving that eyeliner on, it totally works with the look." I let her work on my face calmly, and when she was finished, she slipped a mask over my eyes and threw the black fabric over my shoulders.
I walked over to the mirror and was awestruck. The cape was elaborately embroidered with gold stitching and matched the golden Venetian mask over my face. She'd messed with my hair so that it fell over the edges and stood up in several places. It should've been a very masculine look, but the deep red lipstick and my small build made the look almost androgynous, leaning on the feminine side. I loved it and told her so. She squealed happily and dragged me into the living room to show off her work.
Naruto's mouth fell open, and his eyes looked me over, forcing my breath to hitch and heart to flutter nervously. The toddler, dressed as Peter Pan of all things, jumped up and down happily. "M-- Gaawa look so petty!!" He cried out. "Papa! Look how petty!" I ducked my head at that as a blush heated my face which only grew when the man agreed with his son. Hinata gave her approval, and I looked over towards her voice, nearly jumping out of my skin when I caught sight of her. The hole in her dress had been decked out to look like a vicious claw mark, and fake blood covered her stomach, neck and dripped out of her mouth. My reaction caused the adults around me to laugh.
By the time they all quieted, and the two children began asking about the trick or treating, Kiba showed up, a perfect match to the dark haired woman's costume. A blood covered werewolf. We walked to the street as a group, going our separate ways when we reached it. I waved goodbye to the little one clutching his papa's fingers and pulled on the hem of the cape. I turned and headed the other way to where Kiba and Hinata were standing, wondering how I'd even been talked into this. Stupid blond and his stupid ability to talk me into things I wasn't even sure I wanted to do. I should probably start listening and figuring out how he was able to do it... some part of me knew I never would.
"You really do look great, Gaara." Hinata whispered to me. I gave her a small smile as we walked to the club, wishing I was with the Uzumaki family.
True to Kiba's prediction, the tall gruff looking man at the door let me pass through without a glance after greeting the two with me friendly. The music pulsed around me, and I was swept into the booming room. Bodies were pressed close, and I clutched at the cape around me, slightly freaked out. Hinata's hand shot back to me and grabbed me by the shirt, pulling me after them. We found an empty table near the back of the club and claimed it as our own before the enthusiastic brunette ran to get drinks. The pale eyed woman turned to me when we were left alone and smiled softly.
"How do you like living with Naruto and Konohamaru?" she asked, voice raised to be heard over the music.
"It's nice." I responded, voice level with hers.
"Konohamaru is a ball of energy, just like his papa. Must be fun." I nodded. I felt so awkward, dressed like a nut and huddled in on myself. My fingers rubbed against my palms. The conversation followed that pattern for a few minutes before her man came back bearing beverages. A bottle of beer for himself, something colorful for the woman and sprite for me. I managed to get two drinks in before Hinata and I were literally dragged to the crowd of dancing people by the overly excited Kiba.
The music pounded around us, and the band on the stage was rocking. The masked and painted faces around me smiled and cheered, shouting out the band's name and singing along with the musicians. I had no idea who the band was, I wasn't able to catch the few lyrics that they sung, but still I was in awe over their sound. It was intoxicating, the rhythm they produced took my breath away. It was an electronic and dark sound that fit the holiday. I didn't know what kind of music to call it, what genre it would be placed in. But still, I was in love with it. It flowed through the crowd, creating different reactions in the people around me but all were positive, and snapped in the air like electricity.
I was dancing before I knew it. The music making me move automatically. I barely had time to blink when I felt body heat behind me, the body moving with my own. I tossed a glance over my shoulder. A tall, dark haired man stood there grinding against me, hands moving towards my body. I pulled away but he followed. After the game of walking away and him chasing after me, I just sort of gave up and began dancing with him.
For an hour he was by my side, and I didn't really mind... until he began getting handsy, and we started the game of push and pull once more. When the man's hands locked around my waist, I looked around a bit frantically, searching for Kiba or Hinata, shivering when I couldn't see either face. "You're certainly a cute one."
I glared up at him, know it probably wouldn't be as effective through the mask. "So I've been told." I growled out, pushing my hands against his chest, trying to force him away.
"What's your name?"
"Who says I have one?"
He laughed, forcing the gagging stench of alcohol into my lungs. "Too grouchy for one so pretty."
I pushed back once more, growing even more frustrated. "I tend to get that way when assholes are around," I snapped. He just grinned and grabbed my chin, pushing his lips against mine roughly. That was it. I snapped and bit his lip before I thrust my knee against his leg. He yelped and jumped back quickly. I pulled the mask off and was tempted to throw it at him. I probably would've if I hadn't been kind of fond of the beautiful thing. "I'm a fucking guy, you douche bag!" I snarled and stormed away when his face became mortified, only stopping when I recognized the laughing to my right. Kiba had a hold of his stomach and seemed to be in tears when I joined them.
"I told him he should help you." Hinata elbowed her boyfriend in the stomach, trying to hold back laughter from the look on her face.
"Are you kidding! The look on that guys face was classic!"
-Naruto-
"No more! I'm dying!" I moaned through a smile. Konohamaru crinkled his nose at me in a very Gaara like fashion. I shook that thought away as soon as my brain produced it.
"One moe!" he begged.
"You're not even walking!" I laughed though we moved on to the next house.
Ino laughed beside us, Moegi fighting sleep off in her stroller. "I told you to bring a stroller."
I made a face. "Men don't use strollers. We're much too proud." She laughed as we climbed the steps of the porch that I was praying would be the last for the night. "Though, it really is very painful to have pride." I smiled and pressed the doorbell. The old woman answered, oohing and ahhing over the little ones for a minute before dropping the goodies in their bags. We headed back towards where I'd parked the car, Konohamaru's energy dying with every step we took.
"Yes. Pride will make you suffer through a lot." The woman muttered softly, pushing the toddler along in front. I raised an eyebrow and managed to glance over at her. She gave me a look before letting out a frustrated breath. "Men. Proud idiots in denial. If it weren't for the sex, I'd totally give them up."
"Lesbian sex is pretty mind blowing."
"Yes 'cause you've had so much of that." She rolled her eyes and smiled. I laughed and pulled the keys from my pocket, unlocking the doors and strapping my little one into his car seat. I popped the trunk open after the kids had been settled in and watched her struggle to collapse the stroller. When she began thrashing it around and cursing, I took it from her with a laugh.
"This is why proud idiotic men don't bother with these things." She flipped me the bird as I folded it easily and slipped it in the compartment. She climbed in while I shut the trunk and walked over to the driver's side. It wasn't until I pulled away from the curb and headed back to the apartments did she begin talking.
"So, I heard someone called someone m-o-m-m-y today." I rolled my eyes. Kiba. "That's so cute. It totally fits, though. Gaara is all you-know-what-ish around Konohamaru. When I fudged up the first day we met, he was all over it when little one started crying and seriously looked like he was going to kill me. And they're so gentle with each other. I've even seen him scold him once, you know, that one time he got into your Go-Jo, but only after he stopped freaking out thinking little one had swallowed some of it. He'll make a good parent someday." I nodded in agreement.
"Yeah. It'll suck when he leaves."
Her head whipped around to look a me. "He's leaving? What? No way! Why?"
"I didn't mean he's leaving right now. I just meant when he does." My fingers tightened slightly on the wheel, thinking of what he had said earlier. "He isn't going to stay forever, you know." I muttered, more to myself than her. There really was no reason for him to stay with us. If he really wanted to leave, there was nothing to tie him down, we really had no claim on the teen. He was free to pick up and move on at any time... I saw Ino shake her head as I pulled into a parking space.
"Men," she whispered and opened her door. I helped her carry the stroller up the stairs, juggling Konohamaru and his bag of goodies with it. We said our good nights and headed up to our apartment, my mind full of the young man who was becoming a frequent part of my thoughts. Konohamaru sluggishly pulled off the costume, and I got him bathed, his teeth brushed, into his pajamas and into bed without hassle. When he finally conked out, I changed into my own bedclothes and wandered out into the living room. I spread out on the couch and flipped on the TV, quickly finding some random black and white horror movie that I knew I would ignore.
I was beginning to really become attached to Gaara. I knew I was, and it was not a good thing. If I got too used to him being around, and if he left, I was sure I'd have a negative reaction right alongside Konohamaru and that would be a very bad thing. I knew it would come sooner or later, because his departure was not a matter of if, but when... I rubbed my eyes with my palms angrily. I hadn't even thought that far ahead, it never even really crossed my mind until he'd brought it up this morning.
I rolled over onto my back and watched the ceiling above me jump, darken and lighten from the light of the movie on the TV screen. There was nothing I could do with this feeling in my chest. Absolutely nothing. He was out of my reach, and not because I had put him there. No. It was Gaara himself that seemed to be pulling away from me. I supposed I wasn't helping. I had always been a physical contact kind of person, why hadn't I noticed he was uncomfortable under my touches sooner? Why hadn't I realized he was pulling away quicker with each incident?
"Hm. Could it be because I'm an idiot?" I rolled my eyes at myself. I wondered if every time I touched him, did he remember someone else's touch? Did he have a flashback of some other man reaching for him? Did he think about someone else when he stared off with that far away look in his eyes?
I frowned. Why did that thought make me angry? Why did the thought of some man or woman touching him... using him... make anger burn bitterly in the back of my mouth? It wasn't directed at the redhead, the hate was towards the man without a face in my mind. It wasn't an overbearing feeling, but it was enough to make me stop and recognize it as anger. "What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked the room, knowing I would not get an answer and stood up, walking to the bathroom to splash water on my face to knock some sense into myself.
Then my thoughts became dangerous as I stared at myself in the mirror.
How would it feel to touch that impossibly smooth skin intimately? If I kissed him... how would he taste? Would it be a subtle hint of flavour or would it blow my senses to pieces? Would his lips be as soft as they looked... as I imagined they would be? What would his face look like with pleasure distorting it? It would be beautiful... I knew it'd have to be. My hand drifted to the slowly awakening part of my body without me really noticing. What kind of sounds would he make? Would his voice be a sweet melody when darkened by lust? I hissed slightly as my hand connected with my arousal. What would it be like to hear him cry out with my name on his lips? My hand began sliding up and down slowly. Would his back arch off the bed, his beautiful body straining against mine? My pace increased, and I fell back against the wall, sliding down it. Would his hands grip at my back desperately? I had to bite my lip to hold back a moan. Would those thin legs wrap around my waist? Would his eyes plead with me, plead for me? The thoughts created an amazing image in my head and it seemed like my arm couldn't go fast enough. I could see it all playing out in my mind. I gasped at the feeling it forced through me and one last thought crossed my mind. What would it be like to hear him scream as he came?
I cried out as I came in my hand, all the air leaving my lungs, and rode the waves of bliss that exploded through my body. I sat there as it tore through me and my body seemed to thank me for the satisfaction I had just given it. When the thrill ended, I began to feel sick at what I had just done. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" I groaned and stood to clean myself.
After I went and changed into a new set of pajama pants and tank top, I sat back down on the couch just as the credits rolled across the screen for a new ancient movie. I stared at the screen intently, trying to ignore my disgust at what I had just done and telling myself it was okay to be waiting up to make sure Gaara made it home okay. Because it was perfectly normal to want to know that he was safe.
-Gaara-
"Man, it's a shame Naruto didn't come. Ma even offered to take Konohamaru for the night," Kiba exclaimed after his twelfth beer and started on the next.
"Yes, but that's how he is." Hinata put in softly, sipping at her water and still not touching the alcohol in front of her.
"But even birth fathers take a night off. I don't know why he does this to himself." I swallowed and tried to pretend I wasn't listening intently.
"You know him. Once he gets into something, he gives it his all. He loves his son." Hinata smiled and her pale eyes connected with mine. "No matter how much he tries to correct everyone, Konohamaru is his son. I could never even think of him being anyone else's." She stood and stretched her arms above her head, excusing herself, disappearing into the crowd.
The brunette leaned towards me, looking me dead in the eyes, and I had a feeling... like I shouldn't listen to whatever he would say for some reason. "You know, before the accident, he was in collage. He didn't have any real plans. He was reckless, crazy. While we were in high school, we used to get into all these wild parties and drink until we'd pass out in random places. The lucky brat could shake off a hangover like it was nothing, too. It was pretty annoying trying to get him to shut up when ya had a major headache. Oh man, he used to drive Uchiha freaking nuts! They were so fun to watch together. And we used to tear up the campus with the crazy shit he'd come up with!" An alcohol stained laugh washed over my face. "But despite all that, he was a good student. His future was looking promising."
The happiness drained from his face. "He used to be everywhere, loved by everyone, my partner in crime, while somehow managing to keep both our asses out of trouble. It was like this talent he had... people trusted him, believed anything he said..." He took another drink from the bottle in his hand and stared over my shoulder, eyes unfocused. "It was weird when his smile died, though. When it vanished... It was like the world was turned on its side for everyone that knew him... And when he stepped up to take care of Konohamaru, it's like the old him vanished and a new version was there. Don't get me wrong, I love how he turned into an adult so easily when he needed to the most, and he's still who he was, just more responsible. But I miss those wild days. Ugh. I feel old now. Some one take this from me." He held the half full bottle up in the air. I took it from his hand and set it on the table beside me.
I stared at my thumbs, not sure of what to do. I'd always disliked being around drunk people... especially emotional, drunk people. I was about to excuse myself to leave when he spoke again. "He didn't have to." His dark eyes met mine. "He didn't have to give up anything. Their godfather, Jiraiya, and his wife Tsunade were all set to take him in, Konohamaru, I mean. They were going to take him in and raise him. Their parents' will stated Naruto was given guardianship if they were ever to die, though, I imagine they thought it would still be quite a while before that happened or if it would even be needed. Jiraiya was next in line to get little one if Naruto wouldn't or was unable to take care of him. They were pretty much set to take him in when nobody could find Naruto, but one day he resurfaced with an apartment, a job, a car and took his son." I swallowed. Why was he telling me these things?
"He never told anyone where he had been, but then again, none of us really ever asked him." He yawned and glanced back at the wasted people and the few sober ones trying to keep them from doing stupid things. "It's so weird to imagine the two apart now. Naruto's such a good dad. I just wish it would've happened for him under different circumstances." His eyes seemed to scream some silent message to me that I couldn't understand. "Have ya noticed he dislikes it when his son isn't with him? His eyes look so hollow... sorta dead. Right?" The song changed and, true to normal drunk guy stereotypes, the brunette jumped to his feet, shouting something that sounded like "I love this song!" pulling a returning Hinata after him onto the dance floor. I heard her laugh as they disappeared into the crowd. I pulled a napkin from under her glass, borrowed a pen from the woman beside me, though she looked too drunk to do anything but blink and breathe, and scrawled a note to the couple, telling them I was heading home.
I walked out of the building, pulling the thick cape tighter around me against the cold wind. My thoughts were a mess from the words I'd just heard and despite that... I wanted to know more. I wanted to know all about the blond's wild younger days, where he'd been when no one could find him... I just wanted to know so much more. The man had given up everything to raise his baby brother? I couldn't wrap my mind around that. If I had gone to collage, I would not have given it up for my family. I supposed I didn't count since my relationship with my family wasn't exactly loving or anywhere close.
Another part of the information I received jumped out at me. Naruto's smile had died before. I tried to imagine that. He always gave his smile to me. I never really saw him without it. And even if he wasn't smiling, the corners of his lips seemed to tilt up naturally through all of the other emotions that he displayed. There was always that ghost of a grin that lit up his face, making his blue eyes dance and glitter brightly and made his expression seem softer. If that were to go... could I look into that face without feeling the urge to cry? Would he even look like himself? The image my mind produced made a violent shudder roll through me.
I tried to block out everything I had heard that night. I tried to push it all out of my mind. If Naruto wanted me to know about his past, though I doubted it, he would tell me himself. But another thing jumped out of the replay of the conversation in my head. Kiba's eyes. They seemed to be trying to tell me something... They looked as if they were pleading with me. The look on his face trying to convey some hidden meaning in his words. I couldn't explain why it gave me that feeling, it just had.
I entered the building and trudged up the stairs to the apartment, pushing the key into the lock. When I stepped into the hallway, I was surprised at the fact the lights in the kitchen and living room were on ,and I could hear the television sound out some creepy music and dialogue. I slid the dead bolt into place before walking towards the sound, slipping my mask off and tugging at the cord tying the cape into place. I paused at the doorway and smirked.
The blond was staring at the screen intently, leaning towards it, elbows on his knees, chewing away on one of his fingernails. He swallowed loudly and scooted toward the edge of the couch. He didn't appear to be blinking or breathing and actually seemed a bit afraid. The music quickened, setting the mood for something to jump out and the blue eyes widened in response. "Having fun?" I asked just as the figure jumped from the shadows and Naruto yelped loudly, jumping up and tripping over his own feet, landing roughly on his side. I erupted in a loud laugh. The look on his face was amazing. Deep, blue eyes wide and mouth open in terror.
He was on his feet and stalking towards me in seconds, his breathing still erratic and his chest heaving. He glared at me and leaned his head down until it was inches from mine. I still couldn't stop laughing. "That wasn't very nice." He growled out while his mouth turned up in a grin.
I tried to reign myself in. "But it was funny." He stood up straight and his deep chuckle joined mine. I glanced at the clock, surprised when it announced it was almost two in the morning. "You're up kind of late."
He looked over his shoulder at the clock as well. "Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you got home safely." All the laughter died in my throat. "The weirdoes are out tonight and they can get pretty violent." He'd waited up for me? He had worried about me? My heart fluttered and a warm feeling spread throughout my body. "Did you have fun?"
"Yeah." I felt my lips lift up in a smile.
"That's good." He smiled back at me. "You smeared your lipstick."
I reached up and swiped at my face with the back of my hand. "Some idiot got a little too close." My nose scrunched up at the memory.
Something close to anger flashed across his face, and his hands landed on my shoulders. "Are you okay?"
I looked up at him curiously. "Yeah. It was just a kiss, and I got him off me pretty easily."
His eyes squeezed closed for a moment before a smile lit his face, and his hand ruffled my hair gently. "Okay. Well, I'm gonna turn in. Goodnight, kid. Glad you had fun."
"Goodnight." My voice came out as a whisper. He turned off the TV and walked to his room, giving me another smile before disappearing.
I stood there for a moment longer, trying my hardest to get that warm feeling to recede. I gave up and walked to my room quickly, my heart still beating furiously. I leaned against the door after I slid it shut, a hand rising to my chest, clutching the fabric of the shirt above my heart. He'd waited up to make sure I'd gotten home okay... He'd worried about my safety... He got angry when I told him some man had kissed me. "It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything." I whispered to the empty room, but the feeling in my heart refused to die down. My body began to shake as I stood there trying to force the feelings away again. It didn't work, and I felt like crying.
I was doing it again... I was falling for a man I couldn't have.
I imagine the movie Naruto was watching was The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. Don't laugh. It scared the bejesus out of me. I be a wuss when it comes to black and whites. I think it's the music. The overly long description of Gaara's costume was needed for that last bit... Ha ha. Anyway. There's a link on my profile for the fanart. XDD Check it out! It's amazing!