January 1, 2030

Back before the blackout, New Years was a big deal I guess. Aaron said there was a giant ball that dropped from the sky and a big count down and everyone would kiss at the stroke of midnight. It was all to celebrate a fresh start in the year ahead.

I get that. I want a fresh start. I need one.

Aaron is leaving Willoughby in a couple days. Says he's going to find a place where he can live quietly and try to forget all that's happened. Some tiny town near Old Dallas.

Ever since their fight, Miles and Bass have been getting along better. It's weird really. I think they've had so many fights over the years that they've developed a system to get past whatever their problem might be. They argue and yell and hurt each other's feelings. Then they make up, slowly.

Miles is showering again and isn't drinking as much. I think maybe he's going to be just fine.

Miles has never has said another word about me and Bass – not to me anyway. Of course that could be because there is no me and Bass right now. He's tried to talk to me several times. I'm not ready to forgive him yet.

I will. I'm sure I will. Just not yet.

January 3, 2030

The air is crisp. The wind bites a little. Aaron is packing his few things. He's planning to leave tomorrow. I've decided to go with him. He doesn't know it yet. Nobody does. I think this is one of those things that will work best if I wait to tell everyone at the last moment.

January 4, 2030

Last night I couldn't sleep. I knew I'd be leaving this morning and had too much on my mind to relax. I got up and pulled on my clothes and my warmest jacket. I thought some fresh air would do me good. I went for a walk. Naturally I ended up in front of Marion's.

I wasn't going to go in, but I saw a flicker of light from the upstairs apartment. That was one part of the place Bass and I rarely went to. A window had blown out a long time ago and there had been some water damage up there. I felt anger boiling up inside of me at the thought of anyone in our 'happy place'. I gripped my knife and headed quietly up the stairs, ready to take on whoever was squatting inside.

I rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and was jerked against a hard familiar body, a knife to my throat. "Oh, it's you." Bass's voice sounded tired and sad. He put his knife away and moved as far from me as he could while still being in the same room.

"Why are you here?" I asked him.

"I bought the place from your Grandpa. He bought it from the town after Marion died. She didn't have any family. He said he wasn't ready to see someone else's name on the sign. I guess enough other stuff has happened now – he's not too concerned with it anymore. When I offered to buy it, he agreed."

Neither of us could really look at each other. "Oh okay. Sorry I bothered you. I saw the light. I wanted to make sure nobody was up here tearing it up." I turned to leave.

"Don't go."

"I can't stay."

"I miss you." He was right behind me then, his hands on my shoulders. "Stay with me please?" his lips were on my ear. His fingers gently massaging tired muscles.

"I'm not ready to forgive and forget yet Bass."

He sighed heavily, but he didn't move away. "I'll wait as long as it takes. I'm not going anywhere, Charlie. We're going to work through this."

It was hard to be mad when he was so sad and when his fingers were making me tremble. "I'm leaving tomorrow for a while."

He froze. "Going with Aaron?"

"Yeah. There's this little town outside of Old Dallas. He's buying a small farm there. I'm going to help him get things settled. Well, he doesn't know yet, but I'm going."

"I don't want you to go." His voice was so quiet, I almost couldn't make out the words.

"I just need a little space to think this all through, okay? We jumped into this thing so quickly. I need to figure out how I feel… about you. About us. About you and my Mom."

When he spoke then, his voice wasn't quiet anymore. He was angry, "There never was a 'me and your Mom'. It was a stupid mistake that was never repeated. It was long before I ever met you. I have a lot of shit I regret, but that is right at the top. It meant nothing."

"I know."

"What does that mean? You know?"

"I mean, I get it. A one time thing. Like what Connor and I had."

He stepped away then, walking to the window and staring out into the night. "If you understand, why are you leaving? Why can't you stay?" He looked at me over his shoulder. He looked so sad. "Stay with me, Charlie."

"Bass, when I'm near you – I can't think. I NEED to think. I am coming back, okay? I just need some time. You said I could take as long as I needed."

He nodded, his eyes downcast. "Can I write to you?"

This surprised me, although I suppose it shouldn't have. "Yeah, of course." The Texas Postal Service was one of the first to succeed post blackout. It wasn't always perfectly reliable, but it worked.

Bass walked to me then and held me tight. He buried his face in my hair and breathed in deeply as if he was memorizing the way I felt in his arms…the way I smelled… My heart was clenching. This was our goodbye and we both knew it.

"I love you Charlie." His voice was breaking. So was my heart.

"I know." I choked out, and suddenly I DID know it. I knew it better than any other fact. Bass loved me and I loved him. "I still have to go for a little while."

"I know." He said, repeating my own words. Bass leaned in then and kissed me. His tears mingled with mine. The kiss was soft and sweet – chaste, even. It was over far too soon. "I'll be here, waiting for you."

"I'll come back." I promised. He nodded and then I left. By the time I got home I was bawling my eyes out.

Miles was waiting for me. He always seemed to know when I was in trouble. "You're leaving us, aren't you?" He held open his arms and I collapsed into them, sobbing.

When I could finally speak, I answered. "Yeah, going with Aaron tomorrow."

"Damn it Kid. We're gonna miss you around here."

I went to bed and slept for a while. When I woke up, Miles had filled Aaron in on the fact that I was joining him. Aaron didn't seem to care one way or the other. Grandpa and Miles both said goodbye and promised to write. I didn't see Bass again, but as we drove the wagon down Main Street, I'd swear I saw movement in the upstairs window over the old diner.

January 5, 2030

Sherman, Texas is a town just south of Old Dallas. We got here at sundown. There's not much here, to be honest. There is a little school, two bars, a store and a church. The farm is a couple miles outside of 'town'. He'd bought it sight unseen which was a gamble, but the place isn't too bad. There's a weathered little clapboard house and a small barn. There's a big garden space and a small orchard.

We walked through the house first. It needs a lot of work. There is an old kitchen, a big sitting room with a fireplace and two small bedrooms.

"This one is mine." I said, pointing to the bigger of the two.

"No." Aaron said, shaking his head. "I get the big room. You're just visiting."

"Maybe I'll stay." I tilted my chin stubbornly.

Aaron rolled his eyes, "I'm depressed, not oblivious. I know you'll be going back to Willoughby and the Prince of Darkness as soon as you figure your shit out."

I gaped at him, "You knew?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I saw the way you two were looking at each other, and then one night I was out for a walk and heard…um, some things… coming from Marion's old restaurant. I was going to check it out but you guys came out just as I was rounding the corner. You were clearly together. I left before you saw me there."

I frowned at him, "Well, I don't want to talk about that."

"Fine by me. I don't want to talk about it either. This is still my room." He smiled then, and my heart melted a little. I'd missed Aaron's smile.

"We have a lot of work to do. Where do we start?" I asked him.

"We go to town and meet with a guy named Harold at the general store. He has some supplies for us. Then we will clean and patch and repair as best we can. I want to have the house ready by the time spring rolls around. It will be planting season before long."

January 16, 2030

We've been working solid ever since we got here. The roof needed patched. The well needed repaired. Everything needed a good scrubbing. We fixed holes in the barn and readied a long abandoned chicken coop.

Aaron bought a rooster and six hens from a neighbor. The rooster is mean as hell. We call him Tom Neville. I kind of like farm life. Its simplicity suits me. Aaron seems happier too. Slowly, he's coming out of his post-Idaho depression. He still won't talk about Priscilla. I kind of think he never will.

I got my first letter today. It was from Miles.

Kid,
How do you like farm life? Aaron doing ok? We miss you around here. Your Grandpa is doing allright. He's keeping busy with his practice. Stephanie is working with him full time. I know you two didn't really hit it off, but she's okay.

The war is officially over. Blanchard brought us the news himself. Can't say I'm sad to see that mess is finally behind us. Even though we hadn't been in the thick of it for a while, it's nice to know it's all over. When Blanchard was here, he also brought Bass's official pardon. We knew it was coming, but I think it was still a relief to Bass. He kind of half figured Frank would go back on his word and that he would have done all the work for Texas for nothing. Anyway, Bass is free now. No more of that bullshit hanging over his head.

I miss your Mom, but I'm doing better. Bass and I have pretty much mended our fences. Bout time you two did the same I think. He's opening Marion's old place next week. Been working at it like a dog. He hired the Oden twins to be bus boys and Edna Mathews (that's Joe's Mom) to run the front counter. I figured he'd open it as a bar but he's keeping it a diner. Never knew him to be much of a cook but I guess after he was taking care of us when your Mom was sick, he decided he liked it fine. So he's going to be the head cook. Edna will be taking orders and helping in the kitchen when she can. Dillon and Brandon will keep it all cleaned up. I think the menu is going to be pretty simple, but it should be good enough for folks around here. Willoughby isn't all that picky after all.

In case you were wondering, Bass is keeping to himself. He'd have his pick of the women in this town if he wanted them. He doesn't. He asks about you every day when he stops by for an evening drink or twelve. I think that poor son of a bitch is in love with you. Maybe you can cut him some slack and forgive him? I don't want to get into the details, but I can tell you they both regretted it all. Hell. If I can forgive him for all that shit, surely you can too.

Don't do anything stupid.
Miles

PS Bass named his diner "The Happy Place". He's an idiot.

I read it a hundred times. I wish I could explain how it isn't just about me forgiving Bass. I think I'm almost ready to do that, to be honest. This being apart – it's not just about forgiveness. It's about me figuring out how I really feel about myself and about Bass, and what I want from the future…from a future with him. We moved so quickly from friends and fellow soldiers to SO much more. I just need to take a step back and evaluate it all, and I can't do that when we're in the same place. He turns my brain (and other parts) to mush.

I have a lot of time to think now. I miss him so damn much. Maybe this is a stupid idea. What the hell am I doing in Sherman, Texas?

And Miles is wrong. Bass isn't an idiot.