"How was your second day?"

"Fine," I tell my mom as I open the fridge to get a water.

"That's all you're giving me?" She laughs, putting a mug away in the cupboard. I just shrugged. There was nothing really to say. I talked to her about school yesterday, what could possibly have happened today? "Okay, well, I'm running to the store really quick. Do you need anything?"

Do I? I think about the snacks I have in this house and if I want any more. "Nah, I think I'm good."

My mom gave me a small smile, grabbed her phone from the counter and walked out of the kitchen, "be right back."

As soon as she left, I grabbed the bowl of grapes that were on the counter along with my water and went over to the living room to watch TV.

Before I could even get comfortable, the doorbell rang. Ugh.

Cole.

He was standing on my porch.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him before I turn around, leaving him there.

"Come on, you can't still be mad," he comes in and closes the door behind him, "if you're not going to break up with me, what's the point of being mad?"

I guess. Maybe. I don't know. I mean, no, I'm not going to break up with him. But I still am mad. I can't help it. I can't help the way I feel. "Cole, you didn't think about me or yourself in that situation. What girlfriend wouldn't get mad over that? All so you could have a little fun or whatever."

He sighs and follows me into the living room. "I'm sorry, okay? You had every right to be mad, but it's been a couple days."

"I can be mad as long as I want to be mad."

"I just don't see the point if you're not going to break up with me."

"Whatever, Cole."

He gave me a small smile as I sat on the couch and then sat next to me, "come on, you're not really that mad at me anymore. You're just making me sweat it out and you win, okay? These days have sucked and I'm sorry. I really, really am sorry."

I couldn't help, but smile. Do I believe it one hundred percent? No. And that's the problem with this relationship, I guess. That I'm not completely confident.

But he's right. I think I am making him sweat it out.

"You're forgiven," I tell him, giving him a smile. "But you better not do some stupid shit like that again."

"Promise."

And just like that, we were fine again.

I don't want to fight with my boyfriend. I really don't. I want to progress, not take steps backward. And I think I've just been on edge lately with everything that's been going on, so whatever, I'm over it. I'm not going to keep being mad and I'm not going to make him keep apologizing.

"So, I'm going to Palm Springs this weekend with my family," Cole tells me.

"Last minute trip?"

He nods, "yeah, my aunt and uncle are cousins are driving from LA and they invited us, so why not? It'll be hot, but I'm sure it'll be fun."

I guess, sure. Even though it's Jake's birthday dinner this weekend, but whatever. "You're gonna miss Jake's dinner."

"Well, he's more your friend anyway, so whatever."

Um, yeah, he's more my friend, but he's his friend, too, and he said he'd go to the dinner. Whatever. I'm not going to pick a fight over this. It'll be way too exhausting and we just got over one. "I guess, but he invited you too, so you shouldn't expect me t tell him you're not going. You need to tell him."

Cole took out his cell phone right away. "Fine, I'll tell him right now."

"How are your classes?" I ask him, realizing I haven't talked to him about them. I've been mad.

"They're fine," he shrugs, setting his phone down, "got friends in them so that's always good, but yeah, so far, they're good."

I know he doesn't wanna talk about them much, because he's not in the advance classes like me and he might be a little insecure about it, but this is what couples talk about. Their lives. And it's so frustrating at times. Sure, he makes me feel good. He's funny and outgoing and gets along with so many people and that's what I like about him most. He's a really chill guy who loves to have a good time. But that's not all I want in someone. I want them to want to do something with their life, to be motivated, to have goals and amdbitions. I want them to not only think about the next party. And it doesn't necessarily have to be about their job in the future or anything like that, but partying and shit isn't going to better than as a person. It isn't going to do anything for their life and that's just where I'm coming from. I get Cole is young, and I don't need to expect him to have everything figured out, and I don't need him to be super book smart or anything like that. I just don't want his whole life to be about fun stuff.

And right now, that's basically what it is.

"I'm excited to head out to Palm Springs, but I hear Dover's having something at his house on Friday. Bummed."

My point exactly. "Do you need to go to every single party?"

Cole gives me a weird look, like why all of a sudden I'm hounding him a bit. I didn't all summer, but all summer we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, we were getting to know each other and hanging out and dating. He spent that time with me instead of at every party. Which is why I'm just realizing and noticing that he loves to be out and about with his friends and having a good time at parties, wondering when the next one will be.

"It's senior year, babe."

"I guess," I tell him and then look at the clock. "Shit. I have to pick cousin up."

"Oh," he sounds a little bummed out, "okay."

I get up, grab my phone and then lead us out of the living room and grab my keys. He immediately follows behind and waits for me to grab my purse before we head out the door. He stands there while I lock up and then walks me to my car. I have to pick up my cousin from his friends house for my aunt.

Before I open the car door, I turn to Cole and give him a small smile. "I'll text you later or something."

"Let's grab a breakfast burrito from Korky's tomorrow before school."

"Sure," I tell him. Korky's sounds great, actually, and I haven't had a burrito from there in a while. "Wanna pick me up or should I?"

"I'll pick you up," he tells me.

And then we kiss goodbye and I get in my car.

Things are fine again.

"Okay, I'm done with the all lying, Gabriella. Tell me what's going on," my mom comes barging into my room a couple days later.

I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about or what is even going on.

This woman is crazy, I think.

"What are you talking about?" I put my phone down, mid text. But Madison and Blair can wait.

"I know you and Troy are not really friends anymore. And I don't understand why you've been lying to me," she shakes her head, "I mean, I didn't expect it to stay the exact same. You guys were away from each other in those high school years and stuff, but what happened? I know something happened. I can feel it. We can all feel it. I tried to put it out of my mind for days, but I just can't anymore. Something's going on..."

Fuck. Shit. I mean, I knew I wasn't going to get away with it forever, but maybe I also thought that I could. I don't know. Ugh. This freaking sucks.

I'm not even sure what to say to her. What can I say?!

"Mom, shit happens. People grow apart, okay?" I pick up my phone to make it seem like that's the end of it.

"Oh, come on, Gabriella," she rolls her eyes, sitting down on my bed, "people grow apart, sure. But you guys, you guys were..."

"I know, mom, I know!"

She was quiet for a moment. I couldn't help it, I snapped. I couldn't think about how we were. We were inseparable. We were the best of friends. Yes. And everyone that knew us thought we would be best friends forever. But I ruined that.

After gathering some thoughts, my mom spoke up again. "I'm not here to fight with you. I just want you to let me in. I wanna talk to you about everything."

And I wish I could just tell her everything. But it's embarrassing.

Not only is it embarrassing, but I feel like she'd be mad at me for ruining a friendship so great. She loved Troy and I together. And she was never that mom that would be like, oh I can't wait until you two get older so you can get married. Nah. I think she just always saw us as friends and she loved our friendship.

"It's dumb," I open up a bit, "it's really dumb."

"How can it be dumb?" She doesn't get it. "Honestly, you can tell me anything, Gabriella, you know that."

"I kissed him, okay?!"

She looked so taken aback that it made me want to take everything back. I could tell she did not expect that. "You, um, you what?"

I groaned and threw myself back. "I kissed him mom, okay? I kissed him and ruined everything."

"Okay," she says calmly, "you kissed him. And then what?"

"And then what?" I look over at her, trying to figure out if she's serious or not. AND THEN I RUINED EVERYTHING. "And then, I freaked him out so much he didn't call, write, or text me for the next three years. The next time I talked to him was that day they moved in, okay? I was embarrassed, I felt stupid and dumb that I didn't tell anyone. Just my closest friends. He obviously didn't tell anyone or else Lucille would have talked to you about it, I'm sure."

"I don't understand. He shut you out completely? That doesn't sound like Troy."

It didn't. I tried so hard to wrap my head around it. "Yeah, well he did. We didn't talk for three years and it's been hard."

My mom frowned a bit. "I wish I would have known. Maybe I could have intervened and done something about it. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't your problem, mom. He wasn't 7 years old without a phone. He was 14 and he could have picked up the phone if he wanted to. He didn't. He didn't feel the same way and I can't be mad at that, but I am mad he just let our friendship die. 10 years of friendship ruined by a stupid fucking kiss."

"So you liked him?"

"Yeah," I shrug, "I thought I loved him."

Again, she looked taken aback. But I think she was happy I was opening up. "Wow. Okay. This is a lot."

I laugh, "I know. I know most moms in this situation would be like, oh I knew it. I knew you liked him, blah blah blah. But we were just best friends and you knew that, everyone knew that. I don't know what happened. He called me beautiful one day and things changed inside of me. I seriously thought I was in love with him. But I was 14, what did I even know? It was dumb."

"You very well could have loved him. Just because you were fourteen does not mean you were not capable of loving."

"But real love, mom? Yeah, right. I don't know."

"And where's your head at now?" She asks me. "Are you still interested in him?"

Uhhhh. "I have a boyfriend."

She rolled her eyes, "oh please. You and I both know Cole is just some guy you're dating which is why I'm not stressing about it as much as I would like to."

I knew it. And I'm not going to be mad at her for having an opinion. That's her prerogative. "I'm not interested in Troy. I don't even know if I know him anymore. It's been three years and your teenage years, you change, you grow up, you know?"

"Yeah, but at the core, you're still the same person you were three years ago. You never know. I'm sure he's just like you remember him."

"Mom, he's not interested. Sure, I told him it was a mistake, but he knew me better than that. He could probably see all over my face that it actually wasn't and I freaked him out. He wasn't interested."

"You guys had such a beautiful friendship, though. I think you guys should at least try to repair that. Don't you think?"

I do agree. It won't be like how it was, though. "We're trying."

My mom smiles at me and puts her hand on my leg, "I'll support you in whatever you do, whoever you date and I'm glad you told me all of this. You know that I love Troy, but he's a real idiot if he's not interested, if he wasn't interested because you are perfect in every which way."

"You're my mom..."

"Yeah, and I'm not lying," she tells me, "I'm serious. Any guy would be lucky to have you."

That guy isn't Troy though, he didn't want me, he doesn't want me and he probably won't ever want me.

It's okay, because I moved on. I have a boyfriend.

But why do I have to keep remind myself that I have a boyfriend?

Ugh.