"Hey kiddo."

"Oh hey, dad," I look up from doing my homework to him coming into the kitchen.

"Doing some homework?" He opens up the fridge and takes out a water, "How's school going for ya?"

I ignored him or a moment as I finished up these last two problems. I was almost done so I'd rather just get them done and then talk to him. "Sorry. I just finished. But school's... school. I do like my classes and my teachers, but the workload is getting to be a lot, but I can handle it."

He smiles at me as he loosens his tie to take it off, "of course you can. College applications are coming up. Have you narrowed it down yet?"

"Not really," I shrug, "I really don't know."

"We'll miss you terribly if you decide you want to go up north, but you know we'll definitely support you through it."

I know they will.

They're the best parents a girl could have. I'm so blessed.

But college talk stresses me out. Some days, a school on the East Coast sounds like a good idea. Other days, a school up north where I'm away, but not TOO far away. Most days, though, I can't even dreaming of moving out of here. So UC Irvine or UCLA, somewhere that's not far at all, is where my head's at most of the time. They're both such great schools and I'd be so lucky to get into any of them.

For right now, though, I don't really want to think about college applications. It's barely October. I have til mid November, I think.

"Thanks, dad. I still have time, so we'll see."

"Well, if you wanna talk about it, I'm here," he gives me a smile as he unbuttons the cuffs of his shirt, "your grandma made some pozole so I'm meeting your mom there in a little bit, did she tell you? Are you done with all your homework? Do you wanna come with?"

"Can you bring me home some for tomorrow? She did tell me, but Cole and I are going to dinner," I tell him, gathering all my things together.

He nods, "okay, we'll bring you home some. Don't stay out too late."

I shake my head as I get up, "nah, we're just gonna grab some dinner and come home."

My dad leaves to change so he can go to my grandmas and I put all my stuff away for school tomorrow. I quickly run upstairs to get a cardigan in case it gets a bit cold while we're out. And then I lay on the couch and turn on the TV while I wait for Cole to come over. He told me 6, but he's always late. Always.

So, I start watching an episode of Friends.

10 minutes later, I open the door to him standing there with a cupcake in hand.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Oh, Sam," he tells me, taking a step forward inside my home.

Sam? Who's Sam? "Sam who?"

He turns around as I close the door behind us but is too busy taking a bite to answer me yet. "Samantha Reed. Ran into her outside and she had a box of cupcakes so she offered me one. I wanted a red velvet but she said those were off limits so settled for this chocolate one. Still good."

What in the world? Why is he running into Samantha outside my house? She doesn't live in my neighborhood.

Oh fuck.

She's here to hang out with Troy. Of course.

"Oh," I try not to sound anything but whatever about it, "she was going to Troy's?"

"I guess," I shrugged, "yeah, she was heading in there. I think maybe they're dating, who knows."

Ugh. I'm not jealous I don't think, or upset, I'm just... I don't know. I don't know what I am. There shouldn't be any feelings there and there aren't. But maybe it's just the thought of him liking someone else when he didn't like me. Like I wasn't good enough for him but Samantha Reed is and I think maybe that hurts a bit because yeah, Samantha is gorgeous. She's gorgeous, she's smart, probably everything a guy looks for in a girl.

Other than the fact that she's a little slutty, but that's not my problem.

Obviously, it's going to happen. He's going to date. He's dated. And I shouldn't take it so personal and compare these girls to me. It's really so stupid.

"I'll be right back," I tell Cole.

And then I head upstairs to change my shoes because I decided I didn't like my current shoes with my outfit anymore. I quickly went into my closet, slipped off these current shoes and grabbed some other ones and checked them out in my full length mirror before heading out.

As I was about to head down the stairs, my dad called me.

"Hey, can you take these next door?" He hands me an envelope, "I'm running late."

"Are they for tonight?" I ask him, assuming they're Angel baseball tickets. He's always getting them and giving them to the neighbors. "If so, I don't think they're home so what? I just leave it in their mailbox for them?"

"What?" He looks a bit confused, "it's for Troy. He's going to the game tonight with a friend or something."

The fuck?

My dad got tickets for Troy to go on a date?!

Granted, he doesn't know anything. I don't think my mom has clued him in on anything, but still. I can't help, but feel a little... betrayed. It's silly, I know, but he's taking some girl to a baseball game on behalf of us. And it should be fine, it really should, but ugh. Why is this even happening?

"Oh, um, yeah, yeah, I can take them over," I tell him, turning around, "see you later."

I head down the stairs and Cole and I head out and walk over to his car.

He opens the door for me but I don't get in just yet. I just toss my purse in there and tell Cole I'll be right back before heading over to Troy's house. I take a deep breath, think about how weird I'm acting and decide to get over it, and then ring the doorbell.

Samantha opened the door. Something I wasn't expecting even though I knew she was there.

"Oh hey," she smiles at me.

"Hi," I tell her, "um, where's Troy?"

"He's upstairs getting something," she tells me, opening the door a bit wider, "come in. Are those the tickets? Thank you so much."

Samantha is that girl you wanna hate, but it just doesn't happen. I don't necessarily want to hate her, but she's the girl Troy's taken interest in and I guess that's just something I have to deal with. It's a small blow, but it's been a few years, I'm over it. I should be over. And it's not a big deal.

Troy then comes down the stairs and the minute we make eye contact, I'm reminded why I like him. Why I started.

Those eyes.

The way he looks at you, the way he makes eye contact...

Ugh. He doesn't like me like that. He didn't back then when he knew me better than anyone else so what makes me think he will now when he doesn't?

I shake off this stupid feeling as he greets me and thanks me for the tickets.

"Yeah, um, I hope you guys have fun," I hand them to him, "they're pretty good seats."

"I know, your dad's the best," he smiles at m,e opening the envelope and scanning over the tickets, "I owe him one."

Samantha then takes the tickets from him and looks them over and squeals in excitement. It's like he doesn't care that I know they're hanging out and dating. Not that he should, but I don't know, maybe be a little respectful because last he knew I was into him. Granted, I have a boyfriend so obviously that says I'm over him, which I am...

Fuck. In this moment, I realize there may still be something for Troy. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

"Yeah, well, um, I gotta go, Cole's waiting for me." Cole. My boyfriend. The guy I like. Yes. Him. "See you guys."

And then I race out of there and get in the car.

I shouldn't be thinking about anything other than my boyfriend.

But I can't help it.

"How was the game?" I ask Troy as we're driving home from school the next day.

"Oh, it was fun," he says, turning right out of the school parking lot, "are you hungry? Do you wanna get some food or something?"

What? Oh, this is a hang out? I thought we were just carpooling for the day. My car was getting an oil change so I asked him for a ride. I mean, I am hungry, but I don't know about this. In his mind, we're rebuilding out friendship. in my mind, I'm trying to fight these feelings.

And hanging out with him wouldn't be fighting them.

But if I pull away now he'll definitely know something's up. I mean, it's been going so well between us.

"Yeah, sure."

"Sushi? Mexican?" He throws out suggestions, "I'm good with either one."

Hmm, I think I'm craving sushi a bit more. I haven't had sushi in a week or so, actually, and it's time that I have some. "Yeah, sushi's fine."

Five minutes later, we were sitting in one of my favorite sushi restaurants in all of Orange County. It's my go to place for a casual sushi lunch meal. Or dinner, whatever. It's casual, it's delicious, it's not too expensive and it's SO fucking good.

"What are you going to get?"

"I'm not sure yet," I tell Troy opening the menu, "maybe I'll get a couple of rolls because I'm actually starving."

"Same," he laughs, opening his menu as well.

We both decided to get two rolls, which is a total of four rolls, and we'll just share with each other. Fine by me, the more sushi to pick from, the better.

It's not that awkward with Troy anymore. It's safe to say we're friends so hanging out, it doesn't necessarily feel like old times, but it's good, it's fun. And this crush on him, these feelings I have, they're not standing in the way per say. They're just there hanging out. Ha. But really, it's fine hanging with him.

I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. I know how it feels like to not be friends with him and it's awful.

"So your brother's having a party next weekend?" He asks me.

"Oh, yeah," I tell him, grabbing some complimentary edamame, "the big 1-3."

Troy laughs, "yeah, I remember my 13th birthday. It was the time of my life. Are your parents going all out for him or what?"

I shrug, not really knowing. I'm super close to my brother. He's such a good soul. But right now, he's kind of in that phase where all he wants to do is hang with his friends and their houses and play sports. Which is understandable. I mean, I have my sister, too. "Probably, yeah, he's their favorite."

Again, he laughs, "oh, I'm sure that's not true."

"It's not," I laugh, "but you know, he's the youngest, so hey cater to him a bit more which is understandable. I get it."

"I can't believe he's going to high school next year, that's crazy."

"It's crazy and then not too crazy. I feel like he's such a little adult right now. Always out and about, always staying over at his friends houses. I feel like he's never home. So, it's like he's already kind of grown up. But yeah, it'll probably still be crazy."

Troy nodded, grabbing some edamame and squeezing the little beans out, "yeah, well, it's also crazy that we're graduating soon and going to college."

Ugh. College. I don't wanna think about it.

But it's going to come up sooner or later. So why not? "I know. Have you decided where you're going to apply?"

"Yes and no," he shrugs, "the idea of staying in SoCal sounds ideal, but there are SO many schools and having the full college experience seems so fun. So, we'll see. UCLA, USC, those are good schools. Maybe up north. Maybe the East Coast. Or just anyone that will accept me, to be honest."

"i'm sure you'll get into a great school," I assure him.

"And you as well," he grabs his drink and takes a sip, "anyone you're set on?"

I shake my head, "not too much. I'm in the same boat as you. Luckily, there are great schools not too far from here, so maybe I won't even have to go far."

Troy nods, "yeah, like UCLA, USC, UC Irvine. Pepperdine is a little farther, Malibu, but that's a great school. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the school Samantha is set on. That's an idea."

Ew. He did not just say that. I mean, I have no reason to judge, but ugh. Why did he have to ruin the mood?

He's obviously not intentionally running because he doesn't know what I'm feeling, but still. He's talking about Samantha as if she's his girlfriend and blah blah blah. I don't want to hear about her, I don't want to picture them together and I certainly don't wanna think they'd go off to the same school.

"You'd apply to the same school as her? Didn't know you guys were serious."

"What?" He looks taken aback, "no, no, I'm just saying... Pepperdine could be a school you apply for."

"Oh."

"Yeah, um, no, it's nothing like that."

I shrug, grabbing some more edamame, "you don't need to explain anything to me. I guess I just jumped to conclusions... the game and everything."

He looked away for a moment, scanning the restaurant, and then his eyes landed back on mine. Nothing was being said. It was silent. And I hope I didn't just make everything awkward. What, I can't assume they're dating? I see them talking everywhere. He took her to a freaking Angels game.

"It's just... it's early, we're still getting to know each other."

"No, I get it."

I get it and I don't like it... one bit. But obviously, I don't tell him that. Like I said, we're rebuilding our friendship. I don't wanna mess it up.

So, I suck it up, put smile on my face and pretend like it doesn't bother me.

Even though it really does.