Well, I'm not out of town, but I'm sick as a dog.

I'm running a 101 fever, I have chills all over my body, I'm burning up. It's too much.

This party is supposed to be a good one. I mean, for everyone else. They were all excited for her. Probably because she has a really good party house and because her parents buy a shit ton of alcohol. And since it's her 18th birthday, they're probably going all out for her.

But really, I'm perfectly fine just chilling here at home snuggled up watching Desperate Housewives on Netflix and eating soup.

"Come in!" I tell Madison, who's knocking on my door.

She strolls in, in her party outfit and holding a bag from In N Out. Ha, of course. I don't blame her, though.

Mads immediately frowns upon seeing me all wrapped up in my blanket, "how're you feeling? I probably shouldn't even be here right now, but I'm a good friend so here I am. You didn't want anything to eat, did you? I can go back..."

"I'm feeling okay," I tell her, "my fever's been holding 100 for the past two hours so that's good. And I don't feel TOO cold anymore. How was the party?"

"It was fine," she shrugged, "I bailed early, but I'd much rather be here, to be honest."

I'm thankful she's here.

My parents and my sister and brother went down to San Diego for the weekend, actually. Which is weird since I made up a lie of maybe going for my cousin's birthday. But my dad got tickets to a baseball game down there and so the four of them went for a little family vacay. I actually didn't feel sick until after they left, but regardless, I wasn't going to go with them because he only got four tickets. Doesn't that suck? Having an odd number family.

Whatever. It wasn't too much of a bummer. At least I get the house to myself all weekend, which I'm always excited to have.

Of course Mads is spending the night. I couldn't stay here by myself. And my neighbors are all the best people, they keep an eye on me. For the most part, my parents trust me. And we have a security system so it's not too bad. But I feel safer with people.

"Was the whole school there, pretty much?"

"Yeah," she takes her food out and it looks so good, but it doesn't feel too appetizing. That's how you know I'm actually sick. "There were a ton of people."

"Thanks for staying with me," I tell her, petting my dog Finn who had his head on the couch.

She looked at me and rolled her eyes, "like you had to ask."

Well, I did! A lot of people like sleeping in their own beds. Madison and I have sleepovers, but it's never like a planned thing. If we're out and she's tired, she'll crash her or vice versa. We never call each other up and say, hey let's have a slumber party! It sort of just happens on it's own most of the time.

"Is Blair coming over?"

"I don't know, I asked her, but she was still hanging out," Mads shrugged, squirting ketchup all over her friends, "maybe her sister will drop her off."

"Yeah, maybe," I tell her, moving a bit so I can face her, "so guess what I heard?"

Madison took a bite of her cheeseburger, stuffed a couple of fries in her mouth and then washed it down with her pink lemonade before responding. "What did you hear?"

I'm not sure it's one hundred percent true, but it came from a very reliable source so I'm okay with passing this message along. Actually, I know it's true. It's probably one hundred percent true. Ha. "Wait, what do you think about Noah?"

"Noah?" She looked a bit confused as she reached for more fries. "Noah Baldwin? Um, he's nice. I haven't really talked to him until this year, he's in two of my classes..."

"That's it? He's nice? That's all you think about him?"

"Gabs, what's going on?" She turns to me and I'm surprised she doesn't get it. She has to get it. "Tell me."

So I tell her the obvious reason I'm asking. "Well, someone might have told me that he thinks you're beyond gorg, he likes talking to you and he's trying to work up the courage to ask you out but he hasn't had the opportunity. And by someone I mean his sister, so you know, very reliable source."

Madison looked shocked. Not shocked, but like I was just fucking with her. I would never! "Why would his sister tell you this? I don't know if..."

"It's true, Mads, just accept it."

"But he's like... big shot on campus. Captain of the baseball team. No..."

"And you're Madison Hill, which says enough," I tell her, "I'm totally not surprised he's into you and you shouldn't be, either. Now, I'm just wondering if you are or if you'd be open to it or whatever. I mean, he's hot, Mads..."

She laughs, "he is. But are you sure? I don't know why I feel like you're fucking with me."

I'm offended. Not really. "Mads, I'm not! Why would Lindsay make this up? It makes absolutely no sense. He digs you."

"We were kinda talking tonight," she tells me, a small smile forming on her face, "but I don't know, I thought he was just being nice because I was sitting by myself waiting for Blair to bring me a water which she never returned with so."

"See, he's into you. He's slowly, but surely making a move. I'm not lying about this and you should seriously consider it, maybe start flirting with him."

She laughed, shaking her head a bit and stuffing more fries in her mouth. "I don't know, he dated Britt Nelson and she seems like the total opposite of me, don't you think?"

Britt Nelson is the total opposite of Madison, I can tell you that. "And they're no longer together so maybe she's not the kind of girl for him and you are. Come on, how many bad things have you heard about Noah Baldwin? His dad saves peoples lives and his mom is the sweetest woman who volunteers at the school all the time. He's nice, he's hot, you're nice, you're hot... it's like a match made in Heaven that I never thought about before."

"Why are you so set on this?"

"I don't know, I just think it'd be nice... you dating someone," I tell her. She's never had a boyfriend, just boys she's hung out with.

"Oh, is it nice? If I remember, you just broke up with your boyfriend so how much fun could dating someone in high school really be?" She argues.

Okay, maybe she's right. But the thought of her dating someone, knowing what it feels like to be giddy about someone, is exciting to me. She's my best friend. I want her to be happy in that aspect of her life. "Mads, come on. I'm just saying... I think if he starts giving you signs, if he asks to hang out, something as simple as lunch, say yes."

She sighs, leans back on the couch and laughs. "I can't believe Noah Baldwin is into me."

"I can," I roll my eyes, "so play into it. I think it'll be nice."

"I kind of hate that you told me this and it didn't just come out and surprise me because now in Chem when we're sitting next to each other, I'll feel awkward around him."

"It'll be hard pretending you don't know, I know, but try. Don't make it awkward or maybe he'll change his mind."

Madison rolls her eyes as she leans forward and finishes eating her food. That was enough Noah talk for the night. I don't want to pressure her into anything. She can do whatever she wants with her love life. Well, not whatever, I'll definitely step in and voice my opinion if I don't agree with something, but for now, she's in charge of whatever makes her happy and if that's maybe pursuing something with Noah, so be it.

Just as I was going to get up to get water, I heard a knock on my door which made me a little freaked out. Who could be here at 11:30 pm?!

"You get it!"

"No way," Madison shakes her head, "it's your house. You get it."

Ugh. She's right. So, I get up as they knocked again, this time three times in a row, which makes me think they're not leaving if I don't open the door. I sneakily walk over and try to hide just in case it's someone I don't know and don't want them to see me. As I approached quietly the door, another knock came through.

This time, a voice came through. "Gabs, it's Blair. Open the door, it's freezing out here!"

Blair!? Oh my gosh. I hate her.

I opened the door to her standing there, her hair a bit disheveled and in a sleeveless dress. "Finally. What the fuck took you so long?"

"Sorry, I wasn't really expecting you. You never texted back."

"Yeah, sorry," she walks in, gives me a disgusted look and moves to the side like I'm the most contagious person on Earth. "I wasn't really checking my phone. I didn't know it was really a question, more like an invite so if I decide yes, I can just come over. And well, here I am..."

Madison turned around to face us, "were you getting it on with Dylan or something?"

Blair laughed, fixing her hair a bit and throwing her purse down on the couch, "no, we weren't getting it on! We were simply enjoying each other's company."

"So, things are good?"

"Oh, Gabs," she laid on the couch, a wide smile on her face as she extended her arms all giddy-ish, "things are so good. I've never felt happier, which is crazy because it hasn't been that long, but I'm so happy and he's so great. We get along so well and we're just having the best time together."

I'm happy for her. She deserves to be as happy as she is.

And it makes me smile inside knowing I had a hand in this, yet she's still sort of doesn't know about that.

"Are you guys busy tomorrow?"

"Nah," Madison shakes her head, looking over at me, "why, what's up?"

"I wanna try that new Italian restaurant that opened up last week," I tell her, "if I'm better, of course. But Kylie told me it's really good so I don't know, was hoping we could make a little night out of it. We'll have dinner, watch a movie or something."

Madison was all in, as I knew she would be. Girl loves Italian good. "Yeah, sure, as long as we're home by 10, that's my bedtime."

I wanted to laugh, but she was serious. She goes to bed SO early sometimes. And it will be a school night so I understand. Blair wasn't saying anything, though, so I asked again. "Are you busy?"

"Oh, um," she hesitates, "look I don't wanna be that girl that says she has plans with her guy cause that's annoying."

"It's fine if you do, honestly," I assure her, "you guys are still getting to know each other."

She smiles at me. I totally get it. And I'm not upset at all.

If she made plans with us and then ditched us once Dylan wanted to do something then that's a different story. But that's not what's going on here. She has plans already. Which is totally okay. I want her to hang out with him. I want them to get to know each other better and so I'm fine with it.

"You don't just want to join us?"

Blair looked over at Madison, I think a bit taken aback by her question. "What?"

Madison shrugged, "I mean, it's not a first date. I'm sure he likes Italian food, too. Why don't we all go?"

"I'm fine with that," I say. Dylan's nice. I wouldn't mind.

But Blair stays quiet. For far too long, actually. And so, I get the feeling she's lying about something or holding something back. Does she knot have plans with Dylan tomorrow? Or are they doing something she doesn't want us to know? Or does she just not want him around us?

I have to know. "B, if you don't want him to hang out with us, that's fine. We get it. Well, we don't, but that's your decision and it's fine."

"It's not that," she shakes her head, "we're just sort of double dating."

And then it all clicks.

She's double dating with Troy and Samantha.

It has to be them or else she wouldn't look this worried. And she would have just come right out and said who she was going with if it was someone that didn't matter to us. But nope. It's Troy and Samantha and they're all going out together. Great.

"You don't have to feel weird about it," I assure her, "they're friends. It's fine."

"But I do feel weird," she admits, "I feel like I'm betraying your trust or something. And I was going to tell you. Dylan just made these plans tonight."

"That's the thing, though. You don't have to tell me."

Blair sighed. She might have felt like she was in a hard place, but I didn't want her there. I wanted her to hang out with Dylan's friends. And that includes Troy. "Maybe you should just talk to him. Clear the air. Not about your feelings, but about the way he left, why he didn't talk to you..."

I'm so over that. I really, really am.

He left. He didn't stay in touch. And that's that. It's over and done with. And nothing's going to change.

I can't go back to being his friend. Definitely not. Not with the way I feel.

That friendship we once had is now gone and it's just never going to be the same. Maybe because I kissed him, maybe because he didn't keep in touch, but either way, it's fine. And it's just time to move on. Maybe we weren't meant to be friends when we were older. And maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. Who knows. All I know is I don't think I can just be his friend. I can't ignore these feelings, these stupid feelings I don't even know why they exist.

Seriously. They're unresolved feelings, I know they are. I mean, how could I possibly like him right now? Why do I like him?

Maybe because he hasn't changed a bit. He really hasn't.

Apart from how he looks, he's the same old Troy that I knew years ago and that is why I like him.

"I'm not going to talk to him," I shake my head, "no. It's over and done with. He doesn't like me, he probably never will and I'm not going to go back to being his friend. He didn't value our friendship enough to stay in contact and everything just fell apart, both of our faults, and it's just better this way."

"But it doesn't have to be like this," she argues, "you're neighbors. And you once meant the world to each other."

"It's in the past, B."

She sighed, "I'm just saying. I think the friendship is worth saving, at least."

Apparently, it didn't mean that much to him.

I give her a small smile and don't say much else because I'm exhausted over this. It's over and done with. Troy and I are never going to be friends like we once were. He's dating someone, he doesn't like me. I'm trying to just move the fuck on. And if I have to be his friend, I won't.

So, it's better this way. I know it is. And soon, they'll realize it, too.