"Is anyone going to see Troy today?"

That's the question my teacher asked as the class was getting ready to leave.

I didn't even say anything. I don't really know why I didn't. But it didn't even matter because Tim Mathers spoke up and told her that we were neighbors so yeah, I probably was going to see him. I'm not mad at him, per say, just a little annoyed because of how we left things a couple of days ago.

So, now I'm here with his homework in hand knocking on his front door, silently praying he's not home.

"Gabriella," Lucille greets me with a big smile and a box in her hand, "sorry, come in, come in, I was just doing some cleaning up."

"Oh, no, it's fine, I just have some of Troy's homework..."

She gives me another smile and motions for me to come in as she drops the box that was in her hands. "Yeah, he skipped school today to go fishing with Jack. An annual son and father trip, you know about that. They actually should be home soon."

Right. Their father and son fishing trip. He LOVED that day. It was something he always looked forward, too. And I'm glad to hear they're still doing it.

But I don't want to stay. "I have a lot of homework, I was just going to drop it off. Mind giving it to him?"

"Yeah, I..."

Her phone cut her phone and she immediately answered it.

After a few "yeahs" and a couple "okays," Lucille hung up the phone, turned to me and sighed. "Sorry, that was my sister. She needs me to pick up her kid, like, right now. Can I ask you for a small favor? Can you feed Sasha? I was just about to but I have to head out and I don't know how long I'll take. And then you can just leave the door open because Troy and Jack shouldn't be much longer. Do you mind?"

"Not at all," I tell her, "I love Sash."

"Me too," she laughs, grabbing her keys and her purse from the closet, "oh and when you put Troy's homework in his room, can you take this box up?"

"Oh, um..."

"It's not heavy," she assures me with a laugh, knowing that's why I was hesitant about it, "it's junk he brought from Seattle tat he hasn't touched and I want him to go through it and see what he wants to keep, what he wants to throw away. You know how that goes."

I give her a small smile and nod even though I had no intention of putting Troy's homework in his room. She didn't known that, though.

She was out the door the next moment and I was off to feed Sasha.

And once I said hi and kissed her a few times, I got Troy's homework, placed it on top of this box that contained some books and other stuff I can't see unless I go through it, but no way. I would never.

I opened the door to his room and surprisingly, it was clean. He probably just cleaned it. Ha.

Wanting to get out of here, I quickly walked over to his desk, set down his homework and then went over to his bed and set the box down.

As I turned around to get out of here, I heard a thump.

Of course the box fell.

Ugh. I walked back over and started picking up everything that fell. I shouldn't have been in such a hurry and made sure the box was on the whole bed. He had books in here, magazines, other little things guys have in their room and honestly, he could probably throw all the stuff in this box out. I'm not even sure why his mom wants to give him the option of keeping any of this. Why would he want to keep any of this?

But then I found an envelope that had my name on it. In block letters.

My heart stopped for a minute.

This letter... it's for me. Yet, he didn't give it to me.

Is it old? Is it new? Did it just get thrown in here? Was in lying on his bed and I accidentally knocked it down with the box?

I don't know. I don't know what the letter could possibly say. Or if it's an old letter, why he hasn't given it to me. So many questions. Ah! Before he catches me in here, I quickly bolt out of his room with this letter in my hand. I know it's wrong to take it. I know I shouldn't. But I just can't help it. I have to know what it says. I have to know why he didn't give it to me. I just have to.

But what if I hate what it says?

What if it's him telling me that I shouldn't have kissed him and then he decided not to mail it because by him shutting me out, I would have gotten the hint.

Suddenly, I'm standing at the bottom of his stairs, debating whether or not I should put it back.

I think about the worst case scenario which is him telling me he doesn't have those feelings for me and I shouldn't have kissed him and he's sorry it has to be this way now. And you know what? It's nothing I don't know so why not just take it and read it if that's what it could be about?

I'm taking it.

I open his front door, thank God that they're not home and rush over to my house.

And then I run up to my room, sit on my bed, take a deep breath and carefully open this envelope.

Here goes nothing...

I can't believe I'm in Seattle right now.

And I'm not even sure what to say. I just felt like I had to write it all down.

Last week when you kissed me... it was unexpected.

Totally unexpected.

But it was no doubt the best moment of my life.

I'm sorry about the way I reacted. If I came off mad, if I came off like I was weirded out about it... I wasn't. I mean, it was a little weird. But I wasn't mad about it. And I hate that you walked away probably thinking I was mad and that I hated that you kissed me.

I laid in bed all night thinking about it. Thinking about how I wish I kissed you back. How I wish I wasn't moving the next morning.

But the thing is, I'm here in Seattle. And I can't change that.

If I would have said goodbye to you in the morning, I'm not sure if I could have just walked away like that.

I would have wanted to kiss you.

It wouldn't have been the right time. Your timing sucks. If you meant it. I think you meant it. And I know you said it was a mistake, but we're best friends. I know you better than that. And I know there could be something great here. We're young, I know. But I know you better than anyone and you know me better than anyone and I know that I like you. I know that I've liked you for a while now.

But I also thought about how the timing sucks, how it's not ideal and how we both know it's not the right time. It's not going to work out no matter what we feel.

We're 14 years old. 14!

How are we ever going to make it work? We're young. We're broke. We have no cars. We don't have anything to keep this going.

I'm not sure what exactly I'm trying to say.

I wish so badly I could be there so we could try this out. So we could see if there are real, deep feelings there, even though I know they are... for me.

Because you're the greatest girl I've ever known.

But it's too hard. It's way too hard to just be friends for now. I don't know what to do, what to say to you without being so upset about this. I want to be there with you. Obviously, I can't. And it's the worst thing, ever. The timing sucks, have I mentioned that? It does.

So forgive me if I don't reply to your texts, if I don't answer your calls. But it's too hard. Way too hard.

I can't do it. I can't just be your friend anymore. I want to be more. And I have no idea what to do about it. It sucks. It really, really sucks.

As soon as I can, I'm moving back to California.

I'm coming back to you because I can't imagine not feeling this way for you anytime soon.

It might be love.

And that's really scary to admit, but I think it might be.

All I know is that you are my favorite thing about my days, you're the one I can do absolutely nothing and everything with and you're the one that can make me laugh harder than anyone else. You make me want to be a better person. You're so beautiful, yet you don't even know just how beautiful you are. You're kind. You're smart. You're ambitious. You're everything a guy could possibly want. You're the absolute best.

You really are.

It's going to be the hardest thing being away from you, thinking about what could happen if I was there. But maybe when we're older.

And I hope this letter doesn't make you mad. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I hope you get it, too. I hope it's just as hard for you as it is for me because it'll mean we're on the same page. It'll mean you meant everything with that kiss last night.

This not speaking to each other... it'll make things easier. I know it will.

If I were to talk to you every single day and pretend like I have no feelings for you and it's not killing me that I'm in Seattle, I'll explode.

So, please understand.

And please tell me we're on the same page.

Whatever happens, know I'll always be here for you. I'll always protect you. And I'll always love you.

-Troy.

He felt the same way.

Troy felt everything I was feeling. Everything I felt for him, he felt for me.

Tears were forming in my eyes as I was reading this letter. I was angry, I was happy, I was sad. I was so many different things. But strangely enough, I got it. I understood. If roles were reversed, it would have been SO hard to keep in touch with him knowing there were feelings there. Knowing that I couldn't just be friends with him anymore. I wouldn't even know how to talk to him anymore if feelings were involved and we couldn't act on them, you know? What could have possibly been said when we're so far apart from each other? It still hurts. It hurts that he shut me out for three years. But the reason is the best reason.

I should have the biggest smile on my face.

But reality set it.

This letter was written three years ago. He's dated. And he's dating someone right now.

What if he dated that girl in Seattle and realized that's how you should feel for someone? And he realized that maybe it wasn't anything between us. Maybe it was just him thinking it could be something. He came home and he still didn't tell me how he felt. He still didn't give me this letter. He started dating someone else.

So many different emotions are running through my mind right now. But one thing's for sure...

I'm glad I read this letter. I'm glad I took it.

Because now I know that, that kiss wasn't a mistake. It meant something.

To me and to him.