'Good friends, bad habits'

As she got ready to leave in her apartment, Felicity was starting to wish she hadn't suggested going to Big Belly Burger. Yes, they were the best damn burgers in the city and of course she wanted to hang out with Ted while he was around – but there were just too many memories in that place.

There was a time all of those memories had been happy.

Thoughts of evenings there with Oliver and Diggle crossed her mind, from late-night runs before they went for a stake out to nights off where they sat and talked for hours, just the three of them. It was a place they could relax: there was no masks, no trouble, no responsibilities – just three people and some good food.

She had laughed there with her friends. Well, her friend. Diggle was always that, but if Oliver was telling the truth the other day . . . every smile had been faked. He never meant any of it. The thought made her mouth turn dry, the back of her throat like ash as she swallowed, trying to regain control.

Felicity had decided as she walked out of lunch that afternoon, away from a real friend, that she was done with being sad over Oliver.

For days she had cried, she had tried to think a way around all of this – but there wasn't one. She had tried to do some good but it was over now, in the past. While she still had hope, she had to put herself first for once and get out. Oliver had made it perfectly clear that she was replaceable, so they would be fine without her. And as for her . . . she'd survive.

For the others, their night life saving the city was a need – Diggle was a soldier, Sara was looking for redemption and Oliver was too damaged for anything else.

That had never been the case for Felicity. When she had signed up, it had been to help a friend – Walter. She had stayed for the friends she made, to help them. For Oliver and Diggle, so they didn't get hurt or caught. But when Deathstroke came to the city and Oliver changed things weren't the same: they stopped joking in the Foundry, stopped laughing, and stopped being anything but soldiers in the mission to save the city.

Without that, Felicity had nothing left to fight for. Without them . . . she wasn't sure who she was supposed to be anymore. But maybe it was time to find out.

This city wasn't her hometown and she had lost everything she used to be in it. Seeing Ted today had made her realise that. Felicity knew she wasn't the person she was five years ago; in some ways she was better, in others . . . she had lost who she was. After spending years living for her friends, she knew making a life without them would be hard. But she had to do it, there had to be a way to start over.

Pulling a red jumper over her head and walking over to the mirror to pull her newly dried hair up into a ponytail, too tired to straighten it, she frowned at her reflection. The last few days had taken their toll on her – she looked tired, eyes more pronounced than usual behind her glasses, and her face was paler.

Felicity sighed, dropping her hands to her sides. She had to get over this – staying as she was and watching her friends fade until they all hated each other wasn't an option, and neither was spending the rest of her life wallowing about it.

"You are okay," she said to herself, ignoring the way her voice shook. Curling her hands into fists, she tried again more determinedly, face set. "You are okay. You helped people, and you can still help people. Obviously not in the same way – what are the chances of bumping into another wayward vigilante in need of help – but you can do something. You are doing the right thing."

That part was much harder to believe. Although she was sure leaving was best for her, before she cracked under the strain of too much pressure, Felicity still worried about how her team would fare without her. What if they needed her? Who was going to run their mission control from the Foundry now?

The blonde turned back to the mirror. Forcing a smile on her face, Felicity watched it waver until it died, leaving her with nothing. Being happy again would come later she was sure, in fact, it already had in a way. Lunch with Ted today had been good. Maybe . . . maybe he was right. She needed a clean break, away from Starling and the Arrow - away from Oliver.

Resolving herself to at least considering his job offer even if it meant moving to Chicago, Felicity reached for her phone as it rang, thinking it was just Ted again.

"Let me guess – you're going to be late?" she said, smile twisting her lips upwards as she turned to lean on her desk. The only light on in the apartment was the small lamp by her side, casting everything else into shadows – she didn't want to see some of the pictures framed on her shelves right now. They showed her and her boys in better times, it didn't help that she had to see them every day. Perhaps she would take them down tomorrow.

Diggle's voice replied, "Um, Felicity?"

She jumped as if she had been electrocuted, hiding her face in her hand with embarrassment, "Digg! I'm sorry. I thought it was someone else-"

"Relax, Felicity," he chuckled on the other end. "It's okay. I was just wondering if you're free tomorrow. I thought we could grab lunch or dinner, talk things over. I don't want us to lose touch."

"I . . . of course. I wouldn't let that happen either. You're my friend." Felicity bit her lip, thinking that Ted would just have to amuse himself for a day, her other friend came first this time. She had already left things badly with one friend, she didn't want to lose Diggle too – the thought of not seeing him every day was unbearable enough - letting them loose touch completely was unthinkable. "I have something to ask you about, too. I'd appreciate your opinion."

"Sounds serious, we'd better make it dinner and a drink afterwards."

"You're on."

"7pm okay? Burgers on me?"

"Perhaps we should go somewhere else," Felicity said quickly, trying to cover up her haste afterwards, "I mean - we go there all the time. It's not healthy."

"Chinese, then," Diggle proposed, but he could tell his friend was avoiding something. Whatever it was, he was sure to hear about it tomorrow. "Sara recommended a place a while back, I've been meaning to go – apparently the ribs are delicious."

"Perfect," Felicity breathed a sigh of relief. As she opened her mouth to continue, her door bell rang – Ted was there to pick her up. Cursing silently, she grabbed her bag, heading for the door and opening it, motioning for Ted to give her a minute to wrap up the call. "Listen, I've got to go. Are you going out tonight?"

The edge to her voice told Diggle she meant with the Arrow, so answered, "We're checking something out, but it's not likely to get messy. Don't you worry about me."

"Good. Stay safe, Digg – I'll hold you to buying dinner tomorrow."

"You too. Wherever you're going, I'm glad you're getting out. Look out for yourself as well."

"Bye," Felicity smiled, ending the call. Looking up, she found Ted waiting at the door for her still – while his eyes watched her, his mind was obviously elsewhere. She had caught him off guard. His face was brooding, angry even; his jaw was locked in place, eyes glazed but something dark lurking in them as if he was playing something over and over in his mind as she approached.

When she waved a hand in front of his face, Ted jumped and grinned, "Ready?"

"Sure," she answered slowly, worried about what could have caused that expression. "Is everything okay?"

"Of course. Just thinking, Felicity."

"O-kay, let's go then. And you can tell me all about whatever it is that's bothering you."

He shook his head at her, still grinning, "Am I that transparent?"

"As a window, Teddy, but that's alright. I like that about you."

Felicity's regret at her suggestion of restaurant doubled as they sat down and ordered that night. Her stomach knotted itself almost painfully, setting her on edge, hands fumbling with the menu. As if she needed one – she had been here enough times to have it memories.

"What are you having?" Ted asked, not seeming to notice her distraction as he looked through the menu thoughtfully. Truth be told, he was starving – board meetings were killer, that one especially. He needed some good grub and preferably a few drinks before the night was done. He looked up to find Felicity glancing around, "Felicity?"

"I'll just have my usual," she replied to the waitress who had drifted past, sending her a small smile. The girl nodded, taking Ted's order too before leaving them alone.

"Is something wrong?"

Felicity shook her head, forcing her mind elsewhere. The guilt she felt at being there with anyone but Oliver or Diggle was stupid, she told herself. It was just a diner.

"No, I'm good. So . . . what's this big thing on your mind?"

"I, er," Ted shifted uncomfortably, pulling at his collar. He dropped eye contact almost immediately, "here's the thing – Oliver showed up at my meeting today."

"He what?" Felicity said, voice jumping in volume. She was angry – but at Oliver, not Ted. The chances of the Arrow just showing up at his company the same day she met up with her old friend was too much of a coincidence. No doubt this was his way of keeping tabs on her, as if he had any right to do so. "What was he doing there?"

"Bailing out my company here in Starling, apparently," Ted replied, clearly as annoyed with the situation as she was. His frowned deepened, "I really didn't know he was going to be there, Felicity. Believe me when I say I would have told you if I had known-"

"I do," she said quickly, dismissing it with a wave of her hand. She moved forwards in her seat, interested now and considering calling Oliver to give him a piece of her mind. "Why would he want to bail out K.I? Why was he there?"

"I wish I knew. All I know is that he's giving us a ton of money, and I betrayed you by working with him – he's the manager for K.I in Starling now. I'm so sorry, I tried to get out of it but there was no other way."

In his defence, Ted managed to do a very good impression of a kicked puppy as he delivered the news, truly ashamed of himself. As he had spoken, he had picked up the napkin at his side and started tearing it, pulling it to pieces. His shoulders slumped, eyes still on the plain white table cloth as the acid-feeling which had been plaguing him all evening slowly ate away at his gut. Ted liked to think of himself as a good friend – in his mind, this definitely went against that. And he felt terrible because of it.

"Hey," Felicity shook her head strongly, reaching over to catch his hand and squeeze it. "Did you really think I'd be mad? Ted, please. You saved your company and a lot of people's jobs, who you work with doesn't matter to me."

"But it's him," he moaned, meeting her eyes. His own were wide and guilty, "he hurt you, Felicity. I should be punching him, not signing up to be his new business partner."

Felicity actually laughed at that. The sound was unexpected, bubbling up in her chest before she began to giggle, hand moving to cover her mouth as she really, truly laughed, much to the shock of her friend.

"Oh Ted," she giggled, patting him on the arm sympathetically, "you're too much."

He frowned, expression changing quickly from guilt to outrage, grin teasing the edges of his mouth. "Hey! I'm bearing my soul to you here!"

"And it's truly adorable."

"Felicity! I – I betrayed you," he spluttered, "stop laughing at me! I am a despicable human being."

"You're an idiot, I don't know about anything else," she snorted. Finally, Felicity managed to get her laughing under control, noticing the way her sides burned afterwards – and that it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. "I know you didn't do it to hurt me, Teddy. Business is business – no, don't interrupt – I formally forgive you for working with my ex-employer. So stop with the guilty face."

"But-"

"No buts," she chuckled, "and don't make the obvious joke. It's really okay."

"You're really not mad at me?" he asked, face scrunched up to one side. Ted's face had brightened considerably; he'd even stopped shredding the napkin, a nervous habit she had actually given him back in college. He had been with Felicity again for a day, and all the ticks that had worn away over time had come back as naturally as riding a bike. "I don't want you to feel hurt, either. I still hate the guy – I even had a subtle go at him at the end of the meeting."

Her smile froze, turning to concern, "you didn't . . ."

"I just told him that I had no intention of being friends with someone like him, and that I was coming to dinner with you tonight. The guy looked like I'd kicked him, actually. I said he was a jackass to you, basically, and to stay away – I hope you don't mind." Ted looked a little abashed again, "it's not that I don't think that you couldn't handle yourself – I know you can – but I just didn't want to see you hurt by him again."

"I . . . it's fine," she finally said, after a pregnant pause. Felicity worried that Oliver might suspect her of telling Ted too much, deciding she could get Diggle to pass along a message that she hadn't tomorrow. No, that was immature – she would just call Oliver later, sort this between them. She was still mad at him for getting involved anyway.

"Are you sure? Because you look a little angry."

"I'm not," Felicity promised, forcing a smile in her friend's direction. It really wasn't that hard, which surprised her. "Thank you for sticking up for me, Ted. I appreciate it."

It wasn't a lie. Ted had been overprotective of her for a long time – he trusted her to get things done, yeah, but he had also had a knack of fighting any guys who didn't treat her right in college. Apparently he never lost that big brother instinct.

They were interrupted by their drinks coming. Felicity found her mind wandering again, the gears ticking over too many things and once and causing too much smoke in her head for her to think clearly. Aware that she was sipping the beer she had ordered as they waited for their food – she had ordered her usual, too distracted to do much else – Felicity blindly pulled from the bottle, eyes unfocused.

As she looked around, the ghosts of happier moments here met her eyes everywhere she looked. There was the table she had met with Oliver what felt like a million years ago, the first time she came here – it had been raining outside. She remembered that. She and Diggle had stood at that very counter and saw the news breaking about crimes across the city too many times, having to run away to save the day straight away. And across from that was their 'usual' table, in the perfect position to watch both the door and the other diners, settling even Oliver's paranoia long enough to sit down in peace.

The corner of her lips twitched up, the figures of her and her friends fading as soon as she blinked. The illusion shattered, the noise of the kitchen rolled back in: gentle clinking of cutlery and people talking, the clatters and scrapes of any eating place. Memories erased, the scene regained its focus – Felicity blinked to find Ted watching her carefully, head tilted to one side.

"What was that face?" he asked, but not angrily – there was only patience in his expression. Felicity had no idea how long she had spaced out, but she was grateful that her best friend's first action was always to be kind.

"Just . . . a lot of memories in this place," she forced a smile onto her face as she shrugged, but knew it fizzled out too soon to convince anyone, least of all herself, that she was okay.

"Good ones?"

She looked up expecting to see a chance, but Ted was just waiting again. If she was ever going to talk to someone about this, Felicity knew it would be now – the sooner she got it out of her system, the better.

"Yeah," she nodded, hearing the tiny crack in her voice, "yeah, they were. I used to come here all the time with some friends of mine . . . with a man called John Diggle – and Oliver."

"Queen? That asshole?"

"He never used to be. For the last few years, when I was working for him, Oliver was kind to me. He did more for me than I could ever tell you. He and Diggle both did. They were my friends, for a time. Digg still is." Felicity managed a real smile, then. "The stupid thing is about all of this is that I feel sad that it ended this way. I feel guilty for quitting. But I - I didn't have a choice, in the end. And sometimes I'm okay with it but then I come back here and-"

"Hey, it's okay." Ted tried to sooth her by taking her hand and rubbing it between his own, noticing the fresh tears springing up in her eyes, "I know it hurts to lose a friend. But you shouldn't feel guilty, not ever – we make the decisions we have to and live with the consequences as best we can. That's life." Images of Dan Garrett flashed across his mind, the friend he had lost in a very different way, as he tried to think of a way to make it better. He was still getting there himself. "You're not alone, Felicity. You still have this Diggle – and you still have me. It might not be much of a comfort, but whatever you need, you can come to me."

She smiled at him, tears drying in her eyes. She squeezed back tightly. There was nothing else to say, but her eyes told him the thank you her lips would never have to – this was what friends were for.

They ate after that, the conversation falling back to more stable ground. Talking about old friends they had or hadn't kept in touch with, sharing the little details of their lives for the past few years, remembering old jokes which in retrospect were better off left buried – it felt right. It was too easy, and they both appreciated that.

Once they were done, the hours had ticked away as the sky outside turned black, the diner closing around them when they finally left, walking out together.

"So," Ted said, keeping pace by her side naturally, "I have meetings in the day tomorrow, but I'm free on the night. Do you want to do this again?"

"I can't," she winced back. "That friend I told you about, John Diggle? We're going to dinner. I haven't spoken to him much since I quit, and I really don't want to leave it badly between us. He's a good guy - you'd like him."

"Then I'll have to try and bump into him before I leave," he replied, keen as ever to meet new people. Ted was a people-person at heart: he saw the best in everyone. Felicity should have known he would jump at the chance to make a new friend.

"You will – but not tomorrow, okay? I have a few things I really need to talk to him about alone."

"I get it," Ted held his hands up, "you need some alone time. Just don't be lonely, Felicity. I mean it."

"I know," she nodded, stopping at the intersection. Knowing his hotel was the other way, she swung her arms as she paused, biting her lip. Then she smiled, "that's what I have you for, right?"

"Damn straight," he agreed, grin catching on quickly. "But you're definitely seeing me again before I leave. And don't forget to think about-"

"The job, yes." Felicity rolled her eyes. "You only mentioned it, say, ten thousand or so times."

"Is that mockery, Smoak?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" she replied, eyebrows jumping up. "I'll talk to Diggle about it, I swear. Goodnight, Dork."

"Nerd," he answered without thinking, winking at her as she turned and walked away.

Although she would never admit it, the huge smile which grew on Felicity's face as she turned her back never left her face for the entire walk home, and it was the small hope which helped her to sleep better that night than she had all week.

A/N: so corrections are up-to-date now, and I'll start writing slowly again. I've missed it, but things have been ten types of stress recently. Perhaps writing will help me relax again. Anyway, review!