Kahlan jumped forward with a soft scream, clutching the blankets around her as she tried to see where she was. She was bouncing with each breath, confusing her as she reached around frantically.

"It's alright, we're in a carriage headed back to Aydindril." Richard said softly, reaching for her hand. "Zedd said it may take some time for your sight to return."

"But it may not return," she whispered as she pulled her hand from his. She was dressed, though she couldn't be sure what it was she was wearing.

"Kahlan, I- I'm so sorry. I should have gone with you, kept you-"

"It's not your fault." Her voice was colder than before, her signature move when trying to distance herself from him.

"I should have protected you."

"How long was I there?"

"You don't know?"

"The time blurred together, the parts I can remember..."

Moving closer, he pulled her into his arms, ignoring the way she tried to push him away. "You've been gone over three months."

Her body went limp at his words, her heart breaking when she realized how long she must have been with the other man. "Please let me go." He released her instantly, but remained close, knowing she needed him more than she would say.

"Kahlan-"

"How long was I asleep?"

"Three days."

Nodding, she moved away, laying back down to cry. She couldn't stop herself from letting go, from rolling away and clinging to her blanket. It wouldn't be long and he would know what happened, if he didn't already. Her body no longer ached from the other man's touch, but she knew that meant Zedd had thought to heal it, too. He was watching her, she could feel his worried gaze and he wouldn't let her suffer alone. Laying down beside her, he laid his left arm over her side.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to-"

"I knew you were looking," she interrupted softly. "What happened to them?"

"Who?"

"The men who held me."

"Most of them are dead, but we have five of them chained with some of your army. They're following us back to Aydindril."

"His son... You have Thomas?"

Confused, he lifted his head and looked down at her. "Who?"

"James' son. He... If you have him, let him go."

"Kahlan, no. He held you captive. If we have him-"

"He's the one who told you where to find me. He..." Rolling onto her back, she pushed his hand from her stomach, replacing it with hers. "Richard, I- He took care of me. After I was..."

"They raped you," he whispered, watching her face.

"No," she whispered through tears, turning her head over to him. "I-"

"You wouldn't lay with them, Kahlan. I know you."

"You don't know me very well."

"I know you better than you think."

"I wanted to be with him," she told him honestly. She expected him to become angry and move from her, but he didn't. "He didn't have to rape me."

Richard shifted beside her, trying to get comfortable while bumping with the wagon as it continued down its trail. "What happened?"

She wanted to see his face, to know how he felt, but no matter how hard she strained her eyes, she couldn't. "I was with another man."

"I know, but that's not what I asked."

She hesitated to answer, unsure as to the importance of it. He shouldn't want to know what she did with another man, but he asked. "I don't know when it started," she told him through a whisper. "I'm not even sure he was one of the men who visited me before, but... Thomas tried to help me escape, but I- I couldn't see. I didn't get very far before they took me down."

"The arrows?"

Nodding, she moved, pushing her head back into the pillow. She couldn't remember being so comfortable, warm and safe. "When I woke up, he was there."

"And he raped you?"

"For days," she said. "I tried to stop him, begged even, but..." Swallowing, she tried to stop herself from crying. Tears began to leak out of the corners of her eyes, fearing what was going through his mind. "He was laying above me one minute and then the next, he pulled me onto him and I didn't stop him." With a pause, she waited for a reaction, a sound or movement, but he provided none. If she continued, it would hurt him and he wouldn't want to be near her again. The sooner she did, the better it could be, the faster he could find someone new. "I couldn't see, he told me to imagine I was with you and I did. I welcomed it, enjoyed it and then I wanted more. If he had been able to continue, I would have. Each time he came to me, I was happy."

"Because it wasn't painful anymore."

His response surprised her, though she did her best not to show it. "I just wanted it to end."

Richard laid his hand carefully over her stomach, resting it beside hers. "It's alright to have wanted the pain to stop, Kahlan."

"I betrayed you and I didn't feel guilty for it."

"Because you shouldn't have. Kahlan, what you went through, the things they did to you... I can understand wanting it to end and doing anything you can to prevent it." Her head turned toward him, party confused. "When I was with Denna, I experienced the same desire for it to end and after a while, I went to her bed willingly."

"It's not the same thing," she countered softly. "She tortured you."

"And the beatings they gave you, what was that?"

"It's not-"

"The same thing," he interrupted quickly. "Yes, it is. Kahlan, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I took care of Thomas too," she said quickly, expecting it to be the end of the conversation.

"To gain his trust," he said almost as quickly. "I know you, Kahlan. He would have been the first and you said he was the one who told me where you were. It's the only thing that makes sense. You would have played with him, tricking him into thinking-"

"I made him believe I wanted to be with him. I asked him to- When he lowered me to the ground, I crawled on top of him and..." Letting her words trail into silence, she rolled onto her side, moving her hands over him, she brought herself to the same position she had been in above Thomas and quickly began unlacing his pants.

"Kahlan-"

"You have to know what I did." Grabbing his hands, she brought them above his head, barely able to hold them as the wagon bumped and dipped with the ground. Reaching between them, she took him in her hand and as slowly as possible, she pulled. Leaning forward, she nudged his chin with her nose, finding her way around before sliding her tongue over his scruffy skin. "I'm yours." Her voice came out as a purr, making him moan and forget what she was trying to do.

Reaching up, he grabbed her face, pulling her mouth to his with a deep kiss. He refused to hold back as she tried to pull away, unwilling to let her think, even for a moment, that he no longer wanted her.

"Richard..."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

Remaining close, she stroked his cheeks, wiping her tears from his face. "I betrayed you."

"You found comfort in a time of pain. Kahlan, you didn't love them. You didn't betray me, you kept me with you each time you imagined it was me you were with. You did what you had to to stay alive, to be alive when I found you."

"I-"

"Don't say it," he whispered. "It doesn't change anything between us, not for me."

"It should."

"Did it change anything for you, me having been with someone else?" Shaking her head, Kahlan leaned into his touch, savoring the gentleness of it. "You did what you had to and I am not upset that you did." Releasing a soft sigh, he pushed some of her hair behind her ear. "I wish you could see the truth."

"I never wanted-"

"I know," he whispered, pulling her closer so that he could hug her. "I never wanted you to have to make those decisions."

"How long until we are back in Aydindril?"

"Maybe three weeks in this carriage."

"Will you stay here with me?"

"Yes."

Kahlan lifted her head, her forehead finding his. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Kissing him briefly, she pushed harder into him, letting his warmth soak into her. "I was so afraid you would hate me."

Rolling them, Richard brought her to her back and leaned over her. "I could never hate you, Kahlan."

Trailing her left hand up his arm, she found his cheek and gently pulled his face closer to hers. "How could you- Richard, I was with someone else."

He kissed her, making sure to be gentle as he leaned into her. She was still shaking, but he knew her body didn't realize how much she had gone through. He wanted to make her forget that they had been separated, that the last few months never happened, but he wasn't sure it was the right move. She clung to him tightly, fear still lingering in not only her touch and voice, but there was a firm expression of it that held firmly on her face from the moment he found her. When he parted their lips for a breath, he wondered if she could handle anything more.

Her body angled toward his, beckoning his and he couldn't help but wonder if it was out of a reflex she developed when being held. He didn't want to hurt her and he was suddenly terrified that he was about to. Breaking their kiss, he began to move his lips over her cheek, her chin and jaw, slowly drifting down her neck until he found the one spot he knew she loved his attention. Winding her fingers in his hair, she held him to her and turned. She was suddenly pushing into him, her body rocking forward frantically, trying to gain more pleasure. Pulling back for a minute, she ran her hands over his chest, finding the top of his shirt and ripping it open. It wasn't enough, she needed more and as she began pulling on her own clothes. The instant she was able, she pushed herself against him and sucked in a deep breath.

Richard remained still as she hooked her leg over his, her body shaking between her rocking hips. He held her firmly as she fought to get closer, to have more.

"What do you need, Kahlan?"

Grabbing his face, she pulled it to hers and shared his breath. "Just hold me please."

"Always," he whispered as he brought her closer, his hold tightening as she held herself to him and continued rocking.

Her hands remained on his face as she moved, sharing his breath until she began to cry. Stopping her actions she kissed him quickly and then settled into his arms with a hug.

"I'd forgotten what it felt like."

"What?"

"I- I don't know how to explain it. I feel safe, warm... Happy. You make me feel every kind of pleasure without... When I was with him, I could feel the differences; it made me... I'm so sorry, Richard."

"I know," he whispered. Snaking her body against him, she tried to bring him above her, but he didn't move. "Kahlan, you don't want-"

"I want you. I don't to remember his touch."

"Kahlan-"

"Please..."

Moving slowly, he shifted her body, lifting her right leg until she bent it at the knee. Trailing his fingers over her leg, he pushed at the short nightgown, moving it out of his way. She took in a deep breath as he touched her stomach, his fingers gently caressing her skin until she her hips lifted. Abandoning her stomach, he pushed his hand up, gliding between her breasts as his lips connected with her neck. He was gentle, just as he had been before, the passion in his touch and kiss, each the same and she couldn't help but wonder how it had not changed.

He was focused on her, just as he always was, ignoring his own needs, ignoring the throbbing pressure she felt against the side of her hip. He continued his hands exploration of her body, being sure he didn't hurt her as he graced one of her wounds. Zedd had healed them the best he could, stopping them from bleeding, but far from making them disappear. She grabbed his hand, holding it still against her stomach and bringing his kisses to a stop. He lifted his head from her neck, afraid that he had hurt or upset her.

"Say something," she whispered, pushing his fingers into her skin. "Please, say something."

He knew what she wanted, what she needed and he understood completely. She couldn't see him and though she knew it was him, she needed a constant proof to keep her from thinking she was back in her prison again. Nudging his nose against her neck, he smiled through a quick kiss. "I love you, Kahlan."

He repeated his words again and again, never letting the truth slip by as he moved his hand lower. She bucked against his fingers, his name on her lips in a panted breath that screamed to be heard. Even in this, though his touch was gentle, she felt as though he was giving her everything he had and she felt it all. The other man had been rough and hard, taking much more for an ounce of pleasure to be felt, but Richard had her falling with a single stoke.

The sound of his voice in her ear helped, the way he spoke her name, his love for her and the occasional kiss. He never missed a beat as he worked, knowing exactly what she needed and when. She was hanging on by a thread, one he was sure to know, because he gave her a little more.

Their bodies jerked with a bump, Kahlan nearly throwing up her heart as she jumped forward in terror of what was going on around them. He reacted quickly, puling her to him as he found his own breath.

"It's alright, I think one of the wheels is stuck. You're alright, I promise." Laying her back down, he kissed her lips and pulled a blanket over her exposed chest. "I'm going to take a look alright? I'll be right outside- Kahlan, if you need me, I'll be right there."

She only nodded as he moved away, listening as he exited the carriage and demanded to know what happened. There were others around them, many by the sounds she could hear, but it didn't comfort her. She found herself tuning out the noise as she thought, the feel of his hand on her lingering and pulling her into her mind. He desired her, she could feel it, but he didn't act upon it. She wondered if he found it difficult knowing that another man had been within her not long before, but then she remembered the way he kissed her, the way his hand had moved over her skin, touching her the same way he had their first night together, their only night together. It didn't make sense to her, though she thought it shouldn't since he was always surprising her.

She questioned it all, the way he spoke in her ear, the whisper of his love and she found it all nearly impossible to believe he could feel that way. He knew what she had done, she had told him almost everything and still he remained by her side. She couldn't understand. Closing her eyes, she clung the blanket to her chest and rolled over, facing away from where he had been laying. Tears were falling down her cheeks and if he returned, she didn't want him to see them. She was afraid he see how hurt she felt, how broken she was.

Richard was laying beside her when she woke up, his arm laying over her side. She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but she was still exposed, saying that he hadn't moved her. Her eyes were open, though she couldn't be sure since she couldn't see. They were still moving in the carriage, bumping up and down so rapidly, she wondered how she had fallen asleep. Pulling at the blanket, she tried to buy herself another moment before turning to face him, knowing he was awake and waiting for her.

"It's cold," she whispered, turning her head.

Inching a little bit closer, he frowned. "You have a fever."

"Oh." Turning her head away from him, she blinked her tears away.

"Kahlan-"

"How long was I asleep?"

Bringing his hand to her cheek, he pulled back some of her hair and lifted himself up for a better look at her face. "Almost a day. Are you thirsty?"

"No," she answered quickly.

"Liar."

"I'm tired."

"You can sleep, after you drink something."

Turning her face toward his, she stared into the darkness she assumed him was in. "We're in the middle of a trail, where are you-"

"I have my ways, Mother Confessor." With a quick whistle, they came to a stop and she felt him move beside her. She listened, but no words were said, making her believe he had planned it all out. "Here," he whispered, settling beside her once again. The carriage began to move again as he touched her face, turning her head to the left, slightly lifting her chin. "This should make you feel a little bit better."

She felt a small pouch come to her lips and the urge to cry returned as she found herself feeling like a child who needed to be looked after. He shouldn't have to do this. She struggled for a moment, trying to move into an easier position, but found if difficult until he helped with with that, too. Bringing her hands to the water pouch, she tried to take it from him, but he held firm.

"Slowly," he instructed in the most kindest of tones, that instantly made her feel a little more comfortable.

She nearly moaned as the warm liquid entered her mouth, a flavor she had forgotten about. It felt to be years since she had experienced something like it. He found a way to, not only make her favorite tea, but have it in something she could drink from. It fell in drops, enough to give her the illusion she was drinking, but not enough to cause her to struggle. He was gentle with it and she could feel his breath on her cheek, his face close to make sure she was drinking.

Pulling back the skin, he watched her face as she swallowed. "Is it alright?"

Turning her head slightly toward him, she nodded. "Thank you." He sighed in relief, an action she was surprised to catch.

"Do you want some more?"

"No, I don't think I can."

"Are you hungry?"

"No, unless you have a handful of grapes in your pocket."

He grinned, pushing something into her mouth before she could take another breath. "I may have a few."

Finding his face with her hands, she pulled him to a kiss before she swallowed, letting him taste the purple fruit on her tongue.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Tilting her head, she strained her eyes, hoping that if she tried a little harder, she would see him. The darkness continued. "I'm as hideous as you remember."

Smiling, she tried not to laugh while she explored his face with her fingers. "I don't know, your nose is bigger."

He stared at her smile, afraid that he wouldn't see it again. "Maybe a little more hideous, then."

"I'm sure you're not as ugly as I remember."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

Her smile faltered as she turned to face him, her hand continuing over his face. "I wish I could see you."

"I'm exactly the way you remember."

Lowering her hand between them, she shook her head. "Remembering is not the same thing as seeing."

"Or feeling," he said quietly. Bringing her hand back to his face, he held it to his cheek. "I've missed your touch, the sound of your voice... I can't tell you how much I want to kiss you and never let you go."

"I don't know how you can want to."

"Because you can't see the way I'm looking at you."

"I'd like to," she whispered honestly.

Hovering his lips above hers, he grazed them briefly. "I can show you. If it's alright."

She couldn't stop herself from nodding, words failing her as he slipped his hands beneath the blanket.

"You're soft..." Richard rumbled his approval before turning her sideways and capturing her mouth with his.

Expertly his lips teased hers and before she realized what she was doing, Kahlan opened her mouth, and his tongue slipped inside gently stroking hers. Skilfully, his lips caressed hers, stoking a fire within her. Involuntarily, she found herself responding, gripping his biceps as he moved his hands up and down her back, drawing her closer until they were touching from chest to knee.

He kissed and caressed her, nipping and stroking, stimulating her every nerve endings until her entire body hummed with awareness. Heat was building inside of her and she squirmed restlessly. He was licking her stomach, massaging her hips and then shockingly, he grabbed her thighs and pulled her legs apart. Lowering his face between them, he inhaling deeply and licked her.

Richard looked up, his eyes dilated, his breathing uneven, both things she couldn't see. He slid up and kissed her hot and hard. "You are mine." He muttered against her lips before moving to her neck and running his teeth lightly over her skin, biting down gently but not actually breaking the surface.

Trailing his lips up her neck and back to her mouth, he sucked on her lower lip before kissing her again. She melted into his kiss, finding it captivating until she realized how aroused he was. He was pressed against her stomach, but he gave no effort to aid in his release. He was, once again, focused on her and her alone.

Breaking their kiss, Richard held his face to hers, their noses pushed together as they both sucked in a deep breath. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." Reaching to her neck, she grabbed the metal that circled her skin. "This will protect you."

"It's not me I'm worried about." Kissing her once again, he let his lips linger. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Richard-"

"You've been through- Kahlan, we don't have to do this."

"I want to."

"Why?"

She knew why he was asking, but she wasn't sure she should answer. "Many reasons," she panted, lifting herself into him.

"Tell me."

She couldn't say that she wanted to know of he would still be with her, it would push him away and she could not tell him that she wanted him to erase the memory of the other man within her. "I want to feel like it was before."

"Kahlan-"

Sliding her hands up his arms, she released a slow breath. "You, me... The way we were that night. I want that back."

"It's right here," he assured her softly, his body thumping down against hers as their carriage wobbled through an uneven path. "But we don't have to do this to be the way it was that night, not after- I would understand if you didn't want "this" right now."

"Would you?" she questioned near tears. She couldn't see his face and it was driving her mad not knowing what he felt. He wasn't like other men, a fact she knew, but she couldn't understand how he could be this way.

His weight collapsed onto her for a moment as he kissed her, then rolled them to their sides. "I think I'm laying on the rest of your grapes."

She laughed fully as she felt him place a little space between them and chuckle himself. He brought his fingers to her lips and watched as her tongue followed.

"They're sweet."

"And soaking into your bed."

"I don't think it minds."

"I'm sorry."

Finding his face with her hands, she inched forward until she felt herself roll onto, what was probably, the last grape. "I'm sorry, Richard."

"Don't be. I'm the one who ruined your-"

"Not about the grapes."

"I know, but that's the only thing we should be sorry for."

She blinked, wishing that the darkness would end as she gathered the strength to ask the question that was on her mind. "If I ask you to- If I wanted to- Do you want to be with me?" Her words came out soft and fragile, shaking in fear and if he couldn't hear, but it was written all over her face.

He was quiet for a moment, his hand pushing away the blanket between them so he would be able to rest it on her bare side. He could see the fear building up within her and as much as he wanted it to end, he couldn't speak without giving her the right words.

"No," he whispered after another moment. Tears were filling her eyes, though she forgot he could see since her world was still dark. "Not entirely because of what happened back there," he added just as soft, his hold on her side tightening as he spoke. "I don't want you to use me as an escape from what happened. I know that you love me and that it would, in some small way, mean something to you, but... I'm afraid that you want to be with me to forget what he did and the way he made you feel. I can understand wanting to forget the torment he gave you, but I don't want to be the piece that also reminds you. Even now, I know you're wondering, you want to know if when I look at you, I see you above him, holding onto whatever pleasure he was able to provide. I'm not, Kahlan. I'm not thinking about anything except wishing I could give you that comfort. Whatever it was he did that made you feel like laying with him was the only other option, I- I'm thinking that I should have protected you. I never should have let you leave your bedroom that morning. When I look at you, I don't see anything other than the way I feel about you. I see the most beautiful woman in the world, who is hurt and confused and I want so bad to comfort her, but I'm not sure how. If I made love to you, if I rolled onto you and gave in to everything we feel, I would lose you."

She opened her mouth to speak, but he continued quickly, not wanting her to find a moment to think otherwise. "You're hurt. You keep thinking about that man and how it felt to be with him. I know that you feel guilty, but you shouldn't. Kahlan, I know that I cannot speak for you, but I don't think you're upset for doing what you had to. I think you're afraid you weren't strong enough to hold back." Her tears were raining down her cheeks, a river that had just been freed. "I don't see it that way. I can't imagine what you went through, but I know you and I know that it took more strength than anyone else has to do what you did. You kept yourself alive and yes, you did it by laying with another man, but you thought of me. You never betrayed me Kahlan, and if I was to be with you right now, I'm afraid that you will never- I don't want that to be the way I prove my love for you."

She nodded slowly and turned over, struggling with the blanket as it tried to stop her. He stared at the back of her head for a few moments, letting her release a few sets of silent tears. "I do love you, Kahlan. I- I know I don't understand how you feel, but if you talk to me... It's not that I don't want to be with you, I do, but... I'm not him, Kahlan," he whispered, making her body tense. "We don't have to be together for you to stay out of pain."

"Please get out of the carriage."

"No."

She turned rapidly, surprising him as she sat forward and slammed her fists in his direction, hitting him twice in the jaw. He put up no fight to stop her until he saw the blood snaking out of her nose from her effort. "Get out!" she screamed quieter than intended. "Get- Let go! Let go! Let go!" The instant he held her wrists firmly in his, she panicked and as he watched her face, he let her free. Bringing her hands to her chest, she inched alway from him, moving until her back hit the wall of their enclosure. She felt trapped and wanted to be alone, wanted to break free and run away, but she couldn't see. It felt as though she was still held prisoner.

"Kahlan, I'm sorry." She was shaking and it was more than the cold, her teeth clicking together as she tried to find her breath. Their ride slowed, obviously hearing the panic, but they didn't stop. He hadn't told them to. "Kahlan-"

"Please get out..." She spoke so softly, he wasn't sure the words left her mouth, a part of him swearing they were now echoing around them.

Shaking his head, Richard fought the urge to reach out and touch her, now afraid of what it would do to her. "I'm not going to leave you."

Locking her jaw, she straightened her back and lifted her head, finding the courage to use a tone and motion she had never used with him before. "As Mother Confessor, I order you to leave. Get out and do not return." She could hear his intake of breath, his slight confusion and shock, but he didn't move. "Get out or I will lock you in prison-"

"If you want me to leave, you're going to have to push me from this carriage and tie me to back."

She moved quickly and for a second, judging by the look on her face, he was fairly certain she was going to do it, but before he could tell her to stop, her fist was pushing into his face, breaking his nose instantly; adding a soft crack to the sounds around them. She must have felt it, he thought instantly, the expression on her face changed and he would swear she was glad. He remained still, waiting for her to strike again, but she didn't. Kahlan swallowed at the silence, her hand shaking in pain and before she could hide it beneath the blanket, he caught a glimpse.

Her hand was swollen and he was certain she broke one of her fingers, but she gave no sign of pain. "Zedd will heal that."

"Get out."

"I'm not leaving you."

Turning her head away from him, she sighed. "Afraid I'll take another man while you're away?"

"No," he answered quickly and softly. "I'm afraid you won't be here when I return."

"Maybe I won't be."

"I'm not willing to risk it."

Her head snapped toward his, her jaw locked for a moment. "You were before," she said before thinking.

"Kahlan-"

"You weren't afraid before, why should now be different? Maybe you're afraid I'll find another man who can-"

"Kahlan-"

"You weren't there before," she said through tears, wishing they would stop. "You weren't there and they..." Her breath became harder to catch, her tears uncontrollable as she remembered everything that had been done to her. "What more could happen to me?!"

Richard reached out, trying to grab her hand, trying to comfort her, but she pulled back. "Kahlan, please-"

"You weren't there and I had to...! I had to... He didn't stop," she whispered sadly, her eyes closed as she tried to calm herself. "He wouldn't stop."

Inching closer to her, he pulled at the blanket, covering her as a small gesture to comfort her. "He's not going to hurt you again."

"Please leave me alone," she whispered as she pulled the blanket tighter. She couldn't see him, couldn't see the look in his eyes as he spoke, the truth of his words and he didn't tell her what he had done. The man she spoke of, Michael, had indeed been one of the men they captured and after she had fallen asleep, he had gone out and gave her a small piece of justice. It was quiet for a few moments, and he could see the panic start to cross her face, but before he could speak, she leaned forward. "Richard?"

"I'm here." Her body relaxed at once and he couldn't miss it. "Kahlan-"

"Please don't leave."

"I won't."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as he came to her side and eased his arm around her shoulder.

"How's your hand?"

"It's fine," she lied instantly, not wanting him to hurry away to bring the wizard to heal her. "I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's alright, you were right, it's bigger than it used to be; I think you may have fixed it."

"Richard-"

"It's fine, I promise."

Turning, she ran her hand up his arm and found his face, gently coming to circle his nose. "You're bleeding."

"So are you."

"Am I?"

Lifting her hand by the wrist, he nodded his head against her shoulder. "I can see your bone."

"It doesn't hurt that badly," she told him quietly.

Lowering her hand, he wondered if he should say the words that were on his tongue. "I can understand that you've felt worse."