"If I stay in that carriage another day, I'm going to go mad."

"If you- There is nothing I can say that will change your mind, is there?"

Shaking her head, Kahlan grinned. "I'll be fine, I promise."

"I'm going to ride with you."

"I thought you might." Turning away, she took a few steps and then stopped. "The horses are the other way, aren't they?"

Laughing, Richard reached out and took her hand. "Yes. here, I'll take you over there."

"Glad to have you join us, Mother Confessor."

"Thank you, Dean," Kahlan smiled, hoping she was looking close to where he was. "I hope you can keep up."

The man's laugh filled the air around them as Richard helped the Mother Confessor onto their horse. "I believe you're the one who will have to keep up, we have to ride ahead of you to keep us all safe."

Tossing him a smile, she nodded. "And we are very thankful."

"Hold onto the reins," Richard said as he brought them to her hands. "And don't pull away as I- Kahlan!" he laughed as she urged the horse to move without him. "Where are you going?"

"Wherever he wishes to take me," she replied over her shoulder, teasing him another moment before bringing the horse to a stop. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist."

He must have jumped on, because he was behind her in an instant, his arms circling her waist. "You could have run into a tree."

Kahlan dropped the reins and gasped, forcing back a smile. "Is the horse blind too?" The men around them laughed, almost drowning out Richard's as he nudged his chest against her back. "I think he'd make sure not to get hurt himself."

"Will you two hurry up?" Zedd called over his shoulder to them. "If we don't get moving, we can't stop for lunch!"

"We wouldn't dare keep you from lunch," Richard called up to him, making sure he didn't yell in Kahlan's ear. "I don't think his mind can focus on anything other than food."

"He knows what's important."

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked as her body jerked in his arms.

"Yes, I'm just- I forgot how it felt to ride. I'm sorry, you don't have to worry about me."

"I'm always going to worry about you."

"You're about to ask me about what I said this morning, aren't you?"

"Only if you want to talk about it."

"It's frustrating," she told him quietly, leaning against him slightly. Her eyes were closed, but it didn't matter, she couldn't see either way. "I keep expecting it to change, but all I see is darkness." He was quiet and she was glad that he was, knowing that he couldn't say anything that would make it easier on her. "I miss looking at everything. The colors, movement... The small glimpse of something in the corner of my eye. I don't know how much longer I can- If I accept the way I am now, I feel like I've lost even more."

"Maybe Zedd will find a way to help you."

"I think he's done everything there is. But, I- I do wonder something."

"What?"

"What do they look like? My eyes?"

Resting his chin on he shoulder for a moment, he sighed. "They're still blue, only lighter, a white glaze surrounding them."

"Oh."

"They're still captivating, though," he added through a whisper. "I don't want to look away."

"I wish I could see you."

"You may change your mind," he told her. "I haven't shaven in weeks."

She laughed, "I noticed." Turning her head slightly, she held her smile. "I like it." His hips rocked forward without warning, a low growl leaving his lips at the tone of her voice, the gentle seduction she managed to use on three words. "Does it itch?"

"Sometimes, but I think I'm getting used to it."

She wanted to tell him that she hoped he did, that when it scratched against her skin, the burn was a welcomed pleasure, but she didn't. "What color are the leaves?"

"They're a light green, the shade they get right before fall and change colors."

"My favorite," she whispered into the air. "Where are we?"

"Lord Maddison's land, a little more than a week from Aydindril."

"A week?" she questioned sadly. "I can't return like this."

"What-"

"I'm no use without my sight and without the key to the Rada'Han, I'm- I can't return like this."

"It's your home."

"It's a Confessor's home," she corrected him, quietly. "Even if she has the key, I can't see to provide a correct reading, any Confession I do cannot be trusted. I am useless without my sight and magic."

"You're not useless, Kahlan."

"What can I do without my magic? Richard, I can't even protect myself. I would be walking into walls and destroying everything we've fought so hard to create. If my people cannot trust my abilities-"

"Your army trusts you," he told her through a whisper. "There's no need to worry, I promise. If you cannot use your magic, that doesn't mean you can't pass it on to your children." Her body tensed against his at the words, making him almost regret saying them. "Our children," he added through a whisper to ensure no one else could hear.

"You don't want to have children with me, Richard," she told him just as softly.

"Yes, I do."

"I can't see," she said almost angrily. "I have no magic, I cannot teach them anything and I... I know what you're going to say, but it does matter. It matters to me. I know that there is a way to raise children this way, but-"

"It's not you," he completed her sentence without fail. A part of her was almost surprised that he understood, but she knew that there was never a moment when he wasn't trying as he listened. "They'll have pieces of you," he said through a single breath. "They'll know you so well and as part of us, you'll be able to raise them exactly the way you've always wanted." He chuckled, tightening his hold on her. "And I assure you that they will be very beautiful, so you won't have to worry about them having a hideous face that makes people want to cut out their own eyes."

Her smile spread quickly, covering her face as she began to relax in his embrace. "Who knows, they may end up looking like Zedd."

"You're right, we'll have to make sure that doesn't happen."

"This is a dangerous game, Richard."

"Not for me," he countered quietly. "I know that you are afraid of hurting me, but you won't. You didn't before and-"

"I can't now," she said hastily. "Not without my magic."

"That's not what I meant and you know that. Kahlan, the life I want with you has nothing to- If you were able to see and confess me and everyone in your sight, I would still be there, hoping for the chance to have this life. I don't want it with you because somehow I believe now is the time you'll agree, because I- I don't know if you will and I am terrified of losing you."

"I'm sorry," she said instantly, her hands grabbing his arms to hold them close. "I was- I keep feeling... Thank you for not seeing me the way I do."

Nudging his nose against her shoulder, he fought a laugh. "You can't see, your words can't be trusted. You don't know how to see yourself."

"I think I see myself better than most."

"Perhaps," he whispered, "but you can't see clearly because you're too close. You've been taught to see yourself a certain way, the way they want you to."

"And how is that?"

"Like that's all that you are."

"In case you didn't notice, without my magic-"

"You're still Kahlan."

"I feel different."

"That's because you're sitting against me."

His words had the desired effect, she laughed. "Sitting with you makes me feel better. Happier."

"Me too."

"You make yourself feel happier?" she asked with a smile.

"Only when I'm near you."

Leaning back against him, she took in a slow breath, letting the soft breeze blow over her face as she enjoyed the ride. "I like this better than the carriage."

"I like the carriage," he said in a tone that told her his true meaning.

"At times, so did I." Turning her head, she opened her eyes and imagined seeing his face. "Richard, I- If I was to ask you to take me away, if you didn't return me to Aydindril, would you?"

He was quiet for a few moments and she knew better than to push while he thought. She wanted his answer, his completely worked out plan to the response he would give. "It's your home, Kahlan." His arms tightened around her, telling her that he wasn't finished yet. "I don't understand why you wouldn't want to go home, but if you truly wanted to go somewhere else, I would take you there. When your sight returned or when you gave birth to our first child, I would drag you back," he told her calmly. "It's your home, Kahlan."

"But it doesn't have to be ours," she said through a whisper. "We don't have to live that way, we can be free."

"We are free."

Her head shook as her fingers moved over his, circling the reins. "If I return to Aydindril, they will expect me to continue with James."

"Kahlan, I..." He stopped himself slowly, realizing that there were still parts of the story she didn't know. If he told her, he wondered if it would change anything. "The council will not expect you to be with him."

"He's my mate," she started in surprise. "How-"

"James is dead." He felt her body stiffen for a moment before her head fell forward in sadness. "He attacked us when we tried to rescue him, they had no choice."

Tears collected in her eyes, her body now shaking as she allowed herself to imagine how the woman in her dungeon would feel when she learned. "We must bring him back to her."

"We are," he said quietly. "I knew that you would want him to be buried properly."

"I destroyed that woman's life."

"No you didn't. Kahlan, he was not all that she had and if she had left you alone, he would have returned to her. You were going to release him, she would have-"

"A man laying in her bed who loved another." Turning her head slightly, she allowed her tears to fall. "It's what I'm afraid will happen when I'm with you."

"I will never love someone else."

"Not if I was to have you the way that I want," she told him. "Jessica wouldn't have been happy with him. He would have had no choice but to stay with her and that- The choice someone makes to love you, the freedom in it, it changes things."

"And if you were to confess me, I'd no longer have a choice." He finished her sentence in a single tone, one making her want to question him. "But I've already chosen you. I chose to love you long ago and just because your magic went through my body, it-"

"It would keep you from being able to change your own choice. The woman you deserve should wake up every morning in your arms and know that you've chosen her. After every fight, every kiss and after every woman you see that you could possibly care about, you chose her. Every day you chose to stay, you choose to hold-"

"We have that, Kahlan. Every day I am here, I am with you and I will chose you for every moment more. I understand what you're saying and I know that there is a difference between those lives, but I cannot imagine a single day away from you. I will always chose you and you have never touched me with your magic. I'm not afraid of it, Kahlan. I want to feel your magic, to know that part of you... But without it, I am still yours and I know that you will always chose me."

"Richard-"

"Your body isn't mine," he whispered, slowing their horse, knowing that she was going to say that she couldn't be his after what she had done. "But your heart, that is mine. What went on between you and that man, that wasn't about anything other than a few moments out of pain and when you're with me, it's not the same."

"How do you know?" she asked in a voice that revealed her true emotions.

They had come to a stop, Richard nodding at the men as they passed to be sure they continued without question. "Don't do this, Kahlan. You don't have to-" His forehead rested against the back of her shoulder as he released a sigh, failing to find the right words to say. "You love me," he stated factually. "We don't have the life you think about, I understand, but we have one. Being together has never been about pleasures alone and not because of your magic."

"It was always about my magic," she whispered. "It was always the reason between us. That night in the forest, the first time you kissed me and every moment since."

"We have only become closer, your magic had no- Kahlan, I would have laid with you long ago, but the reason I didn't was not because I was afraid of what your magic could do to me."

"Richard, we have to keep moving. They're going to-"

"I have never been afraid of being confessed to you. What kept me from rolling onto you and never letting go, Kahlan, I- I know what it would do to you and if in those moments of bliss you lost control and confessed me, you would kill yourself before I could take another breath. I can't lose you," he told her firmly. "I have always been happy with you, laying at your side because I knew that in both of our minds, there was no distance between us. You and me, we have never needed anything more."

"I want it," Kahlan admitted shamefully. "I've always wanted... I've never hated myself so much before." Licking her lips, she sighed in defeat. "I spent so many nights watching you sleep, wondering what it would be like."

"Now you know," he smiled before pushing his lips against the side of her neck. "That's what you've been thinking of, isn't it? Being together again. You are wondering that if we returned to Aydindril and Jessica told us where the key is to your Rada'Han, would I-. I'm going to make love to you just as before. Nothing will change."

"That's not the only thing I'm thinking of."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Everything." Grabbing his hands, she pulled the reigns. "Can we please go? They're disappearing in the trees."

"This doesn't end our conversation."

"No, but it will give me some more time to think."

The night was colder than she thought it would be, but she insisted on sleeping outside with the rest of them. She welcomed the cool air around her, letting it help her feel free. The men moved around her, watching carefully as she snuggled into her blanket. They had spent over an hour talking about anything and everything and as strange as it was, she enjoyed it. Before, she had never taken the time to talk to her men, always keeping to herself as other Confessors had done, but she liked talking to them. She learned what they liked and why, who waited for them at home and why they freely joined her army. It had been a surprise to her to hear that most of them had no intention of joining until she was named Mother Confessor. It was she, who brought them together, because they knew her differently. Though they rarely spoke, she was the one who brought their family food or insisted on giving someone they knew a second chance. Every decision she had ever made, even the smallest ones, seemed to be the ones they noticed, the ones that gained their trust.

Phillip had told her the story on when they set out to find her, letting her know that each man had gone voluntarily after Richard asked for their help. Asked. The word remained in her head as well as theirs, one of the very reasons they trusted him. The men had laughed as they revealed the Seeker's choice to go alone had they not joined him. They seemed to have believed he was mad for thinking that they wouldn't accompany him.

"Are you warm enough, Mother Confessor?" Dean asked a few steps away. "I can add more wood to the fire, you are sleeping farther away than the rest of us."

With a smile, Kahlan nodded. "I'm blind, I may roll into its warmth. Thank you, I am warm enough for now."

"We'd never allow you to roll in," he told her through a laugh. "But just in case you find yourself rolling closer, I'll put up a barrier."

"Thank you. Dean," she said quieter than the previous reply. "Has Richard-"

"No ma'am, he's still with the wizard. Would you like me to wake you when he returns?"

"No, that's alright. I'm sure I'm worrying too much."

"You can never worry too much for the ones you care about."

"Even if they can take care of themselves?"

"Even if," he said as he knelt down. "He's instructed us to slow our pace, though. We are no longer headed toward Aydindril."

"Where are we going?"

"Hartland. Your Seeker believes he can keep you happy there, he- He says you do not wish to return home. Forgive me, Mother Confessor, I should not have-"

"It's alright," she interrupted tenderly. "It's true. I don't want to return home, I'm afraid to."

"We will stand at your side, no matter where you wish to go. If the council wishes to bring you harm, we will not allow-"

"I am no good to our people like this. I cannot see, I have no magic, there is no true justice I can provide."

"Your magic is not the only thing your people need," he told her. "While you were away, many of us feared for our lives. The council should not be allowed to rule in your place. Again, I apologize. I should know my place."

"Your place?" she questioned as she sat forward. Reaching out, she found his cheek with her right hand, excited and relieved that he didn't pull away from her touch. "Your place is anything you wish it to be. If you are afraid, you do not have to hide it. If you disagree with a choice or decision, you may speak your mind. I will never ask you to hold your tongue, any of you."

Leaning is face into her hand, he smiled. "Thank you, Mother Confessor."

"What is it they have done?"

"It is not only what they have done to us that makes us afraid or unhappy. It is what they do and have done to you. They instructed us not to come after you, that is why your Seeker made a stand against them. They are no friend of yours. When you were away, when your kind were hiding, they revealed their locations to Darken Rahl's men. They were betrayed because they wished to keep order, peace and- They are dead and you are alive. If the men who captured you had succeeded, the council would rule. Many of us believe they helped Jessica. There should have been no way for those men to find you, for them to gain entrance to your palace and find you when not many knew where you would be." He sighed and sat down, moving just out of her reach as he decided to tell her everything the council had done.

Richard returned quietly, hoping she would be asleep when he returned, but as he stepped into the camp, he saw her and froze. She was sitting up with her shoulders back and head high, Dean at her side with a cup a tea in both of their hands. He watched as they spoke in whispers, concern and sadness coming to her face as he talked. The wind betrayed him, carrying his scent to her nose and causing her head to turn slightly in his direction, the other man falling silent as she smiled. He returned the action as he began walking toward them, even though he was sure she couldn't see him.

"What's going on?" he asked while kneeling down and accepting the cup she offered to him.

"We were discussing the current situation in Aydindril." Her eyebrows furrowed at her own words, telling him everything. "It's far worse than I thought."

"What do you want to do?"

Her smile returned as she shook her head. "What you knew I would want to when he told me. We have to go back."

Taking a quick drink of her tea, he grinned. "Alright. Tomorrow, we'll head north."

Taking back her drink, she leaned her shoulder against the other man's and closed her eyes. "Thank you, Dean."

"There's no need to thank me," he told her through a whisper, watching the way the Seeker looked at her. "I will begin my perimeter check." He stood and began walking, doing his best not to watch as the Mother Confessor sat down her cup and reached for the other man.

Moving her hands up his arms, she found his face and slowly came to her knees. Inching toward him, she brought her face closer to his until she was able to straddle his thighs. It was darkness all around her, leaving only him to exist beneath her touch. The other men around them watched in silence as she settled comfortably above him. "You're warm."

"Am I?"

Rocking her body forward slightly, she nodded, letting her lips graze his. Their kiss heated quickly, both forgetting that they weren't alone in the carriage. Holding their chests together, they continued to move together, a flaming kiss that neither wanted to end. With his fingers entwining in her hair, he pushed forward into her welcoming arms.

"He's thinking about it right now." Kahlan's body went stiff at the sound of the man's voice, their kiss ending instantly. "He's wondering how long you were above me... How deep I was within you."

Dean ran across their camp to one of their prisoners, slamming his fist into his face before he saw him approach. "Shut up!"

Michael laughed, sending a wave of chills through the Mother Confessor's body as tears began to collect in her eyes. Her nails were digging into Richard's neck, the only thing that kept her from falling down to the ground.

"Tell him!" Michael shouted in her direction. "Tell him what I did to you and how much you liked it. He will never be able stop imagining you beneath me, crying out in pleas-" His words stopped instantly as a loud cry of pain escape him.

As she swayed backward, he caught her instantly, her tears now falling rapidly down her cheeks. She choked back her cry, not wanting the others to know and since she couldn't see them, she was able to fool herself into believing they didn't. Dropping her hands, she went limp in his grasp and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear, nudging her cheek with his nose. "I didn't know he was so close to-"

"Please stop," she whispered painfully, the other man's actions spinning in her mind.

Pulling his head back, he nodded though she couldn't see him. "Do you want to get back into the carriage?"

"Yes."

He didn't carry her, like he wanted to, she wouldn't let him. Stumbling forward she let him lead her across the camp, her tears continuing to fall as they walked though the group of men.

"Kahlan?" Richard was leaning into the carriage, watching her. "We're going to be leaving soon." She remained quiet, clinging to a blanket while staring into her darkness. "Do you want to ride out here with us?" After another moment of silence, he sighed and pulled back. "I'll bring you another blanket, it's growing colder."

Her mind was busy with Michael's words, wondering if there was any truth to them. Richard knew that she had been with another man and it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to think about it, to be curious about- No. Interrupting her own thoughts, she went back to the moment he laid above her in this very spot. He had kissed her the way he had before and after she told him nearly every detail of her capture. He was still there too, she told herself. He had more moments that most to leave, but he was still here. Sitting up, she pushed her back against the wall of the carriage and sighed.

"This one is-" He lost his words as he looked inside and saw her new position. "This blanket is thicker than the others, it should keep you warm." Laying it over her legs, he pulled the soft cloth up until he was able to place it in her hands. "If you need a-"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. He crawled beside her instantly, his right arm circling around her shoulders. "Hearing his voice again..." She wiped her face quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice her tears.

"I wasn't thinking about you and him," he assured her, knowing what she wasn't going to say.

"How can you not? I do."

"You think about being with him?"

Nodding, she sighed. There was no use in keeping it a secret any longer, not when she was certain he would find out some other way. "It's hard not to. Everything that keeps spinning within my mind is of him. I cannot forget any of it, no matter how hard I try. There are moments when I can swear that I feel his hands on me, his mouth..." Turning her head toward him, she imagined his face, knowing that he wouldn't show any anger. "When you and I- I told you before that I could feel the differences but, when we were together, right here, it was the first time I truly remembered how it felt."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure that I can explain properly." Looking away, she leaned her head against his arm and tried to soak in some of his warmth. "It felt like I had been there for years and I... There were times when I wasn't sure that you weren't a memory I created. The other night, when you and I- When we were connected, it felt as though I had never been with anyone else." His mind was running faster than ever before, but he smiled at her words, pleased to know that he had taken away a portion of the pain she had been feeling. "I thought that maybe I could pretend none of it ever happened and that you and I could continue- I don't know, I thought that since we were together, you weren't upset that I had been with him and then he- All I could think about was what if he's right? How could I have been so foolish to believe that somehow we could move past what I had done and-"

"There is nothing to move past. Everything that happened with that man, they-"

"Did you do what they say you did?" He shrugged, not fully knowing what she heard them say. "Is that a yes?"

"He hurt you," he said quietly. "I had to make sure he couldn't do it again. I wasn't going to let him- I couldn't... He hurt you."

"You removed his... In defense of my honor?"

"It was the only justice I could find myself able to give you. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to watch his head fall from his shoulders and bleed into the ground."

"Thank you, Richard."

"You're not upset with me?"

"No," she replied quietly. "I think I'm relieved. What happened?"

"The other night, after we spoke about what happened, I- I waited for you to fall asleep and then I... I looked him in the eyes and as your men held him down, I cut off the only piece of him that he seemed to care about. I wanted to make sure he was never able to think of you like that again."

"I don't think he will be able to stop thinking about it now."

"But he will gain no pleasure from it. Any thought of you will remind him on what he has lost."

She chuckled, surprising them both. "Perhaps, but I-"

"You wouldn't have done the same thing, I know, but you were lying here and I- The only thing I could think of was making sure it would never happen again."

Turning her head toward him, she found his face with her hand and smiled sadly. "Thank you." He smiled against her hand, leaning into her touch as he tightened his arm around her. "What?"

"For a few moments, I thought you were going to say something about jumping me in front of your army." Her hand fell and her jaw dropped, the moment clearly having been forgotten. He laughed, loudly, shaking her body with his. "Don't worry, they won't say anything."

"I- Spirits, I had forgotten that they were there." Her cheeks were red, giving her away before she covered her face with both of her hands. "What must they think of me?"

"It could have been worse," he told her with a wide grin, imagining his next set of words. "I could have ripped open your dress and exposed us both to them all."

Leaning her head back against him, she fought back a laugh of her own. "I think you would have realized far quicker than that."

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't have wanted to continue..." Bringing his mouth to her ear, he whispered, "And you would never know."

Kahlan pushed her elbow into his side and chuckled, allowing herself, for a moment, to imagine his thoughts before she asked something that she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to. "Richard, would it be alright if I asked you something?"

"Anything." From the sound of her voice he knew it wasn't something simple, something that she would ask lightly and knowing what she did, to her, it had to be heavy on her shoulders. The answer he may provide could change almost everything and though he knew the balance of it weighed on the response, he agreed with no pause.

"If you had known- If you had known what I did, what I was doing with him, would you still have..." It was difficult to speak the question, but he kept quiet, letting her find the words because they both knew that he already figured out what she wanted to say. "If you had known that I was with him, that I willingly accepted him within me, would you have continued with the search?"

Richard didn't reply right away, a blessing and curse to them both. Honestly, he knew that he never would have stopped searching for her, not even after learning that she was with another man. He loved her, no matter what happened and if she, at any point wanted him to stop, to leave her with that man, the only way he would allow it is if she spoke the words directly to him. He had thought about it a lot, more than he admitted to, but he knew that it wasn't in the way she would think that he had. He wondered if the man who they had chained behind all of their men had found someway to reach a part of her he couldn't. He wondered if even though it was he that she loved, did he find a way to give her a pleasure he couldn't. Michael had to have been skilled, a fact he knew to be true before Kahlan told him some of the things he had done to her and he, Richard, had only been with two women before. The things he thought about were foolish and he knew them to be, but they were still in his mind, mocking him as he remembered the way she panted his name, scratched his back and allowed him to do with her as he pleased. The other man may have experienced something similar, but it would have meant nothing, it meant nothing to her and yet, he wondered.

"I would always look for you," he told her once his mind returned to her question. "If I knew that you willingly let him- fill you," The words made him sick for a moment and he began to realize that though they had this conversation in different ways and at different times, it was still hard. "When I think about what you told me- What he told me, I understand, at least, I think that I do, but if I didn't hear it from you- Kahlan, if you were to tell me to stop searching, I would, but until that moment, I would spend every last breath trying to find you."

"You can tell me," she said after a moment of silence. "The thoughts that are spinning in your head... You can tell me."

He didn't know how she knew, but the instant he began to move, she shifted beside him, helping to ease him back so that his head rested in her lap above the blankets. "He raped you," he whispered in a way that made her believe that he felt the same pain she did on the subject, then she remembered that he had spent time with Denna and though he never told her everything, she knew he had experienced something similar. "I know how strong you are and how long you fought. I know that you did everything you could to get free and then it turned on you. But when I think about you crawling on top of him, doing those things you said, I feel lost. I feel angry that you or anyone could think that to be weakness. I can't imagine the strength it would have taken to give that man a part of you in order to stay alive. And I know what you've said, but I know what they've told me as well and... I wish so badly that I could have been there for you, that I could have been the one who wiped your tears instead of that woman's son and I wish that I could have stopped them from touching you and making you feel like that was all that you are worth, because it's not. It was all a lie. If I had known that you were sitting above him, running your hands over his chest, I would have continued to look for you. I would have known that it was my name leaving your lips when he worked you so hard, you had no choice but to let go." Tears were leaving down his face and into his hair, freed because he knew she couldn't see, but each drop came to rest on her fingers as she stroked his hair. "Even with you sitting above him, he was raping you."

"And now he will never rape another woman."

"The punishment came too late."

"No it didn't," she whispered and lowered her head to his until their foreheads touched.

"From the moment you left your bedroom that morning, I've wished I had gone with you. If I had been there-"

"It's not your fault, Richard."

Grabbing her face, he held it to his, breathing in her scent deeply. "Yes it is. If I had gone with you- If I didn't want to sleep, I would have been there when they came for you."

She could hear the sadness in his voice and with his tears on her fingers, she couldn't help but want to make him feel better. "If you had, you wouldn't have been able to come and rescue me."

"You wouldn't have been taken."

"Or maybe you would have died and I would have followed. We don't know what could have happened."

"No, we don't," he agreed quietly. "But I can't stop thinking about it. I want to believe that if I had gone with you-"

"He never would have touched me," she finished for him. "He won't touch me now."

"No, he won't."

"I think that is all that matters now."

"Will you tell me?" he asked in the voice she had come to know very well. He was ashamed to ask, to want her to speak more about it, but he had to know if Michael had told him the truth.

"Why?"

Shaking his head in her hands, he sighed. "The things he said... When I questioned him, he said that he..."

"Whatever it was he told you, I'm sure it is true." He didn't respond and she wondered what he was thinking, wishing that she was able to look into his eyes and know it all. "He wasn't you," she said as she pulled her head back and leaned against the wall once more. "The first time, when I was awake, I couldn't be sure what he was doing, he wasn't as- When I didn't react, he made sure I knew. He couldn't stop touching me, laughing with each movement as though he was winning a game."

"He finished quickly, leaving him to... Play until he could have me again. He never seemed to stop enjoying it," she said after a moment of silence. He was still lying in her lap and she knew he was looking at her with pain in his eyes. "When his knees began to hurt, he chained me to the wall or ceiling, anything to keep going. It was my punishment, he would tell me. I ran and must be punished... It made him laugh harder though, remembering my attempt at an escape. A blind woman trying to run half naked through the forest." She surprised him with a soft chuckle, "I suppose I should have thought about it a little more before running off. He kept me to himself, making sure the others couldn't come near me, no one except for Thomas, when he was finished with me."

"Did he-"

"No, not after I... I'm not sure what I did," she admitted.

"You touched him," Richard smiled in spite of himself. "You don't need you magic to make a man lose control of himself."

"Richard-"

"You protected yourself." He shifted his body, rolling onto his stomach as his hands moved over her blanket covered legs. "If you hadn't, who knows what he may have done to you."

"I encouraged him," she said so softly, she wasn't sure the words actually left her lips. "I knew what he wanted and I did everything I could think of to make him believe that I wanted it to."

"But you didn't," he said casually, like it was almost a ridiculous thought.

Shaking her head slowly, she frowned. "I'm not sure that I didn't."

"What do you mean?" There was a concern in his voice, a fear that stood out to her and for a moment she didn't respond. "What do you mean?" he asked just the same.

"If I didn't want him to- How could I have thought those things? If some part of me didn't want him to have me, why would I say and do things to make him want to?"

He almost laughed, a reaction he was glad he caught so quickly. After everything that had happened to her and after what they had done together, she still maintained a part of her child-like innocence. "Those things are second nature to us, Kahlan," he told her tenderly. "You thought them because you sensed what he desired and you were able to fool him into-"

"I didn't fool him," she whispered. "He lowered me to the ground and I..."

He didn't know where it came from, a surge of anger that he thought would tear him apart. She was sitting before him, a blank expression on her face and hearing the words that came from her lips, it was impossible to hold it in. Sitting up, he nearly growled in rage, his body beginning to move toward the door. "Maybe I should have left you for him."

Then he was gone.