A/N: Chapter 2! Thanks to RubyDracoGirl and Air1997 for their reviews! Hope you guyz (put the 'z' on purpose) love this one as well!
CLANNAD
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-BOOK 2-
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-USHIO-
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PART 1
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NAGISA
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CHAPTER 2
Saito Electric provided power for the whole town. I worked full time just to provide for myself and Nagisa. We would eventually have a child with us. I always wondered how that would work out. It worked out too well.
My pay just barely let us stay in our apartment. Nagisa had a job as a waitress at a family diner known as Ernesto Host. During my days off, Sunohara and I would go just to harrass her. We could care less about the food, we just wanted to watch her do what she loved: helping others and having fun doing it. Her pink waitress uniform added to the excitement. Some customers came just to stare at the girls. After Nagisa reached her seventh month, she had to quit her job.
Now it was just me. Work was murder on me. It was dangerous; one mistake could take the power from the whole city, cause a serious injury, or kill an innocent bystander. It's heavy work. But, somehow, I always manage to make it through another workday without hurting myself or Yoshino.
Yoshino was the one who convinced me to take on the job. It's brutal work, but it pays the rent. I know Nagisa fears for me every time I leave for work. I don't blame her one bit. I was almost injured several times already. I go home, aching in places I never even knew I had. I drop my bags by the door (and sometimes myself, if I'm too weak) and sink into blissful sleep.
It was a quarter into her seventh month that the nightmares began. Nightmares. Visions. Hallucinations. Call them whatever you will. They were all the same to me. Satanic images of death and despair crossed over my vision. It became impossible for me to seperate the real world from the dream plane. I would break out in a cold sweat, my clothing drenched, in the middle of the night. I didn't dare tell Nagisa about the dreams.
No! Not dreams. Dreams was a title reserved for joyful and exciting things. These...these were monstrous aberration, conjured up from the darkest parts of my soul. These black thoughts were the solid forms of my worst fears. I could only pray that they were never realized. I could never tell Nagisa that...that these nightmares...
...They were about her...And Ushio.
My precious Nagisa. My precious Ushio.
I managed to slow my heartbeat, and turned my head to gaze at Nagisa. She looked at peace in her deep slumber. I was sure that she never had any black dreams about death and despair. She probably dreamed about the Dango Family. I sighed and got up. A shower should calm my thoughts some.
Minutes later, the hot water was streaming down my bak, searing my flesh. My abdomen contorted in convulsions, an automatic response to the touch of far too hot water, too hot for any physical comfort, but I didn't care. I was prepared to do anything to get those unholy images of death out of my head. If scalding water and physical pain were what it took, then so be it! My flesh screamed at me to turn the water off, but I steeled myself, ignoring the pain.
I'd felt worse, growing up with mental scars from a father who just didn't care...
My flesh became red and swollen from engorged vessels and felt raw. It was tender to the touch. The images of Nagisa did not leave my mind's eye.
Nagisa. Ushio. Dying.
Dying in childbirth.
I groaned in pain and misery. I suddenly felt like Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars, dreaming of my beloved's death. A tear squeezed its way out of my eye. The images finally subsided, and I turned the water off. I stood there, dripping, and stared at myself in the mirror. I wiped my hand across the fogged glass, to reveal a man aged beyond his years in my place. His eyes were sunken from worry and malnutrition had taken its toll on his flesh. His skin was grey from little sunlight, and his hair was mussed and brittle. Stubble peppered his chin. The spectre spoke.
"Who do you think you are?"
I stumbled backwards. What? What was this?
"W-What?" I stammered. The spectre scowled and repeated himself.
"Who do you think you are?"
I stared, unsure of what to say.
"I-"
"HOW DARE YOU!" the sickly image roared. "How dare you have these thoughts! These dreams! Are you incompetent?"
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Was I? What was going on? Was I at war with myself?
"You make me sick!" the spectre growled. I gulped at the malice in his voice. I made myself pretty sick, too.
"Uh, who-who are you?" I asked.
"Do you really not know?" he said. "Look inside yourself. Find all the pain, hurt, hatred, anger, depression, venom, rage, heartache, reclusiveness, unadulturated fury, and you will know who I am!" he hissed. I paled.
Good God! I was talking to my dark side! I opened my mouth again, but this time, a terrified squeak made its way out.
"How can you possibly have thoughts like thse about the woman you love? You are better than this!"
"I-I-I-I don't know!" I stammered. "I don't know how to stop them! I don't know how!"
"Then God help you, Tomoya Okazaki!" hissed the spectre as he vanished. "You will learn the true meaning of rage and pain soon enough! You think you have experienced the ultimate hurt? Think again!"
I stared in shocked silence at the mirror. I fell to my hands and knees in my white towel, and proceeded to sob. Ultimate hurt. He couldn't possibly mean...
"Nagisa!" I moaned. Surely! Who could be so cruel as to steal my one true joy?
I would find out later on just how little I truly knew about pain...
A/N: Pretty heavy stuff, huh?
The ragged spectral image in the mirror is Tomoya Okazaki's embodiment of all the emotional pain and rage he has bottled up over the years.
R & R, please. Flames will be bottled up for a cold, rainy day.
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Okay, that was Chapter 1. I know it was short, and I apologize, but I don't want to give anything away. The future chapters will be longer, I promise! Anyway, I greatly appreciate reviews, and constructive critism is welcome. Flames will be used to roast weinies on the grill.