Disclaimer - The characters of this fanfiction, as well as the 'Sons of Anarchy' world belong to Kurt Sutter, with the exception of 'Boo' Trager, who is an original character created by me. I make no profit from this work.

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The month between the day Chibs' broke his nose and the day he was admitted to hospital with alcohol poisoning was a blurring one indeed for Tig. The days were hazy and ran into one another, he couldn't pick one day out from another and he wasn't quite sure when things had happened, or even if they'd happened at all. Drinking, near constantly so, was the cause of this. Tig was drinking more than he ever had before and was rarely sober. He knew he was heading down a dangerous path but he didn't care; drinking himself into oblivion was far easier than going to see Boo, than apologising too her and admitting he was scared and lost without her. Drinking kept away the horrid notion that maybe, just maybe, he'd already lost her forever.

One day – a day not long after Chibs had broken his nose, for it was still swollen and sore, bound by its metal cast – Tig was awoken by a loud hammering at his door, which was not uncommon as he constant drunken stupor often meant he missed work or was late for church. But when he opened the door, there was no one there; not one of his brothers, not Boo or Gemma. Nobody. But then he'd looked down and cried out in fear at the sight before him; dolls, lot's of them, each and every one with an eerie resemblance to Boo. They sat in a line, all of them looking up at him with their cold, dead eyes, sinister little smiles on their faces. Tig tried to back away from them, but he couldn't, he was frozen to the spot, unable to move. He began to panic and soon, to hyperventilate. He struggled to breath and after a moment, he fell to his knee's, desperately clawing at his throat as he did so as if this would help him in some way. Finally his version became spotted with black circles and he fell forward into the line of dolls. The last thing he could remember seeing was one of them right up close, smiling down at him in that sinister way, their eyes wide, unblinking and so akin to Boo's Tig almost vomited in terror… and then he jerked awake, passed out in his door way in a puddle of his own vomit, a paper bag with a fresh bottle of JD at his side. He'd passed out on the way home from the store and had dreamt the entire thing…

One day a few weeks later, Tig awoke on a couch at the clubhouse, his fists covered in blood. He had no idea whose blood it was, if it came from enemy or friend, and no one seemed to be able to give him an answer. Apparently he'd just shown up at the clubhouse the night before, blood on his knuckles, mumbling incoherently and had passed out on the couch without speaking to anyone. When the Sergeant at Arms really thought about it, really strained his memory, he remembered going to Chibs an Boo's apartment and looking in from the other side of the road, willing himself to cross over, to knock on their door and apologise to his daughter. But he'd not been able to bring himself to do so and so had stayed there and watched them as they laughed, talked and shared a meal. After ten minute's, he'd walked away but he was soon followed by a man who lived above Chibs and Boo. Said man had believed Tig was watching him and his wife make love and so had tried to attack him, but Tig had gotten the upper hand and had beaten the guy bloody.

Venturing across town to Chibs and Boo's apartment became a regular thing for Tig during that month; he did it at least once or twice a week. He'd stand and stare in, watch Chibs and Boo – or just Boo if she was home alone – and will himself to cross the road, to go and make amends with his daughter but he could never bring himself to do so. The problem was that Boo always looked so damn happy: whether she was just curled up on the couch with Chibs talking or watching TV, or eating dinner with him, dancing with him – they did that a lot – or just lounging about the living room, reading that he didn't want to disturb her. She was happy and she was happy without Tig in her life so why bother to disturb her, to take that happiness away from her by invading her life? The only time Tig seriously considered going over to see his daughter was one night when he spotted her and Chibs arguing. They were having what appeared to be a blazing row and Tig was ready to dash across the road and intervene but then Chibs pinned Boo against the wall and kissed her passionately, pushed her pants down as she shoved his cut free from his shoulders, so Tig walked away as quickly as his legs would take him. He didn't want to see Chibs and his daughter fucking against the wall of their living room!

Tig was honestly surprised that Clay didn't just fire him during that month; when he did show up at work, his work was shoddy and unacceptable, often had to be redone. He was rude to customers and his brothers alike and even snapped at Gemma a few times. Worse, the icy, distant relationship he had with Chibs since the Scotsman had broken his nose was making everyone uncomfortable; they fully expected one of them to just snap and attack the other. Church was even worse; Tig and Chibs kept the biggest physical distance possible from one another and never interacted. Tig barely listened to a word Clay said and never really understood what he was voting on or what the clubs next run was for. Not once in that month did Clay have him doing any sort of job that involved killing, beating or maiming someone – all such jobs went to Happy. Hell he wasn't even sent to intimidate anyone! The president obviously didn't trust his Sergeant at Arms in his near-constant inebriated state.

Tig wasn't sure how he ended up in hospital. The night before was just a blur. He remembered returning from the clubhouse with a bottle of JD, a case of Budweiser's and a blonde – at least he thinks she was blonde – croweater. He couldn't remember where he'd picked the woman up or why he'd decided to bring her back to his apartment – something he'd never normally do – but she was there and the last thing he remembered before waking up in a hospital bed was the blonde on her knee's in front of him, giving him head as she poured whiskey over his dick. After that there was only darkness. He couldn't even recall Gemma showing up at his that morning, couldn't remember waking up and stumbling around the room, muttering incoherently nor could he remember asking Gemma who she was. One of the first things that the Sergeant at Arms did once he'd woken up was ban Boo from his room; he wanted to see her and make amends, he really did, but he didn't want her to see him in such a god awful state. It was bad enough that he had a fucking tube up his dick; he didn't need his daughter to be there to see it! Boo of course, came anyway. She snuck into the hospital hidden in an oversized black hooded sweatshirt and hovered outside Tig's door for ages, staring in looking dismayed. Tig awoke and caught sight of her just as Chibs came and steered her away. He sat up and tried to call out to her, to beg her to come back but he couldn't make his voice work. He made little more than a feeble crook that was barely loud enough for himself to hear. He tried to get out of bed so that he could chase after Boo, let her know that he was okay and that he wanted to finally make things right with her but the second he stood up, his world started to spin and darken and within moments, he'd passed out again. When he woke up, he wasn't sure if Boo's visit was a dream or if it'd really happened. He convinced himself that it was a dream because he'd honestly begun to let himself believe that Boo really hated him and that he'd lost her forever.

SAMCRO

Tig shook violently as he shoved his belongings into his backpack, wiped at his sweaty forehead after he'd sealed the bag shut. His forehead was dripping with sweat again by the time he'd sat himself down on the end of his bed and dropped his head into his hands. He'd been in hospital for three days recovering from alcohol poisoning, three days where he'd gone without having a drink and now he was paying for that. His alcohol addicted body was screaming out for booze; the sweats and the shakes were nothing compared to how sick he felt. He was constantly on the verge of vomiting and yet he could not be sick for he'd not been able to eat the entire time he'd been in St. Thomas. He'd tried to tell himself he just couldn't eat the shitty hospital food, but he knew that was bullshit because he'd not even been able to eat Gemma's meatloaf when she'd brought him up some. He knew this would change once he'd had a drink, knew once he'd had a beer or three he'd be feeling fine and able to hold down his dinner. This terrified him because he knew he was fast on his way to becoming a full blown alcoholic but he was far too stubborn and proud to admit this to anyone.

"Hey brother." Came Chibs voice from the doorway. Tig didn't even look up; he'd not seen Chibs in all the time he'd been in hospital and honestly hadn't expected the Scotsman to be the one to pick him up, considering how things were with Boo. He'd kept her banned from his room throughout his stay at St. Thomas and knew he still wasn't ready to man up and apologise to her, to find out if he really had lost her or not, despite her visit - which Tig still didn't know if he'd dreamed or not.. "Yeh ready teh go home?" Chibs asked, his voice calm and virtually emotionless.

"Chibs man… shit." Tig drawled, chuckling nervously as he looked up at the Scotsman, whose expression was as emotionless as his voice. "You here to hit me again?" he asked, for he couldn't see any other reason why Chibs would have volunteered to be the one to pick him up.

"No. I'm here teh take yeh home." Chibs said with a shrug of his shoulders. Tig nodded at that and went to grab his backpack, but Chibs got there first and swung it over his shoulder. He didn't miss the way Tig was trembling, how sweaty and pale the man seemed. "Yer shaking brother." He said, voice oozing concern as he put a hand on Tig's shoulder. The Scotsman was certain he knew why Tig was shaking, a certainty that was confirmed by Tig's next words.

"Need a fucking drink." The Sergeant sighed, causing Chibs to scowl at him, eyes dark and hooded with alarm. His intense gaze made Tig feel uncomfortable so the Sergeant at Arms dropped his head, looked instead at Chibs' cut clad chest. "What?" he demanded as he started to march out of the room, stumbling ever so slightly as three days in a bed and alcohol withdrawal had made him unsteady on his feet.

"Drinking…" Chibs drawled, putting at arm around his brothers shoulders to help steady him, an arm that Tig soon shrugged off. He made sure to keep a few paces ahead of Chibs after that, not wanting his help or his pitying and worried stares. "That becoming a problem fer you Tigger?" Chibs asked, despite it being glaringly obvious that Tig had a serious alcohol problem.

"I've got it under control." Tig snapped as they waited for the elevator to arrive, his voice sharp and harsh, making it more than apparent to Chibs that he didn't want to speak on the matter a moment more. "Why are you the one picking me up Chibs?" Tig asked, risking a glance at the Scotsman as he spoke. Chibs was still looking at him in that pitying, worried way so Tig turned away once again, folded his arms defensively across his chest. "And don't you fucking bullshit me either, I know this is about Boo." He added, feeling a tug on his heartstrings at the mention of his beloved daughter.

"Aye it is…" Chibs nodded, his tone of voice unreadable; angry yet full of compassion, restless and yet sympathetic. Tig was confused by this; the Scotsman hated him for what he'd done to Boo, had pretty much avoiding him since he'd broken his nose and yet now he was here, picking Tig up and acting so calmly, so friendly even, despite the fact that Tig was yet to put things right with Boo. "I've recently come to a sort of… understanding." Chibs admitted softly once they were safely inside the sanctuary of the evaluator.

"Oh yeah?" Tig jeered, wondering if this was just some pathetic ploy by the Scotsman to get him to talk to Boo. "How's that?" he demanded, making a point of turning to face the Scotsman as he spoke, his eyes narrowed and dangerous, making it obvious he wasn't going to fall for the mans tricks.

"Yesterday was…" Chibs began, voice riddled with nerves and shaking so much he had to stop and take a breath. He rubbed at his eyes with a weary sigh before shoving his sunglasses down over them to hide the fact that he was close to crying from Tig. Tig however, noticed and his face softened slightly when he realised the younger mans eyes were glazed with tears. He suddenly realised that the Scotsman wasn't trying to pull anything with him. "It was the 11th anniversary of the day I was snatched away from my Kerrianne." Chibs admitted eventually, his voice thick with emotion and on the verge of breaking. Tig's stomach dropped to his feet at once; he suddenly felt like such an asshole for being so irritable with Chibs.

"Shit man… I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't know." Tig rambled frantically, feeling guilty for assuming that Chibs had been trying to trick him into talking with Boo. Obviously he really had come to an understanding about Tig's problems with Boo… losing his daughter in such a violent and horrific way, knowing that's another man was raising her and that he'd never see her again must just be tearing Chibs apart. "What happened that day?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. Chibs had never really told anyone that part of his story, apart from Boo of course. She knew everything. Chibs didn't answer until Tig was signed out and they were in the club van. He didn't start the van, he just sat in the drivers seat, his hands on the wheel, his eyes glancing out at some far off place.

"It was just a normal day…" he began, lips twitching into a momentary smile as he started his tale.

Chibs had been looking after his daughter all weekend while Fiona was out of town for the Cause. In reality, she'd been with Jimmy planning her husband's downfall with her new man, plotting against her husband. Chibs had known that she wasn't away for the Cause and suspected she'd gone to be with Jimmy – McKeavey had shared a few suspicions with him before he'd been sent Stateside, a few bits of information; enough to convince Chibs that Jimmy was after his wife both because he was in love with her and because he wanted to further his position in the IRA and that Fiona wanted him right back – Chibs had hoped that this was just a passing thing, that soon Jimmy would move onto another woman, a woman with a higher ranking and more connections that his Fi. How wrong he'd been. It was the middle of September but Belfast was in the midst of a heat wave so Chibs had taken his daughter and nephew Padraic to the seaside for the weekend, staying overnight with them at a bed and breakfast so they could spend two whole days by the sea. The kids had buried Chibs in the sand when he'd fallen asleep, Padraic had taught Kerrianne to build sandcastles and the three of them had enjoyed the rides and candy on offer at the local funfair. All of them had been sad to go home on the Sunday evening, but the children had school the next morning so they'd had to return. After dropping Paddy off with his father, Chibs had stopped off at McDonalds and brought his daughter a Happy Meal. He remembered that she'd been thrilled with the little toy she'd received – a little plush fairy – and that'd he'd been so starved, he'd polished off two Big Mac meals. Something he'd be thankful for later. Kerrianne had been asleep by the time they'd gotten home, but Chibs had been able to coax her awake long enough for a bath. An hour later Chibs tucked her up in bed – along with her new fairy – and wished her goodnight, kissed her forehead. Kerrianne had asked him to read to her as she fell asleep and he of course, had obliged. He'd read her 'Love You Forever' for this was her favourite, especially as Chibs changed the wording slightly so that the story was about them. Kerrianne didn't fall asleep until the very last line, when Chibs closed the book, looked down at her and tenderly whispered 'I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.' He'd then kissed her forehead once again before returning downstairs and readying her school things for the morning.

An hour later, as he settled in his armchair with the paper and a mug of tea, he'd heard a noise. Unable to tell what the noise was or where it'd come from, Chibs returned to his daughters bedroom to see if she'd gotten out of bed. She hadn't but her blanket was on the floor, as was her fairy so Chibs had assumed that this was the noise he'd heard. He tucked the blanket round his daughter once again and pressed her fairy back into her hand. After kissing her sleeping forehead one final time, Chibs had stood and backed away, a smile on his lips, his eyes never once leaving his beautiful, innocent little girl. But then suddenly there was noise and movement behind him. He was grabbed from behind; one arm tight around his waist, the other forcing a chloroform soaked rag to his face. A combination of Chibs full stomach and too little chloroform on the rag meant that Chibs, although suddenly woozy and light headed, did not pass out. He'd fought with his captor – Donny, one of Jimmy's men – and tried to break free, to push the chloroform soaked rag away from his face but had soon found himself out numbered and dragged to the ground. Jimmy had appeared and joined in on the assault and he and Donny had then kicked and punched Chibs until his body was aching and raw. Chibs continued to try and break free but was unable too and he soon blacked out. The last thing he saw before his vision had darkened was young Kerrianne, still curled up in her bed fast asleep clutching her fairy. She'd slept through the whole of her father's assault. Chibs remembered being thankful that his daughter was such a deep sleeper in his last remaining conscious moments.

When he'd eventually come round, just before day break, Chibs had found himself on the murky bands of the river Lagan more than twenty miles from his home. He's body was sore, tender and heavy with the effects of the chloroform and his beating yet still he managed to stumble to his feet. His face was stiff, covered in dried blood but thankfully, a quick assessment told the Scotsman that nothing had been broken. He'd gotten all of about five staggered steps when Donny, Jimmy and Fiona had appeared as if from nowhere. The first thing that Chibs had noticed was that Fiona's wedding and engagement rings were gone from her finger. He'd known then that Fiona had been privy to Jimmy and Donny's attack on him, that she quite possibly had played a part in it and that her increasing distance from him in recent months really was down to the fact that she'd moved to another man – Jimmy. Jimmy had soon confirmed this; gleefully gloating that they'd been having an affair for months, that he would now be taking Chibs' place in Fiona's bed and her heart and that soon, Kerrianne would call him 'Da'. Chibs had launched himself at Jimmy then, but was stopped by Donny before he'd even got close to O'Phelan. Donny had shoved him straight back down to the ground and kicked him in the stomach so hard, Chibs could barely breathe and stars started to dance in front of his eyes. Fiona spoke then; she'd ducked down next to him and tucked Chibs hair out of his eyes. She'd called him 'my love', told him that she was sorry but that she no longer loved him, that she loved Jimmy now. She went on to blame Chibs for this, citing his increasing disdain for the Cause and the fact that he loved Kerrianne more than a United Ireland as her reason for straying. Finally she'd kissed his cheek, warned him to stay away and to leave Ireland or face Jimmy's wrath. The trio had then left – but not before Jimmy could take one last shot at Chibs'; informing him he'd been excommunicated from the IRA before kicking the Scotsman between the legs with a callous and gleeful snigger – leaving Chibs alone and in agony on the banks of the river Lagan, the incoming tide lapping at his bloodstained and battered body…

"But of course, I wasn't just going to give up on my little girl." Chibs drawled, turning to Tig for the first time since he'd started telling his story. He'd just become so lost in it he'd forgotten Tig was there. Everything had come flooding back as he'd told the story; the heartache of it all, the physical pain, the sense of betrayal and even the wooziness he'd felt when he had that chloroform soaked rag pressed against his mouth.

"No man, of course not." Tig nodded as Chibs wiped at the tears that were tumbling fast and free down his scarred cheeks. The Scotsman, he noted, was now shaking as much as he was yet he seemed determined to finish his tale so Tig patted his shoulder in encouragement.

"I kept goin' back, fightin' for her… for Fiona, despite everythin' she'd done." Chibs drawled tearfully, launching into his story once again. He'd spent a few days on bed rest at his reluctant brother-in-laws house, recovering from his beating. His brother-in-law had been reluctant as he'd still been part of the IRA at the time and if he'd gotten caught with Chibs – who had been excommunicated from the IRA after Jimmy had convinced it's leaders that he no longer cared for the Cause and that his Scottish heritage made him a threat to a United Ireland – in his home, he and his son alike would have been murdered. Padraic had insisted though and Chibs had moved on as soon as he'd recovered, not wanting to endanger his family a moment longer. A week after being attacked, Chibs had returned to his former home and begged Fiona to come back to him, begged her to let him see Kerrianne. Fiona had refused, had sneered at him and tried to push him away but Chibs wasn't having any of that and soon tried to force his way into the house. That was when Jimmy had appeared. He'd pointed his gun at Chibs and had laughed at the Scotsman when he'd suggested they brawl it out fairly, one on one, without weapons. Chibs had left when Jimmy had threatened to shoot him in front of Kerrianne but the Scotsman had soon returned, this time with a gun. Jimmy had anticipated this and Donny had been on Chibs before he'd even got in sight of the house, endured another beaten and a warning that if he returned again, he'd be shot. But Chibs had returned again; he just wanted his family back, his wife and his little girl. He couldn't stand the idea of losing them and he was willing to do just about anything to win them back. Fiona however, was beyond winning back but it was a long while before Chibs realised this. "In the end I told Jimmy I'd leave Ireland and Fiona behind if I could just take my baby girl with me." Chibs explained. This had happened about 6 weeks after that first attack, 6 weeks since he'd last seen his little girl. By then he'd given up all hopes of winning Fiona back; he could see that she loved Jimmy and that she wanted to be with him, that she was ecstatic to finally be with a man who cared for the Cause as much as she did. He knew Jimmy was getting fed up of his constant attempts to get his family back and hoped that his offer to leave Ireland with Kerrianne would please the now high ranking IRA member and that he'd agree to it, if only to get rid of Chibs. He hadn't. In fact that request was the breaking point for Jimmy O'Phelan. "That's when he got fed up and…" Chibs sighed, drawing his story to a close by making a cutting sound as he drew his finger across his face.

"Jesus fucking Christ man that's…" Tig muttered as he shook his head, the sick feeling in his stomach intensifying tenfold as he imagined what it would have been like for his brother to get his face slashed open so brutally, all because he'd fought for his family; all because he'd done all he could to ensure he didn't lose his little girl. The worst part of the whole thing was that Chibs had lost his daughter anyway; he'd never see that little girl again, a little girl that now called the man that had cut her real fathers face open dad. "That's fucking terrible." He concluded eventually, for he was unable to put into words just how goddamn awful, how horrific and heartbreaking he though losing Kerrianne must have been for the Scotsman.

"I know how yeh must be feelin'; how Boo movin' out must be like losing yer little girls all over again." Chibs explained. If he was ever lucky enough to become a father again, to have children with Boo and one of their children was lost in any way – if they were murdered or ran away or moved far away and cut off all contact - he knew he'd relive the agony of losing Kerrianne all over again. "I wouldn't be able teh stand it if I lost my baby over and over again…" Chibs admitted with a shake of his head, before turning to face Tig again. He was startled to see the man close to tears! He'd not seen Tig cry in over three years, not since Boo had overdosed, not since she'd almost died…

"I know I…" Tig began, his words a jumbled, tearful mess that made little sense at all. He took a moment to calm himself, drew in a few deep breathes and furiously wiped at the tears in his eyes. "Shit man; Dawn just hit 18 and she'd pretty much severed ties with me." Tig admitted. Dawn had turned 18 just two days before Boo's graduation. She'd already been living alone by that point but when Tig went round to wish her a happy birthday, he'd discovered she'd moved. She'd changed her phone number too and after finally getting through to Colleen in search of an explanation, Tig had been told his daughter wanted nothing more to do with him. Tig had been keeping this information to himself, not wanting anyone to know he'd lost all contact with Dawn. It felt good to finally tell someone, to get the weight of it off his chest. "Fawn will be the same, I just know it." Tig added, shaking his head once again. Fawn had almost as much disdain for her father as Dawn had and Tig knew she was only putting up with his twice yearly visits because she had too. "Boo was the one daughter I never thought I'd lose, but then she moved in with you and… I know I asked her too but… guess I didn't realise how much it'd hurt." Tig confessed. When he'd first decided that it was time for Boo to move out – long before he'd lost contact with Dawn – he'd expected it to be easy. He'd been looking forward to living alone again and knew he'd not miss his girl much because he'd still see her all the time. He'd believed that Boo's happiness at the notion that she'd finally be living with Chibs would be enough to stop him from hurting too much over her moving out in the first place simply because her happiness was the most important thing in the world to him. How wrong he'd been…

"She's hurtin' too brother." Chibs said, to which Tig could only nod. Yes, he knew Boo was hurting, knew he was the cause of that hurt and he hated himself for it. "I've lost count of the amount of times she's cried over you." Chibs added with a saddened sigh and a shake of his head. Boo cried a lot, although she tried to hide it from him. At first it had been every day, every night. Now it was whenever she was reminded of Tig, whenever she thought that Chibs wasn't looking…

"I never meant to hurt her." Tig whispered. Chibs started up the van then and they drove into town in complete silence. Tig was lost in a world of misery and regret and was craving a drink even more than he had been before Chibs had arrived to pick him up. He wanted to numb the pain of knowing he was hurting Boo, wanted to drink away the memory of his conversation with Chibs. Chibs meanwhile, was wondering if Dawn's refusal to have anything to do with her father, now that she was 18, had anything to do with the way he was treating Boo. He was willing to bet it did. "What? You're not taking me to yours so you can get me to apologise?" Tig asked when the van stopped in front of his apartment building – he'd expected Chibs to drag him to the home he now shared with Boo, expected the Scotsman to force an apology out of him. Chibs shook his head.

"I'm leavin' that teh you brother." Chibs said. He knew if he forced an apology out of Tig it wouldn't be sincere and it wouldn't mend the rift between Tig and Boo. Tig needed to make amends with Boo, to apologise to her when he was ready. Only then could they sort through their troubles and become close once again. "You'll come in yer own good time. When yer ready that is." Chibs drawled.

"I will." Tig said at once with a nod of his head. And he would; the Sergeant at Arms was going to do his damn best to get himself into a place where he could be ready and able to apologise to his little girl, to make things right with her. He wasn't going to let himself lose her like he'd lost Dawn. "Thank you my brother." Tig sighed, embracing Chibs before jumping out of the van and heading up to his apartment.

There isn't much left in this story! Just two – or possibly three, depending on how it plays out – chapters to go! I hope you've been enjoying it so far!

Until the reviews would be loved; remember I'm not getting paid to write this and I give up a lot of my free time to do so. Reviews are all I ask for in return - they are extremely motivational and make my writing worthwhile.