Let me start out with another thank you for the comments and questions about this fic. I am still trying to stretch and grow, writing more of the romantic side and not what I am comfortable with writing. I hope that people are still enjoying it and following along.
I've had two questions that I wanted to address:
First, I forgot to have CS use a condom. Whoops! That was my bad and my life as a married woman. Just not used to thinking of them any longer. I am not planning an accidental pregnancy so that was just an oversight. Sorry about that.
Second, the characterization of Elsa. Yes, I made her very standoffish. In this chapter, I hope you'll see a little more of why that is and what her issues are within this story. I hope that settles that question for my anonymous reader. If not, I apologize for not living up to your expectation.
Killian had never been a man who gave up easily, especially on his heart's desire. At 10 he had wanted a bike just like the kid down the street. Despite his mother and brother telling him that he could not have one, as they cost way too much, he had worked around the neighborhood and saved for two years until he could buy that bike. Even after it was his, he didn't quit working. He had washed and polished it weekly. He was careful with it and protected it with everything he had. If Liam hadn't protested so loudly, he would have pulled it into their shared room and slept with it every night.
So the concept that he had lost the heart of Emma Swan without notice or an opportunity to fight for her was one that gnawed at his gut. He had never felt so sick as he did that morning upon seeing the newspaper. After his alarm had not sounded and he'd found himself rushing to make it to work on time, he was already drafting a half dozen texts in his head to send her. Funny, sweet, and loving messages were on his mind as he rode the elevator.
He was already pounding out one of those messages when a nervous and hesitant William Smee placed the newspaper on his desk. "I thought you'd want to see this," he had said, his head hung as he backed away from Killian before completely turning to run once he reached the door.
The first emotion he had felt was rage upon seeing the younger yet still beautifully familiar face of Emma in a mug shot. He knew immediately that this was not a good thing. Emma's fears about her past being revealed to an unforgiving and gossip happy citizenry of Storybrooke was coming true. His free hand clenched at his side, Killian was mentally calculating how long it would take to make it to her side when he read the part about her leaving Graham's hotel room the night before.
She had said she was working, meeting someone about a case. The story left off in midsentence, leaving him scrambling to turn the page when he saw the photograph of her. It was dark and grainy, but he saw those same clothes she had been wearing the day before, the golden hair that bounced and curled down her back was a bit messier but still in the same fashion he had seen her with at lunch. He had closed his eyes to the sight, wishing he had not seen the image that was now burned into his head. She had been there.
He had no real claim to her other than their still fragile and still new relationship. But he didn't want to share her with any man, let alone one who could not possibly appreciate her as he did. He didn't want the flood of images that were now assaulting him. Had she let him touch her? Had her mouth been on him? Had she moaned, sighed, and mewled with that passion he had come to love from her? Did Graham know how she tasted? Did he know how her long curls tickled his bare skin or how she closed her eyes first when they kissed? Any man knowing those and her other secrets was more than he could stand.
Sighing, he looked at his phone again. She deserved a chance to explain, tell him how this was all some sort of mistake. But he didn't call. He didn't want to hear her say it meant nothing or that she was sorry. He didn't deserve an apology, as far as he was concerned. He did not want to hear anything at that point. It was a childish way to be, an immature response, but he was not sure how else to react. Still, he wondered how she was and if she was dealing with this any better than he was. Did she feel betrayed somehow? Did she feel like everyone was against her? Did she feel alone?
She would come to him, he said under his breath. She would want to explain. She would want him to understand. So he settled in to wait for that explanation.
***AAA***
David's face was pale as he paced the short space between his desk and the filing cabinet with the phone tucked at his ear and his hands pushing up the folded flannel sleeves of his shirt. "Damn it," he said into the phone. "I want to know who leaked the photo from her record. I want to know who leaked her record. She was tried and convicted in juvenile court. You can't get those records easily." The redness of his cheeks were the only two splotches of color.
She sat there in his office, leaned forward and reminding herself to breathe. Graham wasn't even there, having called in and told David he had nothing to do with the story and wanting to be as far from it as possible. Robin was handling most of the calls along with John as the two friends considered options and made threats to the newspaper and David's father.
"Nothing," David said, throwing his phone onto the newspaper that was now on his desk. "Tight lipped bastards won't say a word unless it's to print this garbage." He gestured wildly. "It's one thing to accuse me. I'm in charge. I should know where the hell the money has gone, but you. You're innocent." He shook his head.
"I'm fine," she murmured, not raising her gaze from the floor. "I hurt. This hurts. I didn't want people to know this way."
"Freedom of the press my ass," he said, grabbing the phone again and punching in numbers. "Where is Killian by the way? I thought he'd be down here challenging Graham or maybe Sidney to a duel."
Despite the radiator and the ceramic heater that David used due to his cold natured tendencies, Emma shivered in her chair. "I haven't spoken with him."
He lowered the phone, sympathy and worry flashing between the rage. "Emma, he wouldn't believe that…"
"Why not?" Emma asked. "Why wouldn't he believe that I was capable of not only stealing from the city but having a tryst with a co-worker? What makes you think his mind wouldn't automatically go there? Yours did."
David sighed, striding over and stooping down in front of her. "Yes, I was surprised to hear you were in his room last night. I understand now, but I never thought that you… I know you. You aren't that person in the story. You aren't that conniving or manipulative. And Killian knows that to, honey. I swear. I'm going to fix this. And when I do, I'm going to go grab him and drag him here to talk to you about all this. You'll see. He's just in shock right now."
Emma snorted, pushing herself up to look at him. "It doesn't matter," she said. "It doesn't matter because if he cared…"
"This wasn't a test," he interrupted. "If I had to guess, I'd say he's feeling like shit right now. You two have been attached at the hip lately. And knowing you, there hasn't been any discussion of commitment or monogamy. It's just understood, right? So imagine him picking up the newspaper this morning and seeing this story on the front page. He doesn't believe it, but there it is in black and white. And page two has a grainy shot of you leaving Granny's in the same outfit he knew you were wearing yesterday."
She shrugged, but the tears were building in her eyes. "It doesn't matter," she said, more for herself than David. "It would have ended in disaster anyway. It always ends in disaster. It was too good. Too perfect. I told him things that I hadn't told anyone."
David knew those things too, only because he had lived with her through most of them. "Go to him," David said. "Stop pretending like you don't want to go over there. Go talk to him. You're going to be worthless here until you do. So go talk to him now."
"I have to follow up on this case with Anna. I need to call and talk to Elsa about what she knows. I'm telling you that something is there. Something is wrong." She swallowed roughly. "I left there when she showed me the article. I have to show her that I'm more than that. I'm more than…"
"After you talk to Killian," David said, bringing her forehead down and looking at her sternly. "I'm telling you now that you're not any good to me until you get whatever this is straightened out between you. I can't have you moping and whining and wondering what if. Go talk to him."
***AAA***
"You're an idiot," Eric said as she read the article from the online version of the newspaper. "A complete and utter idiot. I mean, how did you even tie your shoes this morning?"
Killian said nothing, his blue eyes stormy as his supervisor tried to explain that this was some misunderstanding. He had no doubt that Emma was innocent of the claims about stealing the money from the department's budget. She was not that type of woman. He could not even completely blame her if she had in fact spent the evening with the other deputy, as they had not defined their relationship in terms of commitment. He blamed himself for that, as he knew she was skittish and likely to run if he pressed too hard. So he had let her set their pace. That meant he had been a practical bystander in it.
"She's probably crying over this and you're here acting like a stubborn ass." Eric's eyes were piercing as he scowled. "Did you even call her?"
"To say what?" Killian finally spoke. "Should I have asked if she found her way home from that hotel room with him? Or should I ask if she wanted to set a schedule where she can see him on Mondays and Wednesdays?" His stomach lurched with the idea, idiotic as it seemed. He knew she had done nothing. Knew it. But still he could not overcome the sensation that she had been in that man's arms the night before. He could see it all in his imagination. He could see her body folding against his, her moans and sighs echoing off the old fashioned décor of Granny's. He was torturing himself with absolutely no proof, but the longer that went by without hearing her voice was making it impossible for him to picture anything else.
"Do you truly believe that?" Eric asked. The desk phone buzzed shrilly and with one hand, the sales manager pressed a single button and directed whoever it was that he wasn't available. "Because I know I only saw you two at the Nolan party, but she didn't seem to have eyes for anyone but you."
"This isn't a conversation I want to have with my supervisor," Killian mumbled, picking up the jacket from his suit. "I'm going back to work."
Eric cleared his throat. "You want me to be your supervisor? Fine. I'm your supervisor. I'm your boss and you screwed up on the pitch this morning to the department of transportation. That ferry boat deal is probably all of our house and rent payments this month. It would have helped the company make payroll alone. And you not only insulted that potential client, but you didn't even realize it. You called him a wanker and a buggering fool. Then you seemed shocked when the man walked out of the meeting."
Killian sighed. "I apologize," he said, shoulders slumped. "I was distracted."
"I know. That's why I was trying to give you a chance to talk it out and see if we could fix things with you and Emma." Eric pushed the back of his chair to the point he almost sent it toppling to the ground. "I could fire you over those comments, but instead I'm going to tell you to go get your keys and find that woman. Apologize that it took this long to contact her. Tell her you want to know the truth. And listen to her. Just listen."
The coat was over his arm, already wrinkling from the disregard of the material. "I was thinking the same thing, mate," he said. "Perhaps I should drive to the station to see her."
***AAA***
She considered calling him, but it was not a conversation that she wanted to have over the phone. David was right that her silence seemed to only confirm that she had things to hide and was just waiting for the inevitable discovery. His silence seemed to indicate that he was aware of that. So she would go to him, she decided with David's clear and strong influence. It wasn't a big plan or even a calculated one. It was just something she needed to do.
She was stalled at a traffic light that did not seem to want to turn green when she saw him turn in front of her, his jeep easily making the turn as she sat and watched. For a second she did nothing and then, hoping that one of her co-workers was not in the vicinity to give her a citation, she made an illegal u-turn and pulled behind him with a tap of her horn. She couldn't make out his eyes in the rearview mirror, but she could detect the shift of his head and his quick maneuver to pull to the side of the road and jump from the vehicle with his keys in his hand.
"I was coming to you," he said as if she might not realize his intention. "I should have come sooner, but I'm an idiot." He stood there just at the left of her car, waiting for her to close the door and walk toward him. She could see him tense as she made that move, perhaps expecting her to be angry or even slap him.
"I kind of assumed you were waiting for me," she said, nervously tittering with a laugh. "After all, I'm the one who got called out for my past and for what a reporter assumed was some elicit event with a co-worker. I should have come to you and explained. I shouldn't have…" She couldn't quite hold still, shifting her weight nervously and shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans. This wasn't something she did regularly. Apologizing was one thing, but fixing things was something new all together. She usually would have taken this as a sign that it was broken beyond repair.
"Are we really going to discuss who should have approached whom?" he asked. "We both had and have things we need to say. From the looks of it, we are ready to say them." He had not bothered with an overcoat despite the cold air of November surrounding them, but she was even less prepared with a thin sweater that left her skin exposed to the wind. Taking a step toward her, he reached his hands out into the openness of the air for her. "Shall we find a place to go and talk, love? Or at least a place to warm up? Do you have the time?"
Slightly amused that he could think she would be done after they saw each other, she nodded. "David told me not to come back to work until I talked with you and worked this out."
The similarity in the situation too funny for him, he laughed. "Eric said the same to me. Perhaps we could go to my place. It is a bit closer."
She followed behind him in her car, trying to figure out just what to say. While he had smiled at her and looked hopeful, she knew now more than ever that he must have been hurting and thinking that she had done something with Graham. Though flattering to have someone be jealous, the sheer relief in his eyes upon seeing her was enough to tell her that it wasn't worth the momentary ego boost to put him through anything of the sort.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" he asked as they walked through his front door. "Something to eat? I haven't even bothered with a meal yet myself."
She shook her head, feeling almost shy to be standing there when there was still so much unsaid between them. Her hands busily pulled her blonde hair over one shoulder, fingers combing through it as she waited on him to emerge from the narrow kitchen with two bottles of water as she suspected he would. He murmured something about she might change her mind as he opened both and placed them on the old world wood coffee table.
The backs of his legs were against the low seat of his couch as he half bent and then waited for her to either join him or propose some other location. She gave in and walked around the table to sit, leaving a small gap between them that felt very much like a chasm as wide as any she had ever seen.
She considered saying that he probably wondered why she wanted to meet, but that seemed a bit too flippant and not respectful. He didn't seem to waiting for her to start anyway, as he had scurried out of the way to grab a throw blanket from the back of a worn leather chair and held it out to her cautiously.
"You're still shivering," he commented, tenderness evident in the way he placed it over her shoulders and then closed it together. "Can't have you getting sick." His sad smile faded as she pulled the blanket tighter and held it together with her hand, hiding the other beneath the material. He cleared his throat. "Well, now then, we should chat."
She nodded slowly, watching him lower himself onto the couch with respect for the chasm she had created. He settled and resettle three times before he rested one ankle on the opposite knee and lifted the water to his lips. "I should start," she said quietly. "I am sorry that this article appeared. I'm sure you've not been too happy to be associated with someone…someone like me."
His brow furrowed as he listened to her, not wanting to interrupt and unable to process what she was saying without reading more into it. "I'm not sure I follow," he admitted when the silence dragged on to indicate she wanted him to say something. "Why would you think I wouldn't want to be associated with you? Haven't you been paying attention? Haven't you seen that I do want to be with you Emma? If that's what you're worried about, I'd dare say I must not have been doing or saying the right things. I think you are bloody brilliant. You are strong and beautiful, love. You're a fighter, but you're so loving at the same time. I've never met anyone quite like you. And the beautiful thing is that I only am just getting to know you. I can't wait to know even more about you."
She didn't realize that she had held her breath as he said all those things. She was the girl who was never enough, the girl who was never the first choice. "I didn't sleep with Graham," she said in a barely audible voice. "I know the article and photos…I didn't steal the money and I wasn't trying to work with him to steal it. We were honestly working on a case I've been struggling with and he was offering some ideas. That's all. I just didn't want David to know I couldn't handle it alone. I didn't want…"
"You don't have to explain," he said, cutting her off. "Emma, as much as I hate imagining you with anyone else, I don't…I haven't…We haven't defined or set any ground rules here. So while it kills me to think of the two of you together and even more to think that you would prefer someone else to me…I know that you are free to make such a choice. And I can't blame myself for that." His breath coming through his nose sounded forced.
"Are you done?"
"Done?"
"Killian, I am not interested in Graham. You're the only one I'm interested in, okay? He's a friend. He's a co-worker. We were talking about a missing woman and her fiancé. He was suggesting what to ask because I hit a dead end." She rolled her eyes at the way he looked almost embarrassed to have needed that assurance from her. "To borrow a phrase," she said with a laugh. "I kind of think you're bloody brilliant too."
He bit his lip to keep from laughing at the adorable and yet hilariously inaccurate portrayal of his own accent. "I'm a daft fool," he said after he squelched that urge. "Emma, I know you aren't who they portrayed you as in that bloody article. I know that. You didn't have to tell me. I have been so worried about you. I didn't want you to face this alone, but that's where I was wrong. I should have been there for you instead of trying to figure out if you wanted me to be."
She scooted herself a bit closer, relishing the scents of his apartment that reminded her of him. "I want you to be with me," she confirmed softly. "I like you being here with me."
He finished closing the gap, cradling her face in his hands. "I like you being here with me too." His lips brushed on her forehead. "Everything that has happened between us means something to me, something important to me, just as you do."
She closed her eyes, her head tilting to chase the warmth of his palm. "People are going to talk," she said softly. "They already are. They think I did those things. They think that I'm just using you so that Graham could get away with this. But they…"
"I don't care what they think, love," he said, running his thumbs over her. "I care about you, Emma. I wouldn't abandon you to fend for yourself in this matter unless you asked me to leave. I hope you don't, but you know I respect you. And as for this case that has you so worked up, I have no doubt that you will succeed in that too. You will find that lass and her fiancé."
***AAA***
David had been right, Emma thought as she crossed another file off of her list. It was easier to concentrate without the questions of what Killian was thinking about the article and her. She felt lighter, though she was no closer to solving either the case or her own problem with the public. It would take time, David and Killian both told her. And she was trying to believe they were right.
She was checking the travel logs of the sisters' company when she heard a feminine voice state her name. Looking up, the white blonde hair of Elsa seemed bright under the newly replaced florescent lights. The woman looked quite a bit smaller with her features more delicate in the coldness of the station.
"I was going to call you," Emma said, feeling a bit ashamed at her abrupt departure.
The woman held up a hand, her long fingers splayed out to stop Emma's confession. "I am the one who needs to apologize," she said. Looking about the empty office area, Elsa moved to the desk with a graceful motion and sat on the edge of a chair that usually held few visitors. "Emma, I am afraid I've been a bit rough on you."
"You're going through a lot with your sister and all," Emma tried to empathize. While Emma did not even know if she had any siblings, she knew that the loss of one had to be great.
"No excuses," Elsa said in a clipped voice. "I owe you an explanation though and maybe it will help us find my sister."
Hands poised over the computer keyboard, Emma let them drop as she settled in to hear what the woman had to say. There was something, Emma knew, that Elsa had been holding back. A detail or a clue that might have better results.
"My sister is everything to me," Elsa said as if announcing some big secret. "The company, the property, the money, all of it is nothing without her. I'm sure it doesn't seem that way, but it's true. She's it for me. Her being missing is pure and utter hell for me. You're right. The longer she's gone. The longer it takes to find her, the more I realize that I can't trust anyone. All those people at the party? Someone has to know something. Someone had to have seen something. And yet nobody has a clue. Nobody says anything."
Emma nodded, feeling the woman's frustration. "I've been going through the company personnel files. You guys do thorough background checks on everyone. I can't see any of the employees doing something to her. It seems that they all love her as much as you do." Emma watched the cloud return to the woman's face.
"Do you know what it's like to be alone like this?" she asked, her fingers running along the strap of her handbag. "I mean I read the article about you. Is that true that you grew up in foster care? You never even met your parents?"
Emma confirmed that with a gentle bob of her head.
"I had parents up until a few years ago, but now…Now it is just me and Anna. And Anna isn't that interested in keeping our parents' dreams alive. She wants to, but she doesn't know how. She doesn't know what it takes to make all this work. She doesn't…I wouldn't want her to know. I wouldn't want her to have to see the looks people give me when I try to run the board meeting. I wouldn't want her to walk into her office and hear people talking about her and calling her a bitch because she won't approve some expense that is way over budget. She's managed to escape all that. I plan to keep it that way." She tugged harder on the scrap. "I know what it's like. I know how horrible it is to arrive home and know that everything that happened that day is meaningless because nobody else understands. Nobody else knows how you feel."
Emma flashed a slow smile. "I guess that must be hard for you too. It must make you miss your sister a great deal."
Elsa touched her finger to the corners of her eyes. "I didn't mean to get emotional about this," she said with an uneven laugh. "When I first reported my sister as missing, I heard what people said. People in this town were saying she ran away because of me. Because maybe I was too hard on her. Because maybe I was controlling. And as nice as Sheriff Nolan was, it felt like his promises were empty when instead of taking over the case himself, he handed it to you."
The muscles in her body tensed at the sharpness of Elsa's words, but she sort of understood too. Elsa had been hoping for the cavalry, expecting more help than she would know what to with. Instead she got an overworked and relatively new deputy who seemed to have a scandal following her.
"But you're like me in more ways than I can always acknowledge. You're a strong woman and I haven't given you credit for that." She drew in a breath as if to signal that had been a tough thing to say. "Well, I guess I should tell you what I came here to say."
"Thank you," Emma said, cocking her head to the side. "I really do want to find your sister."
"That makes two of us. Now, let's talk about people my sister has known. Starting with the man she was engaged to before Kris. His name is Hans."