Realizations

Joshua thought about their telepathic encounter all the way home. Never in a million years did he think his Rose could do that. It made him anxious for, and almost afraid, of doing more with her. At the same time, he realized that he craved that connection. Without the TARDIS, his mind was starving. He'd been able to ignore it to a point but now, knowing that Rose would be able to connect with him like that, he wanted it more than anything. He finally decided to break the silence.

"Rose, we need to talk about this. I don't...I mean...I don't want to fight over it, but there may be much more going on than you think. And I just, I want you to be okay. So please?"

Rose back went rigid when he started talking. She didn't want to talk about this, about any of it, really. It was still too painful for her. But she pursed her lips and nodded, once. Joshua could feel the tension in the air.

~DW~~DW~~DW~

Joshua used his key to let them in. Rose rushed through the door, keeping her distance from Joshua. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"I'm going to go dress down." Rose left him standing in the room. He nodded, knowing she couldn't see him. He knew he had upset her, but he didn't realize how upset she would be. He went to their room and retrieved some clothes and went to change as well. When he was done, he could hear her making tea. He smiled. She was so much like her mother. Tea fixed everything.

He walked into their little kitchen and stood back, watching her. Her back was rigid. He stepped up, and lightly placed her hands on her shoulder. She stilled. He gently started working on her shoulders and he felt her relax into his touch.

'I don't want to fight. But I do have concerns. We promised we would talk once we got here. And if I know either of us, we will put it off.'

He turned her around to look at him. She looked near tears. He cupped her face with his right hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'm ready to talk. What do you want to know?" She still looked apprehensive, but Joshua relaxed.

"I want to know everything about what you can do. Telepathy of that caliber is unheard of in a human. And I know you know something. I can see it in your eyes. Please, love, tell me."

"And you, will you share everything with me?" Rose's eyes were like fire as they bore into him. He almost flinched at their intensity, but he held his ground. He nodded, almost reluctantly. She pursed her lips together and nodded. Rose took his hand and led him to the living room. He sat on the couch. Joshua fully expected Rose to join him but instead she sat in between his legs on the floor, facing away. He placed his hands gently at her temples. That contact wasn't exactly needed, but it help his concentration. He startled when he felt Rose's mind brush against his.

'You did this with Reinette.'

'I did. And she went into my mind without my knowledge or consent. It's a violation, of sorts, to do that.'

'You never told me that. I just knew you were upset when she was gone.'

'Of course I was. I don't take death lightly. And she was a brilliant woman, but I didn't mourn her because I loved her. I didn't….I didn't tell you because I'm an idiot. I thought at the time that pushing you away would make the pain of losing you hurt less. I wanted to distance myself. All I did was cause both of us time. I should have acted a long time ago.'

She smiled weakly at him.

"If there's any thing you don't want me to see, imagine a door and I won't look."

She nodded and closed her eyes. His mind nudged hers gently, asking for permission. She nodded and he entered her mind. He expected chaos, like most humans. What he found, was the TARDIS console room.

'Well, this is new.'

'Thought you would like that. It keeps things organized.'

She grabbed his hand and he looked down, surprised.

'This is a bit advanced. I'm honestly impressed. How long has your mind been like this?'

'Since Bad Wolf. It wasn't long after that that I realized I had been changed.'

'You remember that?'

'Bits and pieces. But for the most part, yes. Although I didn't really start remembering details until I came here.'

'Do you…..do you remember how I took it out of you?'

'Yes.'

'Oh'

Appearing at the back part of the room, opposite the doors that represented the way out of her mind, there were three doors. The first, TARDIS blue. The second was solid black. The last was gold.

'Blue is for hope. These are my good memories. Black is despair. These are my bad. I'm not sure what the gold is for, but I can speculate. I've never actually seen the door before now.'

'But I took it out of you.'

'Apparently not. Shall we look behind it?'

He looked at her, fear etched on his face. She took his hand and smiled. She reached for the door handle and turned. And they stepped through.

~DW~~DW~~DW~

Inside the door, he noticed he had stepped into a shack. In the middle sat a box. He stepped back, fear and worry on his face. Rose still had his hand. But in front of him, sitting on the box, was also Rose.

'Hello, Doctor.'

'Umm, hello?'

'You don't remember this, which is alright. I'll allow you to remember it now. I am the Bad Wolf, as you had guessed. But there is more to the story than even you know.' She stepped up to him and placed her hands on his temples. And he remembered.

His knees buckled and he looked at the two Rose's with awe, excitement, and a touch of fear etched on his face.

'This is what happened in your Time Line. We ended the Time War, Doctor. But not as you remembered. There is a another Time Line, which may or may not happen. Those events are still in flux.'

'What happens?'

'I can't tell you. Fore knowledge is dangerous, as you well know.'

Joshua nods.

'Is it a good ending?'

'It can be. Time is still in Flux around those events. It has happened, is happening, will happen. But you cannot know the outcome until the very end.'

He nods again.

'Do not ever doubt who you are. Mind and body, you are the Doctor. More importantly, you are her Doctor.'

'Are you….are you what has been changing Rose?'

'She chose her fate, Doctor. There are many more changes ahead for you both. Some you will not like. And most of this you aren't allowed to remember, not until the end. But know this, you are loved, and by no one more than Rose Tyler.'

'But she will be happy?'

'So long as she has you, Doctor, she will be happy.'

He nodded as he took Rose's hand again. She had been strangely silent through the entire encounter and he looked at her. There were tear stains down her cheeks.

'I knew she was still there. She had to be for me to go unharmed through the Dimensions. But I'm afraid of what that means for us.'

'For now, it means nothing. Because if this entire experience with you has taught me anything, Rose Tyler, it's that we can't take our time for granted. We need to embrace it and live for the moment.'

He kissed her. This wasn't chaste, like most of their kisses. He withdrew from her mind to find myself kissing her, him bent down and her head thrown back.

'Before…..before we go any further, I need to show you something, Rose.'

'What, love? If it's too painful, it can wait.'

'No, it can't. If we….I need you to see all of me, the worst of me, before we go on. Please.'

She was suddenly pulled into his mind. Unlike hers, it wasn't tidy. She had expected it to be. What she saw, was them standing in the middle of a hurricane.

'It used to be neater. But then the Time War happened. It tore every one of us apart. Realities were bent. Time Lines crushed. Between the Daleks and the Time Lords, there was no real distinction. We had become like them in our hate and rage. And we destroyed Time just as ruthlessly as they did. And because of this, my mind is, cluttered. I went a bit mad, right after the War.'

Flashes of the War tore across the surface. He stood frozen, watching her reactions. She never broke down and cried, but he could see tears on her cheeks.

'But this….this is my mind. It's always been a bit busy, a bit cluttered. This storm was created as a result of the scars of the War. After the War, I drifted. I refused to travel. Refused to do anything, really. The TARDIS tried to help but she was just as torn up and scarred as I was. Finally, she did the only thing she could think of, she dumped me on a friend's doorstep and refused to open again until I had pulled myself together. It took a couple of months. But Alistair had been in War as well. He knew what I was going through, to an extent. He helped heal me enough to where I could travel again, to do good.'

He took a deep breath, collecting himself.

'My first adventure was London. Nestene Conscious. I hadn't planned on meeting anyone. I wanted to stick to the shadows as much as possible and just do the job. But then I heard a scream. Little did I know that it belonged to the ray of sunshine that would brighten my dim world.'

Around them, the storm had quieted.

'It didn't take long for you to whittle down my defenses. And soon, I couldn't think of a life without you. But I was a coward. I drew a line, because I knew I would end up getting hurt. I tried to push you away. I was so stupid. Because when you were ripped from me, the storm was worse than ever. I didn't get a chance to mourn. I flung myself head long into danger. I think, I think there was a part of me that wanted it to end. I was careless, in my adventures.'

She looked at him, concern across her face. He was lost in the memories. She squeezed his hand, and he broke out of his trance.

'I had to….to let you see the worst of me. My emotions are all over the place. You know that. But you. You drive the darkness away.'

Rose chose that moment to envelope his mind. She let her love and hope and passion envelope him. He kissed her again, desperately, and they were flung from his mind.

She broke from the kiss first. He tried to lean in again but she put her hand up, stopping him. He was hurt and confused. She stood up and turned around, reaching for his hands. She pulled him up and started towards their bedroom. It finally dawned on him what her intentions were and he pounced. He kissed her, frantically, pushing her up against the door.