A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry I've been gone for a bit, things have been hectic with school so I haven't been able to update. But here I am now! Back with a new chapter. Thank you for the love, you guys are truly amazing.

Wanted to thank my good friend for helping me out with the story. Don't know how she deals with me, but I'm truly thankful for her for it.

Hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

Seven

Jeff looked at the journal that was on his coffee table. Sitting in his living room, he's been contemplating whether or not he would open Emerson's journal. He never even knew she owned a journal. When Vanessa was packing her things and he watched her do it, he never saw this journal or any other journal. Why would Matt have it? Matt did clean out her office in the bakery so it could have been there. Doesn't matter, either way, it was in his hands and now he was contemplating whether he should open it or not. A little peak wouldn't be so horrible, he just wanted to see Emerson's mindset, to see what she was feeling. Sure, he could read her, but the curiosity was eating at him. The last few years of their relationship, she was much better at masking her emotions.

It's been two months since he retrieved the journal from Matt's basement. Emerson's been back for three months now. He hasn't been able to spend as much time with her, but from what Amaya was telling him, she was doing well at the bakery. Apparently, it didn't make sense for Amaya to have Emerson as her apprentice. Though they did agree on six months and Emerson insisted on staying on as an apprentice. She didn't want to take Amaya's job.

Jeff reached out to lift the journal, but his doorbell rang. He mumbled under his breath before standing up to get the door. Unlocking the door, he opened it and found Shane on the other side.

"What's up brother," Shane greeted giving Jeff a hug.

"Nothing much man, just resting up, I just flew in a couple of hours ago." Jeff gestured for him to come in, closing the door behind Shane.

"Good, how's it going?" Shane questioned.

"Not so bad, I'm glad to be wrestling again," Jeff sighed. "I liked my time off, but you know, it's definitely fun to be back."

"Understood," Shane walked over to Jeff's living room, sitting down on the couch. "How's Emmy? I just stopped by the bakery and it's like back to normal."

"Tell me about it, it seems normal yet it isn't." Jeff sat beside him. "I'm not complaining, I'm glad she's here, but it gets difficult at times. Not being able to do the things we used to do is fucking frustrating."

"Jeff, you're sounding like a total douche. Yeah, it's hard for you, but can you imagine how she's feeling? Years of her life forgotten and now she's starting anew." Shane pointed out. "I know you want her to remember what you guys had, but as it stands, if she did remember, she might not give you the time of fucking day."

Shane wasn't lying. Jeff never really explored the idea of Emerson coming back with memories intact. She most likely wouldn't give him the time of day. Sure, she'd be happy he was clean once again, but Emerson would still hate his fucking guts. He used to blame Candice for all of this, if she didn't tell Emerson, everything would still be okay, hell, they would be married with children by now. But Candice wasn't to blame. He was a dick for becoming angry with Candice for having a conscience. It was never a plan of his to tell Emerson, he couldn't because he knew that would be the final straw. Candice was a friend of hers that Jeff had a relationship with; there was no way he could bounce back from that.

But he still had hopes that she would forgive him, eventually.

"I never thought of that."

"Of course you didn't." Shane shook his head. He always gave Jeff his time, he never bombarded him with questions because he knew Jeff. When he wanted to talk, he'll talk. But at times, he had to push him a bit, just to let him know he was there.

"I know I royally fucked up, yet you guys never really seem to discuss the breakup with me. Can I ask why?" Jeff questioned. Sure, they made their quips now, but the guys never talked about the breakup till Emerson came back.

"We just didn't want to put more in your plate. Things were crazy and for us to add to that, you didn't need that. You needed our support more than our badgering." Shane explained. "Did you want to talk about the breakup?"

"Not exactly," Jeff picked up the journal and handed it to Shane. "It's Emerson's journal."

"Journal? Where did you find this?" Shane examined the black book, it wasn't locked. He could easily read the journal, but he was sure Jeff would hit him if he did.

"Matt's basement with Emerson's stuff from the bakery." Jeff replied.

Shane placed the journal back on the table. "Have you read it?"

"I was about to, then you came." Jeff smirked. "I'm actually conflicted if I should read it."

"Not ready to see her uncensored thoughts?" Shane was on the same boat as Shannon. He saw Emerson slowly deteriorate. They had to get her out somehow. He was in on all the plans Shannon and Alex had. Emerson was his friend too; he couldn't watch her go down by association. Sure, she closed herself off, but it wasn't hard to see someone breaking down.

"I can take it, I'm sure they're not worst than what I thought her uncensored thoughts were." Jeff looked at the journal again. "But I feel like I'm invading her privacy."

"You fucking are, you know you are." Shane chuckled. "But I don't think that would stop you, especially since you brought the damn journal to your house."

"Fuck, I shouldn't do this, I can still return it." Jeff was having second thoughts. This might just open a can of trouble he wasn't ready to deal with, especially since this Emerson wouldn't remember writing any of this.

"Put it this way, I'm not really supporting this invasion of privacy, but if you feel that it'll be able to help Emerson with her memory, then why not?" Shane shrugged. He shouldn't be the devil's advocate, but it was too tempting. "Besides, it wouldn't be bad for you to know what she went through when you fucked her over."

"Thanks Shane, your words are far too kind."

"Anytime man," Shane patted his back. "Have you seen Emerson? I'm surprised you're not with her since you just got back."

"No, I haven't," Jeff shook his head. He wanted to go see her, but she was at work. He didn't want to bother her there. Even though he technically owned the bakery, he still didn't want to bother her. "I'll take her out later or something, I'm just really curious about this damn journal."

"Just open it, you obviously want to," Shane egged on. "Though, fair warning, you might not like whatever you read in there." Emerson had secrets that she kept from Jeff. Shane knew Emerson kept certain things to herself, not wanting to bother Jeff with her problems. It was an issue for them at times. Emerson was 110 percent there for Jeff and as much as Jeff wanted to be there for her and he was unable to be there at times or Emerson didn't want to be a burden to Jeff since he was going through so much already.

"I don't know if I'm ready to find out."

"Look, we're all in agreement that whatever Emerson felt, might not be that accurate. Sure, she was hurt and that much was evident, but where her psyche was at that time, you can't really hold her accountable. She didn't know any better." Shane was just guessing how harsh her journal would be. The last months of their relationship really took a toll on Emerson and she wasn't in the right mindset. She basically convinced herself that Jeff didn't love her, at one point he did, but that wasn't the case anymore. "She loves you, that much is true, just keep that in mind."

"How much do you know?" Jeff questioned.

"Enough," Shane shrugged. "I'm just giving you a fair warning."

Now Jeff was having second thoughts. What if opening this journal would just bring more complications to an already complicated situation? He wasn't scared of getting hurt, he was strong enough for this. But his mind was still screaming that he was invading her privacy and curiosity did kill the cat.

Fuck it.

"Alright, I'll open it. But when you leave."

Shane groaned. "Come on, I can't be here for this?"

"No, this is between Emerson and I," Jeff chuckled. "Well Emerson's journal and I."

"How is Emerson doing?" Shane questioned.

"You haven't seen her?"

"I have, but I want to know if you have."

"You know I spend whatever time I can with Emerson. She's just really busy with the bakery so I don't bother her when I can help it."

"Sounds like the good old days."

"I resent that, Emerson loves that bakery, she put so much hard work into it."

"Yes, she loves the bakery, but I recall you never did."

"I had a problem with the bakery, but I always supported her."

"Come on Jeff, you had your dickhead moments, you supported her, but you never actually liked the bakery."

Jeff had his problems with the bakery from the beginning. It wasn't on Emerson though; he just had issues. Truthfully, he was being selfish. Plan and simple as that.

"She was too focused on it."

"It was her escape."

"From what?"

"You'll find out soon enough." Shane stood up. "Where's Ares?"

"He's at Emerson's."

"What?"

"Emerson dogsits for me when I'm gone."

"Really now?" Shane laughed. "You guys have joint custody?"

"Fuck you Shane."

Shane laughed once more. "Love you too Jeffrey. Alright, I'm going to go so you can read Emerson's personal thoughts. Just remember, don't take it to heart."

"Just go." Jeff threw a pillow at him.

Shane threw it back before walking out of the front door.

His eyes landed on the journal once again.

It was going to be a long day.

Emerson walked in her home, locking the door behind her. Ares was immediately by her side, greeting her. She gave him a quick pet before giving him a kiss on his head.

"How was your day? I hope you didn't ruin my pillows again." She walked in the living room and found it a little disheveled, but no ruined pillows. Walking over to the kitchen and to the sliding doors, she slid the door open to let Ares out. She kept the door opened, just so that he can come back in when he wants to.

Having Ares over was definitely a good thing for her. She loved having company and she hated to admit it, but she missed her siblings. She was used to having them around and she never really knew a life that she didn't live with them. And here she was now, putting her big girl pants on, living on her own. It was definitely a plus that Shannon, Shane, and Matt stopped by often along with their significant others. Jeff was always around too and she always felt much better seeing him.

The doorbell rang which caused Ares to run back inside and towards the front door. Emerson laughed and followed the dog.

"Is it your daddy?" She asked him as she unlocked the door and opened it.

It wasn't, it was Amaya.

"Amaya! Hey, what are you doing here?" Emerson gestured for her to come in.

Amaya petted Ares before the dog walked away, leaving the two.

"Just wanted to check on you since I wasn't at work today. How was it?" Amaya had been leaving Emerson alone much more often. She always knew that running the bakery would eventually go back to Emerson and she definitely didn't mind. When Jeff came to her, asking her to be the chef for the bakery, she was ecstatic, to be able to continue what Emerson left behind. And Jeff gave the reigns to her, he checked in as much as he could, but she ran the show. With Emerson back, she hoped that it would trigger some of her memories, she had so many happy ones associated to the bakery.

"Good! It was so busy, I had to redo a cake and all that good stuff. But it was so fun." Emerson gushed. "You want some coffee?"

"No, can't have caffeine," Amaya smiled.

"Are you allergic?" Emerson questioned. She wasn't sure why she offered Amaya coffee, she never saw her drink coffee.

Amaya rubbed her stomach.

Emerson's mouth dropped. "You naughty girl, you're pregnant!" She exclaimed excitedly. "How far along are you?"

"Three months," Amaya beamed.

It was upsetting when Amaya learned that Emerson didn't remember her. Emerson only remembered Amy as Matt's girlfriend. Emerson and Amaya met through Shane, who was Amaya's cousin. Amaya was a few years older than Emerson, graduating with a bachelor's degree in Business. Initially, Emerson hired her to help out with the managing aspect of the store. They made a pretty good team and became fast friends. Matt met Amaya through Emerson and the rest was history.

Amaya always thought that her and Emerson would have kids around the same age; that they would be raising the crazy Hardy kids together. And now, she was without her memories of Jeff being her boyfriend. It was like back to square one for almost everyone.

"I'm so happy for you! I'm surprised this is your first kid together." Emerson told her as they sat down by the island counter in the kitchen. "I bet Matt is thrilled."

"Definitely, he's out telling the boys now, though Jeff isn't answering his phone." Amaya knew that Jeff could be reclusive; it wasn't anything new. But he hasn't been this way since Emerson came back, so something must be up.

"Maybe Jeff is tired," Emerson offered. Now she was wondering what was going on with Jeff.

"Either way, I just wanted to check on you, to see how are things going." Amaya took the cookie jar that was beside the fruit bowl. "Cookies sound amazing right now."

"Just a heads up, it's Chips Ahoy, got lazy with the cookies." Emerson took a cookie for herself.

"Chips ahoy are my favorite, though Oreos are amazing as well."

"I love both, cookies are cookies." Emerson took a bite from her cookie. "How was traveling with the guys? I bet it gets hectic."

"A little, but not as hectic as when they were in the WWE. But it's still a bit tiring." Amaya and Emerson stuck together when they traveled with the guys. They spoke to the WWE Divas; they were nice. "You know if you ever feel that you need to talk, I'm here for you, right?"

Emerson smiled. "Of course, I just have nothing interesting to talk about."

"Can I ask? Do you remember anything? Or has anything popped up since you've been back?"

"A waterfall," Emerson started. "I'm walking and I hear a waterfall, I can smell it too. It's a pretty vivid memory. There's someone with me and he's telling me how it's a place where he goes to relax, to think. Even if they had acres and acres of land, sometimes the place you need is not at home."

Amaya paused for a moment, taking Emerson's words in, she didn't know of any spots that Emerson frequented that had waterfalls. Sure, there were waterfalls around, but she never heard of Emerson going there.

"Anything else?"

"Hmm, not really, we're mostly walking or driving to the place."

"Do you know who was with you?"

"No, I'm too busy looking at the surroundings." Emerson laughed.

"You don't recognize the voice?"

"I do, I think, his voice sounded hoarse, like he was sick."

Amaya was almost certain that it was Jeff. Who else would be with her?

"I'm sure it'll come to you," Amaya smiled.

"It gets frustrating, I feel like everyone is tiptoeing around me. You're literally the only person whose asked if I've remembered anything." Emerson told her. "I don't mind, I understand they're being cautious, but maybe if they brought me around places we used to frequent then I would remember some things."

She wasn't blaming any of them. But she knew that they expected her to remember, especially Jeff. He was the one who seemed the most affected by this whole ordeal. She wanted to ask him why, but she never found the courage to do so. Maybe asking the other guys or Amaya could do, but she wanted to hear it from Jeff. Though her talk with Alexander was still in her mind. She didn't have the courage to ask Jeff if they were together and it frustrated her. How hard was it to ask that? But maybe she was afraid of the answer.

"They're just worried, they don't want to push you." Amaya explained.

"Yeah, you're right, I guess it'll eventually come back." Emerson took another cookie. "I missed them, the guys. When I saw them again, I was so happy cause I finally got to be with the boys again. I grew up with them and for some time, they weren't in my life and it felt weird. Whenever I would ask Stephen, he would just brush it off."

"They missed you too, they didn't know where you were for a couple of years and threw all of them off." It definitely did, Jeff was the most affected along with Matt. They were used to having her around all the damn time, when she was gone, like she vanished from thin air, it was difficult for them.

"I missed Jeff the most, which is fucking weird cause the only memory I have of Jeff that would count us being friends was when he drove me to the dentist." Emerson pursed her lips. "I have this pull towards Jeff and it's so strong at times, it's scary. When he's not around, I worry, when he is around I feel much better knowing he's nearby."

Amaya had to smile at that. Memories may be lost, but the heart never forgets.

"You and Jeff did become extremely close. He definitely missed you."

"He always tells me that, I can see it too. The way he looks at me, it's different." Emerson took another cookie. "I should stop eating cookies, I'll ruin my appetite."

"Please, cookies will not, keep eating," Amaya grabbed another as well. "If you have questions, you can always ask Jeff."

"I want to, but I'm afraid of knowing the answers."

"Why?"

"Cause then I would have to face whatever mess I left here. Whenever I get the courage to talk to Jeff, I hold myself back and it's weird." Emerson explained. "I must have messed up, that's the reason my brother took me away, isn't it?"

It was typical of Emerson to think that way. She was the one who had to screw up, not the other way around. Emerson always thought the world of Jeff, even when he was drugged up, he was still the most important person in her life. Even when she found out he was cheating on her, he was still the most important person in her life. That's why when they all saw how she was slowly going down. Jeff dragging her with him, they had to step in.

"You ever thought that maybe you wanted to leave?"

"I would never want to leave North Carolina, it's my home. It's where all my memories with my mom is and the boys are here." Emerson had this feeling in the pit of her stomach, it was the same feeling she would get when she wanted to ask Jeff of their origins, how they got close, why they got so close. It was a conversation she eventually needed to have, but she wanted to talk to her therapist first. "I guess I'm missing a lot, aren't I?"

"You are, but it'll come." Amaya placed her hand on top of Emerson, squeezing it. "I'll tell Matt to take you to some places you might not remember, it would hit something. Maybe we can go to Chapel Hill, so you can see your old school grounds."

"Sounds like a plan."

Jeff placed the journal down, shaking his head. It wasn't so bad, the first few entries were not so bad. They were mostly about her feeling awful for using Jeff's money. It was never a big argument between them, but Emerson did have problems using Jeff's money. That she wasn't doing anything with her college degree. She graduated with an English degree. She didn't want to be a teacher or a journalist, but she did like writing short stories. The thing that really hooked her was baking. She used to bake all the time; their home never ran out of sweets. Which could be troublesome for Jeff, but he couldn't put the cupcakes down.

But the journal did give him an insight on her relationship with Alexander. It was changing; actually it changed. Alexander was no longer the go to guy and hasn't been in a while. They apparently argued about it since Emerson had failed to mention to Alexander that she graduated. The journal was started two months after she graduated from college, six months before the bakery. At this point, Alexander and Emerson spoke sporadically, going six months at a time not speaking to one another. It wasn't on purpose, Emerson was busy with school and Alexander was busy with whatever he had to do.

Jeff remembered that time, it was around the time he was coming back to the WWE. He had been back for two weeks and Emerson was traveling with him. They were at his hotel room and she was super cut up about Alexander not answering her phone calls.

"Ugh, he's such a child," Emerson placed her cell phone beside her, crossing her arms over her chest.

Jeff laughed and walked over to her. "Babe, why won't you finish dressing up? We're going out to dinner with Shane."

"I don't feel like going," Emerson pouted.

"Emmy, don't let Alexander's pettiness get to you. You gotta give him space." Jeff suggested. He understood Alexander's anger, Emerson didn't purposely forget to invite him, but they hadn't spoken in six months, it slipped her mind. Personally, he didn't give a shift if Alexander was there or not. "He was hurt, you two are supposed to be best friends and you didn't invite him to your graduation."

"It's not like I forgot on purpose," Emerson defended. "I was planning on inviting him, but Lauren was graduating as well, I didn't want to get in between them."

"You jealous of Lauren?" Jeff always had an issue with Alex and Emerson's closeness. Sure he understood the closeness to some extent, but they were a little too close at times. He thought that when Lauren came in, Emerson and Alex wouldn't be as close, but Emerson ended up getting along with Lauren as well, how not surprising.

"Are you serious?" Emerson's face soured. She hated it when Jeff did this, it wasn't often, but she knew that Jeff and Alex were civil at best.

"I'm just asking, maybe you didn't want to invite him because you know that he would choose Lauren's graduation and you didn't want to be disappointed." Jeff knew he was digging a hole for himself, but he just had to get it out. He was always honest with Emerson, sorta.

Emerson stood up and walked in the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She locked the door and Jeff knew he was fucked.

"Baby, I'm sorry," he knocked on the door. "Emmy, come on, don't be upset."

"Fuck off, Jeff. Go out with Shane, give me some time right now." Emerson replied.

Jeff sighed. He shouldn't have crossed that line. He knew it, but he still did. Alexander was in a committed relationship, why was he so bothered by them still?

"Emerson, come on, please open the door."

"Jeff, honestly, I can't believe you would even ask that question." Emerson gritted out. "I don't even have those kind of feelings for Alexander anymore."

"I know baby, I'm sorry, okay? Just please come out," Jeff stood by the door, leaning against the frame.

It was silent. Jeff leaned his forehead against the doorframe, waiting for any answer. He hated fighting with her, but he couldn't help himself at times. Alexander was a sour spot for him, whenever she needed something her first go to was Alexander. Jeff was second. He could slightly live with that, but it would be nice for Emerson to see that Jeff was there for her too.

The door opened and Emerson walked out right into Jeff's arms. He wrapped his arms around her as she wrapped hers around him.

"I love you, you know that, right?" Jeff told her, running his hand up and down her back.

"Yeah, I do," Emerson pulled away from Jeff. "I just wish you didn't say things like that, I love you, no one else."

Jeff smiled. "I know." He leaned down and captured Emerson's lips. She sighed, letting Jeff take control of their kiss. Jeff pulled away watching as Emerson slowly opened her eyes and smiled up at him.

"You're a pain in the ass, Hardy."

Emerson and Alex eventually made up and Jeff was thankful that they did. Alex was a good friend to Emerson, to some extent.

Jeff took a break from reading, folding the page so he knew where he left off. He stood up and walked over to his kitchen to get his phone. Picking up the phone, he noticed he had a couple of missed calls; three from Matt, two from Shannon, and one from Emerson. Did something happen?

He clicked on Emerson's name and placed the phone by his ear.

"Hello," she greeted.

"Hey, everything okay?"

"Yeah, Matt's been trying to get a hold of you and we just wanted to make sure you're okay." Emerson explained. "You are okay, right?"

"I am, sorry, I was taking a nap." Well, he couldn't be truthful with her, could he now?

"Oh Jeffrey, scaring everyone because you were napping." She laughed. "Please call your brother."

"I will, what are you up to?"

"I'm currently cooking dinner with Ares, wanna come over?"

Jeff smiled. "I'll be there in fifteen."

Emerson walked up to the front door and opened it. Jeff enveloped her in his arms before kissing the top of her head. He pulled away from her and greeted Ares next.

"Hey bud, did you miss me?" Ares stood up on his hind legs, placing his front paws on Jeff's chest. "Look at you, missed ya bud."

"And he missed you too, but he's a fantastic cuddle buddy." Emerson walked away from the two and made her way to the kitchen.

"So, not to insult you, but I thought you can't cook?" Jeff always had a fun time teasing Emerson. She was a fantastic baker, but cooking wasn't her thing. Eggs, bacon, pancakes, she can do that, she can basically cook breakfast and make a sandwich, anything else, not even close.

"Hey, I resent that, I'm learning." Emerson stuck her tongue out at him. "Okay, so I wasn't cooking, I ordered pizza."

"Fine by me," Jeff made his way to the kitchen, sitting by the island. Ares walked after Jeff, resting by his feet when he got to the kitchen. "Thanks for taking care of Ares."

"Of course, I love having him over," Emerson placed a slice of pizza in a plate and gave it to Jeff. "He's a fantastic companion and bed buddy. He doesn't snore, he doesn't hog the bed, doesn't hog the blanket, we get along just fine." She grabbed a slice for herself before sitting down next to Jeff. "So, have you gone to the bakery?"

"No, I trust you and Amaya, I'm sure everything is going well." Jeff took a bite out of his pizza. "Shannon told me you've been hiking with him lately, you never used to like hiking."

Emerson was not a very active person, Jeff used to have to drag her to go hiking. But eventually, she started going on her own, just to clear her mind. Jeff would usually tag along, just to make sure she came home safe, but he gave her distance that she needed. In some ways, its what made their relationship worked well. Whenever Emerson needed space, Jeff recognized that and gave it to her, but he would always make sure that when she was ready to talk, he was there. Their communication was always great, but it deteriorated the last two years of their relationship. Emerson was afraid to speak her mind, getting tired of the fight it might brought on. She tiptoed around Jeff at that time, sure she was happy to some extent, but Jeff knew how exhausted she was at that point in their relationship. But she never complained; she just stood beside him with whatever he needed.

"Yeah, the bakery can be stressing, so it's nice to walk and have some peace and quiet." Emerson replied. "Well, when Shannon isn't talking at least."

Jeff laughed. "We can always go hiking, I'm a pretty good hiking buddy, so is Ares."

"I would love that, whenever you have time for the little people, you let me know." Emerson teased.

"Very funny," Jeff took another slice once he finished his slice. "Have you talked to your siblings?"

"Everyday, I have to check in with them," Emerson made a face causing Jeff to laugh.

"They care,"

"A little too much, I'm not a kid anymore."

"No, but you'll always be their little sister, believe me, I've been there."

Emerson laughed. "Matt could be a bit overbearing, but I'm sure he's not as bad as Stephen."

"No one is as bad as Stephen," Jeff agreed. "But Vanessa isn't so bad."

"She isn't, but you know, she worries too."

"Just know that as much as they are a pain, they love you."

Emerson smiled. "I know, I'm really appreciative of them, it's just crazy how Stephen is married with kids. Vanessa is in a relationship and here I am, no love life."

Did she want one? Jeff wasn't sure how he felt about that. He never thought of Emerson dating. Why would she need to date? She shouldn't be dating, she should be focusing on herself. But then again, this was eighteen years old Emerson he was speaking too. She dated a couple of people before she dated him. They never really lasted since, well, if he was honest, he gave the guys a hard time and drove them away. It wasn't on purpose, at least that's the story he was going with to his grave.

"Are you looking for a relationship?"

"No, maybe? I don't know." Emerson sighed, placing her second slice of pizza on the plate. "I feel like I can't be stuck in this rut forever, I should be out there enjoying my life. Gotta face facts at some time that I might not get my memory and I'd have to move on with my life."

That stung Jeff. How could she say that? Was she even trying to regain her memory? Jeff had a temper, it wasn't anything new for his Emerson, but for this Emerson, it might be. He couldn't let his temper get the best of him here, it would lead to a fight with Emerson.

"Don't say that, you'll regain your memory, have faith." It was the best thing Jeff could say without touching too much that he was hurt by her words.

"I know and I have hope I will, I'm trying too," Emerson frowned. "It's just, I feel that something is holding me back? Like maybe there's a reason I'm not remembering. Maybe the last few years have been difficult and my brain literally wants to just start over."

That other comment stung, now this was a stab wound. He knew that she doesn't remember anything, but fuck, that shit hurt. How could she say that? Her brain didn't want to remember their relationship? Everything they worked for? Everything they experienced together? Again, his temper knocked and he was trying to ignore it the best he could.

"Or maybe you're just not trying hard enough."

"I think I'm trying the best I can. I go to therapy, I explore and nothing." Emerson turned towards him. "Did I hurt someone? Is that the reason my brother took me away from North Carolina?"

Jeff gave her an incredulous look. "Don't be ridiculous Emerson, you didn't hurt anyone."

"Amaya said that I might have wanted to leave, but I never thought of leaving North Carolina permanently. Sure, I want to travel, but I always saw myself staying here." Emerson locked eyes with Jeff. "I want to remember every memory I shared with you, the boys, Amaya, Melanie, everyone, but I just don't want ya'll to get your hopes up and end up with this new me."

"There is no new you, you're still the same." Jeff had stopped eating at this point, his appetite basically disappeared into thin air. He had to read the journal now, if something inside of Emerson was preventing her from remembering, he had to see what it was.

"Am I? People change as time passes Jeff, you can't sit here and tell me I didn't change."

"You did, but don't get carried away, you didn't change drastically." At least not on her own. Jeff made her be reclusive, anti-social at times. Emerson wanted to focus on the bakery, to keep her sanity. There was a time that Emerson didn't attend the parties that were being thrown by their group. She and Jeff would fight with Jeff usually the one angrily walking away, she stayed home.

It stayed silent for some time. Jeff wasn't sure what to say, waiting for Emerson to continue to open up. She's had a wall with him. Though she recognized their closeness, she was still closed off since she wasn't used to the relationship.

Emerson stood up and grabbed two cans of beer from the refrigerator and placed one in front of Jeff. Sitting down once again, she opened the can and took a drink. Placing the can down, she took another bite of her pizza.

"One of the perks of being older, I get to buy alcohol on my own."

Jeff laughed at that. This was the Emerson he knew, the one who tried to ease up the tension. They both could feel the tension building between them. Things left unsaid that continue to be unsaid. It's not like they didn't want to talk about it, they just didn't know how to bring it up. They were always honest to one another, but with the unfamiliarity of the situation, they didn't know how to approach the other.

"Can I ask, I'm think you would know since we're close," Emerson bit her lip before letting out a deep breath. "Am I still a virgin?"

Jeff spat out the beer he was drinking and placed the can down. Emerson immediately got paper towels and handed it to Jeff.

"Sorry, was that too personal? Did we not discuss things like this? I'm so sorry!" Emerson quickly said, grabbing paper towels to wipe the counter.

How was Jeff supposed to tell her that he was her first? Sure Emerson had experience, but she never had sex till she was in a relationship with Jeff. He had to play it safe, he couldn't blurt out to her they were together, she might not be ready for that yet. Well, he was ready for that conversation, especially since she's considering dating, but he had to go in her own pace.

"Have you asked anyone else this?" Jeff questioned when he was finished wiping himself.

"I asked Vanessa, but I didn't really get an answer from her." Emerson laughed at her brother's facial expression when she had asked that question. "I was hoping you would know. I asked Alexander and he said I should ask you."

Of course that asshole would pass it to him.

"You're not a virgin." That was the truth.

"I'm not?" Emerson's eyes widened. "Oh my God, who did I lose it to? Please tell me they were my boyfriend, I mean, no problem with one night stands, but I was hoping I would at least be with the guy I lose it too."

"You never really told me his name, but you said you lost it." That was the best he could give her.

"Oh man, this is crazy," Emerson chuckled.

"Out of curiosity, has anyone asked you out?" Jeff had to know. Raleigh was a big town unlike Cameron. In Cameron, all the guys knew their place; Emerson was Jeff's girl, period. Where the bakery was located, things were different.

"No, I usually stay in the back, are you worried?" Emerson patted his back. "I'll be fine, I'm a big girl."

"Of course I worry about you, I have to make sure you're safe." Jeff was good at lying, he had to be.

"Well don't worry, no dates, just work." Emerson took a sip again. "I don't have time for a relationship, I need to find stability before I focus on that."

Jeff thanked the heavens. There was no way Emerson was going to date under his watch. Call him possessive, but this was the love of his life. He lost her once and he sure as hell won't lose her again.