[A note from Jonathan: This is a special chapter of my fanfiction series Help Us, Professor Kokonoe. Why? Because I didn't write it entirely by myself. It was co-written by me and Heraklinios, otherwise known as Zero, a guy with many of the same interests as me.
Zero and I had collaborated before on one of my Type-Moon fanfics earlier, to great effect. He wanted to do one in my Blaz Blue series next. At first, I didn't agree, but then I changed my mind, because hey, he's been loyal to me for so long, so why not? The initial draft for this chapter was loooooong. Zero had a lot to say. I shortened a lot of it when I first uploaded it. But you know what? I'm not satisfied with the shortened version. This here is the full, uncut version.
Beware, it is weird. And stars Zero's star original character. (Don't worry; he's not a God Moder.) But I guarantee both my section and his will give Blaz Blue fans a chuckle. So here it is, the full, properly formatted ch. 16.
Or actually, if you wanna see a version with even better formatting, go here:
.
Or if you want, you can read it here too. Enjoy.]
Something's wrong; I haven't featured Lambda at all! Or at least not since my "pilot" on Ask Rachel Alucard so many moons ago, so I'm going to fix that. Lambda, start up.
"Loading . . . loading . . . loading . . . loading . . . complete. Greetings, Professor Kokonoe. What is your command?"
Say something kind to all the bored masses listening in.
"Affirmative . . . something kind to all the bored masses listening in."
Heh heh heh! Okay, joke's over; I want you to contribute something meaningful.
"Affirmative . . . define, 'meaningful'."
Uh, do something to make the audience feel that you're not wasting their time and attention.
"Roger. If you continue to support the Blaz Blue franchise, good things will come to you in the future."
...That's it? No wonder why I never feature you on this thing, cuz you have no personality! You're like Nu, except boring! Go back into your capsule and stay in there!
"Understood."
Seeǃ? You're not even rebelling against me! Do something exciting!
"Affirmative." (Fires off those things that hover behind her. Kokonoe gets hurt. Screen fades to black.)
(Sometime later, after Kokonoe is feeling better)
Okay, that was stupid of me. And therein lies your lesson for the day. Yeah, I know "be careful what you wish for" is a cliched expression, but it's become cliched for a reason.
But enough of that. There's this guy who's been following me, as well as Rachel, for some time. His name is Raim Hanta, and he's quite the insane fellow; he thinks he has powers that were displayed in the Shin Megami Tensei games. Not only that, he claims to have wandered into the Touhou universe, as well as my own universe, among others. What's amusing is remember on Ask Rachel Alucard, there was that epidemic of Terumi impersonators? Guess what? That got so out of hand, some people tried to imitate our SMT fanboy, to hilariously bad effect, of course. Our man Raim Hanta did send me a submission some time ago, but I didn't wanna respond to it just yet, but now that I have free time, let me humor him by doing so . . . again.
"Yo.
Has been a while, huh? Heh, Energizer is basically done answering questions that I decided to focus here? H/Allelujah! (Don't call Makoto about this one)"
Gundam 00 reference. Even I know that.
"*ahem*
As I was saying...let's start with quite interesting shit to talk about:
1) "What do you think/know about the SCP foundation? Do you find their stories disturbing...or a relax spot for insane people?"
I had no idea what this "SCP Foundation" was before you asked. Near as I can tell, it was a website that contained (fictional) records of bizarre entities, serving as an encyclopedia of the rare and unusual. Obviously, this site doesn't exist anymore in my time period, hence the scant information I could find.
As for the stories they cooked up . . . they are, interesting, to say the least. I wonder how they would classify Arakune, assuming they hadn't already.
2) "Do you think you can take on 4chan? How?"
4Chan, as in the imageboard board? I can't take them on; all the imageboards from your era are long dead in my time period. Of course, we still have imageboards, and we still have a so-called "Anonymous Collective", but the 4chan that you speak of is extinct in the future. Then again, that SCP site you mentioned started there; I guess that's why you're asking.
Of course, truthfully, you don't really need to combat "Anonymous." Know why? Remember when the Rabbit was talking about how humans don't have a hive mentality? Guess what? That very same mentality guarantees that the Anons aren't as united as they think, and they're being fractured makes them an easy target. But even then, it's pointless, because it always rises again and again, so whatever.
3) "Now that you opened the discussion about Gundam...since I know you love modifying Tager when he's not looking, why not add upgrades a la Gundam? A Trans-AM system would do wonders. No, seriously. That system puts Gundam on crack."
I . . . didn't open up no discussion on Gundam. I just said Makoto likes that. I don't know much about that franchise, other than it usually involves a bunch of different groups of people talking about politics, and people who claim to be pacifists yet slaughter thousands of people in combat, mmm, delicious irony. But beyond that, I don't know what you're talking about.
Of course, I have experimented with overclocking Tager's movements; can't make progress without taking risk, after all. I don't know about this Trans-AM system (I'm guessing it's trademarked by Pontiac), but if it really existed, I'd look into it.
4) "Have you tried the Demon Summoning Program? If not, what the hell are you doing?"
I already told you, summoning demons is dangerous, and I'm avoiding taking such risks. Yeah, I know, I just said you can't make progress without risk, but there's a difference between "taking a reasonable risk" and "Rolling the dice and hoping you don't get hosed in the immediate future."
In fact, this "Demon Summoning Program" sounds like something that belongs in a universe other than my own. Yeah, I'll gladly get back to using such a program right after I use the Dragonballs to wish me some free candy, but until then, no summoning demons for me.
Also, why is it a "program"? Is this like some program that lets you download demons into the world? Again, I must ask, what?
5) "...Haven't you noticed that when you answer these questions, Hakumen is slowly tearing the collar apart?"
Oh yeah, the shock collar. Hmm, that's quite observant of you. Let me see if he still has it on. (pushes button) Huh . . . I didn't hear him scream in agony. Guess he already got rid of it. Clever boy. Well, I'll just have to find some other way to make sure he doesn't escape and do something on his own, but I'll worry about that later. Next question!
6) "Have you noticed that Terumi is...semi-Meta aware? Well...since he's your Joker, I'm not quite surprised...Jokes aside, that trait...might be dangerous. You do not want him to still be Meta aware. I can vouch for that."
If by "Meta-aware", you mean, "Knows he's in a video game series in the proper canon", that seems unlikely. I'm sure given his abilities, it does seem like he is, in your parlance, "Meta-aware", but I don't think he's gotten to that level . . . yet. Still, I wouldn't deny the possibility that he could in the future, which would make him especially dangerous.
And yeah, he is a lot like the Joker, now that you mention it. Terumi is our very own bastard child of Joker and Aizen, how fun.
7) "Did you noticed I'm actually writing this in a higher Meta level than you? No, seriously. I came back from peeking at Archer's noire reality and it's awesome."
Higher Meta level than me? Say, what was it Rachel said the last time she spoke with you? That overexposure to Umineko would destroy your concept of reality? Yeah, I think that's happening to you, considering I can't make heads or tails of what any of that is supposed to mean.
"And...I think that's that.
Kudos,
Meta-Raim
P.S.: I'm behind you."
Yeah, sure you (turns around and sees a young man) HOLY SHIT!
"Hello."
Gah, ah, (activates radio) TAGER! INTRUDER ALERT! GET IN HERE NOW!
The mystery man was wearing black pants and a red jacket, slightly similar to Ragna's, but the difference was that his jacket lacked belts of any sort. He also wore a gray shirt underneath, with nothing striking as impressive, along with his disheveled black hair and dead black eyes. What really looked out of place was the bokuto, whose tip was broken...and he was also wearing a fez. He said, "Wow. You really had to see your face! Brilliant!"
"TAGER!" Kokonoe still shouted through the radio. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUǃ?"
"...Huh. And I expected some sort of introduction. Guess I expected too much from a host like you. Oh well."
"You son of a bitch, how the hell did you-"
"-Arrive here? Simple, I made my way in."
"I meant that-"
"-How exactly?" He interrupted her again. "Well...if I had to get technical, let's just say that it is easier to access his realities he created since I met his Zel along the way. Quite fun, that old man."
Kokonoe sounded off, "The fuck are you talking about?"
Raim responded, "Eh, don't think much about it. You'll get a headache." He said, walking towards the capsule holding Lambda and knocked it, as if knocking a door. "Hey, Nu-tan. How's it going?"
"...Subject does not appear in databanks. Identify yourself."
"...Oh sorry, wrong Nu. Geez, keeping track of who is who is really problematic. Oh well! Nice to see you're okay, Lambda-chan."
"…"
Kokonoe, "Hey! What are you doing with Lambda? And where the hell's Tagerǃ?"
"Kokonoe!" Tager finally appeared in the room. "What happened...wait, who are you?"
"FINALLY!" Kokonoe was livid. "Get rid of him, now!"
"Affirmative!" Tager walked forward toward the impossibility.
"Oh hey, Yammy-san." What? "How is it going?"
Tager said, "My name is not Yammy."
Raim added, "Ah, yes. I forgot you're voiced by that guy who made his voice. Or I'm just having fun for myself. Who can say?"
"Kokonoe, mind explaining to me what is this boy talking about?"
Kokonoe shouted, "Who cares about thatǃ? He shouldn't be here in the Boundary! That's just impossible!"
Raim snarked, "And yet, here you are, in the same Boundary. I think that's called hypocrisy, you silly cat."
Kokonoe asked,"Also, why is he wearing a fez?"
"Well, fezzes are cool!" Raim said, removing the fez from his head. "The Doctor said so, so it's right . . . kind of, since he's a bit . . . scatter-brained, but he's a cool guy. Oh, and if you meet him, don't shoot his TARDIS."
Tager raised an eyebrow, "Doctor? TARDIS? You are not making any sense."
"...Analysis about terms of Doctor and TARDIS...complete." Lambda said.
Raim smiled, "Nice, lass."
Lambda recited, "...Data obtained comes from a British television show, broadcasted during the 20th century, which got revived during the beginning of the 21th century, toward time undefined. Data corrupted beyond that point. The Doctor is part of a fictional race called Time Lords that..."
[several minutes later]
"...And during the latest season, the Doctor and his companions went and..."
"Lamb-chan, I think that's enough." Meta-Raim said.
"Affirmative."
Kokonoe looked at the android, "Lambda...might explaining to me why do you obey him?"
"...Acquired data suggests that the intruder does not show any sign of hostility whatsoever. By that logic, battle protocols are null."
Raim clarified, "In other words, I'm not trying to kill you, she's not trying to kill me. Simple as that."
The situation subsided a little. But just barely, since Kokonoe still looked livid. Raim, however, looked as relaxed as if someone came out of a SPA. Which is quite jarring, if you really know where the hell are they.
"Anyways...why the hell are you here?" Kokonoe asked, as Raim was looking at a set of buttons with interest. "Hey! Don't touch that!"
"Oh sorry. A habit of mine is that I always try to find out the purpose of everything and anything, who knows when it will become useful to save my ass or someone else's?"
"That's highly unlikely." Tager commented.
"Oh, where are my manners?" Raim said, as he opened Lambda's capsule after much trial and error. "You shouldn't stay there alone, you know. Here . . . come out."
Lambda nodded as she came out of the hatch.
"There. Much better, isn't it?"
"..." Lambda stood still for a while, but quietly nodded.
Raim sighed, "Will you stop that? She cannot feel anything at all at this point. Well, other than his crazy love for...him," she was careful not to mention Ragna. "She has no emotions. I've tried."
The door was opened forcefully at that moment. From it, a very happy and energetic person entered the room, her distinctive tail revealing her identity.
"Hello, professor! How's it going?"
Kokonoe mouthed, "Oh, it's you."
Kokonoe normally could stand Makoto's antics in a normal day. But due to Raim's sudden appearance, apart from his colorful personality, put her in such a bad mood that she almost ordered Tager to take her out of the room.
Makoto looked concerned, "What's wrong, doc? You don't look so well."
"Actually, Makoto, I'm very livid. Don't blame me if I commit murder today."
"Now, we do not need to go to such extremes." Raim quickly raised his hands defensively. "Yeah, you have that Restriction Zero thing and all, but really, it is not necessary."
"Wha! How did?-"
"-Details, details. Blah blah blah, who cares?" Raim murmured.
"Whatever the case...what the hell are you doing here? And just who are youǃ?"
Raim responded, "First of all, you already know who am I. Why ask again? Secondly, let's just say I'm having as much fun as I can. Cameo appearance or not, I'll have as much fun as I have here . . . and I'm running out of time."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Oh, I haven't seen you before. Are you a friend of the professor? ...Although if her reaction is to be taken in account, you seem to be annoying her."
"Well, I'm not her friend, per se. I'm just a...person that usually send her mails to answer, Ratatosk."
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, sorry. Excessive information. Kinda messes my head a bit. Don't worry, forget what I said. Now, do you have any apples around here? I love apples."
"Like Ryuk?" Makoto was...versed in pop culture.
"Nah, not like that." Raim answered. "I don't eat them as if they are drugs. Can't you see how weird I would look if I did that?"
Nobody answered.
"Nevermind." He tried changing the subject. "Also, for the love of a good god, wear something decent under that cloak, will you?" Raim said while pointing at Makoto. "Although this would be pointless since this is not the canon you, meaning that the other Makoto won't do so . . . God, that's depressing."
"...Okay, professor, is this some kind of joke?" Makoto questioned Kokonoe, thinking that she had gone crazy due to nut consumption.
The professor answered, "Trust me. I wish this was indeed one. But oh no, this is no joke."
Raim said, "Aight, I know what I'm going to do know. Doing this random gag routine won't make anyone happy, by the reactions I'm seeing. So, I'm going to answer your question, cat."
" . . . What."
"I'm talking about the Demon Summoning Program. What the hell? You just spoke about it minutes ago."
Kokonoe facepalmed as she remembered, "Oh yes, that. Please explain that already; you've brought it up twice now."
"Good. Now...what title should I choose?"
"What?"
What?
Wait...you're not...hijacking the show, are youǃ? What the hell?
"Oh! I got it! *ahem*"
Oh god...
- AMUSE US, RAIM-SAN! -
That's it. I need a freaking drink.
"You...you bastard!" Kokonoe was indeed furious that someone else stole her show. I mean, she could expect Terumi to pull this off, but not some random idiot!
"Good morning, evening, whatever, ladies and gentleman...well, perhaps prepubescents too. Or kids. Argh, who the hell caresǃ? Probably you don't know who am I nor why am I here stealing her show. That's the normal reaction. And I really appreciate it."
"Tager! Do something!"
"Roger."
Tager's body slowly drew towards Raim, who was still talking to the air.
"...But leaving that behind, let's just move forward and answer our previous host's question, shall we? What is the Demon Summoning Program?"
Tager was about to grab him when Raim did a back-flip and landed on top of Tager's head, much for Kokonoe's dismay.
"Hey!" Tager complained of his current situation.
"Explaining the DSP is like talking about as something as simple as a normal OS with connectivity with the Internet. Basically, the gist is this. The DSP is a software developed by a certain person, some accounts says his name was Steven or something, which functions include: Summoning of the contracted demon, talking with demons themselves, the creation of a library holding the records of every single demon encountered, storage of them and connection to the Internet...well, the last function was added in the 4.34 build, so you can easily ignore that."
Makoto, eyes wide in wonder, questioned, "...So, it's like a Pokédex?"
"Better than the Pokédex. Can Pokédexes hold Pokémon themselves inside its code, traduce their speech and access the Internet? No? I thought so."
"That's still doesn't answer how the process of summoning works, you ass."
"Good question, Kokonoe." Raim said, as the door suddenly opened again.
"Huh? Where the hell is this?" Ragna, what a surprise! No, really, what are you doing here?
"And Rags will be useful to explain that, you see!"
"What? Who are you? What's going on hereǃ?" Ragna demanded answers, answers he will never get answered.
"Calm down, Rags. Yes, I know it isn't the you I know, but I really know you're a decent guy. Come over here, will ya?"
"Huh? Sure, whatever the hell that helps get out of here. Still, I remember I was on Kagutsuchi before when...gah, I can't remember."
"*sigh* Did you blew it up again?" Kokonoe sighed. "I thought you would avoid that bad ending, you know."
"Again? What are you talking about? Shit, this is confusing!"
Ragna shook his head, but still walked towards Raim, who was awkwardly still standing on top of Tager's head. He raised an eyebrow due to the scene and was about to say something else when Raim grabbed the arm which was the fake Blazblue.
"Hey!"
"I'll just explain something to the cat. No worries. I'm not interested in hunting you nor anything else. Besides, your handiwork is extremely nice. Cleaving people in half is actually quite cathartic.
"...Okaaaay?"
"As I was saying..." Raim said while holding the arm. "Kokonoe, if I asked you what is the primordial thing to summon something, what would be your answer?"
"Hmph! If you want to get technical like that, I'd say you'll need some sort of ritual and whatever shitty circle any summoner would..."
"Good. You have the basic idea. As the Blazblue, which uses programs to replace the causality effect of draining life, the summoning part of the program itself, or , whatever you call it, consist in a series of codes and programs which replace the functions of rituals, items needed for the summon and any other trivialities. Of course, you'll still need magnetite to summon and keep them summoned...well, only in the 1.51 build."
"Magnetite?"
"The energy used. Here you call it seithr. But actually, magnetite is present in every universe I've been...only with different names. Chakra, reiatsu, chi, basic energy, those are all different representations of magnetite, depending of the concentration of itself."
"What? You expect me to believe that you can replace the entire ritual...for a series of codes that uses any form of energyǃ?"
"Exactly. Nowadays, technology is advanced enough to make many things thought previously impossible. We can write with light, hold thousands of pages of information, talk with other people across the world...so why cannot a program that replace the core part of a summoning ritual be plausible for your little mind, huh?"
Kokonoe gritted her teeth. As much as she hated to admit it, the technology made to create Ars Magus followed a similar principle, the replacement of rituals and magic components with algorithms and basic programming now doesn't seem crazy.
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but would you let go before I cut your hand to do so?" Ragna was getting frustrated. Justified since he doesn't like to be touched.
"Oh, sure." Raim complied.
"...I'm beginning to see what you mean. But that doesn't explain how exactly can a device hold demons that, oh, I don't know, HAVE A PHYSICAL SHAPE, YOU MORON!"
"...Have you heard of the Grail Wars?"
"Oh oh! I heard of those!" Makoto raised her hand excitedly.
Raim said, "Ah, good! Explain for us!"
Makoto elaborated, "Well, there was this multimedia franchise way back in the day called Fate. It was about these magicians who would all get together to wage a war against each other for a prize, that prize being none other than the Holy Grail of legend! The magicians would summon these entities from the Grail called Heroic Servants to fight for them. The Grail kept a copy, so to speak (now I see what you mean by comparing this to the program you were talking about), of famous heroes throughout history: King Arthur, Gilgamesh, Alexander the Great, and so on. The magicians would summon one of these heroes, and if they beat the other servants and magicians, they and their servant could use the Grail to wish for whatever they wanted. And yes, your own program seems to work the same way!"
"...You expect me to believe that crap?" Kokonoe bursted out.
"Actually, yes. There are far many disturbing and illogical things in the universe, be it fictional or from the real life. This is one of the most sane. Trust me."
"I don't."
"Well, I tried." Raim cleared his throat. "As I was saying, the DSP follows a same mechanic as the Servants, only that the DSP has a function that turns the contracted demon into raw energy, sans the magnetite, making it easier to storage inside the selected OS. Bear in mind, these are actual beings inside your COMP..."
"COMP?" Makoto asked.
"A sort of portable computer. Inside it, you can upload the DSP for your use. There are variations, like the GUMP and the DEMONICA, but it depends on the user preference. Hell, you can mod a Nintendo DS or a PSP to make it work. Even a Playstation 3...but it requires work...and a console it's not efficient to move around." Raim continued. "Whatever the case, any stored demon consumes a hell of space. According to my sources, a demon of a higher hierarchy eats almost about 2 TB of memory...or even more. In the demon business, we humans are really in the dark."
"What a load of crap!" Kokonoe said. "Trying to transfer her soul into Lambda didn't weight that much."
"Perhaps because her soul was not recovered completely. Actually, the human soul's digital weight is...no, if I told you that, who knows what would you do? Besides, there's still that damn variable of it..."
"Whoa whoa whoa! Human souls? Demons? What are you, some sort of cultist or what?" Ragna asked, quite disturbed by Raim's knowledge.
"Checking current status of target..." Lambda said.
"Nah. But I usually kill them."
There was a cold silence in the room.
"Room temperature has decreased by 1 C°." Thanks, Lambda. We really needed to emphasize that.
"Why exactly?"
"Look, if the wrong people thinker with the DSP, it would be hell on earth after a while. I can't have that. Besides, if they access the server..."
"THERE'S A FREAKING SERVERǃ?" Kokonoe was going crazy.
"Yes. Did I forgot to add that?" Jesus Christ, Raim... "Well, the server is in every world, it just it is inaccessible physically, mentally and virtually. And, yes. Psychics actually tried entering the server like that. They gained an aneurysm and, in some cases, some sort of cancer."
The door opened again. Two figures entered at the same time, one dressed in blue and another in white.
"Where is this?" Tsubaki said, looking around. "Is this a part of the library?"
"Hmph. How bothersome." Jin frowned as they arrived towards the center of the room. "What is this? Answer me!"
"Oh hello, Captain Garlock and Christina."
"Who the hell do you think I am?" Ah, Jin. If you only knew... "My name is not that foolish excuse of a name. Get out of my way."
"Also, just who is Christina?" Tsubaki was mildly offended.
"Fine, fine. Sorry, I forgot you were called Imagine-chan."
"...That's not my name either!"
"Oh, Tsubaki! How are you doing?" Makoto went and greeted her friend.
"Well, I'm okay, I guess. I was just walking around the library with Jin...and then we arrived to this room somehow."
"Oh ho ho! So...did anything interesting happened between the two?"
"Whatǃ? No! M-Makoto! I told you to stop fantasying about that!"
"Hehehe..."
"Odd. This place only exists in the Boundary. You must be pulling my leg." Kokonoe said.
"Either that or there's an anomaly. Well, let's continue with the DSP, alright?"
"I wished you stopped."
"Where's my brother? I know he was here. He definitely went over the NOL headquarters. Answer me!"
Just for your information, Ragna hid inside a cardboard box, near the tube that previously held Lambda.
"Goddammit, why is he hereǃ?" Ragna grumbled, the box being too small for him.
"Ragna isn't here, Simon." Raim sighed.
"Again with the stupid names." Jin was not amused at all. In fact, he drew Yukianesa and aimed at Raim. "Perish!"
A column of ice rose from Tager's feet, freezing him instantly. However, Raim's not stupid and jumped away before the ice reached him.
"Oi, Imagine. Do something about him. I do not own this place, nor I think it is wise to wreck it."
"My name's not Imagine! ...But it's true that this place looks a bit fragile."
"Hey!"
"Jin-nii-sama, could you just...stop? He doesn't seem hostile. A bit annoying, yes, but not hostile."
Jin stood quiet for a second, as the room temperature continued to decrease.
"Tch."
The room returned to normal temperatures, but Tager still remained a popsicle.
"That's the Red Devil, it seems? So...this must be Sector Seven?" Jin deduced.
"Eh, not quite." Raim added. "Now, would you keep quiet a bit? I still need to explain the rest of the functions of the Demon Summoning Program."
"Demon-?" Jin started.
"Summoning Program?" And Tsubaki finished.
"If you want the summary of his bullshit, it means that there's a program that lets normal people to form contracts with demons, works as a translator, summon them as minions, along with easy storage inside the OS in which it is installed. But then, he started bullshitting when he mentioned a server. Yes, a server which contains demons. Don't you know how idiotic that sounds?"
"Might I add that I have seen one first-hand?" Raim added.
"Hah! Yeah, right. And I'm a ninja in another dimension!"
"...Have you ever thought that its subnet mask consists on more than four numbers?"
Kokonoe's expression changed from a laugh to perplexion. Then horror. And finally, shame for herself.
"How...how the...?"
"While she's still recovering, let me explain some of the extra functions of the..."
"I don't care about what you say! I'll ask again, where's Ragnaǃ?" Jin, quite mature of you.
"Geez, now I know why does he stay away from you. Dude needs personal space, you ass."
"So, you're eager to fight, it seems. Very well, guess I have to leave you half-death to tell me where the hell he is!"
"Hey! Don't go wrecking this place!" Kokonoe recovered. "If you do that, who knows if we'll be able to return from the Boundary!"
Everyone stopped. Jin withdrew his sword since, if he was trapped in here, then he won't be able to kill Ragna.
And that's terrible.
"You damn cat..."
"Jin, please, be reasonable." Tsubaki said.
"What she said." Great, Raim. As if we needed you to keep mocking them.
"Can this get any worse?" Kokonoe thought.
The door opened once again.
"Urgh..."
"Ah, great! More visitors. Come on, take a seat." Raim said, quite happy with all the events.
The sound of a "Toh!" filled the room as both Kokonoe and Jin let out a bothered sigh. Following the man were four figures. One was a boy with a top hat followed by a blue automaton, the other was a hooded figure, which height was almost the same as the boy's, and the last one...was a cat.
"The heavens, the earth and everything that is good call for me, BANG SHISHIGAMI! *gasp* What's thisǃ? Why is my sworn enemy Jin Kisaragi in front of me? I remember I fought you back a while ago!"
"Ugh! Luna's head hurt when you shout like that, you stupid ninja!" The hooded figure said.
"L-Luna!" The voice of a boy came from the same body. "I don't think we should say that."
"Shut up, Sena! I'll say what I want!"
"Hey, cat lady!" Tao just ignored the tension and greeted Kokonoe. "Do you have more of that candy?"
"Mr. Bang. What Ms. Platinum is saying is that you should control your tone of voice. Hm? What is it, nee-san?"
The Nox Nyctores Nirvana shuddered while looking both at Raim and the box in which Ragna was hiding.
"I see... There's something dangerous about that man, but why is it wearing a fez? And...the Azure is in here?"
Carl looked at Nirvana, which (or who) somehow made a nod.
"Hmph. Guess you hit your head harder this time, you fool." Jin closed his eyes, as a mockery. "I have not gone to that stupid mockery you call a town."
"The nerve of you!" Bang's fist were white with rage. "How DARE you insult the pride of the citizens of Ronin-gai like thatǃ? Truly, the Library is as hideous as I thought."
"That's not true!" Tsubaki interrupted. "Yes, I'll admit Jin has became a little edgy with the appearance of the Shinigami, but he isn't a bad guy. Please, be reasonable!"
"Tsubaki, you do not need to protect me." Jin said. "I'll make this ninja use his head for once and let me be."
"Jin..."
"Oh please." Raim said, quite annoyed by their confrontation. "I'm just trying to explain what is the Demon Summoning Program to the cat and you barge in like nothing...!"
"You did the same!" Kokonoe protested.
"Details, details."
"You stay out of this!" Jin shouted.
Still inside the box, Ragna tried to find an opening to get out of there.
"Dammit, this is really a pain in the ass..." Ragna tried moving while inside the box. "Steady..."
(CRUNCH!)
Lambda, without warning, sat over the box, crushing it...as if not trying to let Ragna escape.
"Mmph...!" Ragna's voice was muffled.
"Lambda...what the hell are you doing?" Kokonoe asked.
"..." She didn't answer.
"Let her do what she wants. Besides, every other time she's locked in that thing. Also..."
He pointed at both Jin and Bang, who were almost on the brink of fighting each other. Only Carl and Tsubaki stopped them from going overboard. Luna just...yawned and Taokaka just pranced around, playing with some buttons but Kokonoe stopped her before she blew up the place.
"...I think you have to deal with those two. Don't want them wreck this place, right?"
Kokonoe groaned as she slammed her head into a wall in frustration.
And, lo and behold, the door opened again.
"...Torment. So much torment." Kokonoe said.
"Um...where is this?" Noel said, as she entered nervously inside the room. "I thought I entered that chinese restaurant, but..."
"Ah, Kondom-san!" Raim...what kind of nickname is thatǃ?
Naturally, Noel seemed shocked while both Tsubaki and Makoto looked severely offended.
"How dare youǃ?" Both friends protested at once.
"Sorry. Too much of that show ingrained into my head."
Noel calmed down after a while. However, her face was red due to...Raim's interesting nickname he gave to her.
"What is everyone doing here? And why did the door to the restaurant lead to this place?"
Raim paused. That did seem way odd. And everyone came to this place by the same way. Coincidence?
"Did the door shine in any way? Something unusual, perhaps? As if time and space started to deteriorate?" Raim asked.
While he was saying that, behind everyone else, Jin tried to freeze Bang, but he dodged, freezing the cardboard box instead. This made Lambda go into battle mode...and Kokonoe was searching for a cherry-flavored aspirin.
"N-No... I'm sorry, I just can't understand what happened."
"I believe I can shed some light into this affair." a voice came from seemingly nowhere.
The scent of roses filled the room as three people appeared in the room instantly. Rachel, Valkenhayn and, strangely enough, Hakumen, were present.
"I believe there is someone forcing these ridiculous events into fruition. How sad that it is you that are suffering from this."
Bang was blown towards the wall by an ice wall that Jin created. Meanwhile, Carl drew near the frozen box, but Lambda just didn't let anyone near. And yes, she was literally hugging it.
"Hmph. What a foolish spectacle." Hakumen said, annoyed by the fact that his younger self was still immature. And he was more annoyed that he didn't pay attention to Tsubaki's pleas to stop.
"Indeed." Valkenhayn agreed with both her master and Hakumen. "Would you like some tea then, madam Rachel?"
Valkenhayn somehow was holding a tray with tea. Just seconds ago, there wasn't anything on his hand.
"Thank you, Valkenhayn."
"Oh hey, Energizer, Captain Garlock version 2 and...well...err...Valkenhayn."
"I sense darkness within you. What sort of demon are you?" Hakumen said, getting a bit suspicious about Raim's nature.
"Just a friendly human passing by. And by passing by, I mean having fun for myself."
"Ah...you're him. That "Meta-Raim" I've been receiving answers from, am I not mistaken?" Rachel said.
"Could be." He shrugged, feigning ignorance.
"Don't try to play the fool here, because it would do you no good." Rachel stated.
"...I forgot you're quite deadpan." Raim sighed. "Anyways, if you know, why ask again then?"
"You got a point there." Rachel said, her eyes closed, almost as if bored. "I knew it. You are as insane as I expected."
"Ha ha." Raim faked his laugh.
"What are you doing here?" She kept asking.
"Just answering her question." he pointed at Kokonoe, which was trying to defrost Tager. Lambda was still hilariously trying to protect the box as Bang and Jin were still restrained. Carl tried asking Lambda to give him the box, but she forcefully refused.
"Major! Stop it! You're worrying Tsubaki!" Noel said.
"This is stupid! Luna demands that everyone shut up!"
"Hmph! A stupid commotion..." Hakumen crossed his arms. "If that man cannot control his anger, his future is bleak."
Raim almost laughed, considering who he was talking about and who he was.
"Anyways...it is kind of cramped in here." Raim pointed out.
The door opened once again.
"GOD DAMMIT! Why didn't I lock that alreadyǃ?" Kokonoe lamented.
But everyone, except Raim, froze when they saw the person who came in.
"Huh? I thought this was my personal stash of boiled eggs. Not a stupid den of morons! Ugh, the smell of cat...!"
"Terumi...!" Kokonoe hissed.
In that same moment, Ragna broke free from his icy prison just by unleashing the Azure. Guess his hatred was enough.
"Bastard!" Ragna said.
"Ragna the Bloodedge!" Carl and Bang said in unison.
"NII-SAN!" Jin, too obvious.
"Hello, Rawrgna!"
"Shinigami!" Tsubaki shouted, ready for battle.
"Black Beast..." Hakumen drew Ookami.
"Ragna-san!" Noel was shocked to see him.
"Insert name here!" Okay Raim, that was hilarious.
"Hey hey, what about me?" Hazama was very amused of his sudden appearance inside the Boundary. "I never expected this! A shitty reunion in the middle of nowhere! And I was invited?"
Hazama feigned embarrassment. "Really, you didn't have too."
"...Sorry, Tomoya, but neither did we invite you nor we invite the others. Quite interesting if you ask me." Raim said.
"Tomoya? No no no. The name's Hazama...that is, if you can understand basic Japanese."
"Ah ha ha...go die on a fire." It surprises me how can you laugh and insult him at the same time.
"You bastard!" Ragna jumped towards Hazama, but then, the whole area shook, making everyone to stay alert.
"What is going on?" Noel asked, leaning towards the wall, since she was about to lose her balance.
"Apparently, the force that brought us together doesn't want us to kill each other. Hmm..."
Raim opened the door behind Hazama and entered. He emerged on the other side of the room.
"...Nor want us to leave any time soon."
And the ceiling cracked while something feel to the ground. The figure of Litchi Faye-Ling feel to the ground...with a bottle of sake.
Oh dear.
"...! What kind of sorcery is this?" Hakumen was as confused as the rest.
"Mmnn... No, I told you I want the other one..." Litchi mumbled in her dizziness.
"She's reeking of alcohol..." Noel said, trying to wake her up. "H-Hello? Are you okay?"
"Leave her be." Raim said. "When people are in the effects of that damn beverage, they are of no help."
"Hehe...Nii-san! It has been a long time!"
"Jin, I really don't have time for your bullshit." Ragna scowled. Then, he had one of the weirdest ideas he could ever conceive.
"Lambda, kick his ass."
"Affirmative." Lambda said, her swords flickering to life.
(BOOM!)
"Stop wrecking my lab!"
"Oh relax... It's not like they are going to break something important. Oops! My bad. Nothing is important here. It's just a pile of junk. Hahahaha!"
"Grr...!"
"Oh, and also, have you seen my new pet?"
Hazama took out a small jar. Inside of it, there was a black liquid being with a white mask, trying to break out of its prison.
"Quite a feisty one, isn't he?"
"Az...Az... Must...ve...Az...!"
"Nah, he looks like someone who lost its AT-Field." Raim commented. "Still, who did you do it?"
"Well, it started with..."
"Hey you!" Ragna interrupted while referring to Raim. "Do you know what kind of an asshole he isǃ? You should kill him on sight."
"What's the point? Besides, everything here isn't real..."
"Excuse me?" Ragna blinked, since Raim whispered the last part.
"Nothing, nothing." He shook his head to hide...sadness? "Anyways, back on track! How to get rid of this problem, right? Alright, I need you guys to..."
He noticed the chaos in front of him as he ducked the incoming sword. At this rate, no one would cooperate with anyone.
"You monster!" Tsubaki shouted at Lambda. "Don't you dare harm Jin!"
"Nee-san!" Carl shouted as Nirvana protected him from the furry of blades.
"Don't worry, my cute little disciples! I, BANG SHISHIGAMI, will an exit from this fiendish cage!"
"Oh, so now it's a cageǃ?" Kokonoe protested.
Bang started running towards the exit at high speeds. He appeared on the other side of the room and kept going towards the door again...and again...and again...
"Well, this won't go anywhere." Kokonoe said. "Hey, you, do you any idea what the hell is going on?"
"Well, since you don't want to listen more about the DSP, guess I have to help then..." Raim sighed.
"Ragna, Kondom-san. A moment please. And Ragna, please ignore him already." Raim referred to Hazama who was gleefully tormenting Ragna.
"Shit... Whatever. As long as I say away from that asshole..."
"And my name is not...that!" Noel protested.
"Yeah, I know." He cleared his throat. "Aight, I need to guys to do this."
"Oh please. That will never work." Hazama sighed. "Perhaps your tiny little brain finally dried up in this atmosphere of uselessness. I feel sorry for you. Or perhaps not. Come on! Fail already! Can't you see I want to see you squirmǃ?"
"You're my friend too, Hazama." Raim didn't pay him attention.
"...But why the hell am I using this?"
"...Uh...uh..."
Somehow, Raim forced Ragna and Noel into school uniforms...which looked very similar to someone's clothes, but I cannot put my finger on it.
"Alright, Kyon!"
"*sigh*"
...Oh. Oh no. You're not...
"You too, Haruhi!"
"I told you my name is Noel!"
"Just follow the script I wrote..."
Oi, if you do this, then...
"Yare yare...why do you almost do this crazy stuff, Haruhi?" Ragna forced to say the lines from his mouth.
"B-Because that's our role as members of the SOS Brigade!" Noel shouted in order to hide her embarrassment. "I already told you that I don't have any interest on normal humans. Oi, if there are any aliens, time travelers, sliders, or espers here, come join me. That is all."
...Did that just happen?
"R-Raim-san! Why did you told me to do thatǃ?" A flustered Noel protested.
"Quiet."
"Eh?"
"Look up. Everyone."
Some of them didn't, but the ones who did noticed a crack starting to form over the room.
"What is...that?" Noel said.
"A locked space? But why?" Rachel asked, looking at the crack.
"Oh? Well, seems that someone tried to lock you. What are you?" Hazama commented. "By the looks of it, you're not some shitty brat."
"...They tried locking me up here. Heh. Guess they got tired on head-on confrontation."
What are you talking aboutǃ?
"What the hell are you doing? Keep talking!" Raim said to the cosplaying pair.
"Tell me what is going on then, you ass!"
"You want to get out of there, do you not? If you're not blind, then you noticed that ninja running in circles for about three minutes now. There's no exit, Ragna, unless you do as I say. I know you don't like taking orders...but please, do it. Besides, once you're out, you can gut that guy." Raim pointed at Hazama.
"Whatǃ?"
"...So saying these stupid lines is the only way out, huh?" Ragna pondered from a while, as a frozen Jin fell to the ground. "Alright."
"I-I'll help too."
"Good. Kana-san, Captain Garlock version 2. Can you come over here?"
"And what makes you think I'll help you? I can always teleport myself out of here."
"Really? Try it then."
Raim smiled as Rachel tried warping out. Once. Then twice. Thrice.
"This may actually be the best day ever! Finally, the shitty vampire is being useless for once. Oh, what am I saying? She was always useless from the start! Hyahaahahaaha!"
"Quiet, Terumi." Rachel closed her eyes. "Fine. What is your idea to escape from here? I hope you have one that has logic as a base."
"And how did this happen from the beginningǃ?" Kokonoe shouted. "This room is nothing special, apart from being inside the Boundary! It isn't suppose to lock people inside! That would be too troublesome!"
"That why they sabotaged it." Raim grimaced.
"Whoǃ?"
"...Not your business. They're not interested in any of you. They just want to get rid of me...or at least incapacite or lock me away somewhere."
Raim sighed.
"Okay, here are your lines."
"I suppose you do not make me play a fool."
"Keep wishing."
"Archer."
"...What is it, vam-...Rin?"
"Have you already scouted for the remaining...masters?" Rachel's voice showed confusion to the scenario she was playing. Hakumen was having the same problem too.
"...Some of them still remain hidden. Seems they are good at hiding. Or perhaps they noticed the sudden spike of magical energy due to your failed summoning. But at least, we got the consolation prize that I at least am sane."
The crack grew bigger.
"Guess this lock is only appliable in this universe." Raim deduced. "Just as I thought."
"What are you talking about?" Kokonoe said.
"...Ask yourself. Do you think it was weird that I sent you a message telling you that I was behind you?"
"...Well, yeah. You couldn't just appear out of nowhere like that."
"...The truth is...I was here the whole time when I sent that message."
Kokonoe cracked the lolipop she had in her mouth. Hazama feigned clapping.
"Bravo. You confused me."
"Somehow, they managed to sneak up on me and lock me up here. I tried to get out the usual way, but I noticed they took care of that too. I was not sure what kind of lock it was, since I couldn't negate it naturally."
"I knew it. Judging by the content of your messages, I knew you were a lunatic. I dully apologize. You obviously were born with a mental defect."
"I agree with on this one, you shitty vampire. And somehow, that propect scares me."
"So I tried experimenting to see what lock it was." Raim said while looking at the crack, which was getting bigger and bigger. "And after a while, I found the cause...but sadly, I figured out I couldn't break it on my own. So that's where my little message comes to play..."
"You expect to believe that that message wasn't random and was, in fact, a part of your scheme to free yourself?"
"Why yes, Energizer." Raim nodded. "First of all, it gave me an "excuse" to ramble like a madman while wearing a fez." Raim said, throwing the fez away, since the gig was up. "I kept pushing my theory by calling Tager as Yammy. There was little effect, as the crack on that wall proves."
He pointed out the wall behind the computer panel, which had indeed, some cracks.
"Second of all, it gave me an excuse to talk about the Demon Summoning Program, trying to taunt them. When this did not had the effect I wished, I just continued talking until you asked about how demons could get stored. That's where Makoto became useful."
"Huh, me? How?"
"Simple, my nutty friend. I had you reference the Fate/Stay Night universe just a while ago, didn't I? Well, that was a small trigger. I wanted to test if my theory was correct and you proved it."
"But what?"
"This lock is sensitive about which universe it is locking. When you started talking, neither anyone on the room nor xm..." WHATǃ? "...noticed the small crack above. And yes, that explains why Litchi fell from there too."
"Mmgh...Lotte...is that you?" Litchi was still on the ground.
"But you just making us say lines! What does that cause anyways?" Ragna asked.
"...Let me finish. The more Makoto referenced Fate, the more this...lock started to deteriorate, since it had problems identifying what universe this was. Seriously, this place is too similar to that one. The fact that this room was located on the Boundary put things in my favor. The same is what I'm making you do."
So you're using references as a weapon? That's insane!
(CRACK!)
"It still isn't enough?" Rachel commented.
"Tch. Those bastards think they can hold me until I ran out of time, huh? We'll see about that... Imagine-chan! Sawashiro-san!"
"I told you my name is not Imagine!" Tsubaki shouted.
"And who is Sawashiro-san?" Carl also protested.
"Whatever. Here, read this."
Raim quickly threw two papers at Tsubaki and Carl, much for their confusion.
"Eh? Ah...but why?"
"Just do it...and let go of Jin's frozen body. You're creeping me out."
Tsubaki complied as the room started shaking. Seems the lock is partially sentient...if that's even possible.
"You should have just said that from the start. Also, that isn't what "proffer" means. You're embarrassing yourself. Also, stop calling it Phone Microwave (name subject to change), already... and do I have turn off a cellphone or...?"
Steins Gateǃ?
"Your turn, Mari-, no, Saku-, no dammit, Carl!"
"R-Right...but what role should nee-san have?"
"...I'll give her some role later." Yes, he's definitely lying.
"Okay."
Carl readied himself as the area became more unstable. The ground was cracking too.
"Dabu!"
(CRACK!)
"Another role!"
"PERSONA!"
(CRACK! CRACK!)
"It's working!"
"Well, duh! Continue!"
"Um...is this right to say?" Carl looked at him with doubt and...horror.
"Sure. What, you want to stay in a breaking space without hope of getting out? Really, I didn't know!"
"Alright, I'll do it!" Carl sighed. "DIE THE DEATH! SENTENCE TO DEATH! GREAT EQUALIZER IS THE DEATH!"
(CRAAACK!)
U-Umineko...? How...WHY?
Also, was the complete shattering of the roof, revealing a black, empty, void, part of your plan too, eh, Hanta-san?
"...Oh man. They...they really made this one sturdy..." Raim sweat dropped.
"Great. Now what, kid?" Ragna growled, not pleased by the current situation at all.
"Hahaha! I knew that such a ridiculous plan would fail spectacularly, but your face was just priceless!" Hazama mocked Raim non-stop.
A...void hand lashed out of the hole and grabbed Raim directly. Raim, strangely enough, looked more annoyed than freaked out. Even though the air was being vacuumed through the hole as the hand held him.
"Well, crap. Hey, Ragna, could you read the extra lines on the bottom of the paper, please?"
"Tch. Well, since that thing over there will apparently kill us if I don't, guess I have no choice."
Ragna drew breath. I hope this is good.
"Listen up, everyone!"
Oh god no.
"Let's say you drink too much strawberry milk, and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night."
Sweet Jesus, no.
(CRACK!)
"But it's cold outside your bed. You don't want to get up, but the urge to urinate is just too strong! You make up your mind to go! You run to the bathroom, stand in front of the toilet, and let loose! You think that all your life has led to this moment! But then you realize! It isn't the bathroom!"
"That's it. There's an author at work." Rachel said, knowing this phenomenon.
And, um...I'm not doing anything. It's Raim that's doing all of this madness.
(CRAACKAAAKKCK!)
"You're still in bed! That feeling of lukewarm wetness spreads like wild fire! But you don't stop! You can't stop! That's what I'm talking about! That's the truth of the strawberry milk! DO YOU GET ITǃ?"
And a deafening crack destroyed the hand, the roof and the room itself as a bright light surrounded the room.
"Mmgh..." Kokonoe opened her eyes. She was somehow on the floor. She looked around. Tager was defrosted for some reason and Makoto and Lambda were recovering too.
However, the most striking difference in the room was that everyone else was gone.
"What the hell? Ugh...was it all some sort of nightmare?"
"Hmm...My head..."
"Current phenomenon cannot be identified. More information is required."
"...Kokonoe. Could you explain to me what just happened? And why do I feel like I was frozen?"
Jugdging by their reactions, Kokonoe noticed that nobody could remember...something. She also didn't get what just happened?
...Also, what just happened? Seriously, I can't...
Remember? Remember what?
"...I don't know, Tager. Perhaps your memory matrix glitched or something? Gah, I can't remember."
"Oh come on." Huh? "Seriously, you don't remember? I thought you, a genius as you say, could remember all of this shit."
There was a young man dressed in red and black resting on a wall near the exit of the lab. Kokonoe flipped out when she noticed him and did the sanest reaction.
"TAGER! INTRUDER ALERT!"
"Whoa whoa whoa!" The young man said. "I'm not here to hurt you, alright?"
"Target's heart rate is normal. Hostile intent on target is nill." Lambda assured.
"Well, whatever." The man sighed. "I was going to say that the others were fine too, but I think your memory was also affected too... Nah, forget about it. It's not like you would thank me."
What is he talking about?
"Is he crazy?" Makoto whispered to Tager.
"I don't know. He looks sane to me."
"Well, guess I'll re-introduce myself. The name's Raim Hanta. Or Meta-Raim, whatever suits you best."
"Wait, the same Raim Hanta that was sending those insane messages? Do you expect me to believe this degree of bullshit?"
"Honestly, no. You're too hot-headed for that. But, the point of me being here was just to say...thanks. You freed my ass."
"What are you talking aboutǃ? Look, okay, you may be crazy, but it is obvious you know something that we don't. So, spill it already!"
"It's not important." Raim closed his eyes. "Really, it isn't. So then...bye."
The young man, Raim, started going out, but he stopped and turned around, as if remembering something. "Oh yeah, that one guy, the one who goes by xm0123?"
Kokonoe said, "The one who apparently made Rachel do Ask Rachel Alucard?"
Raim confirmed, "Yeah, that one. Rumor has it that he's been wheeling and dealing with messengers of magic."
Everyone else in the room raised an eyebrow. They glanced at Makoto, who was equally confused, "Hey, I don't know either."
Kokonoe then looked at Lambda. Her response was, "Does not compute."
Raim said, "If you don't know what those are, then you're lucky. Ignorance is bliss. Regardless, whatever he's cooking up with them can't be good. But then again...it couldn't be bad either if he knows what he's doing."
How does he knowǃ?
Kokonoe asked, "And what? You want us to do something about it?"
Raim said, "If he ends up here, yeah, make sure he doesn't have those things messing up your shit. If not, well, whatever. But then again, he's your manipulator, so...gah, forget it. 'Sides, it is not my problem." He shrugged. "Well, seeya...or maybe not."
He then took out the ignored bokuto and...stabbed part of the wall and pressed downwards. A grey light emanated from the opening and Kokonoe managed to see stairs. Lots of gray stairs were inside of it. He entered inside and started walking upwards as the entrance closed.
Who are you? What are youǃ?
[End of chapter 16. Hope y'all liked it! Oh, and if you're confused about any of it, try asking Heraklinios about it, cuz I'm just as confused as you are.]