Ladies, lords, beastkin and humans alike, I . . . I'm getting too old for this shit.

Well, that's how I'd phrase it on my bad days, but you know what? I can't think of anything to write. And I do have more important things to do besides rambling about random shit that comes to my mind. That is why this will be the second-to-last edition of Help Us, Professor Kokonoe that you will see. Don't fret, much like the Rabbit, the final entry will be epic, epicer than hers, that's for sure. But after this and the finale, you'll have to find some other way to help yourselves.

But since the end is near, I'm gonna do it one last time; I'm gonna induct another person into . . . The Hall of Shame! Trying to put this segment into the finale would ruin the mood, hence why I'm doing it here, but enough explanation. Today's inductee is This Guy. He does have a name, but we'll call him This Guy. This Guy is a net idol who is famous for being a comedian . . . a self-proclaimed comedian I should say. You see, This Guy is not funny. At all. Despite what his rapid fanbase claims otherwise, he is a failed humorist. Do you know why? Because This Guy belongs to the lowest class of comedian in the world; The Unfunny Asshole Who Thinks He's Funny.

What does this mean? Well, when I say asshole, I don't mean the anus, and I don't mean just some random . . . asshole, if you get my drift. I mean an unpleasant person. Like me. But you see, there's a difference between me and him. I can be an asshole. I know, I do it on a daily basis. But you see, I also know how humor works. This Guy doesn't. He somehow got the idea that being offensive translates to hilarity. Usually, it doesn't. I think it's best to provide examples. Look at Noel, for example. Easy target for people like us. This Guy will say something like this:

"Noel is a stupid worthless bitch. Her voice is annoying and she needs to die."

That's the whole punchline. You're supposed to laugh at that. Meanwhile, someone like . . . nah, I don't wanna inflate my own ego . . . some other bitch out there that you may know once said this about her:

"When I think of cuteness, I think of dolls, children's toys, and robotic duplicates of little girls that can't fight without their Nox Nyctores; in other words, weak, pathetic, ineffectual things that accomplish nothing but drawing superficial adoration from onlookers."

See? This is why, for all the shit I give the Rabbit, I respect her, for she really knows how to insult someone and make it amusing at the same time. In fact, let's look at This Guy again, only this time, let's look beyond the surface:

"(Hey, I know, guys hate moeblobs, right? Maybe I'll say some shit about that Noel bitch, see if that gets me any ad revenue.) Noel is a stupid, worthless bitch. (Insert canned laughter.) Her voice is annoying and she needs to die. (LAUGH, DAMN IT!)"

Fortunately, most Unfunny Assholes are not successful. Either they piss off too many people, or their lack of effective comedy drives away an audience, yet every now and then, there will come an internet celebrity whose entire schtick is doing what I just told you, and they make a living off of it! So for the last ever Hall of Shame, I want you to induct whoever is the first Unfunny Asshole who comes to your mind; that's who belongs. Sure, it'll vary from person to person, but deep down, they all deserve it. Alright, now, the question of the day! A question from before this announcement, oh, how much simpler the world used to be, months prior to the posting of this entry:

"Dear Professor K

1) What would happen if Ragna found out that Hazama is the father of Saya's child?

2) Which vs theme is better childish killer or x-matic?

3) What are the odds that Tsubaki and Litchi will ever rebel against the N.O.L?

Alright that's all, Warrior of The Healing Flame"

Professor K? You must be a fan of Jet Set Radio, I'm guessing. That's not important. Onto my answers!

My first thought concerning this question is, who's the child? I wanna see what monstrosity this union cooked up! As for the question at hand, I'm sure it'll be the usual routine; Ragna freaks out, Hazama cackles like crazy, Ragna yells, "BASTAAAAAAAAAARD!", fights Hazama, Hazama has to back out, more angst from Ragna ensues. Same shit, different day for my world setting.

For question two, no contest; neither of them! I instead say the best new song for Extend is Plastic Night, or Relius' battle theme. You know why? The song itself is elegant. I know, how could metal be elegant? Well, his theme is, and you would do well to score that on MP3. (Wow, my target audience still uses MP3 audio format? Must . . . not . . . lapse into lolfest . . . )

And for your last question, the odds of both rebelling against the Librarium is extremely high. For Litchi, well, like I said, she was my pupil. She wouldn't dare side with the NOL for very long. She knows the repercussions of doing so. As for Tsubaki, also certain, although it would take her longer to figure out what to do. Someone, probably Hakumen, has to give her a speech about how the evildoers don't always look like the villains of your childhood fairytales, and that sometimes, justice must be meted out even against those who purport to do good, and . . . God damn! I'm writing too much like her again! Seeǃ? This is another reason I gotta stop! I don't wanna end up like the Rabbit! Imagine, all my cuss words, gone! Replaced with . . . poetic sounding words in their place! And my bluntly disparaging comments replaced with . . . eloquently disparaging comments! It's enough to drive me crazy!

But yeah. Sooner or later, Litchi and Tsubaki will come to their senses, justice and fairness will return to the world, and I will be without purpose in life. Well, guess I can get started on making my own candy then. See you around for the finale!