A/N : This chapter took longer than I expected it to be. Probably because after every scene I keep figuring out how the next scene will go. Anyway first thing first I want to give a shout out to RED78910 for feeling the way I feel regarding Shepard/Matt and Shepard/Liara. Maybe in this story I didn't give much justice to Matt but if you read my other story you know what kind of person Matt is minus the reason why they broke up and the occasional being a jerk part. He actually such a nice guy and maybe he's not that charming but mostly what girl want is a guy who are nice, first and foremost. So I will keep my promise that Shepard will remember Liara in this chapter but that doesn't mean it will be a happy ending to Shepard and Liara. You want happy ending for both of them? Go read my other story, Forever After. But there still will be happy ending in this story but it won't be in this chapter or the next few chapters (maybe).

One last thing, I want to explain about my way of writing Shepard full name. If you read Forever After you know that I stated that I won't be using Shepard first name so much and I feel the same way for this story. Mostly because in my personal experience it get a little weird and annoying when I read other fan fictions where the author used their Shepard first name every time. I also want you can relate your Shepard to my Shepard. So I hope you understand why I will call Shepard as Shepard instead of her first name that I given. But Hannah, Arthur, Maddison and Matt will all called Shepard by her first name, Grace because well they are her parents/best friend/ex fiancée and they know her even before she joined the Alliance where your last name is your name and your rank is your first name. But I won't be writing Liara to call Shepard by her first name because Liara always called her by her last name and it also easy for all my readers to put their Shepard as my Shepard. I hope I made myself clear. So without further ado…

Chapter 5 : This Love

It has been six weeks since Shepard having a flashback over one of her memories with Liara but that doesn't mean she remember everything about their relationship. Instead of giving her more answer, Shepard found herself having more question. In other hand her feeling towards Matt still genuine and she remembered everything about her history with Matt but in the other hand she only feel she have some sort of connection with Liara but for the life of her, she couldn't remember much about her relationship with the Asari.

That picture she saw of her and Liara, that look she gave, that was the same look she gave to Matt…

Shepard so deep in thought that she didn't even realize her mother approaches her. With the Normandy dock at the Citadel for a few days of shore leave, Shepard found herself looking over the presidium as she sit at one of the benches at the presidium.

"Hey Grace." greet her mother as she sit down next to her daughter.

"Mom. I didn't realize you were coming."

"Not a surprise since you looked so deep in thought… Is something bothering you, Grace?"

"I'm still trying to figure things out."

"Love is a complicated thing…"

"How did you know that dad was the one?" asked Shepard after a long silent.

"Before I met your dad, I didn't even bother about dating. Your dad was quite persistent and the next thing I know, he already kneeled on one knee and proposed to me."

"And yet you said yes."

"Where do you think you get your charm?"

"…Matt sort of proposed to me again."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing… He said he willing to wait for me until I figuring things out."

"Matt is a nice guy, Grace. Your dad and I know that he will take care of you but the most important thing is your happiness… I met Liara when you still in coma. She seems like a great girl."

"Yeah, she is."

After talking with her mother, Shepard headed towards her apartment. After a 5 minutes ride on the sky car, Shepard arrived at the Silversun Strip. She waste no time to head towards the elevator despite there some report stopping her to answer some question before they were being stop by a few C-Sec officer. After arriving at her apartment, Shepard head straight towards her home office and start searching her bookshelves.

Shepard wasn't expecting to find anything until she came across a piece of paper stuck out from one of the books. Shepard immediately grabbed the book and she open it to the page where the paper is before start reading what's on the paper.

Dear me,

If you're reading this either you finally clean up your bookshelves or something happen. But if it's not me as in Commander Grace Shepard, stop reading this! That's an order. But if something were happen to me than you may need to read this. But only to Dr. Liara T'Soni. No one else.

First I want to say Liara T'Soni, I love you with my whole heart. I'm sorry that I have to break my promise. I knew deep down that I will just do about anything to stop the Reapers even by sacrificing myself. I really want all those little blue babies but I couldn't leave you a galaxy where it's not safe for you to live in. I'm sorry if I hurt you but you will be better off without me. You have to believe me. We met when Saren threaten this galaxy peace and it wasn't a good place to start a relationship. Then you saw me got spaced out and you spend 2 years of your life mourning me.

I shouldn't have tried to get you back but I love you so much that I couldn't just let you go. Now I think I'm being selfish but if after all of this I died again and being rebuilt again, I won't let you go through it again. I couldn't let you spend another years mourning me and then have me begging you again. I love you so much that I couldn't bear to see you get hurt again because of me. So please Liara, if you love me, let me go and find someone that will truly make you happy and will always be there for you. But always know that I will always love you, Liara.

Shepard, if you're reading this and somehow in a new twist you survived the war and you forgot everything, don't ever remember who is Liara. Don't put her through it again. But if you're fine and alive, you better propose to her by now and leave the Alliance. Those 3 years of your relationship with Liara while fighting Reapers are enough. Don't put her in a spot where she have to worry if you ever get back alive from a mission again.

Truthfully,

Commander Shepard

Commanding Officer of the Normandy

Alliance Navy

Special Tactics and Reconnaissance

"Easy to say than do it, does it Grace?" thought Shepard as she finished reading the paper.

On Thessia, Liara already settles in with her father as she is now 5 months pregnant. She spends most of her time working on her Shadow Broker resources with Glyph. From time to time, Liara found herself using her resources to check in on Shepard. All she knows was Shepard back on duty and has been instructed to visits Palaven, Rannoch, Tuchanka and Thessia. It also comes to her attention that the Council has offered her the position as the new human councilor but she turned it down.

When she arrived on Thessia almost 7 weeks ago, she promised to start moving on because she knew there isn't any chance of Shepard will remember her. It's been too long and Shepard still found herself remember so little about her when she doesn't seem to have problem remembering others. Now all Liara want to do is to take care of her unborn daughter, the last good thing of her relationship with Shepard. But she couldn't help it but still thinking about Shepard.

She could deny it all day long but she still have a little hope left that Shepard will remember her and they will live together forever after like those fairytales on Earth. Mostly Liara want her daughter to know who Shepard is. Not just someone who save the galaxy but also as her daughter father and the love of her life. If Shepard will never remember her, Liara had to keep it a secret who's her daughter father is because she couldn't have Shepard hating their daughter.

After visiting Palaven, Rannoch and Tuchanka, it's time for the Normandy to visit Thessia. After 3 days of shore leave on the Citadel, the crews of the Normandy report back for duty.

"Hey Commander. You ready to head to Thessia?" asked Joker.

"Let me know when we arrive. I need to speak with Kenneth and Gabby." answered Shepard as she didn't want to think of the fact they are heading to Thessia.

"You think Shepard still have a hard time figuring out who Liara is?" asked Joker to his co-pilot slash girlfriend, EDI after Shepard leave the bridge.

EDI decided to answer Joker question with silence. Because for EDI, Shepard has been such a great friend and she didn't want to say anything that could hurt Shepard feeling or even make a joke about the situation Shepard is in.

"You're no fun, EDI."

As the Normandy leave the dock and head towards Thessia, Shepard already in the Engineering as she's need to talk with both of her engineers.

"Hey Shepard." greet Kenneth.

"Commander." greet Gabby.

"Kenneth, Gabby. There's something I need to discuss with you two. Apparently the Alliance has come across the news of you two are dating.

"I bet it's the new Ensign with the big mouth told the Alliance about us." said Kenneth madly.

"We don't know that." said Gabby as she tries to calm Kenneth down.

"Well, who else? We all know every one of the crew members here are very loyal and close like a family. We don't stab each other back. Not until the Alliance send us the new Ensign along 3 other lower ranks Enlisted."

"I'm not going to point finger until I know for sure. But don't worry. I argue that your relationship doesn't affect the chain of command. That is until one of you get promote, the Alliance agreed it won't be a problem. If one of you get promote, you two can't work together again." said Shepard.

"You argue on behalf of us, Commander?" asked Gabby.

"It's my job as your Commanding Officer. Listen, I'm happy for both of you and it's about time you two realized you're made for each other."

"It was thanks to you, Shepard." said Kenneth.

"Just make sure you two stay professional."

"Yes ma'am." said both Kenneth and Gabby.

The Normandy finally arrived on Thessia and Shepard wasted no time as he called Ashley and James to come with her meeting a few of Asari Matriarch. From what Shepard heard, Samara will be there too.

From the meeting, the Asari Matriarch wanted Shepard to oversee Asari commandos to give them a boost. It's basically the same job she had on Palaven, Rannoch and Tuchanka. Except in Rannoch, Shepard had to oversee some deal being made between the Geth and the Quarians.

"So different planet, same boring job huh?" said Ashley as she broke the silence.

"I don't get it. Why do they need to see Lola so they could get some morale boost?" add James.

"Because I saved the galaxy? Honestly I rather do desk duty than go to another planet and show my face for morale sake."

"You know Lola, you can always apply for N7 training instructor."

"So you can pass N7 training easily?"

"That would be nice."

"Dream on, James. Just because I know what you capable of, I won't be any easier with you."

"Trust me, Vega. You don't want Shepard as your N7 training instructor. My body still sore from that drill she did with the crews of Normandy SR-1." said Ashley.

"Oh that? That was nothing, Ash."

"What happened?" asked James dumbfounded.

"It was after the battle of the Citadel. On one of our routine patrol, Shepard decided it best if we do some drill. So we stopped at one of human colony planet to do the drill. None of the crew can move a finger the next day." explained Ashley.

"Don't tell me that worst compare to Joker attempt of a joke about that drill the next day."

"I would have killed him if my body still not sore from the drill."

Both Shepard and Ashley burst out laughing as they recalling that day while James still have no idea what actually happen.

"Shepard." call out Samara.

"Hey, Samara. Is there something else the Matriarchs want me to do?" answered Shepard as she finally stop laughing.

"No. I just come here to meet you and to say my happiness seeing you well."

"Thank you, Samara. It's nice to see you doing well too. How is Falere?"

"She is fine. The Matriarchs has agreed on rebuilding the Monastery again."

"That's good to hear." said Shepard before her eyes saw Liara.

"Liara!" call Shepard as she start to run towards Liara.

Liara could have sworn she heard Shepard voice but it also has been happening a lot ever since she arrived on Thessia. Everywhere she go, her mind always play trick with her and she expect nothing less this time around. But when she looked at where the voice came from, she saw Shepard run towards her.

"Sh…Shepard." said Liara as she suddenly feels light headed.

Shepard could see that something is wrong with Liara and before long Liara slowly falling but Shepard was in time to catch her before she could fall to the ground. With Liara in her arms and unconscious, Shepard grew worry before a headache makes her lost consciousness too. Before Shepard hit the ground, she could hear Ashley, James and Samara yelling her name before darkness overtook her.

Liara has been unconscious for more than 6 hours now and Shepard has been waiting next to Liara bed for the past 3 hours after waking up from her own faint. Dr. Chakwas was called upon when Shepard lost consciousness and when she woke up, Dr. Chakwas insist Shepard on having further examination but as always Shepard being stubborn as she reassured Dr. Chakwas that she is fine.

She is more worried about Liara and the baby as the headache which resulting her loss consciousness was the way her brain returned her memories. Shepard is now crystal clear about her feeling towards Liara and Matt but she also knows what she read from the piece of paper she found at her apartment. There is decision to be made and she wasn't certain what will be the best. But she knows one thing for certain, she going to be there for the baby. No matter what.

As Shepard still figuring out what future hold for her and Liara, Liara is slowly starting to regain consciousness.

"Hey Liara…" greet Shepard as Liara regain consciousness.

"…Shepard… What are you doing here?" asked Liara as she saw Shepard waiting beside her bed.

"I worry about you… And the baby."

"Why would you worry? You don't even know who I am." said Liara with a hint of hurt can be heard in her voice.

"…I guess I deserved that. But I remembered everything now. I am so sorry, Liara. You could hate me all you want but don't make me abandon my duty as the father of your baby."

"But… How did you know?"

"Unless you find someone else to love during the war, I couldn't think of anyone else who could be the father of your baby."

"Shepard… I... I didn't plan for this."

"Are you saying you don't want the baby?" asked Shepard feeling a little sad as she think that Liara really hate her if she didn't even want the baby.

"NO! That's not what I meant. When I found out that I'm pregnant, I was afraid you won't approve. I was afraid that you will hate our daughter."

"That's nonsense. I love you Liara and I want to have little blue babies with you. I meant what I said before."

"What about Matt?"

"What about him?"

"I could sense that you love him."

"I… I'm not going to lie. I never thought about my feeling towards Matt in a very long time. When we broke up, I wasn't expecting to fall in love again until I met you. But not once I think about Matt when I was with you. He was my past until… recently. But I love you Liara, I always do. And I want to be here for you and the baby."

"I… I don't know Shepard. I thought I lost you, again. Seeing you alive but you didn't remember me, it's hurt more than when you died."

"Listen, Liara. I know that I hurt you. I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore. I'm not going to win your heart back like I did after we beat the Shadow Broker. Not because I don't love you as much as I do back then, but because I don't want to put you through it again. Being with me was never easy and now that I saved the galaxy, it will be a lot harder. I can't even walk around without people saying 'hey that's Commander Shepard' or the reporters wanting to know my every move. I'm not going to push myself on you. But I will always be there for you. I promise that."

"I will need time to think."

"I understand, Liara. But please, while you still think about us, I want to be here for you and the baby."

Liara only respond with a smile which Shepard takes it as her approval.

After a week on Thessia, Shepard back on Earth by the Alliance request. Shepard tried to object at first but she knew that she is using personal reason as the reason why she should stay on Thessia a little while longer. With Liara being released by the doctor a few hours before the Normandy depart, it makes Shepard leaving Thessia a lot easier. But Shepard made sure Liara promise her to stay healthy and avoid making herself stress as that was the reason why she faint in the first place.

With a few hours to spare before Shepard need to report in front of the new Alliance Admirals, Shepard decided to catch up with her best friend, Maddison at a café near the hospital where Maddison work.

When Shepard arrived, she was 10 minutes early so she decided to find a table near a window and order herself a cup of tea. She is one of those few people who don't really drink coffee nor need caffeine to stay awake. Her problem is usually to fall asleep rather than staying awake. But she does drink coffee from time to time.

"Hey, Shepard." said Maddison as she sit in front of Shepard before ordering herself a cup of coffee when the waitress came asking her order.

"Black coffee? Really?" asked Shepard as she knows her best friend also didn't drink much coffee.

"I've been pulling all nighters the past few days. I think my blood pressure is up." answered Maddison as she rubs her temple.

"Patients are giving you problems?"

"The war against the Reapers made people lost their mind. The thing they saw… I can't even explain it."

"Hey, you don't have to explain it. I of all people know better about it. Things I saw. Death… It still haunts me."

"You need to see a shrink more than they do."

"You know what I feel about shrink."

"And yet your best friend is a shrink."

"I never thought you as one. You're my best friend and it's kind of your job to be my shrink. Even if it not your job."

"So… I heard you remember Liara." asked Maddison after the waitress sent her cup of coffee.

"Who told you that?"

"Oh, you know. Someone name Gracie? I think she said she your PA." said Maddison teasing Shepard.

"I don't have a PA and stop calling me Gracie."

"So are you going to tell me what going to happen now?"

"Well it's up to Liara now."

"What do you mean? You don't love her anymore or you want to be with Matt again?"

"No… I found this when I was looking around my apartment at the Citadel." said Shepard as she take a piece of paper from her pocket and give it to Maddison.

"…Well this explains a lot." said Maddison after she finished reading the paper.

"Explain what?" asked Shepard in confusion.

"I think I found the reason why you seem to have no problem remembering anything from the last few years except Liara."

"You mean?"

"I explain to you before sometimes when brain decided to hide some memories as it defense mechanism. I think before you go through that blast from the Crucible you remember what you wrote in this paper. You bought that ring and never propose to her. And why's that?"

"Because I don't want her to suffer again if I die."

"You know exactly what you will do and sacrifice to destroy the Reapers."

"She already loss me twice, I can't hurt her again... I know that I will die centuries before she will and I don't want to leave this world knowing she will never move on because every time she tried, I come back and beg her to stay."

"But you still love her… Are you really willing to sacrifice your happiness for her sake? After everything you went through the past few years, you deserve some happiness."

"Seeing Liara alive and happy will be good enough…"

"You may believe that but I won't."

"So what am I supposed to do? Beg her again and then leaves her for good century from now? I can't hurt her again. I WON'T hurt her again!" yelled Shepard as she torn over her own feeling.

"Whatever you going to choose, you can't have a win-win situation. Because you love her so much that you are willing to die for her. I was there when you were in love with Matt, but you aren't willing to die for him. I know you haven't thought about that feeling in quite some time now until recently, but the truth is you love Liara more than you could ever love Matt."

"And this supposed to help me, how?"

"It wasn't supposed to help you. I just lay it on you because I could see the conflict in your eyes."

"Now I wish my best friend isn't a shrink…"

"Oh please. You always wish that even though your heart wants me to be a shrink because at a time like this, you need one. You're not invincible, Grace. You never were."

"I never can win when arguing with you. Can I?" said Shepard with a sigh.

"Nope. Never." said Maddison as she flash a smile.

A/N : So I supposed to write a scene between Shepard and Matt but since it's already long enough and I really need to post it before my birthday (this Friday) because I'm off for a weekend vacation, so that would mean I won't be writing this weekend or have any time to post this chapter this week. Anyway I will be focusing on new chapter for Forever After so I won't be writing a new chapter for What If until I'm done with my other story which I abandoned it long enough. I really hope this is a great chapter and I didn't do a final check on this story so pardon me for any mistype or usual grammar mess. Let me know what you think and if there a few questions in your mind that I still didn't answer so far in this story. So leave me a review but please be nice. Oh one last thing, this story is far from over because as you notice Liara didn't give Shepard an answer and Shepard is conflicted about her feeling towards Liara. And Matt will be in the picture soon enough to win Shepard back. There will be more drama for sure. Well maybe... Maybe not much of a drama... Oh I don't know. You will know soon enough when I write the new chapters.