A/N: Well I've been receiving feedback on how Liara acted in the last chapter... I wasn't expecting that, but maybe I kinda did subconciously... Anyway calm down people. There's a reason why I didn't do Liara point of view. It was to make sure there's something mysterious, uncertainty. About Iana... Well she is not what you guys expect. Well enough with that, here the new chapter that I hope will satisfy you guys.
Chapter 8 : Guilt
Shepard sat silently in a couch in her best friend office at Huerta Memorial. Maddison staring her with so many questions in her eyes but she kept her mouth shut, waiting patiently for Shepard to start talking. It has been 2 weeks since Shepard got to Citadel and today is the first day Maddison starts her new position as the new head psychiatrist at Huerta Memorial. Maddison has called Shepard for a sit up and Shepard reluctantly agreed after Maddison told her to come as a friend favor.
"I'm not here to talk about my feelings." said Shepard as she grew annoy with the way Maddison stared at her.
"So why are you here?"
"Because a certain psychiatrist friend of mine insisted on me coming here as a favor for her."
"So shouldn't you talk about your feelings?"
"I thought I'm here as your friend?"
"I thought I asked you to come here as a favor for me? So you really should start talking about your feelings."
"I hate it when you do this." grunt Shepard as she realized it was a trick from her best friend.
"You can hate me all you want, but you still going to talk about your feelings." said Maddison with a smirk.
"Ugh. Fine."
Shepard talked about what's going on for five minutes but Maddison realized that she talked about everything except what she truly feel about Liara and Elaina.
"So you're okay with Liara not telling Elaina that you are her father?" asked Maddison.
"I... Uh. Yeah. I'm fine. I understand her reason and she got a point." said Shepard as she regained her composure after Maddison question surprised her.
"So you're fine that Elaina won't know who you really are?"
"Like I said, Liara has a point. If they know who Elaina is, the media will have a field day. I mean it's not like our relationship was out in the open. Only peoples on board the Normandy knew. Except that Battlespace reporter, Diana Allers."
"It must be hard for you to be around your daughter knowing she didn't know that you're her father."
"I won't lie... It's hard. It crossed my mind how Liara can do this after what happened to her. When she talked about how she didn't know who her father is, I can see a hint of disappointment mix with hurt. I just can't believe how she can do this to our daughter."
"You should tell her that."
"For as long as I has known her, I never once saw her being selfish. She knew that my duty as an Alliance officer, as a Spectre, comes first. She never once complaint and all she ever asked me was to promised her that I'm always coming back to her. I think she deserved to act selfish once in a while."
"Grace! We are talking about your daughter here. You have a right! You're the most honorable person I've met. You never back away from your responsibilities. Are you really going to walk away from your responsibility as a father? I know that Asari reproductions are not the same as we are, how your daughter doesn't have your DNA, how she's not related to you by blood, but she still has your genetic materials or whatever it is, and without you, Liara couldn't have conceived."
"Who said anything about I'm walking away from my responsibility to my daughter?"
"Explain to me how exactly you're doing your responsibility as a father if she didn't even know who you are?"
"I help paying her tuition..."
"Is that enough?"
"..." Shepard couldn't answer her best friend because she knew it's not enough. At least for her.
"Talk to her, Grace."
"She has moved on, Maddison. I can't ruin her happiness. She looked so happy and all I will bring to her is hurt."
"That's not true."
"Is it? I will die long before she will. She already lost me twice, what's the point having her lost me for the third time?"
"If that's what you say so you fall asleep every night, fine." said Maddison as she knew no matter what she say, it won't change her best friend opinion. At least not yet.
After leaving Maddison office, instead of goes straight back to her office, Shepard decided to go home instead. Her conversation with Maddison still lingers in her head and that was the very reason why Shepard decided to skip work because she knew she won't get any work done.
"Shepard! I'm glad you're home early. I was about to call you." said Liara as soon as Shepard open the door.
"Is something wrong?"
"No. Not really. I need you to look after Elaina. I have to go back to Thessia."
"Why do you need to go to Thessia?"
"Iana just called me and I need to be there for her."
"Oh, I see."
"I can't bring Elaina with me because she has school and it will be best if I go alone. I will be back in a few days."
"Don't worry. Go. I will take care of Elaina."
"Thank you, Shepard."
"It's nothing. Where is she anyway?" asked Shepard as she couldn't see Elaina anywhere.
"Upstairs. She's sulking because I won't let her come with me."
"I will go check on her then." said Shepard as she starts walking to the staircase.
"Shepard, I won't leave her if it's not important. We've never been apart before."
"Don't worry, Liara. You can trust me." said Shepard as she turns around to look at Liara.
"I do trust you, Shepard." said Liara as she flash Shepard a small smile.
After watching Liara leaving the apartment, Shepard went upstairs to check on Elaina. She could hear soft sobbing from her room. When Shepard went inside, she saw Elaina curling up like a ball in the bed. Her heart almost breaks into pieces when she saw her daughter. How much she wants to protect her and those beautiful smiles she has.
"Hey." said Shepard softly as she sat next to Elaina on the bed.
"I want to go with mommy." replied Elaina in between her tears.
"You've never been apart from her before, right? I know the feeling when I had to be apart from my parents."
"Mommy told me you grew up in Space and that your parents are in the Alliance." said Elaina as she turns to face Shepard with tears still in her eyes.
"Yes. It got harder each time. Sometimes I cried in the middle of the night because I missed them or because I was afraid that when I woke up, someone going to tell me that they are gone."
"But mommy will be fine right?"
"Of course she is. She is one of the best biotics I ever fight with if not the best. Nothing is going to happen to her."
"You promise?"
"I promise. Now what about we go out to the Presidium and get some ice-creams?"
"Can I have two scoops of ice-cream?" asked Elaina as she wipes away her tears.
"You can have how many you want."
"Yay!" said Elaina as she starts to jump of happiness on her bed.
Right then and there, watching the smile and happiness in Elaina face made Shepard heart grew warm. Then it hits her how Elaina will never know who she really is and that sting her. The thought of someone else playing the father role, hurt Shepard so much that she rather suffocated to death again. She can deal with Liara moving on with someone else, but the thought of that someone else will be Elaina father, hurt her like hell. Especially knowing Elaina will never know the fact she is her father.
When Elaina suddenly hugged her, Shepard pushed the thoughts away.
"Are you alright?" asked Elaina as she saw Shepard look of hurt while she was bouncing.
"I'm fine now." answered Shepard as she flash Elaina a smile.
After finishing their ice-creams, Shepard and Elaina took a walk around the Presidium when they saw Javik having an argument with a Hanar.
"This one deem itself unworthy of seeing the Enkindler. This one will be honor to do what the Enkindler ask." said the Hanar.
"Do you want to be roast or boil?" asked Javik in irritation.
"I think it best if there's no Hanar get eaten today." said Shepard as she tried not to laugh.
"Why don't 'this one' just walk away after having the privilege of seeing the Enkindler?" add Shepard to the Hanar.
"This one won't forget meeting the Enkindler." said the Hanar before he leaves.
"Some things never change huh, Javik?" said Shepard.
"This is why I don't want to be in the Citadel with the primitives."
"Then why are you here?"
"Your Asari, Liara asked me to meet her. But I can't seem to find her."
"I think Liara forgot to inform you. She had to go to Thessia on some important business."
"I see."
"Hey, Uncle Javik." wave Elaina to the Prothean.
"I see you're watching your offspring."
"Uh... Yeah."
"I have not told Liara yet, but your offspring is special. That's what her pheromones told me."
"Umm. Thanks?"
"You two will be surprise of what she can do."
"Now you're just scaring me."
"What are you talking about, Uncle Javik?" asked Elaina.
"It's nothing, kiddo. Just grown up talk." answered Shepard.
"I see your Asari has yet to tell her." said Javik.
"It's for the best..." said Shepard as she knew what Javik meant.
"But you don't believe that. Your Asari was conflicted when your offspring asked her about who her sire is. I do not understand her decision."
"That's make the two of us..."
"I should leave, Commander. Before any of these primitives surround me." said Javik as he nervously watched his surrounding before leaving.
Shepard watched the retreating Javik while her mind process what Javik said...
"Are you alright, Shepard?" asked Elaina as she saw Shepard deep in thought.
"I'm fine. Where to go next?" asked Shepard as she flash Elaina a reassurance smile.
"Can I ask you a question, first?"
"You can ask me more than one."
"Do you love my mother?" asked Elaina.
Shepard was taken by surprised with Elaina question. She was struggling to find the right words to say when Elaina speaks again.
"I never saw mother look so happy before you came along."
"I'm sure you just imagining it. I'm sure she just happy to see me. After all we are great friends." said Shepard as the words 'great friends' hurt her more than she letting on.
"That's not it. There's something else."
"I think I know now why Javik told me you're special. Sometimes you can be so smart that it almost frightening."
"You didn't answer my question." said Elaina as she gaze Shepard face.
"I- Yes." as reluctant as Shepard is, she can't help but being honest.
"More than friend?"
"...Yes."
"Did mommy know?"
"Yes."
"So why aren't you together?" asked Elaina innocently as her eyes glitter at the thought of the great Commander Shepard and her mother together.
"It's complicated."
"Well you love mommy and mommy love you. What so complicated?"
"How did you know so much about love? You're 5 years old right? Or did the time freeze for me and you're suddenly older?"
"Mommy always read me Earth stories for my bedtime stories. I love the stories when two persons in love get together and live happily ever after."
"That is a fairytale, Elaina. As much as I want it to be true, usually fairytale is just a fairytale. This is real life and unfortunately it is a much cruel world."
"That doesn't mean it can't happen."
"Tell you what, kiddo. I will think about it." said Shepard as she realized no matter what she said, Elaina going to keep bugging her about it.
"Can I ask you one more question?"
"As long as it's not about your mother and I."
"Why are you calling me kiddo?"
Shepard gave out a light chuckle before answering her daughter.
"It's what my father called me when I was a kid. Actually he still called me kiddo, sometimes. I just thought it will be a nice pet name for you."
Satisfy with the answer, Elaina then lead Shepard towards one of the restaurants as she complaint being hungry.
Liara got home late than she planned. When she got to the apartment she shared with Shepard, the apartment was dark with only the lights on the upstairs balcony was turn on. Liara quietly walk upstairs to check on Elaina only to find her bedroom empty. Liara then check on Shepard bedroom and true enough, Elaina is sleeping next to Shepard. Her head snuggle on Shepard chest while Shepard arms protectively wrapped around her daughter.
The image in front of her took her breath away. She always knew Shepard will be a great parent. Then guilt hit her...
Liara walk amidst the busy Presidium Commons towards the Apollo's Cafe after receiving a message from her father. After dropping Elaina off at the kindergarten, Liara head straight to the cafe his father work since her class won't start until after lunch.
"So I have to hear it from Iana that Shepard moved in with you?" said Aethyta as Liara settle in a chair at the bar.
"The apartment is hers and she has a job in the Citadel. It's only fair she live in her apartment."
"Wait... Don't tell me you didn't tell Elaina yet?! And please tell me Shepard know that's her daughter!"
"Of course Shepard know! We... I decided it's best for Elaina not to know."
"How is it best for Elaina not to know? Her father didn't have a thousand year lifespan. Or did you forget? I know she's came back from death and all but that doesn't mean she won't die long before Elaina hit 100 years old."
"I am well aware of that, father." said Liara as the thought of Shepard die long before they will, scares her.
"I might not like her at first when I found out she's your bondmate, but I realized that she's a perfect match for you and I know for a fact that she won't let anything happen to you."
"I didn't realize you feel that way."
"You have to after finding out Shepard sent your daughter back on the Normandy when she got hurt pushing towards the beam. But I was mad at her for bringing you with her in the first place."
"I asked her to bring me with her. She wasn't about to picked me and I knew that so I asked her to. I knew she won't be able to say no if I say the words right."
"You're still feeling guilty." said Aethyta after a few second of silence.
"So you thought it fair for Shepard to suffer because your guilt?" add Aethyta after Liara stay silent.
"Of course not! I just- I don't know how to tell her."
"You're not given Shepard enough credit. She might surprise you. I know I did."
"If I tell her the truth, I'm not the only one she hates..."
"Then I will personally smear her at a wall."
After a few days of light work while taking care of Elaina, Shepard works are beyond light for today. After a few hours of meeting with the council, dealing with C-Sec cases, Shepard finally had a moment to breathe. That only last a few seconds before Traynor inform her of a guest.
"Admiral, your 3.55 pm appointment is here." said Traynor through the intercom.
"Remind me again what the appointment is for?"
"A businessman was caught dealing something illegal and Commander Bailey has asked for your help to deal with him since he is some big name businessman with a tie to an ambassador."
"Send him in." said Shepard after a sigh.
"Admiral Shepard, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sure we will settle this unfortunate incident soon." said a tall dark hair man as he entered Shepard office.
"I'm sure it is." said Shepard as she look after the case file in her desk.
"Mr. Russell. There's evidence of you dealing in illegal work and the only reason I'm handling this because you managed to pull a string with your connection with an ambassador. And I can't say I'm a fan of someone using their connection to get a better treatment."
"Let me be frank, Admiral. You either turn a blind eye or this won't end well."
"Is that a threat, Mr. Russell? Let me remind you, I don't take lightly on a threat."
"Then you will know what to do." said Mr. Russell as he put down an envelope on Shepard desk before exiting her office.
Shepard was dumbfounded by what just happened before recover to take a look at the envelope. Soon enough her face went pale.
"Who is this stupid pyjak who think he can get away after threatening Shepard?" asked Grunt.
"Yeah. Is he has a death wish or something?" said Ashley.
"Listen Grunt, I need you to get back to my apartment and stay there. Don't let anyone come in and don't let Liara and Elaina out of your sight." said Shepard.
"Wait, you're telling me I'm going to miss the fight?" grumbled Grunt.
"I don't trust anyone else to take care of them in case this went awry."
"I'm offended by that, Shepard." said Garrus who was silent the entire time.
"Me too." add Ashley.
"No time to mend both of your broken heart, we have work to do." said Shepard as she sat in the driver seat of the sky car she rented.
"I'm pretty sure there's one hundred and one regulations said this is wrong." said Garrus as they are half way to their destination.
"Since when you care about the rules? And we didn't even do anything yet." asked Shepard as she continue driving.
"You're forgetting we are Spectres." add Ashley.
"Since we're doing this mission and in case you're forgotten, Ashley, I'm not a Spectre."
"Ah, don't worry, Garrus. We will use our Spectre authorization to give you immunity." said Ashley.
"Glad to hear you didn't let the power went over your head."
"So you want us to let you spend the rest of your live in jail?" asked Ashley.
"On a second thought, be my guest."
Liara was helping her daughter with her homework when the doorbell rang.
"Shepard said there's foods." said Grunt after Liara opened the door before heading towards the kitchen.
"Grunt, why are you here?" asked Liara after she was taken by surprise by the sudden appearance of the tank bred krogan.
"Mommy, why there's a krogan in our apartment?" asked Elaina.
"Hmph. Shepard asked me to come here until she come back." answered Grunt light-heartedly as he rummage for the foods in the kitchen.
"That's Uncle Grunt." answered Liara to her daughter question as she processing what Grunt just told her.
"You mean the tank bred Krogan?!" said Elaina excitedly as she ran to Grunt.
As she watched Elaina went to the krogan, Liara knew something is wrong. She knew Shepard won't send Grunt to watch over them unless something is going on. But she knew there's no point asking Grunt what's going on and for now she has to be patience and wait for Shepard to come back.
"Who else knew?" asked Shepard as she points the gun at the tall dark hair man who was in her office an hour ago.
"I swear, it just me."
"How do you know anyway?" asked Ashley.
"I heard rumors that you were dating an Asari. And then I saw your former teammates, Dr. T'Soni had a child and I just put two and two together. My theory was supported when I saw you with a little Asari who is Dr. T'Soni daughter. I did some digging and I can't find any news about Dr. T'Soni bondmate. And by my calculation of the little Asari age, it made sense if she's your daughter."
"So you thought it will be wise to blackmail Shepard?" asked Garrus.
"I'll admit, it sounded better in my head."
"No one and I mean no one can threat my daughter and walk away. You're going to pay for you crime and I will make sure you will suffer each day you're in prison." said Shepard as she lower her gun.
"You're lucky, I would have killed you instead." said Garrus.
"You better make sure no one else know or I will come back for you. And I promise I won't be nice the next time around." warned Shepard as she signal Ashley to take the man into custody.
"Fortunately Grunt is not here or he will be very disappointed at the lack of fighting." said Garrus.
"Who knew for someone who has a gut to threatening Shepard find himself as a coward when she barged into his front doors with two of her former teammates?" add Ashley.
"That's what happened when a low life criminal used his connection to become a big time criminal except he doesn't have enough gut to pull it off." said Garrus.
"Shepard, we will handle this." said Ashley after she realized Shepard deep in thought.
"Thanks." said Shepard as she walked to her sky car.
Instead of going straight home, Shepard wonders around the Citadel before going back home after the night fall. When she went home, Liara and Elaina already sleeping and Grunt was sent home. Not feeling sleepy, Shepard took a shower before settle in front of the fireplace with a glass of tea. Shepard didn't even realized Liara descending the stairs as she watch the fire while her mind went someplace else.
"Shepard." said Liara as she sat next to Shepard.
"I thought you were sleeping."
"I was..."
"I guess you're going to ask me about Grunt?" asked Shepard as she put down her glass of tea on the coffee table.
"Yes..."
Shepard was silent for a few seconds, gathering her thought before she speaks.
"You were right... It's for the best if Elaina won't know who I really am and it's for the best that we don't make it news that I has an Asari daughter. Despite what I did to the galaxy, I still have enemies who are willing to do whatever necessary to get to me and I hate to see Elaina being use to get to me. And I won't forgive myself if she gets hurts in the process. There's also xenophobic groups who won't take the news very well... As much as I hate the fact I can't have my own daughter call me "father", it is for the best." said Shepard as the pain shown in her face.
"Shepard... That was not the only reason why I don't tell her about you or anyone else about her relationship to you..."
Guilt starts to build up inside Liara but she's also afraid of what Shepard reaction will be. But she knew her father was right, she need to tell Shepard the truth and relief her from the torture because she didn't deserve it. Seeing Liara having an internal battle with herself, Shepard remain silent and give Liara the time she needs.
"The reason why I didn't tell her you are her father was because I'm giving you a way out." said Liara after finding her courage.
"A way out?" asked Shepard not understanding what Liara trying to tell her.
"I- You never asked me how Elaina was conceived."
"I just thought that- Actually it never crossed my mind."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you. I betray you by giving your body to Cerberus even after I know what they have done. I keep telling myself I do it for you but actually I did it because I'm not ready to let you go. I was acting selfish and I didn't even think about what you will feel."
"Liara. If you didn't give up my body to Cerberus, the Collectors will have me instead. I rather work with Cerberus than become a part of Human Reaper."
"I still betray you, Shepard. I don't deserve you."
"Then what I have done to deserve someone as beautiful and smart as you? All I ever did in our relationship was putting my job as an Alliance soldier and as a Council Spectre ahead of you."
"I knew what I signed up for and you never once pressure me to be with you."
"What about when we were aboard the Shadow Broker base?"
"You were fighting for us and you agreed to my demand if you want to continue our relationship, you will come back to me. And you did."
"What is this really about, Liara?" asked Shepard as she watch Liara stood up walked towards the window.
"I betray you again, your trust because I act selfishly. For Asari, the one thing that is worst than being pureblood or an Ardat-Yakshi is conceiving a child without consent from the child father." said Liara as her back facing Shepard.
"Liara..." said Shepard as she stood up and slowly moved towards Liara.
"I was so afraid that I lose you again. The last time I lost you, I had nothing of you except your tags and a piece of your armor. I refused to lose you again without at least a part of you with me. I read your genetic materials through the "gift" and when you sent me back to the Normandy, I subconsciously passed it down to our child because I want an evidence of our love. But I should have asked you. Nothing can justify what I did."
"Is that why you looked conflicted after the "gift"? Liara... I'm not going to lie to you by saying I'm not mad but I understand. I wished you would have told me."
"Would you have given me permission?" asked Liara as she finally look Shepard in the eyes.
"...No. Because I don't even know if I'm going to make it through the war, alive. It's hard enough leaving you, the thought of leaving my unborn child too? It just too much."
"When I heard you're still alive, I was so happy but I also felt guilty for what I have done. Then you woke up and not remembering the last 3 years of your life. A few days after that I could felt our child, confirming that I am indeed pregnant. I thought it was a punishment from the Goddess for what I had done. Then I saw you with Matt and I just couldn't let you know I am pregnant with your child. When you found out and start to remember, I felt like I drag you into this. When you got a new assignment, I thought it was a chance for me to relief you of that responsibility. I couldn't tell Elaina about who her father is because I'm giving you a way out to be with Matt. After what I had done, that's the least I could do."
"Liara... I don't need a way out. I broke Matt advance ahead of the assignment because I meant every word that I want to be there for you and our daughter. Nevertheless whether you will accept me back in your life or not. I don't regret having Elaina as my daughter and even knowing she didn't know who I really am, I love her nevertheless. The only think that will hurt me is when she calls someone else her father."
"I would never let that happen, Shepard! Even I'm not being truthful to her about who you really are, I made sure she knew about you. About the Commander Shepard I fell in love with."
"I guess now I know where Elaina got an idea that we are more than friend."
"Wait- What?" asked Liara as she starts to blush.
"She told me about how she saw you look happier when I'm around and then she asked me if I love you more than a friend."
"What did you say?"
"I told her the truth, that I love you. Then she asked me why we aren't together after I told her that you knew about what I felt. I told her it's complicated."
"It shouldn't be if I told her the truth... I should tell her tomorrow."
"No. You don't have to."
"Why?"
"The reason why I sent Grunt here was because Ashley, Garrus and I were tracking down a low life criminal with an ambassador connection who blackmails me after figuring out about my real relationship with Elaina."
"How did he know?!"
"He just put the pieces of puzzles together... That remind me why I shouldn't be here anymore. When they found out the truth, she will become a target. I can't let that happen. It's better if she didn't know and I stay away from her. It's for the best."
"Shepard... I knew what it felt like living without knowing who my father was. Our daughter should know about her father. I shouldn't have kept the fact from her because I knew what it was like when my mother refused to tell me who my father was. I hate the thought that she hates me and Elaina shouldn't go through it too. Because her father loves her very much."
"What about your... Asari?" asked Shepard as she remembered Iana.
"My Asari? Oh, you meant Iana?! Goddess, Shepard! She's my half sister!"
"Half sister? You meant Matriarch Aethyta daughter?"
"Yes! Father asked her to meet me 3 years ago after her bondmate body has yet to be recovered. Father thought with my resources, I could help her out. As I looked for her bondmate, she took care of Elaina and they grew close. The reason why I went to Thessia was because one of my agents found her. Or at least a datapad containing a note to her. I don't have a sister before but I think it's my job to console her."
"I thought you finally moved on..."
"I can't, even if I try. You were the first person I loved and from the day you told me you loved me, I knew you were the one and only."
"Then you're extremely lucky I feel that way too." said Shepard with a smirk.
Realizing what Shepard just did, Liara gave Shepard a light shove. Shepard then wrapped Liara in her arms before slowly closing the gap between them. Shepard then found herself lost in Liara blue eyes before she leans in closer for a deep and longing kiss.
"Meld with me." pleaded Shepard after their kiss.
Liara was hesitant at first but the look Shepard gave her, she just couldn't deny Shepard request. And she knew her heart ache at the thought it has been so long since she meld with Shepard. She finally gave in and she brushed her mind gently with Shepard mind and as soon as the connection establish, she was wrapped in a comfort she's longing for. There were no words, just love. Right at that moment she knew for the first time in over 5 years, she has her Shepard's back.
A/N: Oh boy. I think I almost burst into tears for the last scene... It probably just me though. So will it be happy ending for them? Oh I don't know because there's this one tiny little thing about Elaina finding out who Shepard really is. Who know how she will react. Anyway what do you think about the real reason why Liara refused to tell Elaina about who her father is? Also I have a little note for my favorite reviewer, RED78910, it was never in my plan to have Liara move on since I took a mental note on how Liara was after Shepard death. And Iana was always been Liara half sister and Aethyta daughter. You know the part Hanar... I just thought it will be a nice idea to have Liara has a sister and Elaina to have a real aunt.