Author's Note:
Make up sex! And thank you so much to all the reviews all you lovely people left! They really made my day!
"It is fine," John whispered as he moved to slowly straddle his husband. "It's fine," he repeated. He couldn't let Sherlock think he had done something wrong. "You are alright." After a long pause he slowly ran his hand down his husband's chest, his eyes following. "It's... fine."
Well, John wasn't making this any better or easier for him. Sherlock whimpered and pressed up into his husband reflexively. God, with John straddling him like this he wanted the man above him even more than before. "Want you," he admitted quietly. "But I would understand if you didn't want that…"
The man below him was desperate, that much was obvious. John took a deep breath. Did he want this? Sherlock was giving him a way out, letting him make a choice. He licked his lips and met his husband's gaze. "What do you want?" He asked softly as his chest shook with a breath. If they didn't move on soon they could have a serious problem.
Sherlock hesitated. He knew exactly what he wanted, but shouldn't the question be what did John want? "Whatever you want. We don't have to, if you don't want to. I don't want you to feel like you have to. It is fine if we don't." He reached up and put his hand on his husband's cheek. "But if we do, I was thinking slow and easy. Gentle. I could talk to you."
Slow. Gentle. Easy. Talking. John took a deep breath and slowly nodded his head. Anything to fix what happened and Sherlock was really making an effort. "I think I can do that," he whispered shakily, pressing his cheek into Sherlock's hand. "I want you," he added with wide eyes. God, making love shouldn't be this nerve wracking but he needed to get over this.
Sherlock gave a small smile. "All right." They still had lubrication left over from last night. He reached around blindly for it under the covers until he finally found it. "Did you want to stay on top?" This wasn't about control anymore, it was about getting John to trust him. The hesitation his husband had was obvious to him.
Did he want to stay on top? John glanced behind him to study the lube in his husband's hand. "Sure," he whispered. "Would that be good for you?" He muttered nervously. It felt like he was a kid again getting ready to lose his virginity. He sounded like such a helpless child. After a long moment he moved down to gently meet Sherlock's lips, his kiss slow and soft. Distraction.
The hesitation was still there and was that…fear? Sherlock frowned thoughtfully but was distracted by the kiss that John started. He broke the kiss after awhile, looking up at his husband. He was most certainly not in the mood now, it felt like a whole new wave of tension had washed over them. "Guess it doesn't matter now?" He managed a faint smile.
Oh. John tensed and closed his eyes for a long moment. "Sorry," he whispered as he shifted to sit up, still straddling Sherlock. "I want to try," he said with a small shrug. "Can you... still..." He glanced between them and moved a hand to grab his husband's penis, giving it a slight squeeze and a small stroke. "I want to."
Sherlock supposed any other time that would work, but he felt like he was being smothered. Not by the physical contact but by everything that wasn't being said. "I don't think so." He gave a small shrug. "Don't want to now anyway," he admitted softly. Well, he had certainly made a mess of things now hadn't he?
John slowly pulled away. God, he felt like he was going to be sick to his stomach. Now his husband didn't even want him. "Okay." He nodded slightly. Now he had to force himself to stay calm, to not break down. "Do you want me to move?" He moved to do so without his husband's answer.
Sherlock shook his head and grabbed John's wrist gently. "John, what's going on? Something is wrong. I talked to you, why won't you talk to me? Isn't communication supposed to a be a two way street?" Grant it, he still knew little to nothing about relationships but he felt like he was making progress in them and finally even coming to understand them.
John kept his eyes locked on Sherlock's hand and took a deep breath. If he told Sherlock then things might get worse, things might escalate. But his husband had a point. He needed to communicate with Sherlock. "I had a nightmare about you," he whispered as he lifted his gaze to Sherlock's face. "Y-You had sex with me and I was fighting it, trying to get away, and you wouldn't let me." He moved his wrist out of Sherlock's hand and intertwined their fingers. "I think I might be afraid of sleeping with you."
Well, that was worse. Much worse than he had thought. Sherlock was quiet a long while, what was he supposed to say to that? After a lengthy silence he finally spoke. "John, I would never do that to you. Ever." He wanted to ask why his husband would even think such a thing but he already knew the answer. This had indeed been all his fault. He had always had poor impulse control when it came to shagging John but it had gotten way out of control.
"I know you wouldn't," John muttered as he squeezed Sherlock's hand. "That is why it was a nightmare. Can't really help those." He tugged his bottom lip and chewed it between his teeth. "After last time, Sherlock, I am a bit hesitant. I won't lie to you." He took a deep breath and shrugged. Jesus. This was tough. "It scared me. You scared me. What if that happens again? It isn't like you could really help it."
Sherlock nodded slowly. "If...we start implementing the safety word it should never happen again. Not that it should have happened at all. John, I didn't know. I'm sorry. I didn't tell you what was going on and vice versa. We...need to work on that, I guess."
John nodded feebly. Hadn't Nancy said something about people needing to be compatible sexually for a marriage to work? They were doing a decent job of messing it up. "And I know I was asking for a lot, Sherlock. I was being selfish." He shifted against his husband with a soft smile. "We will make it. We'll figure this out and be stronger because of it."
Sherlock managed a smirk. "So much for thinking I had sex all figured out." It was the one thing he had thought he was actually good at in a relationship. Still had some things to work on it looked like. He leaned up to give John a small kiss on the lips. "I love you."
John returned the kiss. "I love you, too." He smiled against his husband's lips. "We will figure this out." He moved to push Sherlock against the floor and rested his head on his partner's chest. "I trust you. I know we will get through this." He placed several soft kisses on Sherlock's chest.
Sherlock smiled, eyes closing in contentment from the kisses John was giving him. "Yes. We have gotten through worse." And they had. So, this should be easy right? Except they seemed to be struggling through it right now. However, he was pretty sure they had gotten past the hard part. Hopefully it would get easier here on out. He wrapped his arms around his husband, fingers trailing along John's back lightly.
John relaxed against his husband with a smile. "I mean, if we can survive being pirates in a horrid children's story than we can survive this." He looked up at Sherlock and moved a hand to scratch his side gently. Maybe a bit of a joke would ease the slight tension between them.
Sherlock couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I guess you are right." He smirked up at his husband. "Speaking of horrid children stories that knight and orphan still need to find their way home. I am sure I could come up with something." He was striving for things to be okay between them and maybe a ridiculous story would help. John seemed to actually like his silly stories.
"They could follow a bread crumb trail back to a magical house where they live happily ever after?" John suggested softly. It sounded ridiculous but both of their stories had been. He chuckled and shrugged, stretching to place a kiss on the underside of Sherlock's jaw. "Perhaps they could find Pirate Sherlock and Pirate John? And they all sail away to be amazing pirates."
"John, they have to get back home. Obviously. They need to get even with the evil wizard and make sure he isn't causing trouble all over again." Sherlock smirked a bit and then shrugged. "Every story is supposed to have a happy ending right? Well, getting stuck in alternate universe is not it. Especially not with the wizard running around loose. The bad guys don't win. Okay, they do sometimes…" He trailed off, as he realized he was rambling about a fictional story. Right. So, maybe he had gotten a little caught up in the story he had created.
John burst out laughing, burying his face against his husband's chest. "I love you, you ridiculous git," he said as he finally caught his breath. That was the reason Sherlock made such a wonderful father, he figured. The man was wonderful at stories to the point where he got into them and he knew Amy would love that in the future. "You are amazing," he added in a whisper.
Sherlock did something he did even more rarely than giggle, he blushed. He pressed his face into John's head, hoping his husband wouldn't notice. He had gotten carried away. Now he felt stupid and John was laughing at him. He cleared his throat, hoping to regain his dignity. "It is just a stupid story..." he muttered like a child. So much for getting his dignity back.
There was no mistaking the slight heat in Sherlock's cheeks. John grinned. He had made his husband blush. "It is a wonderful story," he said softly against Sherlock's cheek. "My favorite story and probably Amy's in the future." He lifted his head to meet Sherlock's gaze. "I love you."
Sherlock raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise. "You think so? Maybe I should write it down sometime. Possibly published? Do dads do that? What if she hates it?" There weren't many things that could make him flustered and unsure, but raising a child was definitely one of them. He hadn't thought it would be terrifying, like this. In fact, before he hadn't even been worried but now it was something that bothered him on a daily basis.
"Dads don't typically publish their stories, no." John laughed and gave Sherlock a quick kiss. "You could. And who knows if she will hate it. She is...what? Three months old? She doesn't even know how to feed herself." He grinned and gave his husband another kiss. It was oddly endearing to see his husband all flustered like this. Especially over their daughter.
Sherlock snorted. "Well, I am not going to tell it to her until she is older obviously. When she is old enough to understand." He returned John's kisses, pulling his husband closer to him so their bodies would be pressed tightly to each other once more. He began kissing John along his neck and jaw, soft, gentle kisses.
John let his eyes slide shut and he relaxed against Sherlock. "You can do that forever," he whispered with a bit of a smirk. "Do you want to..." He swallowed slightly and reached between them, his hand resting lightly below Sherlock's belly button. God, he hoped he hadn't just ruined the mood.
Sherlock whimpered from John's touch. He was getting an erection again. Being so close to his husband and the soft touches and kisses were pretty much an instant hard on for him. He bucked up lightly into John. His fingers began tracing along his husband's back lightly. He continued giving light kisses along John's neck and began to move up o his husband's ear, where he nibbled lightly.
So that was a yes? John exhaled shakily and dropped his hand lower to grab his husband's erection, giving it a few strokes. Maybe he was ready for this. Maybe he could let Sherlock shag him. He was certainly excited enough. "Good," he whispered after a long moment. "I think I want you," he added. They could do this. It was their honeymoon, they couldn't just stop shagging.
"Oh God yes. Please?" Sherlock whimpered into John's ear, pressing his erection into his husband's hand with a small moan. Calm. Don't rush this. He needed to make sure John was really ready. It wouldn't do to make his husband felt like he had to. "Are you sure? I mean, we both need to agree to this. Especially right now." He stopped the kissing and nibbling to look up at John, a hand moving to his husband's face. His knuckles began running along the jaw lightly.
The soft touches were comforting John and he slowly nodded. "I am sure," he whispered slowly. "I am so sure right now. Slow. Can you talk to me? Is that too much to ask?" He kept his gaze locked on his husband as he gave Sherlock's penis a slight squeeze. If Sherlock was ready then so was he. The way his husband was acting was making it all better.
Sherlock smiled up at John. "That would be fine. Better than fine. Love talking to you, especially when it is slow and gentle. Would that be okay?" They didn't usually go through this, but it was needed right now. They both needed to be on the same page until they were able to transition back into shagging normally and they were comfortable again.
John nodded and turned his head, placing a gentle kiss on Sherlock's knuckles. "Perfect. That would be perfect." He smiled slightly and pulled his hand away from his husband's cock, pushing the lube up the blanket toward his hand. "Do you want to be on top or bottom?" It was odd to have to ask now but without doing so he felt lost, scared. He needed to know what was going to happen and what to expect, which was something he had never really worried about before.
Sherlock grabbed the lube but didn't open it yet. "Maybe you should be on top. Give you a bit more control over the speed and pressure. You can see everything that is going on." It seemed weird to be talking about this but it was needed right now. It was like they were starting all over again. "Unless you want the bottom?"
If John took the bottom he would have to put his trust in Sherlock, would have to trust that his husband would control himself. "B-Bottom," he finally stated. That way he would know he could trust Sherlock again, that they didn't need to keep moving so slow anymore. "I want to know I can trust you." He met Sherlock's gaze. "I want you on top."
"Okay." Sherlock gave John a reassuring smile, running his thumb along his husband's jaw line for a bit before slowly shifting them so he was now on top. He finally took the cap of lubricant and applied it to two of his fingers. "I am going to prep you first." Again, not something he usually did. Before he would have just entered without a word. He waited for a moment, before sliding one finger in.
Oh, God. John gasped and let his head fall back, his mouth moving as he tried to thank Sherlock for the warning but the words just weren't coming out of his mouth. He let his legs fall further apart and lazily opened his eyes. He focused on his husband's face the best he could, taking his features in. "Good," he muttered. "Very good." He let out a soft moan.
This seemed to be going well. Sherlock slid a second finger in slowly. "Love you. Can't wait to be inside of you." After several gentle thrusts with his fingers, he removed them. He added more lubrication to his hand, more than enough really before slicking his hard cock. His own touch made him moan quietly in anticipation. "I am ready if you are." He pressed his erection lightly against John's hips.
Calm. Don't tense or give off any sign of fear. Nothing was going to happen. John nodded and spread his legs as wide as he could to give Sherlock room. "Okay," he whispered with a nod. "Ready." He tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and studied his husband as his pupils dilated. He couldn't be more ready for this, especially the way his husband was talking already.
Sherlock nodded and enter John slowly with a low moan. He leaned his head down and began placing soft kisses along his husband's chest and stomach. He was careful to avoid the scars, probably too soon to try that again. He began a slow but steady rhythm. He spoke into John's skin, "You feel good. Always love being inside of you." He brought a hand up to run through his husband's hair lightly.
John gasped, slamming his eyes shut. It was soft, Sherlock was talking. This wasn't anything bad. He whimpered slightly and let his hips lift to meet a soft thrust. "God." He reached a hand up to rest on his husband's shoulder blade, his fingers curling so he could hold on to him. "You feel amazing," he whispered, wincing when he realized he would probably get the usual reply.
No, now was not to be a cocky and arrogant bastard. "Not nearly as amazing as you feel." Sherlock moved his kisses up John's chest to his husband's neck. His free hand rested upon John's face and caressed it gently. He lifted his head so their gaze could meet. "If at any time you want to stop, let me know and it will be perfectly fine." He met his husband's lips with a gentle kiss. He continued his slow but set rhythm, moaning into the kiss.
Sherlock's words alone made John moan against his husband's mouth as he pressed slightly into the touch on his cheek. "Sherlock," he whispered softly, whimpering as he lifted his hips again. This was perfect and the most wonderful thing he had felt. After a few more thrusts John shifted to wrap his legs around his husband's back.
Sherlock continued to kiss John, making it slow and gentle like the thrusts. The fingers on his husband's face trailed down to John's sides lightly. The hand in his husband's hair continued to run through the hair. He finally broke the kiss to speak again. "God this wonderful. You are wonderful."
Each thrust calmed John more because Sherlock was controlling himself and every time he talked a blush spread across John's cheeks. "Love you," he said through a small moan. He needed to keep his gaze locked on Sherlock's face. "I trust you," he added, almost sheepishly, as he tightened his legs around his husband's torso.
Sherlock smiled down at John. "I love you too." He brought his lips to the man below him, continuing light kisses along the check, jaw and down to the neck. His fingers moved to his husband's bangs, his thumb rubbing along his partner's forehead. "This is so good John. Glad we decided to do this." He continued the same pace, moaning into his husband's skin from time to time.
"Sherlock." John exhaled shakily and reached between them, grabbing his own erection and giving it several slow and soft strokes. He moaned and let his eyes slip closed momentarily, lifting his head up to expose more of his neck. "Good. So good." His free hand scratched desperately at his husband's back. "Your cock is wonderful," he blurted out with a blush.
Oh God. Scratching. Sherlock's breathing hitched a bit and he paused in kissing to try and gain control. He let out a small growl of excitement but managed to keep the same pace. "So good. Like the scratching, please don't stop." He resumed his light kisses along John's skin, adding a few gentle nibbles. The scratching was really turning him on, he just needed to remember to maintain his self control.
John tensed because he knew how Sherlock was with scratching. But he paused, he collected himself, and he...kept the same pace. "Fuck, yes." He scratched him again with a soft whimper. The feeling of Sherlock's teeth made him buck up into his husband. "I love you. I love you," he gasped for a breath and dug his toes into the blanket beneath him.
Scratching and bucking? "Oh God," Sherlock moaned into John's chest as he finally came. All the other sensations had sent him over and he went limp, collapsing next to his husband. He was breathing heavily. "John…that…was amazing," he managed to gasp out. The scratching and bucks mixed with the slow pace had been strangely but amazing combination.
John let his head roll to the side as he grinned foolishly husband. "Good." His hand fell from his cock and he groaned at the loss of contact but he couldn't move anymore. "Really good." He let his eyes slipped closed as his chest heaved so he could catch his breath.
"Here let me finish you off." Sherlock smiled at his husband, reached down and took John's penis gently. He began a slow and steady pace, like when he had been inside of his husband. He turned his head so their lips could meet and began a gentle kiss with John. "Love you," he said behind the kiss, adding a bit of tongue to it.
John moaned loudly into Sherlock's mouth. For a moment he had tensed, had felt fear, but the feeling of his husband's hand was better. He sucked at Sherlock's tongue eagerly as his back arched off the ground. Good. So good. He came roughly, his entire body tensing before he fell limp against the blanket. "Fuck. Fuck." He turned and pressed his face into his husband's side.
Sherlock pressed his cheek into John's head. "Good, yeah?" He began running his hand along his husband's sides soothingly. His other hand wrapped around John in a light hug. He shifted a bit so he could nibble on his husband's ear gently. "I love you," he repeated. He needed to make sure John knew that.
"I love you, too." John's breath hitched as he felt Sherlock nibbling on his ear. All of the attention was perfect and he couldn't help but press his body closer to his husband. "So good. It was so good." He lifted an arm to rest across Sherlock's stomach. "Trust you."
Sherlock smiled and continued his light nibbling on John's ear, with a lick here and there. "I am glad." He drew his husband into a tighter hug. "I know you offered to cook dinner, but I can do it. You know, if I wore you too much." He pulled away from John a bit so he could smirk at his husband.
John smiled the best he could at Sherlock as his eyes slipped closed, humming as he rested his head on his husband's chest. "Good shag," he muttered as he tangled his legs with Sherlock's. "'M tired." It didn't take long for him to finally calm down and fall asleep pressed against his husband, snoring slightly.
Sherlock smiled as John drifted off to sleep. Hopefully no nightmares of any kind would plague his husband. He thought about untangling their bodies and have something nice for John to wake up to but his husband always seemed to wake up anytime he moved and slept better overall with him at his husband's side. He stayed curled against John, his hand running through his husband's hair lightly.