AN: Bliss, a jointed session and Jasper's monster.

Chapter twenty nine: Newbie

Another long chap, but it was needed.

Bella, February, 2011…

Something warm had me wrapped up like a security blanket protecting me from the harsh cold. It had a beating heart and safe arms. Jasper. I tightened my hold on him and breathed him in. He had me wrapped in his arms; his naked body on mine with an arm around me and me lying half on his strong bicep and on his chest. My body curled into his, with one of his leg between mine and my heat right where he would want it.

I wanted to sink deeper into his strong embrace. I hugged him close and he groaned and tightened his arms around me. I laid a soft kiss on his arm and closed my eyes, but I wasn't asleep. Last night was too beautiful to stop thinking about it. I didn't even know that lovemaking could be that sweet. But with Jasper, it was, and I wanted more.

It was still a little dark out, but the promise of daylight wasn't far off and I knew he would be stirring in a minute. He was always up at the crack of dawn. However, I wanted to enjoy having him in bed with me a little longer. I blushed and ducked my head into his shoulder when I thought about him inside of me and how amazing it felt. The way he lifted his hips to mine, the way he thrust into me, the way he guided my hips; his sighs, his whispers of love, his words. It was all so overwhelming, and suddenly, I couldn't keep the tears at bay. It was too much and the sobs fought their way out of my throat.

I sat up, wrapping my arms around my knees while open sobs wracked my body.

"Bella?" I didn't answer him and that only made him panic. He jumped up and moved in front of me in all his naked glory. "Bella, what's wrong?" He ran his hands up and down my arms, ready to comfort me and it made me cry harder.

"What's wrong, darlin'?" He was being so gentle, I shook with more tears. "Please, baby, tell me what's wrong. Bella?" He sounded so small. "Did…did I hurt you?"

No! I couldn't let him think that. My head snapped up and I cried, "No!"

"Then what's wrong?"

"You," I sobbed.

"Me?" he said confusedly.

"Yes, I don't deserve you," I said. "I've done nothing to deserve you. I'll hurt you. I'm gonna get you hurt. I know it. I can feel it."

"Bella…" Jasper tried, but I wasn't through. "Will it always be like this?" I asked, knowing Jasper would understand. "Was it like this for you? Did you have happy moments and then you got sad or pissed off?"

He smiled and moved back over to the pillows, beckoning me to follow him.

I crawled into his arms and laid my head on his chest. He wrapped the sheet around our waist and sighed. We had a moment of silence before Jasper broke and I listened intently.

"It used to be similar in way to this," he said in regards to my swift change of emotions. "I'd be happy one second and then the next, I'd blow up at the first person to say something to me."

"What did you do about it?"

Jasper chuckled darkly. "I made it worse."

I looked up at him then. His smiling face peered down at me with a gentle glow. I couldn't picture Jasper as he was describing. But that didn't mean it wasn't possible. "How did you make it worse?"

"I used my anger at everything and at myself, to push everyone away. It got to a point where they were afraid to be around me. I would explode at the least and the way I sought solace…" He paused and I knew it had something to do with the past he wanted to share with me. "I sought it in the wrong thing."

"How did you get past that?"

"With help. My family. My friends. Aunt Esme's hard love and advice."

We both chuckled at that. Esme could be a hard ass if she wanted to. She blew up at Jasper when he had eavesdropped on our session.

"Bella, how did you feel before?" I looked at him questioningly and he clarified. "I mean, when you just woke up, how did you feel?"

"More than happy. I couldn't believe we'd made love and I was so happy, but then that reminded me of James and the cruelty I had to endure. And I realized all of the things I was missing out on. I realized I didn't know what it felt be loved or to be made love to."

"And I'm sorry," Jasper said solemnly, running a hand down my cheek. I leaned into his palm. "But that's something you won't ever have to worry or feel sad about from now on, Miss Bella, because I plan on loving you and showing how much I love you for the rest of your life."

I smiled and tears fell from my eyes. "Happy tears?" Jasper queried and I nodded.

He pulled me back into his arms and laid back. "I won't let him take you from me, Bella."

"I won't let him take you from me, Jasper." And I wouldn't. I was through with Jasper taking the people I loved from me.

We laid there for while before I interjected, "That wasn't exactly pillow talk, was it?"

"No," Jasper chuckled, "but it's us."

I glanced up to find him staring down at me with a smile. "It's us."

We stayed in each other's arms until it was time to get up. And then Jasper tried to give me the shock of my life. "What are you doing?" I hissed at him as he moved toward the door stark naked. "Tanya could be out there."

He gave me a devilish smirk and scooped up his clothes, but didn't put them on. "I'll see you downstairs, darlin'."

I was shell shocked and still staring at the door long after Jasper walked out of my room and closed it behind him. I hope like hell Tanya wasn't up yet. If she saw her cousin leaving my room without a stitch of clothes on, I'll never hear the end of it. I would be teased all day.

All through my shower, I thought about making love to Jasper and how amazing and sweet it was. I have never felt so loved in my life that when I got back to my room, I grabbed my laptop and documented it.

February, 2011…

Jasper and I made love last night. I'm in love with a dream I never dared to have. And I am not about to let him go. I'll love him forever.

It was all that was needed to be said.

I got dressed and went downstairs. Tanya was nowhere in sight and Jasper was waiting by the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee for me. I walked over to him with a smile and took my cup, thanked him and took a seat on one of the stools while watching my boyfriend over the rim of the mug as I sipped the warm liquid.

Jasper was leaning against the counter, one ankle across the other, and he was eyeing me while he sipped his coffee.

"What?" I asked with a smile, watching him smirk at me.

"What?" he repeated, making me giggle and shake my head at his silliness.

"What do you mean?" Maybe a different question would make him say what he wanted to.

"What's got you smiling like that, Ms. Swan?"

"You."

He chuckled and put his mug down and came over to me. I quickly put my own mug down and turned to him as he stepped between my opened legs, palmed my cheeks, and brought my lips to his. His kisses were my sustenance.

His mouth moved from mine and down to my neck before going up to my ear, where he lightly bit the shell of it and whispered, "What about me?" He continued to lay soft kisses across my collarbone while I tried to form a coherent sentence.

"Everything," I finally gave up my hold on reality, sighed, and closed my eyes to the dream of a man in front of me.

He moaned against my ear and then kissed it. "I love everything about you too, baby."

I pulled him back to my lips in a searing kiss. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to him; accepting his tongue and his sweet taste mingled with coffee.

The kiss was urgent. Jasper lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He started to move and I didn't think to question it. I wanted this. The tension was unbearable.

He moved to an object, I realized was the table when he placed me on it and came between my legs. I didn't care where we were or who could walk in on us, Jasper was all that mattered and we kissed until we were breathless and blinded with lust and hunger.

His eyes held the same need in them and we wouldn't make it upstairs. I could see the truth of my thoughts in Jasper's ravenous stare, so I pulled him to his office.

The moment we entered the space, he slammed the door shut and I was pushed up against it. We stripped amidst heated kisses and then Jasper moved us after he got my panties off. He growled while I nipped and sucked at his neck as he cleared his desk and I was deposited on top of it. He moved away and I eyed his sexy body as he began to search his drawers.

"Fuck! Where is it?"

"What?" I chuckled breathlessly.

"Condom. I swear, I'm gonna stash a packet all over this damn house," he vowed, making me laugh when he yelled in success. He had found one.

He rolled it on and pulled me to the edge of his desk. My legs were spread wide to accommodate him and his hands were in my hair. He kissed me slowly and sweetly before one of his hand moved between us and he guided himself inside of me. We both groaned in unison, but the need for one another didn't leave much room for making love. We needed something more primal. We needed to fuck.

"Fuck, Bella, I love being inside you." He sped up almost immediately and I held on for dear life. It was exquisite. It was phenomenal. I clawed at his back while he bounced me on his cock. My stomach tightened and I wanted him to jump over that edge with me.

But a part of me also didn't want this to end just yet. He was devouring my mouth. His tongue mimicking his hips as he drove into the depths of me. I have never felt so full. "Yes, fuck me, Jasper!" I tore my mouth away long enough to say.

He smiled at me and I returned it breathlessly. He lowered us to the surface of the desk and held my hands over my head while pushing into me…hard. I fought against his hold and he laughed at me but I wasn't intimidated. I felt challenged and hot as hell. I had my incredible lover's cock delving into my depths while he fucked me senseless on his desk.

"Don't you fucking stop!" I ordered him. "Uh, Jasper! Don't stop!" I could feel it building in the pit of my stomach. I wanted it. I wanted him to come in me. I circled my hips, teasingly, pulling him impossibly deeper; holding him tighter and he growled as his eyes darkened. "Come, Jasper. I want you to come inside me, baby. Yes…you feel so damn good."

Jasper was panting. His hips pistoling and I grabbed his bottom lip between my teeth and bit down on it making him go faster and harder. He kissed me and then tore his lips from mine; his back extending as he stood to his full height. He grabbed my hips, tight, and groaned, "Fuck, Bella." He was almost there. I knew it. But I wanted to push him some more.

"Yes…baby…uuhh…don't…mmm…stop," I pleaded. "Your cock feels so good!" I arched into him and it was enough. My body stilled, Jasper yelled and shot his release inside me and then collapsed on me, chuckling along with me.

"What's wrong with us?"

"We're in love," I told him.

We stayed on top of his desk sharing soft kisses until the need to move kicked in. When he pulled out of me, I moaned at the loss. But he smiled and pulled me to my feet with promises of 'later'. I couldn't wait for later. Why wasn't it night yet?

We got dressed, cleaned up his office together, and then Jasper pulled me out of the house. Apparently after our talk, he talked Rose and Emmett into helping me become Kick Ass Bella.

And the idea wasn't a bad one. It was just the matter of me doing it without causing some sort of accident that had me worried. "Remind me why I'm doing this again? I have to be at Esme's office in a few hours."

Jasper chuckled and then leaned in for a quick kiss. "Because your safety is important to me. I love you. And it's a great stress buster," he drawled, pulling me along.

"And Em and Rose agreed to this?"

"Yep," Jasper said happily.

We were going shooting and I think I may have screwed my boyfriend's brains out. He had his pump rifle in his other hand and his nine millimeter in his waist. I think he has lost his mind. I know I agreed to let them teach me things. But I can't shoot! Plus, I was going to fall. I knew it. "Jasper, I'm going to fall flat on my ass."

He laughed. "No you won't because I'll be right there to help. I'll also get you to Esme on time so there's really nothing to worry about."

"Yep, I screwed my boyfriend's brains out," I thought when a smiling Rose and Emmett came into view. Jasper had gone nuts.

Jasper

Bella thought I was nuts. But I wanted her to learn this. When I got downstairs this morning, I had called Emmett and shared my idea. He readily agreed to it and said he'd be over later.

'Later' worked out perfectly because Bella and I got a little caught up in my office. Maybe she thought I was joking but I wasn't. I was going to stash condoms all over the damn house. She was too fucking irresistible for her own good.

My cock twitched and I vowed to stay away from words that were related to sex for today.

I knew Emmett would ask Rose to tag along and I welcomed that thought because Rose was as good a shot as me. Bella would get some great pointers from Rose's perspective.

Since I saw Victoria in Houston, the idea of teaching Bella this was embedded in my mind. The most worrying thought about it was if Bella would agree to it. I wanted her safe but I wouldn't persuade her to do something she didn't want to do.

But my fear was unfounded because Bella's problem was that she couldn't shoot.

"Jasper, I can't shoot," Bella complained again for the millionth time as we got closer to the where we used as the range. It was nearer to my house than the main house. But Emmett said he'd bring the guns over there. I brought my pump rifle and the nine millimeter from the lockbox in my bedroom.

I leaned in and kissed her lips. "That's what I'm here for, sweetie."

She was blushing when I pulled away, and what Emmett was hollering told me why. "You guys had sex!" he shouted before Rose smacked him over the head and threatening to shoot him in the leg if he teased Bella again.

Edward was laughing as he loaded his rifle. Edward was a damn good shot too. I supposed it was why Emmett would have asked him. "Congratulations, Jasper," he looked up at me and said with a mischievous grin, "You're not gay. Now I can stop worrying about your longing looks."

"Don't make my boyfriend shoot you," Bella said and Emmett and Rose laughed at Edward. But she wasn't through. "As a matter of fact, don't make me shoot you and tell Tanya it was an accident."

More laughter, and this time I joined in while Edward looked scolded. He was no match for Bella.

"Alright, you guys, teach me this shit," Bella proclaimed and we cheered.

Bella wasn't bad for a first timer. She only fell three times with the rifle. But she got a lot of good shots and she hit the targets perfectly. I don't know what her motivation was, but mine was James. I wanted to shoot that bastard's dick off for what he'd done to my girl.

Bella and Rose also got along really well during shooting. While me and the boys popped off a few rounds, they stuck together talking and giggling like best friends.

We all got some shots in and then we gave Bella the pointers she would need and promised to do it again soon.

Bella left far more elated and less nervous than she was when we were heading over there. "How was it?" I asked when we walked into the house.

"It went better than I thought it would be," she said incredulously. "I thought I'd suck at it."

"Well, you didn't."

"Yeah, I didn't. Thanks to you," she said with a smile.

We headed into town shortly after that with Bella smiling and singing along to some of the country songs on the radio.

Esme was happy to see us and she pulled away to speak with her privately. I greeted Mrs. Cope and was about to relay a message to her and leave, but Aunt Esme stopped me.

"Jasper, I would like for you to join Bella and me in our session today," she said with a warm smile, "as it concerns you too."

"Alright then." I wasn't sure what this was about but if Bella needed me to do this, I would.

I followed them into the office and took a seat beside Bella on the sofa by the window. "That's Bella's favorite spot," Esme noted.

"Really?" I laughed.

"Yes," my aunt grinned.

There was a comfortable silence between all of us before Esme sighed and began, "Bella, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Bella answered with a small smile on her face.

Esme's attention turned to me and brought my thoughts into question. "And Jasper, how are you?"

I chuckled at her; not understanding why we were focusing on me. "I'm fine, but I thought this was about Bella."

Esme cocked her brow at me, "No, today will be about the two of you."

"Oh."

"So, how are you?" Esme prompted.

I glanced at Bella's beautiful face and smiled back at her. "I'm really good."

"May I ask why?" Esme questioned.

I didn't take my eyes off of Bella while replying, "I'm in love."

"And do you feel about that, Bella?" Esme asked.

"The same," my girl said; her eyes never faltering from mine. "I'm in love with him."

"Do you think you're ready for such a commitment?" Esme asked and my temper flared a bit at the question and I shot her a look but she just smiled and gave me a challenging glare.

But Bella made my heart leap in joy when she didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"How do you know what you feel for Jasper is love?"

Bella sighed and took my hand in hers. "Because I'm happier than I have ever been. Because I don't feel worried about him beating me. Because when he touches me, he doesn't manhandle me. He treats me like someone, not something. And my heart…" Bella looked away from me with tears in her eyes. I squeezed her reassuringly. She smiled and continued, "…it feels like it's going to burst out of my chest because I'm so fucking happy. I smile every day, Esme. I smile until my face hurts."

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and Esme's were glistening with unshed ones. "I love you," I said to Bella.

"And you, Jasper?" Esme asked; although the answer would be the same. My heart beats for Bella.

"I love her more than anything in this world. And I really didn't know what that truly felt like until Bella."

"Why would you say that?"

I never wanted this to be said here, but it was the right moment. I turned to Bella and prepared her. "Bella, I've tell you this for a while. I want you to know me. All of me."

She shakily nodded but I was nervous as hell to tell her any of this. "Bella, I know you'll probably be disgusted with me after this. But I had to tell you the truth. I don't want to lie to you. I'm in love with you and I…"

"Jasper, it's okay. I want to know. Please tell me."

"It's alright, Jasper," Esme encouraged. "We're here for you."

"I won't be disgusted," Bella affirmed. "And there's nothing you can say that will hurt me."

"Don't make that promise, Bella," I warned her sternly.

"You don't scare me, Jasper."

"Gimme a minute to change that, Bella."

The dark side of me was still in there. From the boy that had defended his mother to the manwhore in college who fucked every girl that so much as said 'hello' to him, my monster was still alive and well in me.

"Try me," Bella challenged.

"You know about my younger years and about my…kidnapping and what happened." Bella nodded and Esme was listening intently, although, she already knew the truth. Esme was only watching Bella's reaction.

"I've seen your scars, Jasper," Bella reminded me. "I never said anything about them because I wasn't sure if you were ready to talk about them."

"I wasn't. Thanks for your patience."

Bella smiled. "Sure."

I nodded and continued, "Why don't I start with the scars then." Bella nodded again. "The ones on my back were from Ricky beating me with an electrical cord. And the more I cried, the more he'd hit me. The ones in my scalp, it's actually why I liked keeping my hair long. I don't like to see 'em. He hit me over the head with anything heavy that he could find. He wanted me to have as many bruises as possible. He said it served me right for not being his child."

Bella roughly wiped her tears away. I could see anger swirling in her eyes. "And for a while, I believed him. I let his words get to me. I let it sink under my skin. As I grew up, I felt like I didn't belong. Some days I loved my family like I explained this morning, and others days, I didn't want them around."

Bella's anger dissipated into sadness. She loved me and my family. She couldn't understand a moment when I could hate them but I wasn't myself.

"You hurt their feelings," she stated.

"Yeah. And sometimes, I remember that and I hate who I was."

"You weren't well." This girl was incredible. How did I get so lucky? "What about therapy?" Bella added, "You had therapy with Esme, right? Did you listen?"

"I listened enough to know that my family wouldn't hurt me, but something was missing. I felt like a part of me was gone. Dead. And I had to fill the void. So when I got to college, it became about more than education. I wanted something. I was looking for it. I was hungry for it. But I couldn't find it because I didn't know what the fuck it was."

"What did you do?"

"I got into fights. A lot. And…" It was a side of me that I hadn't wanted to tell Bella about. But… "I did drugs."

Bella gasped. "What kind of drugs?"

"I smoked weed, did coke. The cocaine stuck more than the weed." Bella sighed and wiped more tears away. "Bella, I tried to warn you…"

She shook her head violently. "No. There's more. Jasper, I have demons that plagued me for years. You wanted to destroy a part of you because of the torture you had to go through at the hands of a madman and it changed you in the wrong way."

She had put together everything Esme had tried to teach and advise me in a single breath. I loved Bella so much. Even if after this, she couldn't love me.

"What else?" she demanded.

"Then, there were the women." Bella was breathing heavily now. She was trying to swallow the truth. She was trying to see the bastard I was telling her about. I had come a long way over the years and while I knew he was lingering below the surface, I had a handle on it now. "I slept with, I don't know, how many girls. College girls, girls I met at bars, seniors in high school. Edward and I would meet 'em at clubs, proms."

"Was Edward like you?" Bella squeaked.

"Edward," I laughed. "I beat him by at least…ten miles. Edward was good. He didn't do drugs and he always begged me to stop until I did. I developed a game to get a different girl for every day of the week and…" Bella sprang up in tears and stalked off to the window. She was breathing raggedly.

"Bella, I'm…"

"Don't apologize!" She turned to Esme. "And don't you stop him, I'm okay."

"I won't," Esme promised her.

"Go on."

I didn't want to, but I did. Today wasn't going the way I had intended. However, the more I told her, the more relieved I felt that she'll know the truth. I used to be a monster. "I went on a rampage. I slept with any girl I could charm. I slept with some of Rose's friends. Tanya's friends. And those girls don't talk to them anymore because of me."

"You fucked around a lot," Bella said harshly.

"Yes." The shame sunk in. I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. I was disgusting.

"Why did you stop?"

"That I still don't know. I just know that I woke up one morning, hung over from the night before, naked and wedged between two girls and I just felt disgusted with myself. I didn't feel proud like I usually felt that I nailed them, I felt like shit. I called Esme. I talked to her, cried, and she and Momma came up to my school and got me. Momma was beyond pissed at me and despite the relationship you see us having now, we were on a rocky road back then."

"And after you cleaned yourself up?" Bella's back was still to me.

"I tried to hold on to everything that meant something. I felt like I owed everyone an apology so I tried to be all they wanted me to be."

"You've never shared that with me before, Jasper," Esme said and she was right. I never told her this.

"I know and I'm sorry. But I want to say it now." Esme nodded for me to go on. "I wanted to please everyone. I wanted you guys to look at me and not see the monster I was."

"Are you a doctor because you want to be?" Bella turned to face me and asked. She was angry and rightfully so. I was a pig. She was in love with a bastard.

"Yes."

"Are you a businessman because you want to be?"

"Yes."

"When you fucked those girls, did you feel that void being filled?"

"No."

"When did you figure that out? From the first girl, the second, between the threesome, the foursome, WHEN?"

"I never filled that void until now; until you."

Bella gasped in shock and shook with sobs. "Bella, when I realized I was in love with you, I felt whole. When we made love for the first time; the first time I entered you…" I should feel funny for saying this in front of my aunt but I didn't. "I felt complete. The void…it filled."

Bella cried. She didn't say a word. She just cried and I let her. But then she grew angry. "So, why Alice? You would've married her if I hadn't…left. Why her?"

"Because I wanted to be happy. I never thought I would fill the void but maybe if I threw myself into the love I wanted to feel, then everything would be okay. I never thought…I never thought I stood a chance at being honestly happy and in love until I met you."

"Me?" she whispered. I got up and went to her.

"Yeah, you." I ran a finger down her arm and then laced our fingers.

"What do you see now? How do you feel?"

"Happier than I ever thought possible. And I don't have to give you anymore of me than I can. I can love you without worrying. You make me feel invincible. You brought me back alive."

Bella sobbed loudly and flew into my arms. I wrapped her tightly as she whispered through her tears, "I love you, Jasper."

"I love you too," I told her as tears trailed down my own cheeks.

"Bella, do you think that after consideration, you can forgive him?" Esme asked.

"Yes," she said without doubt. She pulled away and met my wide eyes and smiled ruefully, "He's here. He's not that guy anymore, and I didn't save you, Jasper. You saved yourself and now you're saving me. You are loved and I forgive you."

"How?"

"Because I love you," Bella simply said and wiped her eyes. "So, I guess I should be watching for crazy exes then, huh?"

I chuckled. "No."

"I think I should," Bella said, making me laugh.

We sat down for the rest of the session. Esme wanted Bella to re-consider her quick forgiveness and Bella was determined to live in the now. She blatantly told Esme that my past does not affect her love or trust for me. She was with me, no matter what.

I loved her even more for that; if it were possible.

Esme read over Bella's journal entries and I was surprised when they shared it with me. I loved how Bella saw me.

We talked about Ricky and James and then she gave us an assignment. Ricky was already gone, but James was still a thorn in our sides, and since Bella won't let James hurt me, if it came down to it and she had to run, I was along for the ride. It was partly my idea. I wasn't letting go of her. I wasn't going to stand aside and watch Bella walk out. And I definitely wasn't going to let James get his hands on her without a fucking fight.

Esme's suggestion and assignment was to go home and both of us were to pack a bag for one another. I guess she wanted us to feel the weight of this decision and how it would affect the other party. It was a trust exercise. But Bella had more homework.

"Bella, I want to see you back here in April, and by then, I want to hear and see if you're still as happy as you are now. I want to see if you trust Jasper as much as you do now and I want to see if your forgiveness is still intact. I adore your relationship. It baffles me. I have advised both of you and it's amazing to see the healing qualities that you two have on each other. Please, don't let anything stand in your way. Keep it up. And if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

We left Esme after that. Bella wasn't in the mood for cooking so I picked up takeout. We drove back to the ranch in silence and were happy to see the house empty when we got there. I don't think I could stand my cousin's exuberance right now.

We went upstairs and packed the bags. Packing a bag for Bella, was the hardest thing I have ever I had to do. Kicking an almost addiction to cocaine was easier than coming to terms with the fact that Bella might have to leave if the occasion called for it.

When we met in the hallway, Bella wasn't doing much better either. She had been crying and I felt like shit. If she wanted to leave me, I'd have to understand and let her go. But I didn't want to. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut like I did with Alice. At least with Alice, she never gave me any chances to talk about myself. It was all about her. And I only wanted to make her happy, so I shut up.

But with Bella, I felt so in love; so free, I wanted to share things. I wanted her to know all of me.

She was about to pass me into her room when I blurted out, "Bella, I'm so fucking sorry and you can leave if you want. I'll…I'll understand if you were lying to Esme."

Bella looked at me incredulously through her red eyes, "I wasn't lying. I had to pack a bag for you while picturing what James would do to you if he found us together. You think you fucking around in college and being an idiot means the same to me as you dying?"

"No," I said quietly.

"No!" she yelled. "You were a dog. You were blinded and confused and stupid. But you changed and I love you. Maybe if we'd met then, that wouldn't have happened. We won't ever know, but we have now. And I love you and I can't let him kill you like he did Garrett."

She collapsed in my arms, crying. "But, Bella, I'm hurting you."

I scooped her up in my arms and brought her into her bedroom. I laid her down and climbed in with her. I pulled her close and held her while she cried. "Jasper, I wasn't excepting a fucking saint! I expect Jasper. I love Jasper!"

I took care of Bella. We ate a light meal and stayed with each other and healed. Esme said we helped each other and she was right. We took a long bath together and made love. We were attentive and whispered words of love and encouragement until we found our end.

And as we laid in bed, thoughts of today ran through my mind until Bella qualm it. She said it wasn't needed. We were living for today and tomorrow and that was it. We were going to handle whatever was thrown our way...together.

I have been battling my demons for years, and for the first time, I finally felt like they were at rest. Bella did that. "I won't let him take you from me, Bella," I told her groggily; about to fall asleep.

"I'd rather die than let him take someone else away from me," she answered back.

I kissed her forehead and tightened my hold on her warm body. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said and I could hear the smile in her voice.