Sorry for the delay in posting this. It is nearly complete, as far as writing it is concerned, so the remainder of them won't take nearly as long. We've finally come around full circle to the beginning of the first chapter, so now we get to see Edward as a daddy. Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Five—Behind Closed Doors

All the memories of the previous year floated through my mind as I sat there, gazing at two of the most important people in my life—my daughter and her father.

The moment she opened her eyes for the first time and looked up at us with those hazel green orbs of hers, further erasing any possible lingering doubt in anyone's mind as to her paternity—regardless of the reality. We'd even had to bite our tongues when others had commented about seeing traces of Edward in her, including her daddy's long, slender fingers.

The morning we brought her home from the hospital and set her in the crib that Edward had placed in my bedroom, when it became clear that the nursery he and his father were preparing upstairs next to Edward's room, wouldn't be ready in time. We stared down at the tiny baby girl below us that day for what felt like only minutes, but turned out to be over an hour, enthralled as we were with her.

Waking up several nights to find Edward tiptoeing into my bedroom to check on Carlie at the softest noise from her, and quietly leaving the room with her, whispering for me to go back to sleep. Until, of course, we began taking turns every other night between her staying in my room and the newly finished nursery. I found myself missing the sight of him with her, both carrying her out and returning an hour later with her freshly fed, changed, and back to sleep.

Watching the way Edward held her all of Christmas day, while our families celebrated our first holiday together with our newest addition, including his mother. Esme had returned to Washington the week before, despite the divorce between her and Carlisle being finalized months earlier, to see her granddaughter, and to our surprise, her ex-husband, as well. Edward barely spoke to her about anything other than Carlie, not as willing to forgive her as it seemed Carlisle was, telling us the night before that he and Esme were going to seek counseling together. After several, hours' long talks with his former spouse, he'd realized how much he really did still love her, and twenty years of marriage was not an easy thing to just walk away from.

The awkward moment two weeks before when I'd come home from the doctor's office following my six week checkup, trying not to blush and stumble over my words when he'd asked me how it went. I quickly told him that everything was fine, and then hurried into my room. Nothing had changed between us since Carlie's birth, including the lustful thoughts and urges I'd begun feeling for him that I'd convinced myself would disappear along with the pregnancy. And now with the green light for resuming sexual activities and being put on the shot, it didn't exactly help matters.

And then, of course, there were nights such as this—climbing the stairs before going to bed myself, finding Edward with our daughter on his chest and his textbook on his lap, fast asleep. Carlie was his entire world, and there is nothing quite like a man completely and utterly devoted to his little girl to make a woman's heart melt, or said man more desirable to her.

Yet, there was also the woman in me that, with everything we'd been through together, had also had the proverbial wool lifted from my eyes. I'd been granted an insight into Edward that I might not have gotten any other way, and saw the incredible guy that had literally been right under my nose for years. We had bonded together in a way that was irreversible, both through our daughter and with each other. I'd never truly believed in falling in love with your best friend in the past, but the evidence of it was right in front of me.

I loved Edward more than I ever thought possible, and I wanted him in every way—my friend, my daughter's father, my partner and lover.

I rose slowly from my seat and walked over to the rocker, attempting to lift Carlie in a way that Edward had mastered, without waking either of them—which I failed miserably. The instant her cheek lost contact with her father's chest, her eyes began to flutter open and her lower lip started trembling, which naturally, woke Edward with the resulting cry that left her.

"Hey. Sorry, I must have dozed off. You didn't have to come up, though. I would have put her to bed," Edward said drowsily, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms as he sat up more fully.

"I know. But it's not like you've never helped me out on my nights. It's fine," I answered softly, rocking Carlie in an attempt to soothe her.

Yet, just as when she was still inside me, it was Edward's voice speaking to her again once he'd woken up a little more, that did the trick. "Time for bed, angel. I love you."

I watched his fingers run lightly over her dark hair and his lips press a gentle kiss to her forehead, and her entire body began to relax in my arms. Some mothers would probably feel jealous or even resentful toward their child's father when it seemed that she preferred her dad most of the time—and I'd admit, it stung a little at times—but mostly, I could only feel relief that they shared that bond. Stronger than blood and genetics, Edward was her daddy, and she had him completely wrapped around her little finger as much as if he'd created her himself.

As he grabbed his glasses and textbook, telling me that he was going to get back to studying, I smiled with a nod. I was extremely lucky and blessed.

With a gentle kiss of my own to Carlie's forehead and a soft goodnight, I lowered her into her crib and watched as she wiggled and stretched before finally settling in to fall back asleep. I could have stayed in there all night just staring at her, but I wanted to talk to Edward.

Grabbing the other receiver to the baby monitor, I quietly crept out of the nursery and down the short distance of the hall to Edward's door, my eyes taking him in before making a sound. The new semester had only just begun, and even though he'd arranged to take as many classes as he could online to be more available to us, he was already so immersed in his course work, I couldn't help but feel just a little bit proud of him. He was determined to get his degree with nothing less than honors, while still being a full-time dad as well, and so far, he was doing amazing at both.

"Hey, Edward?" I said softly, not wanting to startle him as he wrote, but I watched as a smirk appeared on his face.

"Yes, Bella?" he replied teasingly, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement before turning his gaze to me and looking over the top rims of his glasses. "You think I don't notice someone standing in my doorway for that long, saying nothing?"

"I'm so glad I can amuse you," I retorted, rolling my eyes at his chuckle. "I was just wondering if you were extremely busy or going to bed soon, or could we talk for a bit?"

As Edward opened his mouth to reply, the sound of his mother's laugh from his father's room across the hall made his jaw clench and all lightness in his demeanor to disappear as he threw his pen to the desk. "Not anymore. Why, what's up?"

I lowered my eyes and shook my head, his tense features making me nervous. "Nothing. It's not important, it can wait. Good night, Edward."

"Hey, stop," he called after me as I turned to leave the room, his chair making a soft thump on the rug when he knocked over with his brisk rising. He hurried after me and took my elbow once he caught up, turning me to face him and gazing at me with a furrowed brow. "What did you want to talk about? Is it Carlie? Are you okay?"

"No, it's nothing like that. We're fine. It really can wait," I replied, finding it difficult to keep my eyes on his.

Edward stepped closer, running his hands down my arms and shaking his head. "Bella, nothing is more important to me than you and Carlie. So whatever you need to talk to me about, we can."

I nodded, feeling his fingers slid around mine and his eyes close as his father's voice echoed through the door as well. "Maybe downstairs?"

Edward glanced at me and I lifted the monitor receiver in my other hand, to which he inhaled deeply and silently agreed by leading me down the hall and stairs. He made to stop in the living room, but I tugged gently on his arm, leading him instead to my bedroom and closed the door.

"More private," I said, answering his unspoken inquiry. Setting the monitor on my bedside table, I lowered to sit on the edge of my mattress, patting the space beside me to invite him to join me.

"All right, Bella, you're worrying me a little," Edward said as he sat next to me and I had remained silent.

Where was I supposed to begin? I had no clear plan, only impulses that had been growing stronger for months. I wanted him, but how could I tell him? If he didn't want me back, what would that do to our friendship and our handling of Carlie? I was terrified, but there was no way around it. I needed to know.

"Edward, where do you see us a year from now? Five years from now?" I asked nervously, my voice soft but I somehow managed to summon the strength to look at him as I spoke. "I mean, obviously Carlie is going to be a continuous factor in both of our lives, that will never change."

Edward released the breath he'd been holding since I began speaking, nodding and running his hands along his thighs. "I don't know. Why do you ask?"

"Well," I began, swallowing hard and returning my eyes to him with his sharp intake of breath. "What?"

"You want to leave, don't you?" he replied as more of a statement than a question, as if he believed he knew the answer already.

"Oh God, no," I breathed out heavily, clasping his hand in mine with the panic I saw in his eyes. "You and your father have done more for us than I can possibly ever hope to repay. I'm not leaving, and I promise, neither is she."

Edward leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, releasing my hand to drive his into his hair. "Okay, so why?"

"Someday, way in the future, we are eventually going to have to get out on our own," I started, watching his fingers tighten on either side of his head. "And then, of course, one or both of us will want to start dating, right?"

Edward turned his head toward me with an eyebrow raised in sarcasm. "Bella, I had trouble getting a date at all before I became a father. Hell, Heidi only dated me because she wanted to get into Jasper's pants. Do you really think I'm overly eager to try jumping back into that game with my daughter at stake? Why? Are you wanting to?"

I pressed my lips together and shrugged slightly. "Well, yeah. At some point. But that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

Edward's forehead creased as he leaned onto his arm on the mattress, as if taking me in more fully. "Why would you need to talk to me about that?"

I sighted; apparently, subtlety wasn't going to work. "Edward, as far as the rest of the world knows, you are the acting and biological father of my daughter. How either of us goes about dating is going to be the business of the other."

"Bella, if you want to date, as long as it doesn't negatively affect Carlie, that's your business, not mine," Edward answered somewhat stiffly, his jaw tensing again.

I fought back tears at the tone of his voice, lowering my eyes to my lap. "You don't care at all?"

Edward didn't speak at all for a moment and then suddenly, he shifted on the bed to face me directly. "What is going on, Bella? Is this some kind of post-partum… something that men just don't have the wherewithal to understand?"

I brought my gaze back to him, and along with the discomfort of the topic he'd just mentioned, concern etched his features as his eyes ran over me. "No, it's nothing like that, either." I paused, taking a deep breath of preparation and let it out as slow and evenly as I could manage before I bite the figurative bullet. "Edward, you told your father way back in the beginning of all this that you loved me. Was that just because of the circumstances, or part of the story, or how you feel about me as a friend? What?"

Edward sat up straighter, running his hand over his lips and down his chin, shaking his head as he stood. "Bella, I'm not doing this."

"Doing what?" I asked, unable to keep my lips from trembling as I felt my heart begin to shatter until the weight of rejection. "You don't think of me that way, right?"

"I'm not going to be in a relationship of convenience with you any more than we already have been," he replied tensely, attempting to keep the volume of his voice as low as possible. "I love Carlie. I couldn't love her more if she was biologically mine. I put my name on her birth certificate, she's my daughter. I'm not going anywhere or leaving her behind no matter what you decide to do with your love life. Nothing else ties you to me but our little girl."

"That doesn't answer my question, Edward," I said, feeling the first hot tear stream down my cheek. "I know you love our daughter. I would never question that. What I'm asking is how you feel about me? Do you love me?"

"Of course, I love you. Why in the world would you ever think that I didn't?" Edward asked, lifting his hand to my face to brush the wet trail away with the pad of his thumb.

"Enough that you'd ever want to be with me?"

There it was, I was laying myself out on the line for him, vulnerable and exposed. But his expression was blank and unreadable, until he began backing away from me, shaking his head.

"Don't sell yourself short like that. Having a baby is not the end of the world for you romantically. Any guy worth having is going to want you with or without Carlie," Edward answered me, only stopping when his back hit the door.

"So, that's a no," I replied, folding my arms around myself.

"No, that's not a no."

"Then it's a yes?"

"No. Yes. Bella," Edward paused, visibly flustered and pressing his palm to his forehead. "Don't settle for me because you think you can't do any better. You can. You'll only regret it in the end, and I don't want that. That wouldn't do any of us any good. You, me or Carlie."

I gazed at him for a long moment and then pushed myself up off the bed, walking toward him and stopping a foot away. "You really think I would risk our entire friendship and everything you mean to me, to settle? Do you think I would risk that for our daughter? You're not just someone convenient to scratch an itch because I'm lonely or don't think anyone else would want me. I'm asking because I genuinely want to know if you would ever want something more with me. Even if Carlie had never come along."

Edward's eyes widened and he visibly swallowed hard, and for the first time since the conversation began, I felt a small ray of hope. He licked his lips almost unnoticeably and tightened them, turning his gaze away from me. "You really don't want to know that."

I drew in a deep breath, reaching my hand up to his face to remove his glasses, wanting to see his eyes as I spoke to him without obstruction. He closed them when my fingers brushed along his jaw and turned his face back to me, waiting until he was looking at me again before continuing. "Yes, I do. No matter what the answer is, I want to know. Could you ever see me as anything more than your best friend or your daughter's mother?"

"Bella, I've been seeing you as more than that since I was fourteen years old," Edward replied suddenly and I sucked in a sharp breath. "You have no idea how much I wish that Carlie was actually mine. Or how much I envied one of my best friends in the world because he was the one you chose to be with. He got to see a side of you that I never would. And you would never see me the way you saw him, because I was just that nerdy guy next door. The friend, the buddy. Nothing else."

My thumb ran distractedly back and forth along his cheek while he spoke, mesmerized by both the movement of his lips and the words leaving them. My eyes met his and there was such an earnest and heart-wrenching glint to them, I didn't know what to say. I stepped closer to him and watch him stiffen, pressing back into the door. "What is it?"

"I really think I should go back upstairs," Edward said after a deep breath, reaching for the doorknob but I quickly covered his hand with mine to stop him. "We can never take this back, Bella."

"I know," I whispered, rising onto my toes to gently brush my lips over his, and the same sensation I felt the other two instances we'd kissed rushed through me. The warmth spreading from where his mouth met mine, down my neck and settling into my chest. My heart was beating fast, and it was exhilarating. It wasn't just the excitement of the baby moving beneath his palm or the joy of our daughter coming into the world that made kissing Edward feel that way—it really was him. I tilted my head the other way and testingly pressed my lips to his again, humming softly when he responded to me and running my hand up his arm to his shoulder. "I don't want to take it back, Edward."

His forehead creased against mine as I pulled him closer to me, his eyes pinching closed tighter and his breathing became heavier. "Why now? After all this time. Is it because of Carlie?"

I gazed at him questioningly, but he still wouldn't look back, even when I felt his fingers come to rest on either side of my waist. My fingers traced down his chest, running slowly over the ribbed fabric of his wifebeater. "I'm not going to lie and say she has nothing to do with it. But its also not because I think we should be in a relationship for that reason alone. I would never ask you to settle that way."

Edward's fingers tightened on my sides slightly, leaning his head back again and looking up to the ceiling. "Then what?"

I sighed; he was pulling back from me again. My thoughts were turbulent, quickly attempting to find the words to convey exactly what I was feeling. "You know how you said that Jasper got to see a side of me that you didn't?"

Edward drew in a deep breath and tensed, swallowing hard as he nodded with a tight jaw. "Yes."

"Edward, please look at me," I said and he slowly brought his eyes to meet mine. "When you first suggested claiming her as yours, I admit, I thought you'd lost your mind. I mean, what eighteen year old guy would willingly choose to become a father to a baby that wasn't his, regardless of whether he benefitted from it all as well. And I guess there was a part of me that was waiting for you to realize that you'd made a very impulsive, bad decision. I knew you'd never turn your back on me, but I never expected you to take on everything that came along with it. And I never thought for a moment that there was any time that you didn't absolutely want to be there. After ten years and everything we've been through together, you managed to surprise me. I got to see a side of you I never had before. How much you loved her before you could see or touch her, or even feel her inside me. And all the time we spent together never felt like just a show for the rest of the world. And when you kissed me in here that night…"

I trailed off as he closed his eyes again and I could feel the infinitesimal heating of his skin when I touched his face. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"I'm not," I replied emphatically, shaking my head back and forth slowly even though he couldn't see me. "I wasn't then, either. Except for the fact that you had to leave, and you didn't want me the way I wanted you, so badly. But I was terrified of losing you and what it would do to our friendship and our baby, if it turned out to just be pregnancy related fear and loneliness, or you know, the hormones."

Edward laughed uncomfortably as I lowered my head with my final words, but there was still a tenseness to his body that wouldn't ebb. So I brought my gaze back up to meet his. "It could have been."

I looked up at him again and shook my head slowly, never breaking my eyes from his. "I still want you, Edward. More, even. And I'm still terrified of what the consequences might be if you don't want me that way now, I don't want to lose you and I don't want Carlie to lose her dad. She needs you, and so do I. So much, it hurts. However, it also hurts having you so close and wanting you this much, but I can't touch you or kiss you, or even really know if you want me."

Edward finally silenced me by sealing his lips over mine, sliding his arms securely around my waist, and holding me against him. His kiss was firm but gentle, and filled with so much desire and passion, I couldn't move, breath, or even bring myself to close my eyes. My arms encircled his neck as I returned it with fervor, moaning softly into his mouth as our lips parted and I felt the first touch of his tongue against mine.

I pressed my body into him more, and I could feel the pounding of his heart against my own chest, as well as the first hint of his body's response beneath his sleep pants. My eyes finally closed and my fingers slid into his hair, holding onto him tightly when our lips finally pulled apart and our panting breaths filled the room. I never wanted to let him go as I whispered the words that would irrevocably change everything between us—for the better, or the absolute worst. "I'm so in love with you, Edward."

He inhaled a shaky breath through his nose and I could feel his fingertips pressing further into my skin before he buried his face into the crook of my neck and nearly whimpered his word as he spoke. "I love you, Bella. God, I love you so much."

The creak of a door opening upstairs came through the baby monitor, followed by what we knew was Carlisle's footsteps coming down the stairs. I turned my head to feel Edward's lips against mine one more time but he took hold of my shoulders and shook his head. "Not right now."

I took a few steps back from him and felt tears burning in my eyes as a knock and "you know the rules, you two" sounded through the door. I couldn't look at either of them as Edward quickly opened it, showing his father that we were both decent and explaining that we just needed to talk in private.

Leaving it open at his father's request, Edward returned to me and rested his hands on my waist again, pressing his lips to my forehead. My arms moved around his shoulders and I hugged myself against him, and I felt him cradling me in his embrace.

"I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want this or you. I just can't do that with either of my parents right upstairs, let alone both," Edward whispered against the top of my head and I nodded in understanding—that would be awkward. Then his hands began running slowly up and down my back and his breathing changed, just as he began speaking again softly. "I don't think I can keep lying to him anymore, either, Bella."

My head rose slowly from his chest and my eyes found his gazing back at me seriously. "You want to tell them about Carlie?"

"Yes. It's the right thing to do," Edward replied, nodding resolutely and then his expression shifted again, and his hold on me tightened. "I also think we should tell Jasper."