An: Bella learns Jasper's secret.

Chapter fifty one: Crazy in Love

Bella, August, 2011…

July, for the most part, had been good. Tanya and I got some shopping done for the baby. The nursery was complete and it was beyond beautiful. Uncle Liam had done a wonderful job. I couldn't believe that room was once my bedroom. Yet, since it was, and the room itself held significance for me, I wanted it to be where my child grows happy and in love with life. I was glad that she wouldn't have to live with the same fears and loneliness I did. No, my daughter would have a family that will walk on water for her. Yeah, I called my girl despite, Jasper saying it might be a boy, something I think was secretly hoping for. I still held my belief that Garrett was right. The baby I was carrying was a girl. Garrett wouldn't lie to me.

They were a few ups and downs here and there, but it was nothing worth thinking twice about. Jasper had been strangely distant at times, but I didn't pay it any mind. He'd come around eventually. I figured it was just jitters. His life changing around him and he was doing his best to keep up. That could be confusing. I've had a few of those moments myself where I had to stop and wonder if any of this was real. Was this really me? Was this Bella Swan, happy and in love? Was I really pregnant and looking to becoming a mother? Something I knew I would be far better at than my own mother. I had to be. I haven't given Renee much thought beyond that declaration. I was going against Esme's advice in dealing with it, and pushing any thoughts of Renee to the back of my mind. My child and Jasper were more important than her. She didn't want me to be happy. She wanted to take me back in Sacramento to be under James' thumb so she could stay in good standing in high society. She wanted them to think I was overreacting and Jasper was taking advantage of that. It was the lie James had fed her. I knew him.

While I was focusing on the good and trying to stay upbeat, I was neglecting the bad. And I didn't realize how much so until it bit me in the ass in the worst way. I was so shocked when it happened because he was the last person I'd expect it from. This was Jasper. There was no way he could be like this. He had warned me against believing that he was all goody two shoes, he called it, but I still couldn't believe. Then again, I had never been face-to-face with his monster.

When Jasper came home in a fit of rage after James called him at work the very same day I'd dropped by his office and had left him in a good mood, it shocked me to the core when he stormed into the house and started screaming my name. I dropped the strawberries I had in my hand, thinking something bad had happened.

I turned around in time to see him storming into the kitchen with an angry look on his face, but I wasn't prepared for the man who'd walked in. His features were dark. He looked nothing like the guy I loved. The man in front of me, wasn't the Jasper I knew, he was someone else. He was someone far more sinister than I'd ever been faced with. He moved with grace, confidence and dominance, and without a trance of my Jasper's tenderness. He seemed cruel and heartless. It was traumatic and shocking to be face-to-face with this side of him. He'd mention it before. He had explained it, but I didn't believe him. Now, I didn't know what to do.

He sounded so angry when he spoke to me. The mere sound of his voice sent fearful shivers down my spine. I understood my own reaction. I couldn't comprehend it because this was Jasper. A man I was certain would never hurt me. Yet, here he was, his voice was gruff and threatening as he stared at me with pity and disgust. What the hell happened?

When he had stormed into the kitchen, despite the dark look in his eyes, he had sighed in relief when he saw me. "Are you okay?" he asked with an edge to his voice. The anger was coming off him in waves.

I didn't answer his question. I asked my own. "What happened? Are you alright?" When I left him at work today, he was happy, smiling and sated. What changed?

He dropped back against the wall and suddenly looked tired. "James called me."

"What? What did he say? Are you alright?"I had to get rid of James. I wouldn't have the life I wanted unless he signed those papers. I wish I could face him. I wish he was someone you could reason with so I could get him to let me go and never bother me again.

"He wanted to know why I didn't send you back with Renee."

"What?!"

Jasper ignored me and went on, "He wanted me to know that you'll always be his. He told me his plans for our baby when he gets his hands on you. He wants to kill me the way he killed Garrett," he said it all in a rush and then he snapped at me. "What part of that is supposed to make me feel alright?!"

I took an unconscious step back. I felt defensive and ready to move. All of Jasper's lessons had taught me to take myself out of a hostile situations if needed. I had a baby to think of. I wouldn't stand here and let him stress me out, or worst, attack me. I had James' crazy ass to think about and how to get rid of him. I didn't need Jasper snapping at me to add to my troubles. But I could understand. He was angry because of James and this was coming down hard on him. I was sure he'd never had any problems like this with the women he had previously dated.

No, I wouldn't do this now. I wouldn't throw myself under the bus. I wasn't a burden. Jasper told me so. "I was just asking," I said calmly. "I know how terrible James' threats can be. I won't let him hurt you." I hope that would placate him. He needed to know I was here for him. I wouldn't let James hurt him.

He narrowed his eyes at me and I backed further away. My lower back was against the counter and the need to flee was pounding in my head. He smirked at me and I visibly shivered. It looked…evil. "Don't do it." He sneered at me. What did I do wrong? "And you don't need to back away from me. If I wanted to hurt you…I could. I'm faster than you." I widened my eyes at his threat. I couldn't believe it. He was threatening me? Jasper was threatening me? I looked at the back door and he chuckled darkly, "You wouldn't make it. Be thankful I'm nothing like that bastard."

His threat hurt more than any one of James' blows. I wanted to cry but fought against it. I had to keep the tears at bay. I pretended to ignore what he'd just said. "Don't do what?"

"You sound like you're about to say something stupid like you'll go to California to keep me and my family safe. But you better damn well know I'd follow you there, Bella. I would go there, I'd find you, and I'd kill that motherfucker and then drag you back here. So shut up with that, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit!"

My defenses kicked in and I snapped back at him. "Don't!" I seethed, pushing off the counter and taking a conscious and brave step forward, getting into Jasper's face. "I know I'm the reason James is in your life, but it doesn't give you the right to come in here and berate me. I won't stand for you talking to me like this!"

He cocked an eyebrow at me and chuckled. Again, it was deep and threatening. "And what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm doing it right now," I said to him. "I'm not going to back down."

He chuckled at me. "You're not? Aren't you used to it?"

"Don't you dare take your frustration out on me!"

"Again, I ask you, what are you going to do about it?"

"You bas…"

"Careful," he warned. "I'm not James. Again, I warn you, I'm faster and stronger than him. So stop your bullshit!"

"Don't fucking tell me what I can and can't say! Don't reprimand me!"

Jasper laughed at me and it was cold and evil. He looked at me with pity and then scorn. Where was the guy who loved me? Where was his smile? Was it hidden beneath this cold exterior who mockingly said, "Why? Why shouldn't I reprimand you?" He was contemptuous. "Aren't you used to it?"

He didn't say another thing to me. He turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me there speechless with tears running down my cheeks.

After that fight, we stayed away from each other. Suddenly, we were enemies living under the same roof. I moved out of the master bedroom and Jasper moved downstairs. I stayed in the baby's room on the daybed or on a mountain of pillows on the carpeted floor. It wasn't uncomfortable. The carpet was plush and felt like a bed. Besides, I had a lot of back pain and staying on the floor helped. I prepared meals for myself and stayed out of his way as much as I could. Maria, Sue, Rose and just about everyone else around us could feel the tension. Jasper snapped at them in my present one morning when his sister asked what was going on between us. Emmett was standing there and he looked like he wanted to punch Jasper in the face. Rose stopped him for some reason.

They knew what was wrong with Jasper, but no one saw fit to share it with me. Maybe it was my overwhelmed emotions, but I felt betrayed. So I stayed away from them too. At one point, I started to think Renee was right. They only wanted me around for the baby. She was Jasper's heir. Sometimes, I considered leaving. I felt so sad. I cried myself to sleep at nights. I knew Jasper was mad at me, I knew it was about James, but there was something else. I felt like it was right in front of me, but I couldn't see it.

Sometimes, I'd catch Jasper watching me when he, on rare occasions, was in the same room with me, and there would be a hint of sadness on his face, but I'd quickly look away, afraid that I'd end up seeing the hate there if I stared for too long.

Sue came around a lot. She refused to let me avoid her. She, Sam and Emily became distractions for me from whatever I was going through with Jasper.

Especially Sam. It was because of him and his brutal honesty, I unraveled Jasper's secret. His PTSD was back with a vengeance. He was having outbursts, not just at me, but everyone else. He snapped at Emmett at work, and even at Carlisle while at the hospital. He refused to speak with Esme, and Sam said Emmett and Carlisle told him not to return to work until he had it under control. Maria was trying to help him, but she was unsuccessful. This was, by the far, the worst they have ever seen Jasper. He was almost beyond control.

I wanted to confront him, but Sam thought it was a bad idea. He suggested letting Jasper come to me. If I confronted him, Jasper would get defensive and blow up at me. It could be disastrous. I told Sam about James' call and how I thought it was the catalyst for this, and Sam agreed. He said he knew about James' call because Jasper screamed at Jenks for almost an hour before he got home that night. I told Sam about Jasper's threat, because I wanted to get it off my chest and it felt good to talk to someone who understood what was going on and wasn't keeping me in the dark. He said he'd talk to Jasper about it, but the look on his face said he had no intention of talking to him verbally so I pleaded with him not to. He appeased me by saying he won't…for now. I didn't believe him, but accepted it anyways. Sam advised me to think about the baby and keep busy. Do things that will distract me, keep me happy and stay positive about the future. But when I was alone, and the more I thought it, the angrier I grew at Jasper. He had lied to me, kept something I understood more than anyone, to himself and found it okay to punish me for it.

It was my turn. I would fix things in my own way. I shared this with Sam on one of our drives to town after I'd burst into tears, blaming myself for what was happening to Jasper.

Sam got angry and pulled over. "No, this is Jasper's fault!" he argued. "He knows how bad it can get. He knows what he's like when he's in this situation. He should've said something. He should've been upfront about it with you. He should've shared this, because he knows you'll understand. You would've stayed away if he thought he was too dangerous to be around you and the baby. But he chose not to. He can't get off his damn high horse and admit he needs help! The stress of everything is bearing down on him, Bella. He chose to do this. I understand his condition, not from experience like you, however, I know enough from research. He needs to get off his stubborn ass and ask for help. This is a dumb move, trust me, Bella."

He hugged me and I cried in his arms. I also knew what to do. This wouldn't work without pushing Jasper to get help. Maria was trying as Sam said, but it wasn't enough. I would have to do it.

So as July came to an end, and August and my seventh month of pregnancy began, I had more of a positive outlook on things because I had a plan. Jasper wasn't going to make me go through my seventh month under stress. I had James and his insanity to consider, so I didn't need Jasper and his stubbornness putting me in any danger when it came to my pregnancy. I know I was almost there. Just two months left, but it wasn't too late for something to go wrong and I didn't want that.

I came around to forgiving Maria when she apologized for keeping things from me. I did the same with Rosalie when I went to visit her at her and Emmett's home. I realized I hadn't been there even though it was close enough, in a vast land separating them, sense. The McCarty property was beautiful. Rose and I spent the day together which started with her apologizing to me and ending with me telling her I'd always be there for her and her crying on my shoulder.

Things at home grew worst as August progressed. On my last visit to Zafrina by myself, I heard the baby was doing great, but my blood pressure was high and it was something Zafrina didn't like. She wanted me to take things easy. I don't know if she knew about what was happening with Jasper and me and playing coy, but I didn't share.

He was worst than I had ever seen him. He practically lived in his office now. I let Sue take care of him. I knew I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't work up the nerve to do it. I was following Zafrina's advice and trying to remain calm. I stayed in the baby's room a lot, reading to her. It relaxed me. Sue would check up on me, and sometimes, I swear I knew Jasper was outside the door, but he never ventured inside. Good. He should know what it feels like to hurt when I stay away. He started this.

Sue said he'd been bothering her with questions about my wellbeing. She said she told him to ask me. I was saddened he'd refused to.

We continued to stay away from each other. Once, I fell asleep in the living room while reading a book to the baby and I swore I felt a hand run through my hair before someone kissed my forehead. When I woke up, no one was there.

Sam said Jasper was asking about the baby. She was fine the last time I checked and I told Sam as much. I had an appointment coming up and I planned on finding out for sure if I was carrying a girl. Tanya was obsessing over cute little outfits she saw in baby stores. Edward said she went to them almost every day. I told her I'd let her know. She was coming down to visit soon. I couldn't wait.

Today was a good day. I spoke with Micah and Celeste via webcam. I was so happy to see them and Phil. He was in Marseilles with his son and daughter-in-law. I didn't let them know Jasper and I were having problems or that I'd rather be with them than where I was right now. I pretended to be happy and when Celeste asked for Jasper, I lied and said he was at work. Knowing full well he was holed up in his office. After we said our goodbyes, I went downstairs, as fast as wobbling could take me and ran into Peter and Char.

Peter was about to say something humorous, I knew it. It was written all over his face, but his and Char's faces fell when they took in my expression. Peter sidestepped me and stormed off in the direction of Jasper's office. Suddenly, we heard shouting, quarrelling and things being slammed around. Char was about to say something to me, but I couldn't stand and listen.

"I'm sorry," I said, and walked away in tears.

Peter and Char found me in the stables, sitting in a pile of hay. Char came and sat with me, pulling my head to her shoulder. I asked Peter why he wasn't with Jasper, because he needed his help.

"No, he needs his ass kicked," Peter said.

We didn't talk about it. I couldn't tell Peter that I planned to confront Jasper tomorrow. I was through with this attitude of his. He needed help and I was going to see to it that he got it.

I went to sleep that night with Garrett on my mind so it wasn't a surprise when I dreamt of him. Peter and Char had been good company, but I didn't like how no one was being there for Jasper. He didn't need to go through this alone. Someone had to be strong enough to fight pass his stubbornness and anger to show him we were all here for him. I will have to be that person.

I was sitting on a bench in a lovely park. The air swirling around me was warm yet cool. It was a beautiful day with the sun high in the sky and flowers blooming all around me.

"You're both too stubborn, you know," Garrett chuckled as he sat down beside me.

"He started it."

"You can finish it," he countered. "But you're gonna punish him some more, aren't you?"

I looked at him. I didn't feel like explaining myself. "You seem to know everything so why ask me?"

Garrett sighed. "Jasper needs your help. Get up and go to him."

I woke up and got out of bed. I needed to use the bathroom. I left the room, wiping the sleep from my eyes as I went. I looked at the clock in the dimly lit hallway, it was four am. Today was my appointment. On my way back to the baby's room, I felt thirsty, so I bypassed the room and headed for the stairs. I went down them to get something to drink and then return to bed.

When I got to the bottom and was about to turn to the right and head to the kitchen, I heard my name being shouted and then there was a painful grunt and then something fell hard to the floor. I forgot the drink and moved to the living room. I reached for the light and switched it on to see Jasper on the floor. It looked like he'd fell off the couch. For a moment, I was sad. I was scared for him. What happened? He must've been dreaming. He was moving up to his knees and groaning when my hand flew to my mouth because I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Jasper was a shell of his former self. He'd lost a little weight, he was unshaven, his hair was messy and he looked like a crazy person. In that moment, I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was what has been happening between us. Maybe it was the dream I just had with Garrett telling something I already knew. But I flew into a rage.

"What have you done?!" His wild eyes snapped up to me, angry, but I didn't give a fuck about his temper. I cared about what he'd done to himself. "What have you done to yourself?!"

"Bella…" He sounded haggard.

"Don't 'Bella' me!" I shouted. "Was it worth it? Hiding your PTSD from me?"

He got up in a rush. "Who told you?!"

"No one, you idiot!" I wasn't giving Sam away. "I figured it out. What? I'm too dumb to know?! Oh, I get it. I'm controllable as well as dumb, right?!"

He looked ashamed. "About that…"

"Oh shut the fuck up, you asshole. I don't care anymore."

His eyes darkened. "What are you saying?"

I stepped closer to him and seethed, "It means if you want me and this baby to stick around, you'll fix this." I wouldn't leave him. But he did to feel what it would be like without me and the baby around. "Why, Jasper? I could've helped! I will help you if you want! Jasper, I love you, you idiot! But you have to want my help. It doesn't matter what it is. I can help you. If it's James, I can help. If you want me gone because I'm too much trouble, I'll go!"

"Don't fucking tell me that!" he thundered.

"Don't yell at me!" I shouted back and felt a pain in my head, but ignored it. "Shut up and listen because I'm through with this shit! I should be thinking about our baby, not walking on eggshells around you!" There, I said it and I felt relief. "You know what? Fuck this!"

I walked away. I didn't bother with anything to drink. I went upstairs, put on my boots and one of his huge jackets and then I went back downstairs. I walked pass Jasper in the living room and headed to the kitchen with him on my heel asking where I was going. He screamed at me to stop, but I ignored him. He took a hold of my shoulder and I flashed him off and spun around in a rage. I shoved him so hard, he was caught off guard and fell on his ass. "Don't you put your hands on me," I sneered down at him. I turned around and slapped the door opened, breaking the glass, and stormed out in anger. I was crying as I walked to the main house. I roughly wiped away the tears when I got to the entryway and saw Maria through the doors. I pounded on them and she sprang up from the table and ran over, opening them.

"Bella, what's wrong, honey?" she pleaded frantically.

"I…" I cried harder as I moved inside and collapsed in her arms. I cried so hard and my head hurt so badly. I vaguely heard other voices around us. I recognized them as Peter's and Char's and Sue's. More arms encircled me with one in my hair while they all coaxed me. I heard Peter talking angrily to someone and realized it was Jasper. He'd follow me over here. I didn't care. I was wrong. I couldn't help him if he didn't want it. I was now in Maria's shoes. I bawled because I couldn't, yet, I wanted to help him more than anything. I babbled through my tears about it. Char tried to hush me. Sue was trying to tell me it would be okay. I told her it wouldn't.

I cried while vowing to leave when the baby was born. I cried about how I would ask my dad if I could move to Forks with him. I vowed I wouldn't keep any of them away from the baby, but I was stupid to think I could be normal and have a happy life. I cried while everyone listened to me babble on and on about the nonsense going through my mind.

Sue wanted me to come upstairs and lie down. They moved to get me up from the floor, and that was when I felt it. It was excruciating. I screamed and went back down to the floor, curling up into a ball. It hurt so much. I cried for someone to make it stop. I cried for someone to call Zafrina.

Suddenly, a pair of arms whisked me up from the floor as I screamed in pain and then I was moving. I felt lightheaded as Maria protested the person's actions while telling them to be careful with me. I was taken outside. Peter was beside me and the person. I clutched whoever it was, crying into their chest. It hurt so badly. Peter rushed around a truck, opening the back. I was loaded in and the person jumped in with me, making realize it was Jasper. And it wasn't just the stranger who had hurt me emotionally. It was my Jasper. He looked frightened, remorseful, and I wanted it would be okay, but I couldn't. It hurt too bad.

We were moving while pain ripped through me. No. This couldn't be happening. I was so stupid. I should've left. Stayed in the main house. Stayed with Tanya. I don't know. I couldn't have her now. It was too soon.

"You'll be okay. You have her now. You'll be okay," Jasper said and I wanted to believe him.

I gripped his arm, squeezing it tightly as Peter drove to wherever we were going. "Don't leave me," I begged Jasper. "I'm scared."

"I'll never leave you. I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry. I was stupid. I thought I could handle it. I'm so sorry," he pleaded with me. "I love you. I'm so sorry."

The truck pulled to a stop. Peter jumped out and pulled the backdoor open. He and Jasper helped me out, but then, I realized another problem. I couldn't move. "I can't move."

"Bella, let me carry you," Jasper said. I was about to reply when a terrible pain crashed into me and I screamed and went down. Jasper pulled me up into his arms and before I passed out, I saw the bright hospital lights overhead as he walked through the ER doors.