An: The aftermath

Chapter fifty-nine: I thought I lost you

Jasper, October, 2011…

Emmett came running into the room. He didn't even bat an eye at James' body in the hallway.

"Jesus, Jasper! You should be downstairs!" He shouted at me while checking Bella's pulse. "It's strong."

I nodded. I needed to put my head down somewhere.

"I need someone in here now!" He shouted and the paramedics rushed into the room. They moved Bella out of my lap, where her head rested. At first, I wanted to refuse their help, but I needed it. She had to get downstairs and I was in no condition get her there. My side was burning and I wanted to sleep for a week. I could feel my eyes closing and felt a hard slap on my cheek. My eyes snapped open and saw Emmett glaring at me.

"Don't you pass out on me," he demanded.

I nodded.

The paramedics brought Bella downstairs. She remained unconscious as they took her out to the waiting ambulance. There were people everywhere. The bodyguards, cops, ranch hands, everyone was gathered inside and outside of my house. Emmett assisted me pass them. Momma came out of nowhere and kissed me on the forehead before disappearing into the crowd again.

"Sam's already on his way to the hospital. It's bad," Emmett relayed, bringing my attention back to him.

"Okay."

I was worried about my friend. I didn't want him to die. I blamed myself for what happened to him even if he'd say I was talking trash. It was his job to protect me and my family and he knew the risk of his occupation. But I saw it as otherwise. James was aiming for Sam's head. Both our hands were on the gun but my finger was on the trigger. I was so intent on maiming James, I wasn't thinking. I had to do something or else my friend would be shot in the head. So when James made me squeeze the trigger of his gun during our struggle, I tried to away from Sam's head.

Unfortunately, we shot him in the upper right side of his chest. It went through. I checked before I followed James upstairs after Sam, on ragged breath, told me to go kill the son of a bitch. I feared I punctured a lung.

Whatever happened to Sam, I felt responsible.

"I want to go in the same ambulance as Bella," I said to Emmett. My voice sounded hoarse. "I want to be with her."

"Jas…"

"I want to go with her."

Emmett didn't question me further. He just made it happen.

On our way to the hospital, Bella woke up. She was having another contraction. This one was big.

After she calmed down, she wanted to know where I was until she spotted me.

Bella, October, 2011…

I was moving. I had to be on my way to the hospital. I felt a contraction and it was a big one. I gripped the first thing I felt, which was a hand, and there was someone coaxing me through it. I squeezed my eyes shut and grit my teeth to bear it until it passed.

When I was calm enough to open my eyes and take in my surroundings, I noticed a strange guy next to me. He was the one who helped me. I didn't want to be rude to him. I knew he was a paramedic but I wanted Jasper. It was his hand I was supposed to be holding. I didn't want some guy helping me. I just wanted Jasper there. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him.

"Where's Jasper? I-I-I need Jasper," I said to the guy and he smiled and glanced over my head at someone. I followed his eyes and saw Jasper, smiling down at me. It was weak, but it was a radiant smile nonetheless. I reached for his hand and he gripped mine in his. "Stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere." He promised. His eyes were glossy and he looked exhausted, but I believed him. I had to. I wasn't about to let him go. I almost him once today.

"Stay with me," I pleaded again.

"I'm not going anywhere," he repeated.

The ambulance came to a stop. The doors opened and the paramedic jumped out. I had to let go of Jasper's hand so they could get me out of the back. But I kept my eyes on him because I feared looking away for a second. I didn't trust my reality yet. It felt like if I looked away from his crystal blue eyes for one second, he'd disappear.

But I had to. Everything was moving so fast. I was being rushed inside the hospital where Zafrina was probably waiting for me.

I wanted Jasper with me. I knew it was impossible because of his injury and I hated James even more for taking this moment away from us. I wanted Jasper there when I had Hope.

The stubborn side of me wasn't listening to the logical side as I screamed for Jasper through my pain of not having him by my side and another contraction.

Zafrina was barking orders as they wheeled me toward the elevators. "No, Jasper. I need Jasper!" I tried to shout, but no one was listening to me. They didn't understand.

Emmett came into view. He was smiling down at me. He let me hold his hand while the pain subsided. "I-I-I need Jasper."

Emmett didn't answer that part. Instead, he tried to reassure me. "Everything will be okay, Bella."

That was a no. They had to stitch Jasper up or whatever they were going to do to him. We would be separated. I should just be thankful that he's alive. And I was.

I nodded and tried to smile back, but another contraction hit and I grimaced and then threw my head back on the bed and screamed bloody murder.

Zafrina was shouting and I was being moved.

I wanted to cry. I was crying. I wouldn't have Jasper with me when our child was born.

Jasper, October, 2011…

"No!" I yelled. Pain shot through my side, making me double over. Fucking James. I wanted to kill him again. Because the bastard shot me, I couldn't be with Bella at the most important time of our lives. While she had our baby, I would be stuck in the OR with Carlisle stitching me up.

I think my blood pressure just spiked. I felt dizzy.

Emmett was fighting to hold me down on the gurney while they took me to the OR.

"I have to be with her!" I tried to plead with Emmett, but he wasn't listening.

"We have to get you treated, you stubborn ass," he countered. "You want to go up there and pass out from blood loss? Bella have my ass."

I flopped back down on the gurney as they wheeled me out of the elevator and down the hall to whatever operating room they would be using. "I just want to be there. This is my little girl, Em. My baby."

"I know, man. I'm sorry."

I closed my eyes. I felt like crying and I was too tired to fight Emmett. He was the fucking hulk. I would miss everything. I wouldn't see my baby girl enter the world. I wouldn't be there to tell Bella how great of a job she did. I wouldn't be there to hear my little girl's first cry.

No.

I couldn't miss any of it. I had to try again. I was a doctor for Christ sake! I could do this. I knew what they could give me to keep the pain at bay for a while. I had to be there.

So I tried again when Carlisle came into view as we got closer to the OR.

"Carlisle, please," I begged. "I have to be with Bella. I can't leave her. I want to see my little girl. Please."

Carlisle looked at me. His eyes held sympathy. We were right outside OR number three's doors now. "Jasper, Bella is in good hands."

"Carlisle, please."

He looked at Emmett almost pleadingly so I tried again.

"Please, guys, please. I need to be with her. I have to."

Emmett huffed. "Shit!"

Yes!

Bella, October, 2011…

"Jasper!" I shouted. "I need him! Jasper! Ahh!"

"Bella, you have to calm down!" Zafrina said as some machine beeped out of control.

Logic had flown out the window the minute they took me into the delivery room. I wanted Jasper by my side and I wasn't afraid to protest.

"Fuck calming down!" I yelled at Zafrina. "I'm being ripped open. My hips are about to explode and my shoulder feels like I poured hot water on it! I want Jasper in here with me. Now!"

"If you stay still, the nurse can help with your shoulder!" Zafrina shouted back. "Your little girl isn't waiting so we can't give you an epidural, Bella! She's coming! Now!"

What the hell? No! Jasper wasn't here. My crazy, irrational side wasn't taking no for an answer. I wanted Jasper in here with me.

"Jasper!" I screamed as I felt more sharp pain in my lower region.

"That was a big one and I think we're ready." Zafrina said from somewhere between my legs.

I should feel self conscious about my legs being in stirrups and my business exposed to everyone in the room, but I could care less. I wanted the baby out of me. Now. Forget of wanting my injured boyfriend in the room with me. I had to get this baby out of me. She wanted out. There was so much pressure. I felt like I was being ripped open.

"Bella, when I say, I want you to push as hard as you can."

I nodded as tears ran down my face. "Jasper isn't here."

Zafrina audibly sighed and looked up from between my legs for a minute. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but we have to push now. Your little girl is ready to come into the world."

Two nurses flanked me, ready to help me sit up.

"After you sit up, when I say, I want you to push as hard as you can. Okay, Bella?" Zafrina ordered.

I nodded.

Zafrina disappeared between my legs. "Here we go," she said just as the doors to the delivery room were slapped open. I almost screamed for joy when Jasper came in with Emmett, Carlisle and Maria, who was dressed in scrubs.

Carlisle was the one to speak up when Zafrina demanded to know what the hell they were doing there.

"Maria is here to help Bella and we couldn't keep this one in the OR," he said, nodding to Jasper, who was hanging on the Emmett for support.

I opened my arms for him and he pushed off of Emmett's shoulder and walked right into them.

"I'm here, baby."

I have never been happier.

Jasper, October, 2011…

With the decision made, we turned around. Carlisle and Emmett took me off the gurney, grumbling the whole time about how wrong this was. "Thanks, guys."

"If you die on us, I'll kick your ass." Emmett threatened.

I chuckled and nodded.

Emmett said he had to go and get a wheelchair and some pain meds and gauze. He was about to leave me with Carlisle when Momma came running down the hall. She looked frantic and disheveled. My otherwise perfect mother was beside herself with relief and worry when she saw me hanging on Carlisle's shoulder for support.

"Escaped the nurses?" Carlisle joked with her.

She fanned him off and her eyes widened in realization. "Shouldn't you be lying down somewhere with Carlisle and Emmett treating you? What the hell, Jasper?!" she screeched. "Why aren't you being stitched up?"

Emmett got back with what he wanted in time to hear Momma's rant. He huffed in approval. I gave him the stink eye because it was all I could manage right now. I couldn't knock him out.

Momma clicked her finger in front of my face. "Hello! Boy, what the hell?!" She shouted. While her voice held anger, her eyes had nothing but relief radiating in them. Momma was glad I was here. That I was alive. James hadn't win.

Emmett placed me in the wheelchair a little roughly and Momma smacked his shoulder, making him hiss in pain. "Be careful with him!" She growled at Emmett. He had the common sense to look bashful for mistreating me for my stubbornness in front of Momma. He knew what a hell cat she was when it came to her kids. I had to push down the urge to stick my tongue out at him in mockery.

"I'm going to Bella, Momma."

She sighed, turning her attention to Carlisle.

He launched into his and Emmett's attempt to make me see reason and how it didn't work.

"I'm not too bad. I can do it." I had to. Bella and our baby needed me.

"Jasper?" Momma tried. "Are you sure?"

I could be unrelenting when I wanted something.

"We could just knock him out," Emmett suggested to Carlisle.

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head.

"Yes, but I still have to be there. I have to do this," I said with conviction to Emmett. He threw his hands up in frustration.

I turned my attention to Momma. "I have to be there, Momma. I want to see my little girl come into this world. Carlisle can stitch me up wrong after I hear her first cry."

"Fuck you," Carlisle said, making Momma and Emmett chuckle.

"Are you sure?" she asked again.

"We're wasting time, woman," I said lightheartedly, but I meant it. Bella had to be in labor by now. There was no time for this.

She laughed. "Okay, let's do this."

Hell hath no fury like my mother when she wanted something. You'd think she owned the hospital the way she was ordering people around in order to get scrubs and a face mask for herself. Of course, she was gushing proudly to them about her grandchild who was about to be born during her rant.

By the time we got to the maternity ward and headed for Bella's room, I had enough gauze stuffed in my side and a pain injection jammed in my ass by Carlisle to keep the excruciating pain at bay. Emmett was grumbling about the infection I was likely to get. I knew my own odds. I was a fucking doctor. I know the risks but nothing was standing in the way of this momentous event.

Momma looked ready to perform surgery. I had to laugh. My family was going to great lengths for me. I couldn't ask for a better bunch.

Zafrina was furious when we burst through the doors. She demanded to know what we were doing in there, but I didn't have time for her. The relief on Bella's tear soaked face was all I saw. She was so happy to see me. When she opened her arms for me and I could nothing else but walked right into them.

"I'm here, baby," I whispered to her.

"I love you." The relief in her voice almost brought me to tears as she cried on my shoulder. "She's coming now."

"Too late for anything else?" I pulled back and asked.

"Yeah," Bella tried to chuckle. "No pain meds for me."

We had planned for otherwise, Bella had at very least wanted an epidural. It was a recommendation of Zafrina's. We wanted to take the least risks possible. Unfortunately, things were going in another direction.

Momma came to Bella's other side. Bella moved away from me long enough to hug her.

"We're here, Bella," Momma said with a kiss to her forehead.

Zafrina intervened. "Okay, people! Let's get this show on the road!"

Momma and I helped Bella up. She gripped our hands, and I did my best not to grimace in pain at her strength, but she saw it. "Carlisle, take my hand. Jasper, stay behind me." Bella instructed Carlisle then turned to me. "I just want you here, Jasper. I don't want to hurt you anymore than you already are." She chuckled nervously. "You're crazy though. You should be lying down somewhere with Carlisle treating you."

"I know. But I have to be here for this and then Carlisle can drop the needle in my open wound."

Bella smiled and Carlisle let go of Bella's hand long enough to give me the finger.

Zafrina chimed in. "Everyone get ready!"

I shifted back, letting Carlisle take my place. I kept a hand on Bella's back and she uttered her love for me.

"I love you too," I replied just as Zafrina told her to push.

Bella, October, 2011…

"Alright, Bella! That was great! I just need one more big push!"

"I'm tired!" I whined. And I was. I felt like I was being split in two but too tired to do anything about it.

"She's almost here, Bella!"

I wanted to hurt my doctor. Bad. She was awesome at what she did, but Zafrina could have been a drill sergeant. And she was too good at it. Yes, she was motivational and all that jazz, but she was also a fucking slave driver. And again, really good at it!

"One more push, baby," Jasper coaxed, looking down at me with a smile on his face. "I love you. You can do this."

I let Maria and Carlisle help me up again and when Zafrina said push, I gave it my all.

"Ahhh!" I screamed and pushed until Zafrina yelled stop.

I collapsed on the bed, ready to pass out. But that was when I heard it. The shrill of her cry was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. A happy gasp came from Maria as she watched Zafrina. "She's here!" Maria whispered happily. "Oh my God, she's here!"

I looked up at Jasper and had to smile. Despite the weakness in his eyes, his face was the epitome of happiness. He was beaming with joy.

He glanced at me and leaned forward to meet my lips in a short kiss, even though it must have hurt him to do so. "I love you so much," he said. "I love you, Bella."

I gripped his hand, kissing the back of it. "I love you too."

I was so tired, but I had to see her. I watched the nurses fuss over her while she screamed bloody murder.

"She's got a good set of lungs on her," Carlisle commented. "You did good, Bella."

"Thank you," I whispered, on the verge of tears.

I didn't know when it happened. One second, I was waiting for the nurses to be finished so I could hold my daughter for the first time. I was also about to tell Jasper to go with Carlisle and Emmett. But I didn't get to say or do any of that.

There was a loud beeping from some machine. I looked at Jasper and saw his eyes widening in either panic or shock and then it looked like he was screaming at someone. I felt a sharp pain somewhere in my body and I was hoping Hope wasn't a twin, because I was dreading pushing again. But the room was spinning. Jasper was shouting and Carlisle was really close to my face. I felt sleepy. Maybe I'll take a nap. I'll hold Hope when I wake up.

No. Wait. That wasn't right.

I knew nothing else. I drifted into darkness.

Jasper, October, 2011…

"Zafrina! You have to help her!" I screamed at Zafrina as Carlisle tried to rouse Bella. "Zar, her BP is out of control!" I was in pain, but fuck it. Bella mattered more. I was afraid of this. With everything that happened today, James, Sam, myself, our daughter being born, it proved to be too much for Bella.

One second she was looking on expectantly, waiting on the nurses to finish up and bring our daughter over to her to hold for the first time, and then her eyes were rolling over in her head and she was convulsing on the bed.

Zafrina rushed over and took over for Carlisle. I was promptly told to leave. Momma was guided out of the delivery room and our daughter was moved out, heading to the nursery. I was less than co-operative so Emmett had to drag me out, kicking and screaming.

"No! I have to go back!"

"No!" Emmett shouted back at me while they pulled me over to the wheelchair. I tried to fight them off, but I was no match for Emmett.

"We have to help you now!" Carlisle said. "Hope is fine and Bella will be okay!"

"No!" I yelled. Her blood pressure had gone through the roof. I knew this shit! There were too many risks. I didn't want to go. I wanted to be here for Bella, but I couldn't fight them anymore and I would be no use to her at the moment. I had delayed my own care long enough. I had done a dangerous thing, but it was worth it. I saw my baby girl enter the world.

Emmett was still shouting at me. He didn't realize I had resigned and was ready to let him and Carlisle help me. "Your mom won't leave her!" Emmett yelled. "We've got to deal with you now! You're probably already infected, you asshole!"

I was about to answer him when my world spiraled into darkness and I knew nothing else.

Bella, October, 2011…

"Am I dead?" I asked Garrett as he smiled down at me. He stood and stretched out a hand. I took it and felt him help me up from the grass field we had apparently been sitting in. It was beautiful here. Grassy fields that went on for miles, a cool breeze that never seemed to cease, and a radiant sunshine.

"That depends," Garrett said cryptically, bringing my attention to him.

"On what?"

"On you." He smiled. "Do you want to stay here or do you want to go back and live a long and happy life with your family?" He didn't give me a chance to answer. "Here, it's peaceful. It's quiet. You could always watch over Jasper and Hope. James is gone. He's where he belongs. Nothing but eternal peace awaits you if you stay."

As lovely as eternal peace sounded and knowing, without a doubt, that James was where he truly belonged, I still couldn't accept.

Garrett's smile widened. "I'm just messing with you, Bella."

I smiled and scoffed at him. He always loved to mess with me.

He grew serious with a reassuringly beautiful smile plastered on his ethereal face. "I'm so happy for you, Bella. I can't wait to see you truly live. I have been waiting for this moment for a while. She's beautiful by the way."

"Thank you…for everything."

Garrett shrugged with the same gentle smile on his face. He ran a hand through my hair and it was as a gentle breeze brushed the curls. "Live, Bella Swan. I want you to live a long and happy life. I'll always love you."

"I love you too." I told him, holding what I thought to be his cheek. He leaned into my touch, but it was as if I was holding air.

I watched Garrett fade before my eyes, and for reason, I knew I wouldn't see him again.

I awoke with a start and burst into tears. I cried for him. I cried for the loss of my friend all over again.

Arms wrapped around me and I gripped them with all the strength I had. I cried until I had nothing left. Garrett's smile was ever present in my mind. He would always be my friend. He would always be my guide. I don't care if I never dreamt him again. I knew he would be around.

"It's okay, Bella." Rose's voice broken through my subconscious, making me realize she was who I was clinging to. "It'll be okay."

I wrapped my arms around her and continued to sob quietly.

"Tell me about Garrett," she said.

"I guess I was talking in my sleep."

"Yeah," she said with a chuckle. "Jasper said you did it. He finds it adorable."

We parted and the concern for my family must have been written all over my face because Rose launched into an explanation. She told me Sam was out of surgery and in Intensive Care. He had a punctured lung. Hope was the star of the nursery. Maria had run home for a shower and to collect food from Sue, who was beside herself with worry.

"Rose…"

"I know. I was saving my stubborn brother for last," she said with a nod of her head.

I followed her direction and looked to my right, realizing for the first time that I wasn't the only occupant of my room. I had to laugh in spite of my tears. Jasper was fast asleep in the next bed.

"There was no way Carlisle could keep him in another room."

"He told them that?"

"No. He hasn't woken up since his own surgery, but Emmett anticipated that when he does, Jasper will crawl out of bed to find you and Hope. The man delayed his own treatment just to see his daughter being born. Emmett would have dragged him out of the room though if your labor had taken hours."

"I know. Emmett's pretty no nonsense when he's in doctor mode."

Rose nodded in agreement.

"So, everyone is accounted for. Oh! And your bastard ex's body is in the morgue where it belongs. I wanted an immediate cremation, but they won't let me."

Rose was serious. Being fiercely protective of her family, I'm sure she was ripping into anyone she could get her hands on to know how James got on the ranch undetected. Maria probably wasn't any better.

"Now, tell me about Garrett."

Rose and I talked for a while. We watched Jasper and heard him groaning in his sleep. It was the sweetest sound to me. He was here. James didn't steal him from me too.

Rose thought Garrett sounded like a great guy. I told her he was. She too believed he was my guardian angel after I explained the dreams I had of him to her. Sleep started to set in and Rose told me to get some rest, she'll be around.

I loved my family. They were always around when you needed them. I looked toward my right and told Jasper I loved him, and then fell asleep.

The light in the room was almost blinding when I opened my eyes to the morning light streaming through the window. I wanted to stretch but some things hurt too much to attempt it. I eased myself up in bed. No one was in the room besides me and Jasper.

So the rustling coming from his bed made me look over and almost scream in shock when I saw him.

Jasper was awake and attempting to climb out of the bed. "No! Don't you dare! You need to lie down!"

He groaned and whined. "But Bella…"

"I'll call the nurse!" I was already pressing the call button, though I didn't need to. Emmett was already at the door. He stepped into our room and stopped between the two beds. His eyes were solely on Jasper, who was perched on the edge of his bed. A nurse came over to me, checking my vitals and asking all the necessary questions. Emmett never said a word the whole time. He kept his eyes on Jasper without a smile on his face.

When the nurse moved to Jasper, Emmett stopped her. Finally he spoke, "Jasper fuckhead stubborn ass Whitlock, lay back down or I'll have you strapped down, you nutjob!"

The nurse and my eyes widened as Emmett went on, "If you don't, I'll have you admitted to the Psych ward."

I fought to keep a straight face. The nurse was faring better than me. She just waited for Jasper to listen and lie back down.

Jasper was grumbling. Emmett didn't pay him any mind. He just stood there with the nurse, waiting on Jasper to obey.

Jasper finally listened, but he wasn't happy about it.

Emmet huffed and cut his eyes at Jasper. He looked at me with a smile and came to sit on the edge of my bed as the nurse went over to Jasper and did her job. She was fixing his IV while Emmett picked up my hand and held it in his own. "I'm happy you're here. You've had me worried since I found you passed across Jasper's lap in your bedroom."

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

He waved off my apology. "Don't be. It wasn't your fault."

He let go of my hand and got up. He moved to the foot of my bed and picked up my chart, flipping it open. "You're doing good. Your blood pressure has settled nicely, but you're here for observation and to heal up good before you go home." Emmett chuckled. I liked how he simplified it so I wouldn't worry.

"And Jasper?"

"He needs a couple more days."

I nodded.

"And Hope?"

"She's the star of the nursery." Emmett beamed proudly. "All the nurses are madly in love with her. She's the cutest thing." He looked whimsical when he said that. Dare I say, Emmett couldn't wait to have little ones of his own? "She's eight pounds, five ounces, perfectly healthy, with ten fingers and ten toes. I'm telling you before you ask."

I laughed and thanked him.

"Want to see her?"

"Desperately," I said, making Emmett laugh. He told the nurse and she smiled warmly at me before leaving to go and get my daughter.

"I want to see her too," Jasper said.

"No one is talking to you!" Emmett snapped at him.

"Bite me!" Jasper yelled back.

What's going on with them?

"What's going on?"

"I'm mad at Jasper for almost dying and then coming here and not letting us treat him right away. He was lucky he didn't get infected. I swear I don't know what kind of guardian angel the idiot has. We patched him up and made him room with you because the idiot would wake up and try to come and find you. But that wasn't a good idea, was it? You're still misbehaving!" He directed the last part to Jasper, who gave him the middle finger.

"Jasper!" I chastised him. "Emmett saved your life. Be nice!"

Emmett and Jasper stared at me in shock. But I wasn't through. "I want you two to apologize to each other. Enough of this foolishness!"

They mumbled their apology and I made them say it again with feeling and shake hands.

Tanya was chuckling from the doorway. "Spoken like a true mom."

I opened my arms for her and she rushed into the room. She hugged me carefully, but lost it on my shoulder. "I almost lost you!" She cried, popping her head up to yell at Jasper. "And you, you dummy! I'm going to kick your ass as soon as you feel better. You nearly gave me a heart attack! When Edward said you were shot, James had gotten on the ranch, and Bella was grazed by a bullet and went into labor. I actually fainted! Then again, that's because I'm pregnant, but that's beside the point!"

I hugged her again. "Congratulations!"

Edward peeked into mine and Jasper's room. I was ready to say 'Congratulations' to him, but Jasper beat me to it, croaking a threat. "I'm gonna kill you, you bastard!" he said to Edward, who disappeared from the doorway. Tanya rose up and rolled her eyes at Jasper. Emmett was laughing.

I loved my family.

Time stopped when I saw her cot being wheeled into our room. Tanya started crying softly of course. Emmett helped Jasper sit up. And I was in tears.

No words were spoken as the nurse brought Hope's cot closer to me. We were all waiting on bated breath, watching the nurse lift her from her cot and then turn to me. I held my hands out and the nurse placed her in them. She instructed me on how to hold her. Hope's pretty brown eyes were glossy and trying to look everywhere at once. She reached up and I took her little hand in mine.

This was what I was fighting for. This was what I ran away from James for. This was what I survived for.

I did it for her. Even when I didn't know it.

"Hi," I cooed at her. She stopped and attempted to focus on me. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "I'm your mommy."

I looked over at Jasper to see him watching us with a smile on his face. "Your daddy is here too and he loves you too very much."

She made the cutest noises and every single one of them made me cry. I was bursting at the seam with happiness.

The nurse gave me my moment and then I asked that she be taken over to Jasper.

She took her from me and I felt hollow without her in my arms. It was strange. I just met her and I already felt like I couldn't live without her. But this was her father. He loved her immensely. And I'm sure he shared the same sentiment as me.

The nurse held her close to Jasper, letting Jasper touch her head. He spoke, and I swore, she cooed in response.

"She recognized you!" I cried to Jasper and he nodded with a watery smile.

This was a powerful moment for the both of us.

I was instructed on how to feed Hope and guided through it by Nurse Mather, Cindy. She was a lovely lady. Possibly in her late forties, heavy set with beaming green eyes, blonde hair and a caring and gentle smile. She was very patient with me as she went through the instructions on how to feed Hope. I wasn't even self conscious about breastfeeding in front of Emmett and Tanya.

After Cindy left with Hope, taking her back to the nursery, I burst into a fresh set of tears. Tanya held me.

I couldn't speak. I could only cry. I was alive. I was happy. I was a mother and the love of my life was still here. James was no more. There was nothing left to fear.

There was no truer statement. I had nothing left to fear.

It felt great. It felt unbelievable.

It was finally over.