Chapter Three: Degree Three: Living With Superheroes Can Be Hazardous To Your Sanity

Steve leaned back against the headboard of his bed, eyes staring blankly ahead of him. This was a particularly normal pose for the man, relaxed and yet tense with thought. He would often contemplate his life, about those points in time that lead him to where he was currently. Tonight though, he was thinking about a certain young woman, and babies, of all things.

He hadn't lied to Darcy, he had thought about children a lot, even more so after Pepper announced her pregnancy. Pre-serum he hadn't thought it was in his cards for the simple fact of his health. He had been sick and physically weak and he had often feared that even if he had found a dame who wanted him he would've either been unable to have children or died before he had the chance.

After the serum he had been given hope, should he survive the war he would be able to settle down and have a family. It had never crossed his mind that there would be other obstacles to get in the way, or that the effect of the serum itself could be one of those.

He had thought that he had accepted it; never being able to have children of his own. The women he dated and their reactions to the life he lived made that perfectly clear. He had thought he was fine with it, content to keep the world safe and maybe one day be called Uncle Steve by one of his friends' kids. The baby-shower showed him just how wrong he had been.

Out of all of them Tony was the last one anyone thought of as being a father, everyone thought the man would run the other way at just the mention of children. Instead he had proved them all wrong, doting on Pepper and his unborn child. There was already a fully equipped nursery with a special JARVIS program, a completely stocked playroom, and the man never passed up the chance to show off just how excited he was to become a father. Darcy told him that she believed it all stemmed from the fact he wanted to make up for his own father's mistakes.

Steve closed his eyes. Darcy, the whole reason he was currently shut up in his room after dinner instead of watching movies with the others.

When he had made that quip about having a kid with her he had expected her to scoff at him, make some joke, and leave it at that. Never had he thought she would take him seriously, or that she would actually want his child.

It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it. Well, ok, maybe not the 'kid' part exactly, more the process of making one. She was his best friend, after Bucky of course, but he wasn't blind to the fact that she was beautiful. Still, he had never planned on starting anything with her. He knew that way lay only trouble.

He wished he had taken his scotch to his room the night before, or that he had never made that comment, because then he wouldn't be thinking about it. He didn't want to think about Darcy full with his child. He didn't want to think about a little curly-haired blonde toddler stumbling around his apartment. He didn't want to think about how readily she had agreed, or the light he saw in her eyes as she spoke about having his kid. He didn't want to have to think about anything at all at the moment, sadly that seemed to be all he could do.

Steve avoided Darcy all the next day, the day after that, and the day after that until almost a week had passed. He knew it was silly, cowardly even, practically running from the room every time she entered it. Still, he couldn't deal with any more baby talk from her. He needed time to think, and needed to give her time to realize just how bad the idea was.

He figured after a few days she would rethink everything and push the whole thing out of her head. She would realize how it could ruin their friendship, how his job was not conducive to being a father. Of course he also forgot just how stubborn the woman was, which was stupid as it was that stubbornness that had lead to their friendship in the first place. Once that woman sunk her teeth into something she refused to let go.

He was reminded of that trait when he entered into the common room a week later to find Darcy curled up on one of the couches, knitting needles held between her fingers as she worked on something suspiciously baby-sized.

"I haven't seen you knit in a while." Ignoring the knot that formed in his stomach, Steve took a seat beside Darcy. Back when they had first started experimenting with the whole friendship thing he would sit for hours just watching her knit. It was comforting really, the faint clacking of the needles as she worked. It reminded him of when he was a child and he would sit at his mother's feet as she mended their clothes.

"Wrangling super-scientists and superheroes really doesn't leave me much time for crafts." Darcy barely looked away from her project as the cushion beside her dipped. It was only in part because she knew he had been avoiding her for the past week… the bastard... but also because what she said was true.

When she had just been Jane's intern she had plenty of time to work on personal projects. At first it was mostly because Jane hadn't trusted her to do more than bring her coffee and drive the van, then it was because imputing data into the computers really wasn't a major job when you typed as fast as Darcy did. Unfortunately taking care of the Avengers left her little time to do anything but take a quick shower and sleep.

"Pity, I kind of like those little caps you make." Reaching over, Steve flicked his fingers over the top of Darcy's head. He held back a laugh as she glowered at him for messing up her hair. This was what he didn't want to lose, the easiness in which they interacted with another, the closeness without worry of saying or doing something to offend. He had made many friends since he had woken up, but none of those friendships did he cherish more than the one he had with Darcy.

"Now I know that is a lie, you spent a good deal of time during the first bit of our friendship teasing me about those." In fact he had liked to play hide and go seek with several of them. If she left them out where he could see them they would end up missing, later only to be found in the strangest of places. Captain America might have been a straight-laced goodie-two-shoes, but Steve Rogers was a God-damned troll, and no one could tell her differently.

"Didn't mean I didn't think they were cute, just that I like riling you up. You're like a spitting kitten when you get mad." Sure, Steve knew when she got really mad it was best to stay out of her path, unless you wanted to be tased in the crotch. But playfully mad Darcy was cute, even Nat found it fun to annoy her.

"Be nice or I'll stab you with these." Finally giving him her full attention… not that she really forgave him or anything… she brandished the needles in her hands. She made little poking motions with one while she swirled the other, all the while mindful of the yarn hanging from it.

"I've been shot at, sliced, diced, and beaten; I doubt knitting needles would do much damage." Admittedly, he knew firsthand how sharp the stupid things were. Darcy had the habit of leaving her supplies in the oddest of places. He made sure to check the couch cushions in her rooms anymore before he sat down.

"Wanna take the chance though?" Darcy made her best 'just try me' face, which really just consisted of a raised brow and a cheeky little smirk.

"Not today. So, what are you working on?" Steve flicked a strand of the black yarn she was currently working with before relaxing back into the couch.

"A onesie for Pepper. I've been searching online for baby merch for everyone else and couldn't find anything, so I'm making them myself. Right now I'm working on Hawkeye." The whole project wasn't totally for Operation: Baby-Daddy. She really did want to make the items for Pepper, and most likely would have went ahead and done them had Steve never brought up the baby issue.

"Complete with bow and arrow?" Besides the caps, he had seen some of Darcy's other work. Some of it was cute, silly things like the matching fingerless gloves she made Bucky for his last birthday. And yet he had a beautiful blanket made to look like his shield she had knitted for him thrown over the couch in his rooms. He was sure had she not ended up in the tower she could have easily made a living out of her work.

"Of course, I'm going to do the entire quiver and make it detachable." She had designed it so that way Pepper could hide several binkies and wipes in the quiver. She had even thought about making a bottle cover that looked like an arrow. The ideas kept coming at her faster than she could work.

"Clint will be ecstatic." Steve smiled. Everyone in the tower was looking forward to Baby Stark, even if they pretended not to be. Baby-Girl Stark would be the most protected and spoiled child in the world.

"You kidding me, he came through earlier with Sam and the two got so excited they ran off down to the labs to get Tony to print off schematics so I could get everything to proportion." Darcy laughed, she had never seen anything make two grown men act like little boys like that had. Clint had practically glowed and Sam she swore had teared up.

"Doing Falcon as well?" He knew how much that would mean to Sam. His friend was confidant in his abilities, but joining a team that had already worked together could be hard. Steve knew that at times you second guessed your place, even if that place was never in question.

"I said I was doing everyone, even Bucky." She might even have a little MIB Coulson suit stuffed away in her rooms. She wanted to include everyone in the team, and even though he now ran Shield, Coulson was still an Avenger to her.

"Oh God, I'm scared to ask just what you are planning there." Steve winced just thinking about it. Darcy could really be ornery sometimes.

"I'm doing a coat and mittens, complete with knitted metal arm." She had quickly nixed the idea of doing a hood with a face mask. It would have been perfect for the winter, but Bucky no longer had need to hide his face and she didn't want to upset him.

"You like to annoy Bucky, don't you?" Steve had been worried when he had introduced the two. His friendship with Darcy had still been pretty new and Bucky hadn't been fully himself yet. Darcy could at times be… well to be kind she could be a bit forward… and he had feared her saying something to set Bucky off. Turned out he hadn't needed to worry, Darcy had done for Bucky what she had done for him and helped things be right.

"Of course, thought you would have figured that out by now." Bucky and her had one of those friendships, that at times if you hadn't known them you would have thought they hated each other. They could fight like cats and dogs one minute and by that evening they would be cuddled up on the couch marathoning Once Upon A Time.

"Only too well." Steve rolled his eyes, thinking about all the things the two did to each other. Sometimes it was basic stuff; salt in the sugar container, dirt in the coffee pot. Other times…well they had all sworn never to talk about the Great Prank War, for very good reasons.

"Hey it's Buck and I's thing." Darcy looked proud as she said that, but quickly pouted as Steve gave a little laugh. "What's funny?"

"Nothing, I'm just thinking… if we had known you back before the war Bucky would have fallen head over heels for you." So would've he, but that was not something he needed to tell her. Mostly after what happened the last time he had said something concerning her.

Darcy was a little wilder than the girls he had normally gone out with, but the fact that the wildness contrasted with her maternal need to take care of everyone would have been enough to capture Bucky's attention.

"You mean he hasn't now? I'm disappointed." The little pout turned overdramatic as she flopped further into the couch, slapping a hand over her heart in fake dismay.

"Don't be. I think… well I think he could have, now that is, but…" Steve turned away from the little display next to him, his eyes on anything in the room but her. He wanted to say that the idea of the two of them together made him smile, that if they made each other happy he would be too. Only he hated the fact that the thought of even an imaginary relationship between them made him feel a bit queasy.

"But?" She hated it when he trailed off like that, as though she could continue his train of thought on her own. He did it too often, and each and every time she wanted to strangle him.

"Nothing." Steve turned to flash Darcy a large smile, hoping that she would let it go. Of course he was stupid enough to forget how stubborn she was, even if it was only a second.

"No, no, you can't just tell me something like that and not explain." What was it with people and thinking they could drop bombshells on her like they were nothing? Was it some sort of coping mechanism? Did they think she would just nonchalantly brush the news off like she hadn't just been shocked out of her wits?

"You are too good, Darce. You've been a huge help to him while he worked through everything, but he… when you approached him with the offer of friendship he kind of freaked out. He still worries about corrupting you, hell he still worries about that with me, and it isn't like my body count isn't rising with each mission like his." He hated that his friend thought that way; still saw himself as a monster. Bucky might have been doing well, but he was far from healed. At times Steve worried that he never would be. Sometimes he worried about that with himself.

"So, what you're saying is that Bucky could never fall for me because he doesn't think he is good enough for it, for love?" Darcy hadn't felt like shooting something in a long time, but right at that moment she was seriously thinking about tracking down Nat for a little practice down in the training room.

"Pretty much." Steve leaned a little bit away from Darcy. He knew that look; that was the look she had before you heard the charge of her taser. She had clenched her jaw, her nostrils had flared, and she was clutching the needles so tightly he feared they would break.

"Bullshit, Steve, bullshit. I wish the both of you would realize that I couldn't care less about how big a pile of bodies you have left behind." Darcy tried to take a breath in to calm her down, but this was a variation on a topic she had heard all too often.

"I never said…"

"Neither of you have to say anything, I might not be enhanced like you, but I'm intelligent. You two like to try and keep your distance from those not on the team. Both of you have this inane idea that by being around me I will be corrupted and turned into some jaded killer. Newsflash bucko, with the world I grew up in, I'm already jaded." Darcy tossed the needles and half-finished onesie aside and scooted to sit on the edge of the cushion. She ran her hands through her hair a couple of times, counting to ten under her breath.

"I find that hard to believe." He reached forward and took one of her hands before she could spear it back into her now messed up hair. Sure, Darcy was sarcastic and could be a bit pessimistic at times, but he had never met someone so upbeat and positive before.

"There is no such thing as innocence anymore, Steve." She pulled her hand from his and stood up. She thought about pacing the room, but in the end she just stood over him, one hand in her hair and the other on her hip. She knew he had seen the things that went on in the world nowadays. Sure there were things that were much better from when he was a child, but there were also things that were much, much worse.

Children were being killed, and killing. People were dying because they could not eat, and because they had no clean water. Those that had sworn to protect were slaughtering innocents in the street. And no one could claim ignorance when they did nothing to help. How could he think her anything but jaded?

"Makes you wonder why any of us want to bring a child into the world then." His voice was harsher than he had wanted it to be, practically snapping up at her as she looked down at him with watery eyes.

"Maybe because we hope that it will be different for the next generation, that we each hope that it will be better for them and maybe, just maybe we can have a bit of that innocence rub off on us." Darcy had to hold back the tears as she looked at him. Those were the same words her mother had spoken to her when she had been young and wanted to know why Uncle Kenneth, a Vietnam vet, had taken his own life. She had asked why anyone bothered to live and raise a family when they had seen all of that, and her mother had told her those words.

"Hope." Steve wasn't sure if that had been a statement or a question. All he knew was that he wished he could reach out and pull her into his arms without her punching him in the nose.

"Hope." Darcy took a deep breath and let it out. She knew Steve wasn't stupid, he just always wanted to believe the best of her. He wasn't naïve, and he wasn't innocent, he was just… hopeful. "Look, I've got a few things I should probably be doing for Jane, I'll talk to you later."

Steve watched Darcy leave; her shoulders slumped just a little. He wondered how their conversation had turned so grim so fast. He had hoped to discourage her in her mission of having his child, instead all he succeeded in doing was understanding her reasons in the first place. And maybe a bit more about the woman he called friend.

He scooted closer to where she had been sitting, pulling the little knitted onesie into his lap. He ran his fingers over it, marveling at the talent it took to make something so nice.

"Please tell me you're not actually thinking about agreeing." Bucky leaned against the edge of the doorway that led into the common room. Or more accurately the edge of the glass divider. Stark had a very strange sense of decorating. Everything was a little too angular and breakable for his tastes.

"Buck?" Steve just about jumped in his seat from the shock. A feat as with his enhanced hearing people rarely snuck up on him. Nat didn't count, the woman had actual superpowers no matter what she said.

"I get that you're getting all broody and everything, but do me a favor and just get a puppy." Bucky pushed off the glass, careful not to nick it with his left arm. So much of the glass in the tower was supposed to be reinforced, but they had found out the hard way that one tap from his arm could bring a wall down.

"How did you…" Times like this Steve could really see the change in Bucky. Oh, Buck had always been a little shit, but he hadn't always had the ability to just know things like he did now. It had started before, when he had been one of the Howling Commandos. But after he had fallen and they had taken him, they had refined and honed that particular talent.

"Are you really asking me that question? Like I wouldn't notice when my two best friends start acting like idiots." Bucky shrugged his shoulders before plopping down in one of the overstuffed chairs Darcy blackmailed Stark into getting. "I asked Darcy and she told me."

"It's really none of your business." He didn't need anyone else getting involved in the situation between him and Darcy. Once others knew there would be opinions, and arguments, hurt feelings, and mini wars. It was better that it remind between them and allowed to die a quiet death.

"I don't know, I think it might be when my two best friends are thinking about just randomly having a child together for no other reason than they are huge, fucking idiots." Bucky kicked out one socked foot, hitting Steve directly in the shin. If the idiot actually thought he would stand quietly by and let him screw things up, he had another thing coming.

"That is not why and you know it." Steve grabbed a ball of yarn from Darcy's basket and lobed it at Bucky's head. The jerk caught it with his metal hand and proceeded to toss it back and forth like a baseball.

"Maybe, I still think you're stupid for even thinking about it though." He cut off a large strand of yarn, tossing the ball back into the basket before knotting the ends of the strand together.

"I'm not thinking about it. Do you really think I would put her in that sort of situation? She… I know she wants a kid, but she isn't really thinking." Steve rolled his eyes as he watched Bucky twist and weave the yarn around his hands to create a cat's cradle. He huffed but leaned forward to maneuver the yarn when Bucky motioned for him.

"Neither are you." Bucky moved his left hand a little to keep the metal plates from cutting the yarn. He couldn't remember all that much or all that clearly of when he first got the arm, but he does remember having to learn the hard way that the plates could easily pinch if he wasn't careful.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Steve gave Bucky what he hoped was a really good stink-eye as the yarn was passed to him.

"Steve, you were caressing that fucking onesie!" Bucky made sure to pinch Steve's finger as he went in to twist the yarn into a new shape. He hadn't been sure if he should laugh or cry when he entered into the room to find his friend petting the damned thing like a puppy. It was kind of pathetic really.

"I was just admiring her work." Ok, so maybe he had run his fingers over the stitches a little slower and with more care than most people, but he did admire it and the thing was a present and he didn't want to destroy it.

"Just promise me that you will talk to her about this before it goes too far? I just don't want…" He huffed out a breath and left his words hanging as he looked up at Steve, sure that he would understand him.

"I know, and I promise. It was never really on the table to begin with, I had no idea she would take me seriously." Again, he was stupid for thinking that in the first place. Of course, he had never thought in a million years that she would agree so wholeheartedly.

The two remained silent for a while after that, each taking turns maneuvering the yarn around and passing it back and forth. It wasn't until the yarn caught on one of Bucky's plates and got knotted up that they spoke.

"So, did she tell you what she planned on doing for the Soldier?" Bucky rolled the yarn into a little ball in between his palms, flicking it at Steve once it was a fuzzy mess.

"Coat and mittens complete with knitted metal arm." Steve laughed at the look that crossed Buck's face. He looked so comically horrified he wished he had his phone with him so he could take a picture. It would have went perfectly with the one that Steve snuck when Bucky had been painting Darcy's toe-nails; a favorite of his as Darcy had somehow convinced Bucky to let her French-braid his hair.

"Shit, this kid never had a fucking chance, did it?" He was trying to picture the poor kid, looking like a stuffed doll in one of Darcy's creations and all it did was cause his eyes to grow wider.

"With Tony for a father? Not a chance in hell."

Darcy flicked on her computer monitor with a little more force than she had planned, the thin screen wobbling precariously before she steadied it. She knew she shouldn't have gotten as angry as she had, she had known from the beginning that it would be an uphill battle trying to convince Steve what a perfect idea it was. The problem was she had begun to understand his side of it.

Typing out her password she didn't even pretend to hold back and simply smashed her fingers along the keys. She didn't want to see things his way, and she didn't want to be second guessing herself. Damn him, damn him, damnhimdamnhimdamnhimdamnhim!

"Hey Kid, careful with the equipment." Tony leaned over to grasp one of Darcy's wrists. He had been wandering around the tower…he was not snooping on Foster, thank you very much Pepper… when he had come across the young woman pounding away at the computer. Literally pounding away, he figured it would result in either a broken finger or broken keyboard, though most likely both with the force that Lewis was putting behind it.

"Shit, Tony, don't sneak up on people!" Darcy pulled her hand from Tony's grip and held it to her chest, the beat of her heart pounding against her ribcage. Though she wasn't sure if it was from Tony being his usual ass self or because of her frustration with the whole Steve/baby thing.

"Yeah, I kind of made enough noise that I'm sure they heard me two floors away. So, what has you pissed off?" He could be sneaky if he wanted, but there was one thing he had learned in his life and that was not to sneak up on pissed off women. To do so normally resulted in bruised balls and a broken nose.

"Really, we are doing this? Feelings, Tony? I didn't think that was your thing." It wasn't that she thought Tony was a robot or anything, or the cold bastard that certain parts of the media still liked to paint him as. Tony was… well Tony was Tony. He was emotionally damaged, self-centered, and had pretty much been taught that for a man to show feelings is a weakness. It took a bit, but he could be coaxed into sharing. It was something that Thor had been working with him on. If there was any man in the tower that embraced all his emotions, it was Thor.

"Well I kind of have to get used to it now that I'm going to be a father, or at least that's what Pepper says." Tony's eyes wandered a moment as the image of Pepper passed through his mind. He had never thought he would be a father, hell he had never wanted to be. His own father hadn't won any Father of the Year awards, and he doubted that the apple fell to far from the tree. Now, though he still worried, he couldn't wait to meet his little girl.

"She's right, children are very emotional creatures." It made Darcy laugh every time she thought about Tony trying to deal with tantrums. The baby was going to be a Stark, so she had little doubt that the kid would throw epic ones. It was that thought that normally stopped the laughing as she realized that she was living in the same tower as many of those tantrums would take place.

"I think I'll be alright, I'm doing pretty good with the whole relationship and friendship thing." And that, Tony figured, was the thing. He hadn't ever been good at any of those things. Shit, he was pretty sure that his friendship of Rhodey only lasted this long because the man was a saint… or just as crazy as he was. Now though he had maintained a relationship with Pepper and several friendships, he figured father might not be too bad after all.

"You'll be a wonderful dad." Darcy reached out and patted Tony's arm. She knew he acted cool and collected a lot, but she had seen him when he wasn't in control; panic attacks and bouts of misery induced drinking. He, like all in the tower needed to be reminded how worthy they were.

"So, since we've established that I'm really just that wonderful, what's the matter?" Tony patted her hand before sliding up onto the corner of her desk. The look she gave him was anything but impressed, but he really didn't care, even though the Lab was Jane's technically everything belonged to him as it was his Tower.

"Could I maybe tell you that it's nothing and have you actually believe it?" Darcy gave an awkward smile up at the man, trying to make herself as cute as possible.

Everyone thought that living in the tower with superheroes would be a cool thing. And don't get her wrong, they did have their uses. She never had to worry about getting things from the top shelf. And of course there was that one time she had run into Jessie, Miss Popular and Queen Bitch when she was in high-school, and she had been able to brag about where she was living and who her friends were when Jessie went on and on about her still having an assistant job. Assistant to the Avengers was nothing to sniff at, Bitch.

The only thing was that there were a lot of downsides too. Such as living with a bunch of very intuitive people that could sniff out problems like fucking bloodhounds. Once one of them got ahold of a whiff of upset they pounced and sunk their teeth in.

"No can do, Kiddo. So, spill, Papa Tony is listening." He reached down grabbed the thick rope of her braid and gave a gentle tug. Of course all he got for his show of affection was a slapped hand. Damn, that had some sting behind it.

"Oh my God, please never say that again!" Darcy shuddered in horror. That was seriously nightmare inducing.

"Whatever, Pepper likes it." Tony smirked down at her and winked… and then winced when she smacked his knee. What was it with her and hitting?

"No she doesn't." Darcy wondered if she could sprain her eyes from rolling them so hard. Tony was fooling himself if he thought he was the one in charge in that relationship. Pepper had ahold of him by a steel band around his balls, and Tony enjoyed every minute of it… and that caused another shiver of disgust. She really didn't need to be thinking of Tony's balls with everything else going on.

"Shut up and talk….. I know, I know, just tell me what the fuck is wrong before I just ask JARVIS." He would too, it wouldn't even be the first time he had done it. Admittedly, the last time he did Nat had found out and he couldn't sit properly for a week. Woman practically ripped his spine from his back.

"I hate you… fine, it is just… have you ever wanted something that everyone told you was a bad idea and yet still made plans to attain it, only before you got it you began realizing why everyone else told you to forget it?" Darcy couldn't look at him as she spoke, instead she kept her eyes down on the keyboard.

"Um, no. Normally I don't care what anyone else says, if I want something I buy it." That had always been his philosophy in life. He had the money, and everything and everyone had a price. Especially in today's world. The only thing in the world he had wanted more than anything that he couldn't buy had been Pepper. He thanked God every day that she wanted him too.

"Yes, well this isn't something I can just throw money at and everything will work out in the end." Even if Steve was willing to sell her his sperm it wasn't something she felt comfortable with. She didn't just want a baby, she wanted his baby and for him to be involved. She wasn't willing to settle for anything less.

"Then it isn't worth having." Tony shrugged his shoulders and attempted to tug on her braid again. This time he moved his hand away in time, sadly what he got was hit in the ass with a stapler instead.

"Tony!" Darcy was really contemplating the benefits of murder the more she talked to Tony. Only thing was she liked Pepper and she was sure the older woman would be mad if she hurt Tony.

"I'm kidding. Look, Kid, don't let other's opinions cloud your judgment. If you want something, really want something, and you can't think of any reasons yourself not to… well take it." If he had listened to the complaints and worries of others he wouldn't be where he was now. Had his father listened to the naysayers SI wouldn't be what it was, and the world wouldn't have their precious Captain America.

"What if what I want involves someone else?" She bit her lip and hoped like hell that Tony wouldn't guess. Ok, so maybe he wouldn't be able to actually guess what was bothering her, but he could guess the who at least.

"Shit Lewis, please tell me we are not talking about you trying to sex up one of the Soldier Boys!" Tony's feet made a loud thud as they hit the floor. He stood over her, his eyes raking up and down as though he could figure out the answer just by looking at her.

"What?! No! What would make you think that?" Darcy's eyes grew huge as she pushed back her chair from the desk. Why the hell did Tony always have to go straight for the dirty conclusions?

"Everyone knows you have a thing with those two, we've all got a poll going actually about which one you'll end up in bed with. I have my money on both, just so you know." He continued to look her over for any sign that he may have won. A set of matching hickies or something. He was pretty sure that both Barnes and Rogers were the territorial marking type. Sadly, either they were very, very naughty and the marks were below the neckline, or they had yet to take the plunge.

"Separately or together?" Ok, so the idea was appealing, but… no, she was not going to allow her brain to go down that path. At least not while Tony was standing right there.

"Together, I figure you're a smart girl." He shrugged his shoulder again, his hands slipping into his pockets. Hey, he wasn't stupid or blind, he was sure those soldiers were super on more than the battlefield.

"But… I… ok, yeah we are not discussing this. And you can tell the others that if I hear about this stupid pool again I will tase them all in the balls." Just to prove her point she grabbed the pen-taser she always kept in her desk and brandished it like a wand. Her very illegal taser, and one of many she had stashed around the tower.

"Pepper and Jane voted for Cap, and Nat is with me." He lifted his brows up as if to say 'what're you going to do about it?' It really shouldn't've surprised her, it was both Pepper and Jane that had started the ongoing poll to see how long each new assistant lasted in Bruce's lab.

"Ok, tase them in the balls and tits. And really, what the hell is with you and Nat?!" Darcy tried to go over every interaction she had had with both men to see where Tony and Nat could've gotten the idea, and… well ok so they were rather close, but it wasn't like they were necking in the common room.

"I just think you have a brain, but according to Nat she's been with Barnes and seen Cap's Full-Monty and thinks you would be stupid not to go for it." And that was a conversation he could have done without. Nat was a beautiful woman, fucking sexy actually, but he really hadn't needed to hear her go on and on about Barnes' technique or what sort of freaky shit he was willing to do in bed. He shuddered to remember it.

"Eh, she's got a point, I've seen them both." Darcy smiled wide. All those blogs dedicated to the Cap and the Soldier, all those women and men trying to figure out just what the two were packing just by their uniform bulge… well they would be really pleased to know just how super both of them were.

"Oh please, oh please tell me I won." Tony clapped his hands together and bounced on the balls of his feet.

"Sorry to disappoint, it was just after a mission. Remember the one where you all came back covered in sticky orange slime? Bucky hadn't even waited until he got to his room to disrobe and I accidentally caught a glimpse of Steve after he left the shower." If Darcy's eyes glazed over as she thought about it, no one would blame her. They had been a sight to behold even covered in neon orange slime.

"How did you accidentally see that when he showered in his room?" A single brow raised in question. Oh, the naughty, naughty girl. He knew there was a reason why he liked her.

"What can I say, I was curious." She shrugged. It wasn't like she was the only one to sneak a peek. She had caught Jane, Pepper and Hill side-eyeing the guys when they had been in various stages of undress. Though she wasn't sure she could really count Jane, as she had a pretty good idea that the woman had just been watching her boyfriend.

"So if it isn't about sex, what is it?" He really hoped it wasn't some feelings thing. Sex he could deal with, money, sure, but he wasn't ready to deal with weepy girls yet. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready, even if Pepper informed him he would have to get used to it.

"Personal. Look, thanks for the little talk, but that is all you are getting." She rolled back to her desk, fingers going straight to the keyboard. Though she at least didn't try to kill the thing as she typed this time.

"I could still ask JARVIS…" Tony rocked back and forth on his heels, hands stuck back in his pockets. It was a threat he had used many times, even if it never worked. But he was sure that it would sometime with someone.

"You would never do that." She continued typing away, hoping that Tony would take the hint. Of course he didn't, or he did but he didn't care. The later was probably the most accurate.

"I would if I thought whatever it was would put everyone here at risk." He failed to mention that he had done it before. One, because he didn't want to get tased, and two, because he didn't want to have to explain that when he had done it he ended up just finding out that she was on her period. Girls were really weird about that sort of thing.

"I promise that no one is in danger and this is between me and someone that shall not be named." Looking up from her typing, she gave him a look that simply said that he should drop it or a world of hurt would be coming his way. "But I hope you know that I would come to you if I thought something would bring anyone to harm."

Tony slipped a hand from his pocket and ruffled her hair. He liked to give the girl crap, but she was one of the most loyal, sweet and caring women on the planet. He was glad that his daughter would be able to know her.

"Good to know. Now, if I remember correctly you had the afternoon off and should be off doing fun things, so go, go, shoo little girl!" He made shooing motions with his hands. Sometimes the girl could be worse than Jane and Bruce combined.

"You really are not funny, Tony." She tried to smooth down her hair after he messed it up, sadly it was a lost cause.

"I really am, now go before I have JARVIS delete all your playlists." He glared down at her. A person's playlist was sacred, but sometimes desperate measures were called for.

"You wouldn't!" She had never gotten her iPod back and had spent the past couple of years rebuilding all of her music. She would kill him if he touched it.

"I so would, now go." He wouldn't back down, in fact if she didn't leave in the next two minutes he would start deleting a playlist a minute until she left. Of course JARVIS would have a backup, but she didn't need to know that.

"Meanie. Fine, I'm off." She pushed her chair back under the desk with as much force as she could. Turning on her heel, she stuck her tongue out at Tony and marched out of the lab.

Once out the door Darcy leaned against the wall, eyes shut as she thought over her conversation with Tony. Well the advice part, she didn't even want to think about the fact that all her friends were betting on who she would sleep with. Fuck, she hoped Steve and Bucky never got wind of that.

She wanted to just say fuck Steve and go for what she wanted, and yet she also wanted to just let it go and not risk her friendship. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Life sucked big balls; big, big, hairy balls!

Author's Note: Ok, so a bit later than I had planned, but finals killed me. Anyway, that is all done with until next semester, so I have a few weeks to actually spend writing. I hope to have chapter four out by Christmas weekend.

And to those who read my other work. I'm hoping to finish the thundertaser Hat-trick this weekend and then we start Agenttaser. I am also working on several other stories, Irontaser, Wintershock, and even a Darcy/Jarvis just because.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.