Sunday November 13, 2007

7:00 a.m.

There was an annoying buzzing sound. I thought for a split second that maybe there was a bee in my room. I considered screaming and rolling onto the floor then under the bed. Then I heard Percy talking. His stupid cell phone had been on vibrate.

"Yea, I'm not at home." Percy was saying. He yawned and the bed shifted as he sat up. I squeezed my eyes shut, I could feel his breath on my face as he leaned over to check if I was awake. I guess he bought my acting. The bed jiggled some more.

"Sophia's." He said. I heard him sigh and immediately I knew who was on the other end. Annabeth Chase. Percy's girlfriend, Annabeth Chase. I resisted the urge to stick my finger down my throat and gag. Instead I made a rather loud snoring noise and mumbled something about Arnold Schwarzenegger and Swiss cheese. Percy laughed at me and slid out of the bed.

"It's not anything, baby. She's just my friend."

Inwardly, I cringed. I mouthed the words; "Just my friend." Mocking him. I rolled my eyes into my skull and tried to imagine all the ways I could dispose of Annabeth Chase.

"Come on, Anna. Don't be like that."

I could knock her out and leave her in the middle of the desert for the rattle snakes and buzzards. There are rattle snakes in the desert, right? Big ugly ones.

"Annabeth, sweetheart, you're my girl. My only girl."

Or maybe I could tie her to a rail road track like in those old silent movies. I'd even be willing to grow the wicked mustache.

"I love you."

Fuck it. As long as it's not messy I don't care.

"Yeah, so, what are you wearing?"

The girl must die.

"Aw, Ann-"

I flung the blanket from the bed and sat up with a loud shriek. Percy dropped his phone and rushed to my side.

"Sophia, what's wrong?" He bent down in front of me, holding my face and looking into my eyes. I stared at him for a minute then I jerked my head toward the sound of shouting coming from the corner. Percy followed my gaze and quickly scrambled across the room to get his phone.

"Annabeth? I'm sorry it-Sop-Annabeth, baby, I have to go." Percy hung up, but by the time he turned around I had already laid back down and was feigning sleep.

The pencil was on the floor, three feet away. It had fallen off of my desk two minutes ago, and three feet was getting farther and farther away with each tick of the clock. I stared at it, willing it to roll back to me. I tried desperately to summon the Jedi within, Yoda, be my guide. Nothing. With a long, submissive sigh I leaned sideways out of my desk and stretched out my hand. I could feel the smooth wood at the tip of my fingers, when it was snatched up by someone's evil hand. I turned my head at an awkward and uncomfortable angle to see them.

"I picked up your pencil for you." Percy grinned down at me. I struggled back into my seat.

"Why thank you, Percy Jackson, Strange Ass-"

"Don't finish that."

"-Lover." I batted my eyelashes at him. Percy cracked a grin and slid into the empty desk across from me. He set my pencil on my desk.

"So what the fuck happened this morning?"

I puckered my lips and swiveled to face the front of the classroom. The teacher was practically asleep behind her desk, and everyone was talking and goofing around.

"Would you still be my friend if I looked like this?" I asked Percy.

"I would be your friend even if your ass was inside out."

"If my ass was inside out I would look like you."

"In which case we would have to get married and make backward ass babies."

I turned back to Percy, "Only if we can raise them to worship Big Bird."

"You want our children to pray to a stuffed animal with a hand up its ass?" Percy raised an eyebrow.

"Big Bird is a guy in a suit, mutha fucka." I did my award winning gangster impression and gave him the west side hand gesture. Percy narrowed his eyes at me.

"If I allow this puppet worshiping shit to go on then you have to promise to have sex with me at least five days a week."

I made the flirtiest face I could, which made Percy snort he laughed so hard.

"Okay but never on Thursdays, that's the new day of the lord."

Percy winked at me, "Alright, never on Thursdays."

"Deal." We shook hands.

"So about this morning..." Percy began. The bell rang before I had a chance to answer, thankfully. I leapt out of my seat and vaulted over the row of desks between me and the door.

"Peace out, wigga!"