Lots of language, friends. You've been warned.
Dick and Logan had paddled out away from the shore and were waiting for a prime wave.
They had driven to the beach in relative silence. Only once had Dick spoken.
"Did it go okay?" he asked, meaning with Veronica.
Logan just smiled and nodded. He seemed assured and happy, which made his buddy almost giddy for him. "Cool, man."
Dick knew 'Ronnie-land was perilous for his friend, but nothing on this earth made Logan happier than being smack dab in the middle of it. And he couldn't fault the man for finding what made him happy.
Logan knew better than to broach the subject of Mac with Dick. Dick took a while to process things and it was best if Logan let the processing happen uninterrupted. Especially something this out of the norm for Dick, something this fraught with Cassidy shaped land mines.
They were quiet during the drive. Quiet as they changed into their wetsuits. Quiet as they paddled out. Both men had a lot on their minds, about themselves and fears for the other. And quiet mornings on the water were the supreme time to ponder life.
That's why Dick's out of the blue ramblings caught Logan so off guard.
"What did you mean when you said 'The last thing that girl needs is another Casablancas messing her over'? "
Logan looked at him, dumbstruck.
" I mean, obviously I get it. Beav messed her up. And you don't want me to mess her up more. Fine. But I don't understand—by the time she met him he was already crazy, right? So she shouldn't feel like she did anything wrong. How did he mess her up? I was the one who let Beav down. Mac didn't even know him when the bus accident happened. And she didn't know him or…..Veronica back when..."
Dick paused before saying 'Veronica.' He didn't want to see how much it hurt Logan to think about Cassidy hurting Veronica, but then he realized to get his point across he would have to say her name. He did it quickly, as though he was pulling off a band-aid.
"Mac didn't even know him when he did all those awful things. It was me….and Dad….and Woody who made him lose his mind, right? So I guess what I'm trying…. What I mean is….. What the fuck did you mean when you said that last night? What the hell did he do to her?"
Logan clenched his fist and scowled at the memory of Cassidy and Veronica. He smacked the water when Dick finally spit out her name. But he looked at his friend and saw he was hurting. Dick's anguished look could only be resolved with answers. Not even answers to these ill-conceived questions. But all the answers to why Cassidy did the things he did. These were answers that Logan didn't have. No one had those answers.
"You're not in the same category, the same universe as Woody, Dick. And your Dad was an adult; you were just a kid." Logan couldn't believe Dick compared himself to them. Logan knew Dick never brought his brother up, so he continued talking, if for no other reason then maybe his friend could get some closure. They both could.
"And about Mac, I don't know," Logan answered. Dick made a face like he thought Logan was holding back. "Honestly, Dick, I don't know what I meant last night or what he did to her other than what he did to all of us. He left us. He killed our friends. He tried to kill Sherriff Mars. He shot at me. He tried to make Veronica jump off the roof."
Dick looked sad and continued to stare at the water. "If there's one subject Veronica and I avoid, it's Cassidy." Logan hated him—for what he did to her, to Neptune, really, but he would always call him by his given name. It had been his last request.
Dick looked resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to get any answers. Logan tried to think of Dick's motives for bringing up Cassidy now, after all this time, and he knew that more than anything Dick wanted to know about Mac and Cassidy. Logan was shocked to realize Dick really knew nothing about that night, other than what he had told him about the rooftop and what Dick saw himself when everyone rushed outside to see that someone had plummeted to their death. How would he know unless the people who were there talked to him?
"I think I understand what you want to know, but it's going to be hard to hear," Logan told his friend, putting a hand on his shoulder as their boards bobbed up and down over the waves. "Especially now," that you care for her.
"No worse than her living through it," Dick said, still staring at the water. "Lay it on me."
"All I know is that Veronica figured out what Woody did to him." Now it was Dick's turn to hit the water; he knows he would have killed him if Beaver hadn't beaten him to it.
"She kept trying to call Mac because she knew Cassidy was behind the bus crash. She wanted Mac to get away from him. Veronica thought he might be dangerous. That's when she saw us in the lobby."
"I called them twelfth-level dorks," he muttered. "I hate that I was such a tool back then 'Ronnie couldn't even tell me—tell us, what was going on. If I hadn't been such an asshole she might have trusted me and we could have gone and gotten him safe. Gotten him some help."
"You can't think like that, man. Veronica had an idea, but she wasn't going to throw around crazy accusations. To you or to me—she didn't trust either of us, really. She didn't know for sure how truly unhinged he was until Cassidy met her on the roof instead of Mac."
"Where was Mac during all of this?" Dick asked, worried about the answer.
"Not much better than where V thought she was," Logan mutered. "Cassidy was sick. He made Veronica think he killed Mac." Dick's eyes got big. He couldn't imagine his brother doing this. But he couldn't imagine him killing Curly or blowing up a plane full of people, either. "You know he confessed to Veronica that he asked her to investigate Kendall just so your dad would get caught."
"My father deserved to get caught," Dick said coldly, though this revelation surprised him as well.
Logan nodded, and continued with the story. "Before he was on the roof, he and Mac, uh well, they were in the hotel room."
"I remember," Dick's stomach tightened. After things clicked into place for him last night, the thought of Mac with any other man evoked jealousy. The fact that she was vulnerable with someone so dangerous, his brother or not, made him disgusted, scared, and angry.
"No, Dick, listen, after everything happened with Cassidy on the roof, Veronica and I ran down the stairs thinking she was going to be dead. We got someone from the hotel to open the door and found her naked, soaking wet, sitting on the floor crying. All her clothes and the sheets were in a trash chute down the hall. She had the shower curtain wrapped around her."
Dick was livid. His eyes were bugging out and his face was contorted upon hearing this disturbing revelation. "What the fuck are you talking about? Why has no one told me this before?"
"What the fuck were we supposed to do?" Logan yelled back. "Tell you that your crazy fucker of a brother, who killed kids and adults and raped my girlfriend also terrorized his girlfriend before he killed himself. Sorry, dude, it never came up!"
The men were silent for a long time. Dozens of good waves passed them by.
Abruptly, Dick vomited. He just leaned over the board he was straddling and puked. Tears were on his face as he wiped his mouth off in the salt water.
After a few more minutes, Logan said, "Sorry, Dick. I sounded like an asshole just then. All I'm trying to say is that I didn't know how to tell you any of it. V didn't either, but it wasn't her place, it was mine. You're my best friend. But I'm sorry I said it like that."
Dick wasn't upset with how Logan said anything. He was upset with what Logan said. He began to speak calmly again, "I've understood for a long time why Veronica hated me. Without a doubt, I contributed to what happened to her at Shelly's party. I egged Beav on. I've apologized to her and hopefully she's seeing that I'm different now.
"But I was awful to Mac when she was with Beaver and really awful to her after he died. I felt like more than anyone else, he left me and he left her. And when I was drinking so much, I hated her because I felt like she was such a goody-goody, all proud of the fact she understood him and knew him better than I did.
"I didn't know he scared her or….." he shuddered. "I think now I see that I was just jealous she tried to know him. And I never stopped to think what she was going through, what's she's been going through. That she tried to know him, but didn't see the part of him that was evil. And I'm guessing it was a pretty big part. I feel guilty for not seeing it, and I didn't even try."
Logan was proud of his friend for even attempting to think through all of his baggage. It had been over a year, and he knew his friend was still really struggling. With guilt. With loss. With loneliness. Logan was secretly glad they were in the middle of the ocean and Dick didn't have any access to alcohol.
"You should tell her all of this," Logan suggested.
Dick looked at Logan like he had three heads. "No way, man. Whatever crush I thought I was getting last night on the girl was stupid. I'm a mess. She deserves somebody normal after all the shitheads she's dated. What kind of asshole would I be if I dumped a truckload of my shit on her doorstep right after Beav did the same? And right after Max? I'd be the self-centered type of asshole who just wants somebody good for himself and doesn't care she's getting the shitty end of the deal."
Logan let this sink in for a second. Dick had it bad for her and he didn't even know it. Every man who's ever been in love thanks heaven his girl hasn't yet realized she's gotten the shitty end of the deal.
"Fine. Then be her friend, at least. She's going through all of this—life after Cassidy—alone too. Neither Veronica or I are really equipped to be impartial about him," said Logan.
Dick considered this. That was all he could hope for now. "One more question, and then we're surfing for, like, ever," Dick said looking directly at Logan. "Do you know what he did to her?"
This was the one question Logan didn't want to have to answer. "I honestly don't know for sure," he said, but her words from that night float in and out of his rotating nightmares. "But when Veronica found her all broken and crying she told Veronica he'd taken her clothes, he'd taken everything." As the last word came out of his mouth, Logan looked to his friend who already started paddling into a wave.
I don't know what to say except I am SO happy you are enjoying this (well, maybe not this downer of a chapter) and sticking with it-thanks for all of your kind words and encouragment!