Aftermath

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

Penelope is next up. Anyone that knows me knows I love Penelope and writing her. That said she was not as co-operative with this chapter I had hoped.

. . .

Penelope was snuggled deep within a bright and fluffy world that bore no resembled reality. There were various pink and purple soft creatures adoring her room as she snuggled under a faux fur blanket. She held close a fuzzy bunny, a box of tissues by her side. Most of the contents were now used and in or around the bin that sat on the floor by the couch. Pen continued to sniff as tears now trickled occasionally, escaping from under her sparkly glasses and tracing down her cheeks.

Not long after she got in Pen had given up and taken her make-up off. Only to stop another evening of mascara stained cheeks. Since she had listened to that final call between Haley and Hotch she hadn't been able to get the sound of the gun shot out of her head. The way it reverberated down the line still echoed around her mind. Closing her eyes she tried not to match up the images she had seen after with the sounds she had heard at the time.

Getting up she swapped the DVD, finding another rom-com she had watched a gazillion times to try and distract her until she was tired enough to sleep without thinking. Before she pressed play Pen headed to her kitchen. Opening the freezer door she grabbed the half eaten tub of ice-cream. Her pyjama clad butt bounced the door shut as she spun to open the drawer and grabbed a spoon. She knew it wasn't really the answer but right now it was satisfying none the less.

Returning to the comfort of her well loved couch, Pen sunk into its softness, settling once more below her fluffy blanket. Pressing play she skipped through the credits and straight in to the film. She pulled the blanket up under her chin, raising her knees up too as she opened the ice cream tub. Delving in to the left over cookie dough delight she focused fully on the sensation of eating and not on the constant repetition of the Haley's voice ringing through her mind. Hearing the final words of a dead woman was unnerving to say the least. Having to relive it all for the sake of the internal investigation had only compacted it all. In her mind there had been nothing to investigate. Aaron Hotchner had acted reasonably within the confounds of an unreasonable situation. Pen had never condoned violence but right now she whole heartedly support all The Bossman had done. Those top Honcho Busy Bodies seemed oblivious to all The Reaper had done.

Slipping further under the blanket, Pen settled down to watch Richard Gere do his thing yet again. She sighed deeply as she tried to let her mind be swept away by all the good fluffy stuff in her world.

Eventually she felt her eyes getting heavy as she dumped the empty ice cream carton in the bin. Briefly she considers getting up and heading for her bed, but that had caused more problems the night before. Even walking the short distance to her bedroom had been enough to wake her mind once more, leaving her to a night of staring at her ceiling. So instead she lets sleep claim her as she settled down on the couch for the night.

However her sleep wasn't restful; images from her own childhood mingle in with moments she has shared with Hotch and his family: the babe in his Mom's arms, that came to visit them to bring light to dark days in the office followed by her learning to ride her bike, this then blurred into a cheery toddler stumbling in Rossi's back yard chasing a disgruntled Mudgie, then back to her carefree teenage years. However things soon got darker as the pain hit, hard. Even in her sleep the torment would have been obvious to anyone unfortunate enough to see. Pen tossed and turned; legs and arms flying in all directions as she tried to physically fight off the nightmares. Her own grief was shadowed in the eyes of young Jack Hotchner. His pain compacted her own. She imagined his questions, the same things she had asked when her own parents had died.

Sitting bolt upright, woken by her own screams, cold sweat trickling down her back, her pulse racing as her breath laboured while she tried to deal with all her mind had just thrown at her.

On shaking legs she rose and made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water. Her hand trembled as she turned on the faucet and filled a glass. Pen gulped down the cool liquid, hoping it would go some way towards calming her shattered nerves. She knew she couldn't go on like this. Slowly she trudged through to her bedroom. Flopping down on her soft bed she glanced at her radio clock 3:34. Maybe, just maybe, she could get a couple of hours quality sleep. Shutting her eyes she hoped.

. . .

Sunlight blared in through her open drapes, Pen scrunched her eyes closed, wishing she could have another few minutes of peace. She had managed some sleep and it had made her realise how much more she needed. Dragging her tired body out of bed she stretched as she made her way to the bathroom.

Striping off her pyjamas she followed her usual morning routine as she waited for the shower water to warm up. Once ready she stepped into the steaming cloud, disappearing instantly. She scrubbed and polished and literally tried to wash the nightmares out of her hair. The smell of zingy citrus fruit infusions filled her nostrils, waking her from within. Stepping out of the shower; a warm fluffy towel to hand, Pen felt better.

She dressed quickly, forgoing make-up as she had no intention of leaving the house. Not for some hours anyway. Fixing a pot of coffee she munched on items of fruit from the bowl on the counter top (it would counteract last night's ice-cream binge, surely?) while she waited for the brew.

Mug in hand she headed to her living room area. Taking hesitant sips she scanned the room and sighed. Since when had she been such a slob! Smiling she placed the mug down.

A good spring clean was the answer – hopefully more than just the answer to her messy apartment. From then she felt sure that a bit of baking would put everything back on track.

Today was a new day and she would channel her inner energy and move forward.