Aftermath

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

This chapter is a little different as it includes the contents of a letter to Reid's Mom. It is events from Reid's perspective. For this purpose I have used the belief I hold that Reid's mum knew about his struggle with Dilaudid. Also just to clarify on the last chapter I very much doubt Reid would have had painkillers for his knee but I think it was a sort a blanket excuse he would have used to excuse himself from an uncomfortable situation – such as a late night chat with a tipsy Rossi.

. . .

Spencer sat down stiffly in the aged swivel chair at his antique desk. The desk was one of the few luxuries he had allowed himself. Yet nestled among his library of books it was the only piece of furniture that seemed fitting. The slightly battered piece matched the dogged eared and well loved volumes that filled the shelves of his study. Each book had long ago been memorised, but each had still been read many times.

Once settled, though in an incredible amount of discomfort, Spencer pulled a sheet of pristine white paper forwards ready to start his letter. Picking up his favoured pen, he was quick to scrawl his address and the date in the top corner before starting the main body of the note:

Hi Mom,

It's me, as usual.

Sorry I haven't written for a few days but recent days have been among the hardest days of my life, and as you know only too well, there have been many contenders for the title.

I don't know how to say this other than to be blunt. A killer we had been hunting for ages managed to track down Aaron Hotchner wife Haley and kill her.

Do you remember me telling you about how Haley and their son Jack went into hiding after Hotch was stabbed? It was because of this, monster – sorry to be so dramatic but I cannot call him a man.

Having never found a person to love the way Hotch had Haley, it is difficult to imagine his pain right now. Though it is blatantly obvious to anyone that a man I have always admired for his stoic ways is struggling. That alone, unfortunately, is something I can empathise with. Though that doesn't mean I know what to do to help him. I want to be able to offer my support but feel all the more awkward about approaching him.

I am sure you would have some calm words of wisdom for me Mom, some reference that might help. But, how do you help someone who has always been there for you? Hotch has always been able to effortlessly support and encourage me. He has always found the right words or actions just when I have needed them. I wish I was able to return the favour right now.

Seeing Jack today was hard. He is so young and was so close to his mother. Even now I can't imagine losing you, let alone how that would have felt as a child. You have always been willing to listen to me, no matter what sort of day you had. I hated burdening you with my problems, but learnt that together we could get through anything, eventually.

Haley and Jack had been through so much together. Haley was bringing Jack up alone and would have given them the same bound we share - something that he and Hotch will not naturally have, just like Dad and I.

I am not saying that Hotch abandoned Jack the way Dad left us. Hotch did, in the end, what he had to do to try and keep his family safe. Sending them away together and not contacting them so as not to give away their location. He didn't walk away easily.

I hate to think how he must be feeling, having lost all that time with Jack and Haley in vain.

Mom, please help me to help a friend. What do I do in this situation?

Your loving son,

Spencer x

Reading over the letter, Spencer was struck by the fact that even on paper his words didn't really reflect the situation. Frustrated that even in his favoured form of communication he was struggling to express how he felt. Folding the paper carefully and placing it in a stark white envelope, Spencer sealed it and addressed it. Finally he placed the letter down, leaving it on the centre of his desk ready to post in the morning.

Rubbing his sore leg, that had all but seized up since he had pushed on through the drama of the last few days, he looked around the shelves of books. Hoping to find some inspiration in their vast knowledge, Spencer continued to sit for a while. Squinting slightly as he tried to process the collection, searching his memory for which might make appropriate bedtime reading. Something had to help him to help Hotch.

Making the added effort needed to stand, Spencer pushed himself out of the chair and with a slight wobble made his way over to a volume that had caught his attention. Pulling the large leather bound book off the shelf he placed it on to his desk before returning to the shelves to collect various other additions that he felt may hold the secrets he was looking for.

Awkwardly he gathered up the four books that he felt were most appropriate. Hitching them up under one arm as he used his cane to help him hobble towards his bedroom. Deciding against a shower, instead favouring heading straight to bed. Slowly changing into a plain pair of PJs before returning to the kitchen to make himself a pot of coffee. It would keep him going while he read.

Back in his bedroom, Spencer lowered himself onto the bed, the pile of books ready and waiting for him. Picking up the first novel he was soon absorbed in the familiar words, turning page after page as he devoured the contents. Though nothing seemed to fit with what he was hoping for.

Yawning and stretching, Spencer reached for his first mug of coffee. He could feel a long night coming on as he was not willing to give in until he had an answer to his problem. Everything was solvable if you were willing to spend the time breaking it down. He was more than willing to do that.

Picking up the next text, he tried to settle in a more comfortable position, though not comfortable enough to make it easy to drop off to sleep. This time he had selected one of his college text. He remembered it having a detailed chapter on the grieving process and thought a refresher on this might be useful. It didn't tell him anything he didn't already know.

Struggling to keep going Spencer was quick to get another coffee out of the pot. Determined he would find a way to support Hotch and Jack.