Two updates in one weekend! thank layoung 13 for wishes of rain. It has rained for two weeks straight in my corner of the world, and Voila!
I hope this chapter explains a little better why I'm making it such a slow process for Mac and Dick to get together. Truthfully, I love the stories others (many of you!) write where they fall into something quickly then analyze their way into staying there, but I wanted to do something different. (though there are a lot of great slow stories out there too!) Regardless of your take on them or the pacing- please, please, please keep all your VM stories coming!
"Mackie?"
She hears her familiar nickname being yelled from somewhere nearby as she leaves the library late Monday night. Only one person calls her that. She hadn't seen Dick since he took her home after the beach. The first day of classes had come and gone, and aside from doing an easy favor for Veronica, she hadn't talked to any of her friends all day. Work for campus IT that afternoon had been insane, the freshmen were in full panic mode and the upperclassmen all realized they probably needed to relearn their Hearst passwords and establish internet access. Mac finally made it to the library around 10pm to start her own homework and was leaving a little after midnight.
"Where are you Dick?" Mac asks looking around.
"Up here," she heard him say. He sounded closer now though she still couldn't find him.
The concrete path to the large library was in a valley of green lawns. She knew that past the wall of green on her right was a row of fraternity houses and to her left a row of sorority houses. The genius that planned Hearst's layout thought Greek life would be tamed if it was centered on campus. Mostly the library just got noise complaints.
She spotted him standing on a grassy hill above her, shaggy blond hair, dopey smile, physique of an Olympian-he was hard to miss.
"You workin'?" He asked, plastic red cup in hand.
"Nope. Finished a few hours ago."
"Awesome! Come up here!"
"Why? What's up there?"
"A Pi Sig party, Mac-arena! Get that hot little body up here!"
"I'm not coming, Dick," she said as she walked forward.
Dick quickly scrambled down the hill and caught up with her. "Why not? You're a young college girl in her prime. Why not enjoy life with a beverage and some buds?"
"Because it's a Monday night. And those aren't my buds."
"It's a Syllabus Day party, Mackie. You know the only thing you did in classes today was get a syllabus and that's all you'll be doing for your Tuesday-Thursday classes tomorrow. Anyone can collect a piece of paper hung-over."
She looked at him. He was smiling smugly with his logic and he looked cute in his bright light blue polo shirt and cargo shorts.
"Dick, I'm exhausted. I appreciate the invite, but I should really crash."
Dick appraised her, she was still wearing her IT uniform and she did look pretty tired. "If you weren't at work just now, where were you?"
"At the library," Mac says, gesturing back up the walkway.
"The library's open this late?" he asks in disbelief.
Mac chuckles and says, "It's a twenty-four hour library, Dick."
"Oh," he says, "you have homework already?"
"Just a couple chapters to read, but after I did that I was just trying to figure out when I can work this semester. I wrote down all my tests and paper deadlines from the classes I had today which will help me figure out what days to take off from work."
"That's not a bad idea, little Mackers," Dick said looking off thinking, "You write all the due dates on a calendar ahead of time?"
"Dick, seriously, how are you a sophomore?" she asks, but smiles to soften the words.
"So you were just going to walk back to your dorm by yourself?" he asks, changing topics abruptly. She thought he sounded angry.
"Yeah…" Mac says as though prompting him to finish this thought.
"It's late."
"Sure is. Hence the reason I'm not going to be partying with the Pi Sigs this evening." She starts walking away and he follows her.
Dick speaks more sternly, "It's after midnight and you're walking around Hearst all alone. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one."
"I've got my pepper spray," she says weakly, finally understanding his concern.
"Pepper spray is fine if your friend is calling 911 while you're using it." Dick said resolutely. "Since you didn't go to the library with any friends, it's a lucky thing one found you."
Mac thought for a few seconds. She knew Dick was right, but it's such a hassle to call the campus safety people to come escort her. And she liked that he was her friend now.
Dick continued, "Saturday you read me the Riot Act for even thinking about drinking and driving. How is you walking around in the dark alone any less stupid?"
"If I ask you to walk me home, will you shut up?" Mac said with a smirk.
"What do you think I was doing?"
Mac shot him the evil eye.
Dick pantomimed like he was locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
"Thank you," she said and resumed walking toward her dorm.
He gave her about 2 minutes of silence.
"So, is Wallace, like your man?" he asked falling instep beside her.
That didn't last long, she thought.
"My man? Dick, don't be ridiculous," she said dismissively. "I don't like Wallace like that." She remembered telling Wallace something similar about Dick at the beach. Somehow, this rung more true.
"I don't mean 'is he your boyfriend?' I just mean is he your man? You're go-to-guy?"
Mac stopped, looked at him, and threw her hands up, "I don't even know what that means, Dick."
"You know, he carries stuff for you at the beach, you slept beside him on my couch…" Dick trails off trying to think of other things he has seen Wallace do for her. He thought he was going to make a good point, but it's not coming out right.
In her head, Mac is thinking wryly, You carried my stuff at the beach. You slept beside me on the hammock. That logic makes you my man as much as it does Wallace. Instead, she says, "What are you trying to ask, Dick?"
He thinks he will make more sense if he gives an illustration. "For example, let's say you're walking home on a night such as this," he motions to his surroundings.
"Okay?"
"It's late, you're leaving the library all alone, and some strange guy starts to follow you home."
"Uh, Dick, that's exactly what happened just now."
"Where?" he whispers moving closer to her, honestly thinking someone is lurking nearby. Dick is oblivious to her teasing.
When she giggles, he gets it. "Funny, Mackie. I'm serious. Maybe strange was the wrong word, what about scary or creepy. What if someone creepy was following you?"
"You're mighty creepy, Dick," she teased again.
Deep down, he knew she was kidding, but somehow, it still struck a nerve with Dick. His face dropped immediately. Maybe he remembered the joke she made about him killing her on the cliffs. Maybe it was the ache in his stomach when he misunderstood Mac the morning after she woke up in his bed—when he thought she thought he had hurt her. Maybe he was having trouble getting the image of Logan & Veronica finding her scared and naked in the hotel room after Cassidy…
"Are you scared of me Mac?" Dick asked, serious as a heart attack.
Any other day of the week, Mac would have continued teasing him. But the look on his face, the fact that he would even consider asking her that question in earnest, sobered her up.
"Of course I'm not scared of you, Dick," she said, and though she was taken aback, she tried to put a serene look on her face as she reached out and touched his arm reassuringly. "Why would you ever ask me that?"
Under different circumstances, Dick would have been happy with her response and dropped it. But her touch was like truth serum.
"It's just that Logan told me how he found you…..graduation night." Dick's blue eyes locked with Mac's. He knew the instant her brain turned the sound of his words into a memory. Her pupils dilated. She immediately looked as though she would cry, but bit her bottom lip to prevent this.
"I'm sorry Mackie," Dick said as he reached out a hand to put on her back. He wanted so badly to comfort her in any way.
Mac wrenched away from him, but to the surprise of both, she didn't run away. They had almost made it back to her dorm, but instead of booking it for the front door, she looked around and saw a bench and collapsed into it, leaving room for Dick to sit down.
When they were both settled on the bench, Mac locked eyes with Dick again. Both were being brave. Each had wanted to talk to the other about Cassidy for a long time, but didn't know how to approach it. Here, outside, under the cover of darkness, seemed to be a good enough place to begin.
"Why does graduation night make you think I'd be scared of you, Dick?" Mac asked calmly. She had difficulty understanding that leap. How could anyone be scared of Dick?
Graduation night, he thought, that was the euphemism they'd both used to mean the night Beaver blew up an airplane, plummeted to his death, and, as Logan said, 'terrorized his girlfriend.'
Dick saw how hard Mac was working to keep herself together; he knew he would try hard as well. "Logan told me they found you naked and crying. He's never asked Veronica what happened with you and Beav—Cassidy that night, but he was pretty sure that he hurt you." Dick said, making himself man up and look at her as he said it.
Shock ran through Mac's face. Of course it would have seemed like that to Logan. Logan probably didn't know a woman who hadn't been abused by a man—his mom, Lily, Trina, Veronica. And, she supposed, she was a mess that night and he'd just learned about Cassidy and Veronica. Mac forced herself to look at Dick and was shocked a second time. The emotion and concern on his face was breathtaking. Later, she would regret how she initially responded to him.
"Is that what this is about?" she asked viciously.
"What what is about?" Dick asked surprised by her ferocity.
"YOU! " She yelled, getting angry.
"Me what? What are you talking about?"
"You and me. You being nice to me since you got back from South America?"
"Mac, I'm lost. What does Beaver have to do-?"
"Since you've been back you're a completely different person! Have you just been nice to me because you thought Cassidy hurt me? You're trying to make up for him?"
"No way, Mac! Logan just told me about that 2 days ago when you stayed over. But yes, if that's what it takes, I'll do anything to make you feel better. To make up for him! He was sick and messed up."
"Two days….oh. Oh," she said as she slowed down and processed her words. Mac realized she hadn't told Dick the most important part, "Dick, Cassidy never touched me," she said quickly. "He didn't hurt me that night."
"What?" Dick asked, the words not registering yet.
"He didn't hit me or rape me or anything awful like that. Yes, we were discussing some….personal issues." Mac wasn't going to explain their sexual problems to Dick, "When he left me that night, I thought he was mad at me or being cruel by leaving me all alone and taking my clothes. But he never physically hurt me. Cassidy would not have ever done that to me."
"Mackie, are you serious?" Dick asked with a huge smile spreading across his face. When she nodded, Dick let loose. He swooped in and grabbed her around the waist. Dick lifted her off the bench and twirled her around hugging her close to him, all the while making whooping happy noises. Mac was surprised by his actions, but it felt so good to be truly held by someone this happy, by him, she forgot to protest.
He placed her back down on the bench, but left an arm behind her shoulders and stayed close to her. "I mean it, Mackie, that's the best thing I've heard in, well, ever. I know Beaver was fucked up in the head, but it feels so good to talk to the one person on the planet who could still say something like 'he would not have ever done that to me' and really mean it."
Mac was smiling too, and she knew that was probably sick. Cassidy raped her best friend, killed a school bus full of kids, killed Curly, and then all the horrible events of graduation night happened, but she was sitting with the only other person who didn't think of those things first when he thought of him.
They were both quiet for a few minutes, processing what each learned.
"I miss him, you know," Mac told Dick. This was one of her darkest secrets. A person shouldn't miss someone as terrible as him, but she did.
His heart swelled. Dick put his other arm around her and hugged her just for that. "I do too."
As he let go of her, she said, "Don't get me wrong, I know now that part of him was psychotic. But I wish he was locked up in jail right now getting therapy instead of being gone."
Dick thought about this and said, "I'm so glad he didn't hurt you, Mackie. I mean, I know he hurt you, all of us—especially Veronica—because of the things he did, but that's all I could think of yesterday at the beach. Every time I looked at you, I got so mad at him, at myself for letting him down."
She looked at him thoughtfully. So that's what all those looks were for. I should have known it wasn't anything more than guilt or pity. But she hated that he felt that way about Cassidy.
"Dick, yes, there was more you could have done to be a better brother. But you didn't know about Woody—how could you? Cassidy didn't tell anyone. THAT is what screwed him up, not you."
Dick's head was hung down in shame. "It's the truth," she emphasized again, lifting his chin up to meet her light blue eyes. If he hadn't been absorbing those powerful words, he would have kissed her just for the kind gesture.
"I liked him with you, you know?" Dick told her, shaking free of thoughts of kissing her. Wanting to change the subject to something happier. Something real.
Mac reclined on the bench and shot him an 'I don't believe it' look.
"What? I did!" he retorted. "So you weren't the 09er girlfriend I wanted for him—I got over it. Maybe not out loud, maybe not to him, but I did. When Beav was with you he walked taller. He talked back more. You made him confident."
She shook her head as though she didn't believe him. Because he was so giddy, Dick mimicked Mac's gesture. He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes for several seconds before he told her, "He was always the smart one. He knew much better than me what kind of girl would be good for him." Dick briefly wondered what high school would have been like if he had noticed Mac before his brother did…
Mac's heart fluttered rapidly; she was no longer thinking about Cassidy.
"I liked that he picked you. You were such an individual. Way different than any other girl he knew at Neptune High. Sure you were both smart and all, but he liked you for a hundred different reasons he wouldn't shut up about: your sassy mouth, your corny jokes, and the red streaks in your hair too."
"Red was his favorite color," she mused quietly, remembering.
Dick continued, thoughtful now as well, "You were different with him too, you know?"
"How so?" she asked.
"You were a full on geek," he said with a smile.
This earned him a punch in the arm.
"You were! You two were hilarious. Always holding hands, always with these big stupid smiles on your faces like you were the luckiest people in the world. You were never like that with Max."
Mac was stunned at how astute his statement was. She knew she was different—cautious, guarded in relationships—since Cassidy. Never fully trusting the person to be who he said he was. How had Dick seen that?
She wasn't ready for that answer yet or to keep talking about her relationship with Cassidy, so she changed topics. "So, I think the reason we stopped walking to my dorm, Dick, was that you asked if I was scared of you. I'm not, of course."
He looked up at her hopefully.
"I mean, I wasn't scared of Cassidy, and maybe I should have been," she started. "But you are nothing like your brother, Dick."
Upon hearing this, Dick looked dejected. He really only remembered the good.
She recognized his misery, and said, "No! I meant that as a good thing, Dick. Cassidy was so closed off sometimes. I never knew what he was thinking. None of us did, I guess. You? You say what you feel all the time. You're honest. You're transparent. I never worry about 'what you're really thinking' because I know you're going to tell me about it. That's rare, Dick, and good. It's probably my favorite thing about you."
Dick smiled at her. Mac had a favorite thing about him. And she wasn't scared of him. He wished she knew how wrong she was though. Dick said whatever he thought, except when it came to her. He was just so scared to ruin things with this great girl, this last link to his brother.
"I'm glad you're not scared of me, Mackie," he told her earnestly. "I would never hurt you."
And she knew it was true.
"Back to your original question," Mac said, locking eyes with him from across the bench. "If I was walking home late and some weird guy was following me…"
"Yes?" Dick asked, hoping their conversation had clued Mac in on what he wanted.
"I wouldn't call Wallace," She gave him a smirk, "I'd probably call Veronica."
"Of course you would," he said as he slumped back against the bench.
He looked so comically defeated, Mac couldn't help but laugh. When she started laughing, Dick soon joined in.
"Hell, I'd call Veronica if some guy was following me," he said, only to be met with more laughter.
Dick regained his composure first and held Mac's gaze. "I want it to be me," he said quietly, still looking at her.
"You want what to be you?"
"I want to be your first call."
Mac blushes briefly, but knows Dick Casablancas is not talking about having a relationship with her. "You want to be my man?" she asks as if she equally doesn't understand those words or believe him. "You want to be my go-to-guy?"
"Well, let's not call it that. We both have reps to protect. But yes. Now give me your phone." Dick said reaching for her bag.
"Didn't your Mom ever tell you it's not nice to go through a girl's purse?" Mac said as she snatched the bag away from him but started looking for her phone.
"No, but my Dad told me that if I want something I should go after it. Does that count?" he said accepting her phone with a cocky smile.
She considered that for a second as Dick started typing in something on her phone.
"A while ago, I told you I was going to try to be a real friend to you," Dick began. "Which means every once in awhile you could call me. To walk you home when you don't have the geek squad on walkie-talkie alert. Or to play video games. Or for dinner again. Just call me, Mackie."
Dick sounded so sincere. Mac's reply surprised both of them. "I forgive you, Dick."
"You what?"
"Um…I don't know," Mac said sounding less sure of herself, "It seems like you're trying to be a nice guy and make up for the past….high school, last year, everything with me & Cassidy." She looked up at him now, "I guess if we're going to be friends, Dick, I can't stay mad at you or ignore you. And honestly I've been doing a little of both. I'm sorry that I've been cold to you. But, it's just…."
"It's just what, Mac?" Dick said holding her gaze, encouraging her.
"Look around, we can say all this kind of stuff in the middle of the night alone. Or we can be nice to each other at your beach alone. But you've made it abundantly clear in the past that I don't fit into your world, so I don't see how that's going to work in the bright of day at Hearst."
"I've been such a jackass," he murmured, putting his hands on his forehead in anguish.
Mac, understanding Dick hadn't fully realized how much he hurt her before, wanted to cheer him up and let him off the hook, at least a little. "That's my line," she leaned over and whispered in his ear. He didn't have to see her face to know she was smiling.
Though tortured, he looked back over at her with a small grin. With the most sincere look she had ever seen, Dick said, "I know it's a lot to ask, but do you think you could forget it too?"
"I'm sorry, what?" Mac asked confused, though she felt herself blushing from how intensely Dick was holding her gaze.
"You're saying you're forgiving me, and that's…that's more than I could ever expect. But I'm going to push my luck and ask you to forget the old Dick too. All that shit I said to you when you were with Beav—Cassidy, all that shit I've said to you drunk or straight up sober. You're really great, Mac, and I was stupid and selfish and mean before. And I'm sorry. So you've gotta' forget all that so we can be real friends and not just not kill each other when Logan and Ronnie make us hang out."
Mac looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. Dick, conversely, stopped breathing. He had pushed his luck too far.
Still looking down, she said, "We've established that neither of us think you'd ever hurt me, Dick. Not physically. But there are other kinds of hurt." Mac looks at him as she says that last line and Dick swallows hard.
"I've trusted people who have hurt me," both thought of Cassidy and Max, "and I don't really even trust myself right now…"
"Mac, I get it, you don't let many people in and you're pissed at yourself thinking you've gotten close to some bad people. But you said yourself I'm pretty easy to read. Can't you see I don't ever plan to hurt you, in any way? That I'm trying to be a better person than I was back then?" his eyes were pleading. "And you should trust yourself, Mackie. Always. Don't let some assholes take that from you, not even me."
Now it was Dick's turn to be shocked. Mac leaned into him and hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Okay, Dick. Real friends."
"Sweeeet," he says as she pulls away and stands to go inside. "We still get to give each other hell though, right?"
"Wouldn't be us if we didn't," she said with a smile.
See? I think they'd take it slow getting together because: Mac is scared she'll make another bad choice and Dick's afraid he'd lose her (a great girl and the one last link to his brother) all together. Love it or hate it, that was my thought process. But I really have appreciated all the feedback about the pace. Keep being honest! Thank you.
Yes, this is a Mac/Dick story, but I miss the whole crew too! All hands on deck in the next chapter!