Aftermath

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas

Jack

There was no way I could leave our young man out of this. Really struggled to write this – hope it works. Some of his 'thoughts' may seem a little 'mature' but I am a strong believer in many frustrations in little ones coming from not being able to communicate all that they can think and feel.

. . .

Jack's eyes glazed as he lost focus on the blurred images playing in front of him. He didn't need to see them to know what happened next. He had lost count of the time he had spent watching the same video clip but there was no way anyone was shifting him. He had to see her. He needed to see Mommy one more time.

"Mommy is in heaven now, she's watching you," they said.

"She still loves you, more than she could ever tell you," they said.

"Mommy will keep you safe," they said.

The tears that had blurred his vision started to plop down from his cheeks, hitting the couch once more.

Jack didn't care about heaven, if Mommy loved him she'd be here right now with him. She would hold him and stroke his hair telling him it was all ok. She would wipe away the tears and make everything all right again.

But she wasn't here.

Mommy had gone.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as Jack tried to hold in the sobs. Big boys don't cry – Billy Fitzgerald had told him that the last time he had fell over and scrapped his knee in the playground.

Jack swallowed hard, trying to watch the picture on the screen but the tears got in the way.

What did Billy know – big boys do cry, he'd seen Daddy cry since Mommy went. And Daddy was a superhero – he fought bad guys every day and won.

Cuddling himself tight he heard footsteps pad through behind him.

"Hey Buddy, you ok?"

Jack nodded, not sure that he could use his words to answer. He felt his Dad sit down beside him, his hand resting softly on his shoulder.

"It's ok to be sad Jack, I miss Mommy too."

He nodded once more as he sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Quickly he looked up to see his Dad's reaction.

"It's ok Jack, though I'll go grab some tissues in case we need them."

Jack turned to watch his father leave the room, keen to know where everyone was. He needed to know someone was there.

His Dad returned talking a seat next to him on the coach. Jack instantly snuggled into the strong arms that reached round him.

"Your Mom's smile could always make me smile."

Jack looked up at his Dad. "She would tickle me and call me Mr Grumpy-pants if I wasn't smiling. Mommy knew how to make me giggle. Mommy didn't stop until I was laughing lots." The tears started once more, tumbling down his cheeks as he spoke.

"Happiness was important to Mommy, it important to everyone, but Mommy wanted to make you happy. She had a way of making people around her smile. She would want us to be happy and remember the good bits."

Jack sobbed; "But . . . I'm . . . sad, Daddy. I . . . miss . . . Mommy. I want . . . her . . . back." Jack allowed himself to be scooped up in his father's arms and lifted on to his lap as the tears tumbled into full blown sobs.

"I'm sorry Jack. I wish I could . . ."

Holding his breath Jack listened for his father's next words, instead he hears the soft sobs that match his own. Snuggled into each other they cry, rivers of tears gushing down to puddle together as they draw strength and comfort from each other.

. . .

In the darkness Jack trembled, his mind was racing.

He was with his Mommy once more. They were playing soccer. She was in goal. He kicked.

His leg physically mirroring the actions in his dream.

She moved to block but the ball bounced past her. Jack celebrated with a quick lap around the garden, cheering and laughing. He turned back to his Mom.

She was gone.

He looked around the secluded garden frantically. Where was she?

'Mommy!'

He started to search, maybe she had decided to play hide and seek. That was it. Jack ran around looking in all the usual places. His initial giggles turning in to frantic cries as he failed to find her again and again and again, she wasn't there.

"MOMMY!"

Jack sat bolt upright, he was sweaty and cold at the same time. He looked around the dark unfamiliar room. Before he could figure out where he was the door flung open. Jack rubbed his tired eyes as he looked back up at the figure that entered his room.

"Daddy," the word stumbled out, a sleepy mess.

"Hey Buddy," Jack allowed himself to be swept up into his father's strong arms. "Bad dream?"

Jack pulled himself closer to his father, resting his head on his Dad's shoulder. He shook his head. "Not bad, it had Mommy in it," he whispered.

"Oh, what was she doing?"

"Playing soccer, Mommy's good at soccer. But she went away."

Jack snuggled in as he was squeezed a little tighter. Feeling his lip tremble he asked;

"Where'd Mommy gone?"

Tears fell as he knew the answer that was coming, but hoping that Daddy would say something different tonight. That she wasn't . . .

"Shush," Jack felt the reassuring rock of his and his father's body together. "Mommy is watching us from heaven. She is seeing what a brave boy you are."

Jack felt a wet splash against his cheek, not one of his tears but that of his father's.

"She loves you so much Jack. She always did and always will."

Grabbing the fabric of his father's shirt he scrunched the material tight.

"Don't go Daddy."

Feeling the shift of his body as his Dad moved, Jack felt himself be laid down once more. He felt the reassuring feeling of his father lay down beside him and the gentle touch of the fingers running through his hair. Suddenly his eyes felt heavy. Sleep.

"I'm not going anywhere Jack."