Here's another idea I got!
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Dear Elder One,
Your offer to become our god has been refused by the Committee of Awesome People. We understand that you have an interesting history and that you walked the fade and challenged the Maker and yaddy-yadda. Unfortunately, reviews of those who have accepted you as their own god have not been so convincing.
Your average rating is a 2.3/10.
The Red Templars claim that they are,' now seeing red. Unable write sentences. Had buy clothes new.'
The Venatori say that they have had to, 'replace organized libraries, build pointy alters and speak a bunch of words no one knows what they mean. 1/10' Another went on to say, 'Also, he took my cat in a blood ritual or something. He was a good cat! 0/10!'
The Grey Wardens said, 'I didn't even know he was our god at first! And when we did, he killed our commander, enslaved our mages(well, they already were, but that's not the point) and killed more of us! Devious duplicity! The only good thing is that we got to join the Inquisition afterwards. Though we could have done that anyway. I say 0.5/10.'
Your only good review came from a Mr. Sampson who stated, 'he gave me a way to die AMAZINGLY. He also let me feed my ADDICTION! Definite 15/10. You won't find a better god anywhere.'
We don't think Sampson is mentally stable. Perhaps not even medically.
So with these bad reviews, we have little doubt that you're a disgrace and a mu- What? Oh yes, include that too. Say this: The bottom line is, Mr. Elder One, you're a miserable failure. You should go back to sleep.
Sincerely,
The Committee of Awesome People.
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. Notes from Corypheus
. Who wrote this! I will have Nightmare plague their dreams and they will cry when I ascend! Bring me the Venatori and the Red Templars who wrote those reviews immediately!
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This is too much fun!