Author's notes:
Sorry that the chapters are not that long for this, but it's easier to just write what I feel rather than writing more just so there is more for you to read.
I realized something odd well I was writing this chapter; every Russian rock song I like really well is about suicide…
Any way I'd love to know what you think so far. Kay?
Chapter two
They sat cross from one another at the long table in Gilbert's kitchen. It had been over a month sense the last time they had seen each other. Matthew watched Gilbert throw his wavy fringe without speaking. It bothered the German so much it was as though the boy was silently mocking him, rubbing in the fact that he was okay without Gilbert. Finally the German spoke.
"What did you come here for?" His voice came out as harsh as the question had sounded in his head. Matthew tucked his hair behind his ear before replying.
"I wanted to see you." The tone was innocent, but monotone.
"Why do you act like us braking up doesn't bother you?" Gil asked bluntly. The boy's face only showed the slightest hint of a change.
"I've been damped before, I can handle it," He told him, It was identical to what he'd said the day they broke up.
"Well it pisses me off. It makes me feel like you never gave a fuck," Gil's voice was raising in volume, but before anything else could be said Matthew's phone went off.
"It's my brother he said flipping open the phone as if the prier conversation had never happened. After a moment of Matthew talking in rapped French to his American brother on his cell he hung up the phone and turned to Gil. "I have to go now so see you later Gilbert." Matthew told him before letting himself out the front door.
Something in Gilbert felt like it was braking. Had nothing mattered between them? The emotions weld to the surface again. The regret, anger, hate, and sadness all boiled up making the bile rise in this stomach. Gilbert bolted to the bathroom. He puked nothing but, bile in to the toilet bowl. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd eaten anything at all.
His stomach calmed, but his mind didn't. It wasn't a strong enough fix. No this time it wasn't a temporary fix he wanted it was the whole thing he desired. Gil yanked open the Madison cabinet and shuffled through the battles reading each labels as he went. Eventfully he found a battle of prescription strength sleeping pills. He poured the capsules out in to his hand. The capsules were people and gray with black printed letter. The plastic glinted in the fluorescent light of the bath room. He rolled the sleeping meds around in his hand, giving his decision a little more thought.
All he could think of was reasons why he should do this. He felt like an awful, useless, cruel, and selfish person. He could have been better to Matthew. In his howl life he'd never been able to make his father proud. All he ever did was fight with his brother. He never trusted his friends. His mother was always so good to him, supporting him, talking to him but, no, she favored his brother. All Gilbert ever did was get mad and yell at her.
No one was going to miss the waste of space, air, and money Gilbert was. Even Antonio and Francis had moved on in life without him. Yeah, Matthias came to see him and they'd go drinking together, but he only ever talked about Lukas. He was happy Gilbert wasn't and hadn't been for a long time. This, this was okay. If anyone did miss him they'd get over him in time.
That was enough reasoning for Gilbert. He turned on the facet and filed a glass with water. He held it to his lips letting the liquid fill his mouth. One by one he swallowed down the plastic capsules until everything faded.
The last thing that he heard was someone calling his name from somewhere else in the house.
Author's notes:
R&R Please and thank you for reading this.