Chapter Sixteen: Never
I just want something
I can never have.
-Nine Inch Nails, 'Something I Can Never Have'
xxXxx
After the incident, Haru was in a depressed daze. Baron had made repeated attempts to tell her something, but she could barely focus on what even he had to say. Against her will, her mind replayed the wolf's decision over and over again. Rubbing in her face how much she had failed him. Wasn't there something else she could have done? The deaths he caused were nowhere near his fault!
They were back at Baron's castle by now, and Dona had gone with Muta to doctor his wound, but the lord himself was escorting her to her room. Despite herself, the girl was still a bit unsteady from the headache of looking into the wolf's mind.
Once they were in front of her door, Baron took a hold of her chin to make her look into his eyes, since she had been studying the ground until now. With a firm tone, he pointed into the room, tilted his head against his other hand to suggest sleep, and touched his throat to remind her to use her voice to keep nightmares away.
"Y-Yeah, I guess a nap wouldn't kill me," Haru forced herself to say, but wasn't quite able to force a smile out of her lips.
His large green eyes were sad, but unsurprised. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before stealing one more hug. Haru almost couldn't bring herself to let go of him, desperately needing some form of comfort from the unexpected confrontation.
But she still forced herself to let go of him, and almost smile as she closed the door between them. Through the solid wood, she could hear him sharply order soldiers to stand guard at her door as usual.
... For what? The only threats around here were the wolf and her own mind, and she had already proven that she can handle both.
'Can you?' that little voice whispered through her mind. The thought made her look down at her fist, slowly opening it for inspection.
Haru stared at her blood-stained handkerchief in complete depression. She forced herself over to the high back chair and sank into it in a way that Dona had scolded her for more than once. "Some help I was. Save a victim so he can die anyway." 'It wasn't his price to pay. Not that I wanted that soldier to stay dead, but wasn't there something else I could have done? Anything at all?'
She sighed deeply, remembering the way her human parents had clung to her first body. How were they doing? Did they just go back to the lives they had before Tsuge forced them to wake up? Tsuge... how she missed her dear friend, and their sometimes silly conversations. Frankly, she missed having a conversation that wasn't half pantomime.
She closed her eyes to better see his reckless grin, feel an affectionate punch on the shoulder. Even the warmth of his body after Hiromi dumped half-frozen fruit juice on her.
A thought suddenly made her eyes snap open. "I have magic," she whispered disbelievingly, making herself sit up and tighten her hold on the handkerchief. "My music... it does things here!"
But it did things at home, too! Tsuge even said that he could see what her mind conjured up for her vocal abilities. That had to have been why everyone had cheered for her so hard at the talent show! They had seen her imagination like a music video shoved into their brains!
That had to be how Baron knew about Frankenstein! Her imagination was so vibrant, that he was able to glean the information he needed from that alone! He knew what she could do!
Haru looked at her empty hand and tried to summon the electric sparks again. All she got was a spark and a half between her fingers.
"King of darkness, king of fear," she sang softly in her own voice, making the electric feeling surge through her blood with a tickling sensation.
So that was why she couldn't do electric pulses like a Sith Lord. Her power was controlled through her musical ability.
"That explains a lot!" she exclaimed out loud with a smile of relief. "This kind of magic must be pretty rare, though. I haven't seen anything involving music since getting here."
Her brown eyes suddenly darted to the same window that Baron had shown her movie night with Tsuge and Sakura. She then looked down at her own hands, wondering if it was possible.
It was worth a try.
Finally shoving the still-damp handkerchief in her pocket, she got up and walked over to the window to pull back the curtain. Breathing deeply to prepare herself, she placed both of her palms against the cool glass. She didn't bother with a fake voice for something this important, though she did let herself remember the last time she played her guitar for this song.
The familiar tune began echoing through the air like a wind current, soft and gentle.
"I've heard it said
"That people come
"Into our lives
"For a reason..."
That was all the encouragement needed for the sparks in her blood to filter into the glass. After a bit, the sparks changed to a lighter grey mist than Baron's. It seemed to hesitate longer than his, though, but eventually cleared enough to reveal a strange double image of a tired-looking Tsuge.
"But I know
"I'm who I am today
"Because I knew you."
Her heart lightened at seeing her old friend, but she didn't dare stop singing as she took in his face with delight.
"Like a comet
"Pulled from orbit
"As it passes the sun.
"Like a stream that
"Meets a boulder
"Halfway through the wood."
The reason it was a double image was because there seemed to be a computer screen between her and him, so she could vaguely see what he was working on.
"Who can say
"If I've been changed
"For the better?"
Her heartstrings snapped. He was using the same program from designing cover art for her music to make a picture of her human self! It seemed slightly too flattering to be her, but Haru was willing to let it slide.
"But because I knew you,
"I have been changed
"... For good."
'Come to think of it, we don't have any pictures together. Neither of us really bothered with selfies, and I never gave him a school photo.'
"It well may be
"That we will never
"Meet again..." The thought made her choke up, disrupting the song and interfering with the strange transmission.
"You loved him a great deal, didn't you?" an unfamiliar voice asked just behind her.
Haru broke away from the window, ending her song with a surprised screech that slammed someone into the wall on the other side of the room. The young girl held one hand to her speeding heart as the stranger collapsed to the stone floor, his long purple robes unlike any of the clothing she had seen from the other seasons.
He groaned in pain, slowly looking up at her to reveal his age, which appeared to be around the same as the Autumn Lord's. "My, but you are an excitable one. I will take care not to startle you in the future."
The brown feline stared at him in complete shock. Even his face was unlike anyone else she had seen in this world; completely hairless. Maybe the long robes were to compensate for the lack of fur?
"Y-You..." Haru tried to stutter coherently.
He grunted, but used the wall to help himself stand. "Yes, I am aware of my appearance, may we please proceed?"
Haru slammed a fist into her chest to help her talk. "Not that!" she gasped. "You speak my language!"
He blinked in surprise, still bracing himself against the wall with one hand. "You find that more striking?"
She nodded dumbly. "Um, sorry about hurting you, I didn't hear anyone come in. Maybe you should sit for a bit?" Her feet started coming closer to him, and her arm outstretched in an offer of support.
The hairless feline's mouth was hanging open in complete shock, but allowed her to put his arm over her shoulders to help him to the high back chair. "...This... this is most kind of you, child."
"It only seems fair. My name's Haru, what's yours?" she asked while easing him into the chair.
"I am Thiris. But I am afraid that I can only rest for a short time, I am here to assist with your escape," he informed her, giving himself an almost unnoticeable shake of the head, as if to wake himself from a dream.
Haru blinked in surprise. "Why do you think I want to escape?"
"So you do not become forced into a marriage with the Keeper of Spring, of course. After all, you could not want him if you still think of your first love."
"First... oh, I see what you mean. Tsuge isn't my first love, he was my first true friend. We were very honest about only liking each other as siblings. But I won't deny that I miss him a lot," she confessed, rubbing one arm while looking at the window she had been using.
His expression became sharper at that. "Are you certain you did not fill his mouth with your words?" he asked sternly.
"Very certain. He was the first one to bring up the sibling connection." Haru shook off enough melancholy to smile at him. "I really appreciate that you were worried enough about me to attempt a rescue, but I'm fine here. Baron's been pretty respectful of my feelings and... I'm definitely starting to like him." Her smile turned a little silly at admitting it out loud.
Thiris looked at her with complete horror. "You are far too kind for your own good. You truly forgive him for killing you?"
"Wait, what?" she asked, suddenly remembering her second nightmare.
"I am surprised you did not realize it on your own. The Keeper of Spring has been obsessed with you for many years, driven mad by his desire for you. It was not until he found a way to create a new body and drag your soul to this world that he devised a way to end your life. All to start a new one with him. I am afraid that you have been completely fooled, little one."
Haru stared at him in horror, hardly believing her own ears. "I... knew about the new body and bringing my soul here, but I'm not so sure he's the reason I died. How would you know about all this?" she asked suspiciously, trying to shake off the bad vibes.
"His obsession with you was hardly a secret. I was a little too vigorous in telling him to renounce you, which is why this is our first meeting. But what would be the point of providing a fresh body if you were going to stay on your own planet until a natural death?"
"Actually, I'm pretty sure my death had something to do with a health problem I've had since I was little. Baron's been watching me for a while, so he might have known it was coming." 'Drat it, why didn't I think of that before?'
"How do you know he did not cause the problem?" he growled while standing up.
"How?" she asked, getting a bit irritated herself. "Baron doesn't strike me as the type to randomly kill a little girl on a planet so distant, it took a wormhole to get my soul here in record time."
"Worms have nothing to do with this!" he snapped before attempting to calm himself down. "Young lady, you are far too good for someone as manipulative as the Keeper of Spring. If you allow him to do with you as he will, I promise you that you will come to regret it. He is hiding his madness in order to win your favor."
That made Haru pay attention, more so than she wanted to. "He seems pretty stable to me. Besides, what would I do if I left? You're the only one that understands a word I say, and... hold on, how can you speak my language?"
He pulled at the neck of his robes until a strange jeweled talisman on a long chain came into view. "I specifically made this in order to warn you against accepting the Keeper of Spring's attentions. Your magic is strong, stronger than anything I have ever seen before. A child by you could forever tip the natural balances into Spring's favor, and this world cannot survive another war like the last one. There is still much to rebuild. Did you not wonder why no one other than the Keeper and your blood donors seemed to truly want you here?"
Haru felt her mind start to click, but not quite the way she was expecting it to from such talk. "So what do you want me to do after leaving Baron? Wander this unfamiliar world alone and stay in hiding the rest of my life? I doubt I'd last long before being found."
"I have already secured comfortable accommodations for you," he assured her, taking her arm and guiding her to the mirror. "He would never dream to think of looking for you in that place. This will not take but a moment." He slipped his hand into one of his robe's many pockets, possibly for more of those hot sauce berries.
'Please let me be making the right decision,' Haru silently prayed, looking up to the taller cat. "Can I confide in you, Thiris?"
"But of course. What is on your mind, child?" he asked with an indulgent smile as he pulled out the necessary berries.
"You really remind me of a friend I had back on my planet. She was always there when trouble reared its head, and always knew what to say to turn things around. Would you be offended if I told you what I never got the nerve to tell her?" she inquired, sounding like a lost little kitten.
His smile increased. "Not in the least."
Haru gave him a grateful smile… and punched him in the face as hard as she could. But since she knew that her body wasn't strong enough to knock him out, she added an especially violent guitar riff.
The sound not only forced him to release her arm, but it also slammed him through the mirror badly enough to shatter it and make him fall unconscious behind the empty frame.
"Freaking petty loser!" she snarled at him, kneeling down to loosen the amulet from the other side of the broken mirror. "I hate both you and Hiromi. Get a life outside of making people miserable." 'Please let this be the right decision.'
But it was kind of strange that the guards hadn't stormed in. That's twice now that her power did something pretty loud. Keeping the amulet in one palm, she quickly ran to the door to check on them.
They were still at their posts, but wearing what could only be ear muffs.
'Probably to keep them from falling asleep from my song again,' she noted as she tapped one of them on the shoulder.
The tall feline looked at her, snapping to attention as he and his companion pulled off their earmuffs.
"Hey, guys," she said in a semi-cheerful tone before pointing at the unconscious intruder still in her room. "I sure hope that everything this cat told me can be labeled under 'bogus' or I'm really going to regret hurting him."
The one she tapped gave a horrified look at the sphinx before making a loud call into the hallway, alerting more soldiers before he and his companion sprang forward to tackle the intruder.
"Guess you do know him. Watch out for the glass," Haru insisted, stepping to the side to stay out of their way.
That quickly proved to be a good idea, since the soldier's call made six more uniformed cats run into her room and nearly make a dog pile on Thiris. They were more than a little rough with tying him up, but the brown feline couldn't tell if that was a good sign or not.
As they began carrying their captive out of her room, Haru grabbed a random soldier with black fur by the shoulder.
The same one that the wolf had given his life to.
As the black cat turned to her in surprise, Haru threw the amulet around his neck.
He immediately stumbled, holding one hand to his head as the others stopped to stare. One even asked a question, but the only answer he got was a groan.
Haru kept the soldier steady, making him look at her again when he got his balance. "Thanks for coming, but could you please tell Baron I'd like to talk to him?"
His gold eyes became large at her words, making him gape at her in total shock.
"It's just that Thiris told me a bunch of things that don't quite add up, and with how kind Baron's been, I think I owe him a chance to say his piece. Don't you agree?" she asked with a somewhat forced cheerful smile.
A slow but enthusiastic smile crossed his face as he nodded. "Thyu! Uh, yes!" he exclaimed, running out of the room before everyone else.
Haru walked back to the window she had been using before waving a 'continue' gesture at his comrades, who were now staring at her with complete shock. "Don't mind me. I'm just having a quiet crisis of possibly trusting Baron too much."
Their leader's name was enough to snap them back to attention, carrying Thiris out of her wide open door.
Less than three minutes later, Baron was marching through the opening, looking happier than she had seen him in a while. The amulet was now around his own neck, and there wasn't even a little bit of hesitation with coming closer to the girl.
That made Haru feel a bit better about her decision as she accepted another deep embrace from him. "I am going to kick myself later if Thiris was right about you, you know."
His smile faltered.
"Well, he kind of told me that you're slightly unhinged and caused my first death to be with you. That's what my second nightmare was about. I'd really appreciate your version of what happened."
A look of devastation filled his eyes.
"Look, don't be offended, just tell me what... can you even understand me?" she asked, even though she should have known the answer.
She was wrong, though. Baron gripped the amulet with one hand while glaring at it. The words that fell from his mouth were low and full of frustration, but were completely unrecognizable to her.
"Oh, come on!" Haru yelled in frustration. "I was all geared up for an overdue talk with you!"
He growled something that sounded every bit as aggravated as she felt. He turned away in order to pace in front of the windows, grumbling mutinously under his breath. Every now and again he looked up in order to assure her of something, but barely broke his stride as he continued his furious march.
As frustrated as Haru was, she couldn't help but feel better that Baron wanted to talk to her too. After letting him pace and grumble for a few minutes, she stopped him long enough to steal another embrace. "I know I shouldn't do this if Thiris was right, but I think we could both use a hug right now."
The way he was squeezing her was all the confirmation she needed. Dang it, she was going to hate herself if she made the wrong choice. His arms were much more comfortable than she wanted to admit, even to herself.
Someone running through the open door was enough to divert both of their attentions.
Dona was breathing heavily, her beautiful sapphire eyes large with panic. She asked something desperately, leaning against the door frame with a slightly shaking arm.
Baron twitched hard enough to make the girl look up at him worriedly. A spark of hope had suddenly flamed to life within his eyes, making him regretfully release Haru in order to approach the older feline woman.
He took off the amulet as he spoke to Dona, his tone starting at instructor, changing to firm leader, but seemed to finish in a desperate plea.
The obsidian feline seemed surprised through most of the Spring Lord's monologue, taking glances between him and the younger feline until she said something that had the feeling of a promise.
Baron smiled in gratitude as he slipped the amulet around her neck. She immediately stumbled and groaned like the soldier had done, but Baron was right there to support her.
Haru also came forward to offer assistance. "I think that thing only works for a certain number of people, Baron. Isn't trying it on someone after you a little on the pointless side?"
Dona sharply looked up at her, blinking in surprise. She first spoke in her own tongue, but then stopped herself. "…Th-That is to say... a different bearer is... not as meaningless... as you would assume... my dearest," she added, letting the love in her eyes shine brighter than ever. Her speech was slow from the new language, but completely understandable.
Haru stared in shock at her second mother. "Wait a minute! How come the charm works for you but not Baron?"
"He assumed that it is because of the curse." Then she turned to Baron and said something to him that made him relax.
Her mouth fell open in surprise. "Curse? What curse?" Haru pressed, grabbing one of Dona's sleeves.
The feline woman blinked in surprise, but then sighed before saying something in her own tongue.
"Dona, please. Why would someone curse Baron not to understand me?" she pressed.
Her second mother blinked, but shook her head. Although she was trying to hide it, Dona was a little angry. "That was not the whole curse, but Thiris is the one responsible for it."
Haru blinked. "Excuse me? What could one of his own advisers possibly have against someone like Baron?" she demanded, gesturing at the surprised tawny cat.
Dona gaped, but her shock quickly turned to a more visible anger. "Did he tell you that he served Baron?" she demanded.
"That's what he was making it sound like. Wait, is Thiris just a troublemaker?" Haru asked, feeling her own temper rise.
"He is more than a mere troublemaker. Thiris is the Keeper of Winter. He is the reason for your premature death on your first world and the nightmares you endured. He is also the one responsible for Churgoth trying to kill you or Baron at the Meeting of the Seasons today."
Haru was actually stunned speechless. She made a few attempts to say something, but all she could managed were sounds of complete outrage. 'That rat... That filthy rat!'
"There's still more, my dearest-" Dona suddenly cut off as Haru started marching for the door.
"Where are they taking him?! He still has a date with my wall!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, only to be intercepted by her feline suitor when he grabbed her by the waist to pull her into a slightly fierce embrace. "Let go, Baron! He tried blaming my death on you!"
"Thiris did not!" Dona hissed angrily before quickly relaying the information to her lord.
If Haru had thought Baron's expression at looking over her dream drawing was intimidating, it was nothing compared to the raw fury that overtook his features right now. It was even enough to snap Haru out of her own rage. He gently set her to the side to start marching out the door himself, but then stopped just outside her room.
His fists were still shaking, but he eventually forced himself back in and closed the door. He did the local equivalent of counting to twenty before saying something with a note of finality.
Dona made a sound of agreement before turning her attention to Haru. "As much as Baron would love to inform Thiris what he thinks of such blatant lies as well as daring to approach you, he would rather you know the truth as soon as possible." Her speed and punctuation was rapidly improving, more than likely a side effect of wearing the strange amulet.
"I'll be helping with the informing whether you like it or not," Haru told him, allowing Dona enough time for translation.
If nothing else, it was enough to make a small smile show through his frustration.
"So, what curse were you talking about earlier? I mean… I'm still pretty confused," she was forced to admit. "Even before you told me he was in charge of Winter, I thought that what Thiris said wasn't quite sounding right."
"You have a keen eye for deceptive hearts, dear one," Dona sighed with a proud smile.
"Not really. His methods of persuasion reminded me a little too much of a petty back-stabber I used to trust on my own planet, and he seemed to have a lot more insider knowledge than a disgraced adviser would. Not to mention the fact that he kept calling me 'child' after I told him my name and trying to make up my mind for me like I wasn't able to think!" Haru then snapped out of her building rage, remembering why she had stolen the talisman from the cat. She looked down at her feet and shuffled them shyly while sneaking a look at a worried ginger. "... Would you please explain what's really been going on? I know I'm here because of Baron, and I know he really has a thing for me, though I think he can do better-"
"Do not let him hear you say that," Dona warned, covering her mouth swiftly. "You have no idea what he has done for you."
She pulled the hand off in order to answer. "Then enlighten me."
"… We had best sit down, Haru. I doubt you are going to care for it very much."
xxXxx
The song Haru used to check on Tsuge was 'For Good' from the Wicked Musical. I more or less consider it to be Haru and Tsuge's theme song for this fic.