Half Wit

Cameron and Remy had been sleeping in a 'we just had sex and are exhausted' blissful sleep… and then she was called in. She needed to take a shower before…because everything about her clearly noted her lively sex life… and when Remy saw her girlfriend lose her top sheet toga as she went to the bathroom and she saw that ass that she loved… she knew it was time to shower as well.

So… When House walked in after she had found his lovely not and the bag of food… and of course, the case, and asked, "Did you and your girlfriend shower together?" With that dumb, goofy look on his face, she couldn't really do anything, but stand there and act like a fish out of water. He was obviously amused by this, seeing that his next words were, "No answer… that's a yes."

Cameron finally had the sense to glare his direction and huff out a breath.

"What?" He started, as he sat down next to her, "It's not like we don't all know…The blonde yuppy over there couldn't shut up about it, and when Foreman just told him to mind his business, I knew he knew anyways…" House put a hand on her shoulder in mock comfort, "It's okay Cameron. This office loves women. What's wrong with that?"

Cameron could only roll her eyes as a defense.

~0~0~0~0~0~

After Cameron found the plane tickets for House to go to Boston and back, she just couldn't let it go… So… She got the 'blonde yuppy,' gave him her puppy eyes that she knew would work despite him knowing she was gay and they broke into House's apartment.

"I'll take in here. Bedroom's down the hall." She told him.

"You… you've been here before?" He turned and looked at her blank stare, "How do you know where the bedroom is..?"

Cameron stared at him a moment, Well… uhh… you see, the thing is, House and I are besties… "Where else would the bedroom be?"

"You've been here before… You didn't….?" Cameron raised her brows in question, "Sleep… with him, did you?" His accent thickening in jealousy. "I thought you just told us all that you were a lesbian… So… you don't like any man until House? House in the one you go straight for?"

Cameron stood back a little, her face showing her shock of his accusation, "Okay… you have no idea what you're talking about, and you obviously have no respect for me or your boss." She went to the coffee table and picked up a card, "I mean honestly, who says to someone? 'House is the one person you go straight for?'" She mocked, "What the hell does that even mean? Because I'm a lesbian I could never, ever fall for a man? No! It doesn't, it just means that I'm a five on the Kinsey Scale instead of a six. It'd mean I'm no longer a gold star. But you stand there and say that with disgust because I'd have picked him instead of you to go straight for? No." She threw the card back on the table, "You have no fucking right to be disgusted with my choices… especially ones that I haven't even made! I don't like House… I like my girlfriend—I love my girlfriend."

"You have a girlfriend?"

"Did you not pay attention to anything that happened when we got to work last night?" She put her hands on her hips.

"No, I did! I just…" He stared at her a moment, then laughed, "You don't have a girlfriend." He laughed cockily.

"Alright fine… believe whatever you want to believe…" she rolled her eyes, "Whether you actually think I'm fucking House, or if you actually believe the truth, my life right now is still better than yours because at least I'm not an asshole that likes my gay coworker." She pointed behind him, "Will you go check his bedroom now?"

After Chase walked off with his tale between her legs, Cameron felt her phone buzz. It was a text from said real girlfriend: 'Damn Baby, you is feisty today… I think you pocket dialed me, and I just couldn't hang up when I heard the angry-frustrated voice. Haha!'

Cameron couldn't help but laugh at the text before snooping around some more.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Okay… He has cancer… I can handle this… I just… wish he'd have told me… Cameron took a deep breath in thought. He would have told me… Something's not… I have to get that sample… She continued with herself as she walked into his office.

House took off his glasses and set down what he was working on, "PET scan done?"

"No." She said quietly.

"You come for my feelings?" He watched Cameron open her mouth to speak, but continued, "'Cause I left them in my other pants…"

Cameron opened the letter and set it on his desk, "This is a letter of recommendation. I'm applying for a job at Penn."

House looked at her in warning then looked back down at the paper and picked up a pen, "Thank you for writing your own. Sure my thoughts are beautifully phrased."

"Thank you for signing it." She replied stiffly, "Saves me from having to fake your signature."

He handed her back the letter and she stuck it in an envelope, "Stay away from Weiss." He started, "He cries with his patients. Holds their hands as they die. He won't like you."

Cameron looked at him in question.

"Your new-found nonchalance in the face of cancer… in the face of long-term illness, really…"

Cameron said nothing at first, then shrugged, "I thought you'd find it appealing… I thought it would make me a better doctor…"

"Twenty seconds. Pretty good." He leaned back in his chair.

"For what?"

"Time it took you to go from hard-ass to human being." He got up and rounded his desk to look at her, You really wanna leave?"

Cameron looked down, then back up at his face, "If you're not here, there's not much point of staying."

He looked off to the side then back down at her, "I'm not dead yet."

Cameron knit her brows for only a split second in contemplation… What does that mean? She thought… She knew something was fishy and that's why she was even more encouraged to get his blood. She went where her lips had never dared to go before…

"What're you doing?" House asked in surprise as he found his lesbro move closer to him, "I know this must be a turn-on for you… But I'm not your girlfriend… I'm not even a girl…"

Cameron kissed him. She kissed him and it was odd, and weird, and nothing like she ever really wanted to experience again… but at the same time it was rather exhilarating. Oh I am so going to the bitch house for this.. She thought before she reached in her pocket for the syringe.

House, being House, knew it was coming, "A little whorish to kiss and stab." He said after he gripped her wrist and stared at the needle in her hand.

"You kissed back." She smirked at him.

"I didn't want you to die without knowing the feeling." He took the syringe from her hand, "Actually, no woman should die without knowing the feeling… Let's get your girlfriend over here…"

"All I need is a few drops of your blood." Cameron pressed the conversation forward.

"Foreman and Chase's lips are not gonna get to close," He stared at the needle in his hand. "Now that I know your plan."

Cameron insisted… more like pleaded, "There's a nurse downstairs about to risk his job to steal the blood you drew from yourself yesterday."

House huffed out in frustration, "I'm Patient Number 0-2-0-4-0-6, in the Record Room, under the name Luke N. Laura! There's a whole file of blood there, along with CT scans, MRIs, CSF, everything you need."

Cameron nodded and scurried to the door.

House yelled after her, If you and your girlfriend need a sperm sample, come back without the needle." Cameron only grinned at him as she continued her way down to the lab.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Cameron had been on an emotional roller coaster… she had been thinking that House really hadn't told her that he had cancer… and of course, now she was going to have to deal with both him and possibly her girlfriend losing life at the same time… But when they figured out that it wasn't cancer… She was so happy. She text her girlfriend and told her she wanted to go celebrate when she got home… she knew House wouldn't, but that didn't mean she and Remy couldn't have fun…

So… When House told them that he wanted the cool drug in the pleasure center of his brain… She was the first of the three of them to speak, "You faked cancer to get high?"

House sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He wouldn't look at her, "I'm going to bed."

"You're right! I don't like you!" Foreman yelled at him as he left in a huff.

"Sure. Now that I'm not dying."

Chase just shook his head and walked out as well. House didn't move… he waited to see what his friend would do. She carefully walked to the door and shut it. She went to the couch and sat down. He limped over there and sat next to her. In a very un-House-like gesture, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

She gave a ghost of a smile as she cuddled into his side. They were quiet for a long while before she started the conversation, "How depressed are you?"

"I'm not depressed."

"You faked... cancer."

"It was an outpatient procedure. I was curious."

"Are you curious about heroin?"

"Not since last year's Christmas party. Whoof!" He paused and looked at her finally, and she of course was looking back at him, "I know this goes against your nature, but can we not make too much of this?"

"You made people think that you were going to die!" She insisted, "You made me and Wilson think you were going to die…"

"I didn't make them! I tried to hide it! You idiots needed to get into my business."

Cameron just started laughing.

"I'm sure I'll regret asking, but why are you laughing?"

"Well…It's ironic."

"I'm sure I'll regret asking, but why...?"

Cameron stared at him, "Depression in cancer patients—in any terminally ill patient… It's not as common as you think. It's not the dying that gets to people. It's the dying alone. The patients with family, with friends... they tend to do okay. You don't have cancer. You don't have anything but a bum leg… You do have people who give a damn. So what do you do?" She laughed again, "You fake the cancer, then push the people who care away."

"Because... they're boring." He looked over at her, "Go home to your girlfriend and laugh with her at that irony."

Cameron smiled at him and bit her lip before speaking, "Start small, House. Take a chance. Maybe something that doesn't involve sticking stuff in your brain. Pizza with a friend." She gestured to herself, "A movie. Something." She said as she got up to leave. She turned at the door, "Goodnight House."