Author's Note:

Hello my dears!

I apologize for the delay in posting these next couple of chapters. We're in the process of moving and the internet cut off and hook up did not go as smoothly as hoped. Somebody accidentally told the mystical internet providers that the day we wanted it turned off was last Wednesday, and that was clearly too early. However, I have the almighty power of the internet again and will be posting (hopefully) a few chapters today.

Granted, I now live in the middle of nowhere so my internet has a very low data cap (as in, one measly 30 minute trip to Netflix could use it up) and I'm sad. But at least I have internet. So onward.

Enjoy!

Chapter Nine - Walls

She wasn't just married, she was happily married. And that made a big difference to Embry. Once he'd seen her smile, everything changed. He didn't realize it until he'd left her house later that night, but he'd been holding out hope that she could still be his. If she had been unhappy with Mark, he could have had a chance with her. But he couldn't take away her happiness, that would hurt him too.

Instead, he ran through the woods at full speed. How could this be his fate? How could he know she was his soulmate and yet know they could only ever be friends? He was torn between wanting her, and wanting her to be happy. He'd seen imprinting before, and sure sometimes it had been complicated, but they always ended up together. That's how he always thought it would be for him, when he found his imprint.

So he ran faster, pushing himself further. If he could run fast enough or far enough then maybe it wouldn't be real. Maybe he wouldn't have to choose between her happiness and his. He tried to block the others out, tried not to hear what they were thinking but he was too upset to manage.

They pitied him. He didn't want their pity. He had enough of his own. Seth was the worst, he believed imprinting was the best thing, and couldn't wait for it to happen to him. This was his worst nightmare. A broken imprint. Ouch.

Friends, Embry. Be her friend. It was Jacob.

Meh, screw the husband. Paul.

But she's his soulmate, how could she be with someone else? Seth.

He was done - he could barely handle his own thoughts as it was. He phased back and dressed quickly then jogged home.

She had opened up to him, finally. Even if he could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth. Though he thought the new openness was only because he'd barged in on part of the truth anyways. She started getting panic attacks early in high school, but every time she claimed there was no trigger she flinched. She'd only confined in a few people, not even telling her parents - though that seemed like a lie too.

She'd known Mark and Carrie since they were all little. They were her best friends, and the only ones who she'd thought would understand without thinking she was a freak. They'd supported her. Carrie was her best friend, and still called her daily. They'd even gone to the same college and shared a small apartment after Mark had gone to law school.

He wondered how the two of them were so comfortable spending that much time apart, but couldn't bare to ask about him yet. He wanted to know when they'd started dating, when they got married - but he didn't want to hear the answers. Didn't want to know the smile on her face was because she was thinking of him.

He was much more comfortable asking about Carrie. Their mothers had been friends in college, and it made sense that when they both had children they'd bring them along whenever they wanted to hang out to keep each other company. They'd gotten along well, and continued to be friends even after their moms stopped talking.

"She just...she's great. She's been there for everything, ya know? Never turned her back on me. She's my best friend, I couldn't ask for better." Alex was quiet for a moment, smiling into some far off place. "She never asked questions, or at least never pushed for answers. She always let me go to her when I was ready, and was always so calm. She never takes anything badly, she's very...composed. I haven't seen her truly upset by anything, ever. Even when we were little, she had far fewer tantrums than I did. I miss her."

It was the most she'd ever said at once, at least voluntarily and without being uncomfortable. He remembered the serene smile on her face as she talked about Carrie. She'd talked about Carrie's 'mom' personality, and how Carrie often looked after her when she was sick or stressed. How, even when they were little, Carrie always was the one cautioning her to be safe. He liked Carrie, though he'd never met her. But she sounded level headed, and her presence in Alex's life seemed to make her happy.

"She sounds great."

"She really is."

"How'd she handle...I mean when you..." He sighed. He wanted to be delicate, gentle, but he wanted to know. "With your panic attacks, what did she do to...to help? I mean, I didn't know what..."

"I'm sorry, I often forget how they must look from the outside. I know that must have made you nervous. You did well, just so you know...you didn't try to slap me or anything." She smiled sideways at him. "You want to know what helps?"

"Yes. What I can do, if it happens again."

"They run their own course, really. Carrie, after I had the first one, researched for hours and hours. She decided on some general guidelines, but everyone is different," Alex shrugged. "For me, like a lot of people, I need warning if someone's going to touch me while I'm having attack. Carrie figured out if she told me she was going to touch my shoulder, or hug me, it helped. No warning can make it worse. Mostly, she'd just try to distract me."

"Distract you?"

"Yeah. She'd pull out a puzzle or make me do some mundane chore. It helped. We always had tons of half finished puzzles around our apartment in college. Your cooking was distracting, as a general rule other people don't cook in my kitchen."

He had wanted to apologize, but she was smiling at him.

Maybe there was something about him seeing her like that, seeing her at her worst, that had made the new, more open, Alex come out. She had appeared at ease, sitting across the table from him. Her voice didn't shake when she spoke, and her heartbeat didn't soar randomly. She had still been guarded and careful, but not nervous.

He had felt before like he was slowly, painstakingly, tearing away at her walls with his bare hands though all he'd wanted was to go at them with a wrecking a ball. That night, she'd opened a door, let him in past the brick. He knew he'd still have to go slow and be careful, but he didn't think he'd have to walk on eggshells anymore.

He fell back onto his bed as he was struck with an unwelcome thought. What if it didn't matter, now, that he'd broken through? If she was as happy with Mark as she seemed, why was he trying? He had thought that maybe, if he could be her friend, he'd have a shot with her. He had thought that she couldn't possibly be happy with her husband, and that perhaps, that's why she was his imprint. He had believed he could bring her so much more happiness, because they were meant to be. But what if that was wrong? Could he be just be her friend for the rest of their lives, even though they were soulmates?

He didn't have any answers. His head was spinning and his heart ached. He didn't know how it would all work out but laying there staring at his ceiling he felt the pull, and he knew he couldn't stay away.

Disclaimer:

Still not Stephenie Meyer so I do not own Twilight or the characters found within its pages.