Prompt: #14 Life
Summary: Which was more harder to live?
Life
He's not old. He knows he's not. But he's never actually had a chance to be young either. He's never had it easy and he's never really known what it was like to be normal. People just didn't have lives like his. It was only a matter of time before the next crisis and they all had to gear up and get ready for battle. Then he and his friends would always take the front lines. Even during those moments it was considered their "down time", his delivery service wasn't exactly an office desk job. He ran into the occasional hurtle that got serious. People didn't hire him for just any package delivery after all.
Things have been quiet on the "world is ending because of an evil invasion" front for awhile and it looks like they can finally live semi normal lives. Lives, just like everyone else's. But while he was never an official SOLDIER, he's lived an almost military life style because of his experiences and responsibilities up until now. The training and discipline is still part of his every day. So you would think that he would find life boring now that things were so calm. Except calm was not how he thought of it. If anything, he thinks home life is harder than rushing into a battle field with an uncertain death ahead of you.
You can train all your life for battle but once you're there, it's more gut instinct that gets you through it than anything else. Training will tell you one thing but your body will do another in the heat of the fight. War is complicated to be sure, but not as complicated as living in a house with two growing children that had already seen and experienced too much and you were trying to show them that life can be good and not just bad. There's no training for something as intricate and complex as bringing up the next generation. He's also never had a dad so he's not sure what he's doing trying to be like one to them.
He's looked up what, "Father", means and one of the definitions is, "a precursor, prototype or early form." Which, oddly enough, makes him feel even more pressure because that meant that he had to do all that he could to make sure that Denzel was an upgrade to himself. He knows he's not qualified for such a task. No matter that the kid looks up to him as much as he does. He can tell Denzel what not to be like, but he knows that it's by his actions that Denzel will actually be learning from. So it means he has to be better and he's barely holding it all together as it is. He's not qualified and there was no special alien gene to help him. What happens when Denzel reaches High School? He'd never gone. He also lost four years of his teenage life. Four years that are considered crucial. How was he going to help Denzel through something he's never even been through?
He's not like Tifa with Marlene. Marlene had a great example there. What girl wouldn't want to grow up and be like Tifa? He's not sure anyone would want to be like him and he's confused most times about why Denzel idolizes him so much.
"Are you serious?" asks Tifa, somewhat incredulously when he finally voices his concern.
"Yes," he responds flatly.
"You think I know what I'm doing?" she repeats, as if just to be clear. "And you're not sure why Denzel thinks of you as his hero?"
"Yes," he says again.
"Cloud, most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing either and there are plenty of reasons Denzel should look up to you."
"What?" he asks and it's his turn to look incredulous.
"I take it one day at a time," she admits with a sigh. "Most of the time I just hope that I'm doing the best." Then she gives him one of her looks that means she's trying to study him. "You worry about Denzel."
"Yes," he states, because that was the entire issue. Of course he cared about the kid.
"That's natural," she says. "Because I worry about them too and you're trying your best, hoping you don't screw up."
"That's right."
She smiles at him and there's pride in her expression and he doesn't understand that either.
"All they really need is to know that you care and that they matter to you. That you're worried means that they do and they can tell that. Everything else, we'll figure it out together. Why do you think Denzel wasn't mad when you disappeared before? He saw all that research you were doing on his behalf and trying to help. That's why he looks up to you as much as he does. Because he knows that you love him."
It couldn't be as simple as all that.
"Yes, it is," Tifa says, reading the look on his face. She approaches him and puts both arms around his waist while his hands settle on the small of her back.
"This is hard," he sighs into her hair.
"I know," she replies against his chest and gives him a reassuring squeeze. "We're all learning as we go."
"Okay," he says quietly. He reaches up to run his hand through her hair. "As long as you're with me, I think I can manage."
She looks up and gives him one of her breath stalling smiles.
"As long as we're together," she confirms.
Yes, as long as they were together, they could do this and while it didn't seem like this life was his brand of exciting, it could never be boring.
ETA: Thanks to TonberryLantern for the pointer!