Prompt: #19 Toy
Summary: Never again would he be led astray.
Toy
All you are is an empty puppet.
Those were Sephiroth's words to me at a time I really doubted myself. Words spoken to break me. I hadn't been strong enough then to realize how wrong he was to say that. But at the time, it didn't seem that off the mark considering I had felt like I was nothing but an empty puppet. Like I'd been a useless doll. A toy that didn't have its own soul to become real. While part of being a SOLDIER meant that in a way, I was in strings, pulled and used by another man's whim, it was the individual talents of each man that made him a hero. At that point, I didn't think I was anyone's hero. But I was. I was Denzel's hero. I was Marlene's champion. I was Tifa's White Knight. I just needed to realize that no matter how I saw myself, I was something to them.
Looking back on it now, there was no way I could have been empty, no matter how low I felt. Because I was always so full of feelings. I felt more than an average person. I had the feelings of others besides my own during that time, most of which I thought were my own. My mind wasn't able to process them all in it's fragile state. But I finally found my way out. I am thankful every day for that. I've been fortunate to be surrounded by people that know me for me and have stuck by me when I was lost. But it's just how it is that it's the negative words that are easier to accept and remember than the positive. Sometimes I can still hear Sephiroth's voice in my head saying things that bring doubt to my mind. But, it gets easier and easier to force them aside and ignore.
I can do that without pause because of Tifa. Tifa with her easy smile, quick fists and quiet strength. Her steady presence in my chaotic life. A woman who looks like a goddess and fights with her hands as weapons. A woman I know I'm not good enough for, but I know that she loves me regardless. I know my worth by the kinds of people that love me and that she loves me is a good sign that I am anything but empty. If I were, I wouldn't be where I am. I am with her and it's my job to protect her and provide for her and be what she needs. So I'm not going to waste anymore time wallowing on the baseless words of a bitter and defeated enemy. If anything, when I hear his voice in my head now and again, it makes me feel better. Better because that means he's envious of what I've become and what I have.
What I have is everything Sephiroth never had. Maybe that's where the jealousy comes from. I had a mother who loved and cared for me. I have friends that are always there to support me. I have a family. I have all the things that deep down, Sephiroth wanted. Why else would he have been so hell bent on being with his mother? Why else would he have completely lost it? How else could it have pushed him so over the edge, that he became the monster that he didn't want to be?
There's a part of me that understands Sephiroth. In many ways, I can understand. If I hadn't had the solid foundation that I had, I could have become just like him. Zack could have too, if he had let it. Because in all honesty, we weren't natural. We'd been altered by something alien that shouldn't have been combined with our bodies and that would make anyone a little off. Sephiroth had that more than us because he was born with it, conceived with it. I think that's why he targeted me as much as he did. I, who was a nobody. I, who was a lowly grunt. I, who was considered a failure and not only had I beat him, I had more than he would ever have. Which, ironically, was why I was able to beat him. Not because I was a better fighter or had fancier moves because better men than me had tried and failed to beat him. It was because I was so far from being an empty puppet, which was what he was. He who was thought to be the Hero and the best, was the one that was most empty inside.
For that, I pity him and that's what he must hate the most. That I, who should never have been the hero but became one because he hadn't been good enough, strong enough or brave enough to be. That's why he was the toy and I am...me.