The Divine Rights of Kings, and Cao Pi
Or
Baozi: So It Begins...
"Oh! My lord, come! You must see this one, it is perfect!"
I rush to see He's find, hoping that it will finally be adequate for me and Zhongda's heir.
It is not. It's a travesty that Xuchang has no cribs and baby blankies fit for the next Wei lord.
I scoff my disapproval: "Zhang He, that crib looks rather plain. How will my vasels know that my child is their lord and not some plebe?"
Zhang He gently shakes his head before speaking melodically: "Lord Cao Pi, you judge it by the wrong criteria. See the quality of the craftsmanship? The refined simplicity and the rich grain of the wood? This crib is beautiful in a different way. Besides, your babe will need a crib for Yi's office, and I doubt that Yi would want something too ornate."
He has a point, and it's not as if I need worry about father's money.
"Very well, general. In addition to this, I have a new responsibility for you: all the rooms Yi spends his time in have to be transitioned into something baby friendly, with stuffed animals and children's toys."
Zhang He hugs me, nearly breaking my spine. Upon hearing my gasping and choking noises he lets go. I rub my sore sides, head still spinning when He yells out "You will not regret this my lord! I must now depart to find the cutest plushies in all of Xuchang! Oh! And wallpaper!"
I'm sure Zhongda won't mind having his rooms redecorated, for our child.
I leave He on his own, to finish his "plushie quest". By now Zhongda ought to be done with getting his robes. Which means that I'll be going to the store father instructed him to, to see if he chose something that looks good. I pick up some tea, pastries and baozi before going to the tailor and millner's district.
The thing that really stands out the most, in helping me find Yi, is seeing Dengi Ai standing at a store front holding rolls of a light teal cloth with little birds embroidered on it.
"Deng Ai, is Yi in there?"
"Yes, my lord. The tailor is measureing him."
"Good." I go in.
Yi is at the back of the store, his arms outstretched as the tailor measures him.
"Zhongda! I've brought you tea and baozi."
That insolent merchant has to snap at me with out even bothering to look up.
"Sir! You must get out at once! You may have no food and drink near my silks, and do not distract this man. He is guiding my art's creation!"
Zhongda begins to shake his head: "Zihua-"
"Merchant! Before you speak to me in such a manner, look back and know that you are addressing the crown prince of Wei!"
Yes, the look of horror and repentance that my subjects give upon realizing their transgressions is priceless. But why is Zhongda giving me that cute little scowl?
"Sima, stop getting so angry all the time or you'll hurt our child that you're carrying."
The merchant turns his head back and forth between us, making unintelligible noises. I think that last bit of information broke his mind. Perfect.
Zhongda, red, barks out "The Prince is fooling with you merchant".
"Zhongda, darling, why are trying to hide the miraculous fact that you are pregnant with our child?"
Yi's that much redder, and standing there with his arms now folded.
"... I absolutely hate you for this, Zihuan."
"My lady! Forgive me for having mistaken you for a-"
Zhongda cuts the merchant off.
"I. Am. A. Man."
Zhongda's interaction here should be entertaining to watch, now that it's been set up.
"...but you are with child."
"...that is beside the point, merchant."
"And that child belongs to our Lord Prince?"
An exasperated: "Yes, it belongs Cao Pi and I." Slips from Zhongda's lips.
The merchant starts again with: "So then you must have-"
So then I cut the merchant off.
"Zhongda, come have these baozi and tea."
He steps down from the platform and walks to me, still huffing a bit.
"Just hand me the tea, Zihuan. I've no appetite."
I hope that his lack of appetite is not because of my teasing.
I try taking his hand and speaking a bit.
"Zhongda, I want our child to be healthy. Please eat the delicious baozi."
Yi sighs: "I don't think my not wanting to eat is a problem, Zihuan. But if it bothers you so, I'll take the baozi...
Zihuan, you are right that these baozi are delectable; the bun is just so silky and smooth."
I give quick peck to the top of his head. "Thank you, Zhongda. I'll go see about getting these silks delivered."
"And I'll return to the palace. Hopefully I can still get some work done, Zihuan."
Yi returns my earlier favor, and pecks my lips before leaving.
Why did I let that fact slip so easilly? Why couldn't I just do the right thing and adamantly deny my condition? Stupid, stupid Zhongda. Hopefully people will just believe that merchant to be insane if he goes about saying that Zihuan impregnated me. If I am fortunate, the bothersome merchant will go to a mad house. And then Cao Cao will stop insisting I wear women's robes (because Zhuge Liang's insistance is already quiet enough, thank you). Yes, all of this will hopefully settle and then proceed without too much fuss. I just need to go to the palace scroll room (which is essentially mine anyways) to relax.
There are of course important matters that I must read over; documents intercepted from Shu and Wu, reports from soldiers in the fields, merchants in the city, farmers and other such. I pour over these materials, after all how could Wei do with out me? Besides, I enjoy it. It's purposeful, challenging, something I've honed my skills at and-
I'm interrupted, by a messenger.
"Lord Sima Yi, we've just received word from Shu and Wu! Lord Cao Cao wants you to the main hall at once!"
"Very well, servant. Lead the way."
It seems my absence had been holding the meeting up, seeing that Cao Pi stands and speak the moment I enter. Before doing this Zihuan pulls a chair out and motions for me to take it; how bothersome of Zihuan, acting like that in front of all the other generals. Still, I sit in it as he begins to speak.
"Shu and Wu's responses to my announcement about Zhongda carrying my child have arrived. This messenger will read them." The man that Cao Pi pointed to steps forth and begins to read from a green scroll.
"Congratulations, Wei Lord, on being an expecting father! Kongming advises that I state that Shu does not acknowledge your consort's unusual circumstance to be an adequate foundation for imperial authority. Our relation to the Han and love of benevolence are more valid. However, when speaking on my own behalf, I can say that Shu will not act threateningly toward Wei. It would be unbenevolent to worry an expecting mother." Expecting mother! Those Shu fools dug their graves with that phrase. The messenger retrieves a red scroll now:
"This scroll is from the Wu's Sun Ce...it's barely legiable. Our best scribes have only been able to decipher this:
1) Cool story, bro!
2) What are the chances of that happening? It must be a sign!
3) C U l8r!
...We still do not understand what the last one means."
The messenger bows and departs, leaving us all to ponder the thought: What is Wu's lord drinking?
Cao Pi is the first to break this silence.
"Did you see that father? I've secured the surrender and praises of our foes just by tapping Zhongda's ass and getting him preggers." That's enough.
I arise: "Zihaun! Do not speak of me in that manner! Preggers is not even proper english; you're a prince for heaven's sake! And stop over sharing about us with the other kingdoms."
"...Zhongda, I thought we agreed to use your condition as an excuse to seize the throne, right?" I pause.
"Yes, yes we did. It's just a bit uncomfortable to get this attention...Lord Cao Cao, I feel tired due to my condition and will be retiring for the day."
Cao Cao nods (having just silently watched all along), I bow and exit, and Cao Pi trails after me like always.
We walk lightly down the halls, to my chambers. A bit before getting there, I turn and speak "Zihaun, I'm not in the mood right now."
"I just want to keep you company tonight, Zhongda. You've already stopped vomiting, right?" I nod and he opens the door to my room.
"Do you want more blankets, Zhongda? Less? Should I close your window? How about a snack?" I just go ahead and slip out of my robes and lie down, wondering what is wrong with Zihuan. "Just turn off the light and shut the door, Pi...
You've become so doting and affectionate that it scares me, Zihuan."
Cao Pi just lies besides me and silently wraps his arms about my frame. After some time, he simply responds "that's a strange thing to say, Zhongda."