Family Planing

There was... an uncomfortably loud and fast noise in that... device Zhuge handed.
And, whom in their right mind would think that hearing such a noise could make Cao Pi react as he has. He still has those blasted, so-called "head-phones" on as he starts to place his hand upon my back and shoulders, seeming so damn happy it's frightening. He nuzzles the side of my face, my cheek, and speaks into my ear about child this and child that. I normally would not ever even think of doing this, let alone prompt it. But, I see an opportunity here; and it is always wise to exploit opportunity.
I turn my face so that my lips brush against Pi's as I speak soft. "Zihuan...? We...?" I don't speak further, as I gaze to Pi and brush my finger tips to his lips. Really, it is not that I can't speak, I just do not need to for this plan. After all, that so-called "flirting" is a system, and like any system I can manipulate it masterfully.
And Zihuan takes the bait, garbing my hand and thrusting his tongue down my throat. I really do absolutely hate these public displays of affection, but I've my reason to do this right now. I moan and place a hand on Zihuan's chest. He does the same. I repeat, only louder. Pi is... acting too frisky for a man in a doctor's office with a, well, "pregnant lover". We end up a tangled, undulating mess of limbs on the exam bed; making all sorts of moans and animal noises.

Hah! with my plan's success, I can just imagine that bastard Kongming wanting to vomit from being forced to witness this! And there is nothing he can do to stop me! No, all him and that puppy-apprentice-nurse thing can do is stare powerless to stop me. I moan, gasp and writhe; just to yank on their chain.
Cao Pi is indeed useful sometimes. I just wish whatever that thing he has in his pants is would stop jabbing me and digging into my thigh.
...wait, THING in his pants? Oh shi-

"Son! I am here to see my grandchild! Right, Dun, right?" "Yes, my Lord Cao Cao."
After hearing the door slam open and that greeting, Pi pulls off of me and goes to standing strategically behind a chair. I crane my neck to see our room's occupants: a happily bounding Cao Cao, a moody Dun and why are the Shu standing with their noses covered? What stupidity, that they can't even show disgust right. Who gets a nose bleed in disgust anyways?

"Uh, Father... Yi and I were occupied, would you mind waiting outside before coming here to hear my child?"
Cao Cao waves his arm out in a forward motion; General Dun scrutinizes my tousled hair and open robe. I quickly fix them.
"Nonsense, son! Do you wish to make your father wait to hear the grandchild that you have so long denied him!" ...Now that I get a closer look, I can see that I truly do have no particular want to become a part of the Cao family.
"...Dad, stop making this about some duty you think I have to beget progeny for Wei. Zhongda and I are having children because we want a family together."
What is with these Caos, do they all have to be this irrational over some child, besides Cao Pi forgets an important fact:
"Zihuan, we are having a child because we somehow failed at gay sex and ended up with me pregnant. That is hardly grounds for feeling pride. Besides, children?"
Now Zihuan embarrassingly nuzzles my hair and cuddles (and from what I can see that thing still hasn't gone down), "Don't you want more children, Zhongda?"
"Zihuan, see; now is not the time for that discussion... stop doing this to me in front of your father."
"Son-"
But General Dun is helpful to me, some times: "My Lord Cao Cao, your son seems busy perhaps we can give him a moment."
"Ah, very well then, Dun! Everybody, to the markets!"

The moment they all step out, Zihuan shoves his tongue down my throat, again. After some panting and gasping:
"Zhongda, Zhongda, babe. You have no idea how bad I need to-"
"Go into the broom closet and finish yourself off there, Zihuan."
"What, Yi, why?"
"I am not having a medical exam with your fluids on me."
"What about in your mou-"
"No."

That was annoying, I can't believe my luck at having father interrupt me when Zhongda was finally letting me get it on with out complaining of morning sickness or having to pee. And then being sent off to the closet. Damn Zhongda. Damn whatever hormones stopped making him put out.
Whatever mess is left in that broom closet is now somebody else's problem.

"Zihuan, come out; your father is here." Again. I step out. Father is listening to that device that Doctor Kongming set up on Sima. I wait until he takes note of me to interrupt.
"Yes, Father?"
"Shhhh. Son, I am listening to my grandchild! Your lover is doing an excellent job of carrying a Cao child!" Zhongda seems like he may bite his tongue off, or punch my father in the face if this keeps up. Neither of those would be very good for me.
"Father, perhaps you should-"
"It's sooo loud and fast, son! Do you think Sima Yi is having children?"
"No. It's just one."
"Ah, very well. There can be more latter. Dun! Listen to your grandchild- er- nephew, I meant."
"Uncle isn't here Father." Father finally gets away from my boyfriend, to spin on his heal and look about the room. So he lost Uncle?
Father darts out muttering something about loosing Dun at the markets. He shuts the door and leaves.
"How dare Lord Cao Cao act as if this is my greatest achievement."
I sit by my fuming lover and place a hand on his knee to catch his attentions. He looks to me.
"Father is just too fixated on having grandchild...Remember all those time Father and I spoke in private?"
Yi nods.
"He was busy insisting that I have children. Every fucking time."
Yi's face drops.
"Welcome to the family, Zhongda."

I need a break from the Caos and all this baby stuff, now. I breath deeply, push a strand of hair behind my ear and make way to my offices. Having to put up with servants and their little "You're glowing my lord" comments. Every one fucking knows.
When I make it to the office, I finally get the chance to open a door for myself. No overly chivalrous Cao Pi here to do my every task for me. I want that right now, right?
It is just that , as of late I don't become as angry as I should when Zihuan opens doors or helps me from the carriage. I don't need the help yet, I'm not that far along. But, it's nice to see how invested he is in our child and me. It's comforting to know that the one time that I'll be weak and vulnerable, I'll have Zihuan. And he actually seems to care. I could just be acting this mellow and tame because of the hormones.
Yes, the hormones... the same ones at fault for my swollen ankles.

It's relaxing being back at my desk, my office with my maps and scrolls, and my constant planing for our long and bloody wars. How I've missed this.
My door slams open again, because fate dictates that I can not have a minute alone. Zhang He somehow bounds in like some deer-butterfly thing, if that is at all possible. Guo Huai steps in behind him, wheezing and hacking. They both hold shopping bags; that can not be good.
I nod to them both: "He, Huai. You visit me because?"
He too excitedly pulls something out of the bag. "Yi~ Lord Cao Cao sent me to pick up your dress and- well, you had it made by the the sweetest, most charming merchant ever- the two of us started talking and... actually that can be a surprise! Put on your dress first! You'll look sooo adorable!"
I scrutinize the bright teal robe.
"It has little ribbons and bows. I did not ask for ribbons and bows. I'm not wearing it."
"But, Yiiii~ you're going to crush your baby if you keep wearing your skin tight dress."
"He does have a point- cough, hack- lest you inflict illness on your child and they should- cough, hack- end up like me, Lord Yi."
"hmph. Fine"

"Awww~ You looks so cute, Yi. I bet Pi will love it! Isn't the merchant's work brilliant?"
"Cute is terrible, Zhang He!"
"Actually- cough- My Lord, you look incredible..."
"Guo Huai! I can understand those comment from He, but you too."
"Sorry, my Lord-"
"Now for the next surprise! Look, Yi!"
He pulls out a meat bun plush; where in the world did that come from?
"Pray tell, what is that, He?"
"Only the most adorable plush baozi EVER! That fabulous merchant made it when I mentioned wanting a unique gift for your babe."
"cough- I think that may be the only plush baozi I've ever seen, General."
"He, I... have already told you about... Zihuan's grapes obsession. I... just don't feel comfortable having a child of his get a toy foodstuffs."
"You worry too much, Yi~"

Modern technology: because everyone knows how important realism is in mpreg crack...