Painless
Cameron was in a mood that morning… She and Thirteen still had yet to have their second first time, and she was… frustrated to say the least. So, when she called in her favor that House owed her for doing the annual budget, she knew that this day, this case, was going to be 'super fun' for everyone. But she saw this case, and she saw potential for her best friend… and that's what made her cash in so quickly.
"32-year-old male with chronic pain all over." She said as she gave House the file.
"This is the favor? I was expecting something involving whipped cream and tongue depressors and Thirty-One." His eyes widened for a split second before his face masked in a scoul.
"He's seen seven different specialists over three years. No diagnosis and no relief."
"Oh, I am fascinated already. It's like I'm treating myself. He gets cured, and I get to learn a valuable lesson about the milk of human kindness."
Thirteen looked up at Taub and Kutner as they watched the interaction… she was not about to turn around because she knew Cameron was going to bit her head off if she did… Instead she looked through the file.
"If I thought you learned lessons, I never would've quit." Cameron put her hands on her hips.
"So you're wasting a favor because?"
"I think you can help this guy."
House took out his Vicodin bottle and shook it to see how many there were, "Drug-seeking patients—"
"Don't attempt suicide with medicine cabinets full of narcotics." She interrupted him. He had nothing and gave a sigh.
"Sounds like fibromyalgia." Thirteen said, breaking the silence.
"Sounds like you don't work for House." The blonde bitched at her girlfriend. House looked between them both as if watching a tennis match… as did every other man in the room, "A diagnosis that provides neither an explanation nor a cure is by definition not a diagnosis."
Foreman tried to help Remy out, "The American College of Rheumatology would disagree. There are specific diagnostic criteria."
Cameron gave him a glare, "Which this guy doesn't meet. Putting pressure on his pain helps, doesn't make it worse. He's got abdominal pain, severe headaches, muscle cramps that come and go."
"And he tried to off himself. He's obviously mentally ill. Pain's probably psychological."
"It is not a sign of mental illness to want to be pain-free."
House was listening to all of this as he poured his last two pills in his mouth and closed the bottle.
"It is if your solution is sucking on a tailpipe. Sane people don't attempt suicide." Taub argued.
"Not ever? So if you were being burnt at the stake… And someone handed you a gun…"
"I'd shoot the guys with the torches. Not one doctor this guy has seen in the past three years has been able to find a single thing wrong with him. What does that tell you?"
"It means they're idiots." House started, "It means we got to start from the beginning." He looked at Taub, "We'll do a pain profile to rule out psychosomatic pain." He looked at Thirteen, "Search the home." Then to Cameron, "Go home." Then he tossed Kutner his empty bottle, "Get a refill… And a donut."
Foreman stood and looked at Cameron and House, "I'll help with the home."
Cameron glared over to Thirteen, who smirked and mouthed, "Jell-O." then winked at her and put her coat on.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Foreman walked out into the garage, "There's nothing in there but a pharmacy's worth of pain meds. This guy makes House look like a Christian Scientist. He's also more compliant than House. Kept all the inserts, had daily pill dispensers to make sure he didn't mix them up." He looked into the car, "I guess if you're gonna go out in a car, this ain't a bad one to choose."
"If I ever did it, definitely wouldn't be like that." She looked up to see him looking at her with concern through the window, "Don't worry. I'm not making any plans."
"I certainly wouldn't know. Ever since that thing with Janice, you've been avoiding me."
"No, I haven't. Just been busy. Metal polish could cause nerve damage if he inhaled enough of it. Judging by the shine on that car, he used a fair amount."
"Judging by the fact that he owns a body shop and…" He held up a face mask, "One of these, I'd say he knew not to inhale… Busy tonight? We can get some dinner."
"…I don't think so." She gave him a miffed look.
"What?" Foreman asked.
"I have a girlfriend… You know I have a girlfriend. You consider her a friend, yet you're asking me out?"
He stared at her a moment, "I… I didn't mean like that. Cameron can come too…"
She knit her brows, "I don't think you didn't mean it like that. So. No. Never, ever will this" She gestured between them, "Ever happen."
"Alright, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just… wanted to let you know that you have more options… You don't need to go back to how things were unless you're sure you want to."
"I am sure I want to… What I'm not sure of is why you think you have a chance. Have you ever seen Allison?" he looked at him, "While I won't dispute you're rather dapper and handsome, she's dapper and handsome and nurturing and perfect… that's what I need. It's what I want." She shrugged then moved to the freezer, "This look like quail to you?"
~0~0~0~0~0~
While their first treatment for Jeff was being administered, Thirteen had to go to her trial… and Foreman had to be her doctor. She just, wasn't sure of how to handle him, so she decided just to speak when spoken to.
As he tested her wrist reactions, he said, "I promise, I'm only holding your hand to check for choreiform movement. I'm getting absolutely no intimacy from it."
"Good." She gave him a sarcastic smile, "Can we move this along? Got a girlfriend to kiss and a case to solve." He only smirked and nodded, saying nothing more.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Thirteen was back for her second treatment of the day when she saw Janice leaving hers, and talking to a nurse, "I don't think I'm ready to run a decathlon yet." She told the nurse with a big smile as she stood there with minimal twitching in comparison to how she used to be.
The nurse smiled, "Ah, if we can get you managing your life a bit better, that'll be plenty." She turned to Thirteen, "Dr. Hadley, whenever you're ready."
Thirteen nodded and walked over to Janice, who waved at her, "Janice. You look better."
Janice smiled a wide smile, "Yeah, they said my basal ganglian volume's improved. All I know is for the first time in two years, I can drink a cup of water without spilling it all over myself. Thank you for getting me back in the study."
"I haven't even seen you in weeks. I didn't even know our appointments were back-to-back again."
"Well, they weren't. Mine got switched this morning."
Thirteen knit her brows and nodded, not really knowing what to say because her mind was working overdrive.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Thirteen walked out of her trial room and over to Foreman, "Nice."
He looked at her, "What?"
"Switching Janice's appointment time so I could see the skies brighten like a Lifetime TV movie."
"I don't know what you're—"
"Sticking your most improved study participant in my face. Is that your way of getting into my pants?" She crossed her arms and asked him blatantly.
Foreman stared at her blankly, "I don't make the schedule, and if I did, I wouldn't use it as a social lubricant… especially with someone that has told me off three times in the last day and I know is actually happy with her partner… And this is the first I've heard of Janice improving at all. So, hey, thanks for the good news."
~0~0~0~0~0~
Cameron had had time to cool down from that morning… she had gotten really worked up and a little over emotional. She decided to go check on Jeff and see how everything was going… especially since, in House's words, 'they were cutting off the guy's head'.
She went to the gallery and observed House and Jeff talking.
"You don't have a family, do you?" Jeff asked House.
"Left them all back on Krypton."
"You're alone. That's why you can handle your pain. No need to put up a front, to be what anyone else wants you to be. You're having more bad days lately, aren't you?"
House stared at the back of Jeff's head a moment, "…Yes."
"Take a look at your future. Let's hope the drugs work this time."
House looked up and over to her. She gave him a look back and he nodded. She gave him a small smile before she walked back out. She was glad that House was understanding what she was trying to do and not just knowing and throwing it in her face sarcastically.
~0~0~0~0~0~
House limped into the ER. He waited for Cameron to come out from behind a curtain and when she did, he raised his brows and walked to her office. She knit her brows, took off her gloves, signed the chart of the patient she'd just worked on and followed him.
"House." She said as she walked into her office.
"Foreman wants to become Foreteen." He waggled his brows.
Cameron stood there a minute, "Fourteen?"
"Not Fourteen, Foreteen."
"House. You just said a number twice. I don't—" Her eyes flashed with understanding and immediately jealousy, "Oh my God." She turned around and walked out of her office.
She walked out of the ER, almost in a trance, and went to the trial rooms. She found Foreman working on paperwork.
"Who the hell do you think you are? I mean, what the hell?" she put her hands on the back of a chair and stared at him angrily.
"Cameron…" He greeted 'kindly', "What can I help you with?"
"You can tell me why it is that every guy that works for House seems to eventually think that they can get into my or my girlfriend's pants…"
"What did Thirteen say?"
"No." Cameron shook her head, "Not Thirteen. House."
"Because House always tells the truth." He gave her a look, "You really think I would—?"
"I think that you just asked me what my girlfriend said so that just confirms what House said." She shifted her weight, but kept her hands on the back of the chair. She shrugged angrily, "What the hell? You really think it's okay to ask her out? To act on anything you think you feel for her?"
"No…" he looked down.
"Damn straight." She pushed the chair to the side and set her palms on the table between theme with a little more force than necessary, "Don't be Chase. You're far too mature for that."
"I'm not trying to be Chase…" he looked up at her, "I just like her… I can't help it."
"Yes." She pushed up and stood straight, "You can." She started for the door, "If you even think about pursuing her, I will have you kicked off this trial and your reputation as a doctor destroyed." She eyed him seriously, "This is much more than an article you're thinking about stealing. This is my life. I will stop at nothing." She gave him a glare before she walked out.
She was clearly not a woman to be bothered as she stalked over to the elevator and pushed the button about ninety times before it opened. She got in, thankfully no one tried to board with her, and she ranted to herself whilst walking in an angry circle all the way to the fourth floor.
She walked into the office, finding her girlfriend and the other two ducklings sitting at the table. She gave her a look as she walked to House's empty office and out onto his patio. Thirteen knit her brows and the other two raised theirs and looked to her.
"I guess I need to step out for a few minutes." She stood cautiously and walked quietly to the patio. "Babe?" She asked as she shut the door.
"Did I get fat?" Cameron asked.
Thirteen knit her brows, "Wh—what?"
"Am I uglier than you remembered? Am I disfigured in some way? Am I just not your cup of tea anymore? Do you need a big hulking black man, now?"
Thirteen didn't even try to hide her smile as she leaned against the glass door, "Foreman is hardly 'hulking'… I mean, he's tall and built, but he's not 'hulking'."
"Do you want him? 'Cause you certainly don't want me."
"Yes, I do, Baby…" She gave Allison a calm half smile.
"No. You don't. If you did, you would have slept with me by now. We slept together by now the first time around."
"Yes, and the first time around I was ten years younger, and not as aged and smart as I am now."
"Well I'm not!" The blonde huffed, "And I need sex! And I need Foreman to not pull a Chase! And I need one or the other to happen right now!" She stamped her foot for effect.
"Honey, I am not going to fuck you on command."
"Yes!" She argued, "Do you know how long it's been for me?" She asked, "You slept with many a floozy while we were apart. I slept with no one. I can't handle him and his feelings for you if I'm not confident in your feelings for me. And while I love the kisses and I love the talks and the sharing of a bed once more…. I want the sharing of the bed once more."
Remy smiled and nodded. She walked over and took Allison's face in her own, "After we figure out what this guy has…" She kissed her lips, "You and I…" She kissed her cheek, "We'll go home." The other cheek, "We'll fix a dinner together… or breakfast, depending on the time of day." Allison's forehead, "We'll break out the wine." He nose, "Or coffee, again, depending on the time of day." Her nose again, "And we'll make all kinds of aerobic, sweaty, steamy, hot, sexy, passionate, tangled sheets, firework seeing love… Alright?" She kissed Allison's lips once more, "Then, Foreman will be nothing but a speck of dust to you… 'Kay?" She kissed her again.
Allison nodded and looked down, "Promise?"
"I promise." She kissed her again, "In the mean time… you have an ER to run and I have a man with chronic pain…"
~0~0~0~0~0~
Thirteen still couldn't believe that House solved the case because he saw his plumber scratch himself… His epiphany entrances were always interesting, but this one was rather entertaining. He'd paged them to the elevator and all four were waiting for him to step off, "Testicles. What do they make you think of?"
She shook her head… the entire time, this poor guy had epilepsy. Thirteen made her way to the trial area to get her IV after they started Jeff on his treatment. She text Allison and told her that it was almost time for the wine.
"Good. My shift ends in five. I'll come get you then we go home?" She text back.
"Absolutely." Remy grinned down at her phone.
"You're here early." Foreman said as he walked in.
She gave him a closed mouth smile, "I'm feeling better." She watched his concerned face as he check her IV bag, "What's wrong?"
"IV's leaking a little. It's no big deal. I'll be right back."
"Foreman." She stopped him, "Don't mind Cameron… she's just on edge." She looked down and off to the side, "She'll be back to her normal self soon…" she looked down at her phone, "Probably in the next hour and a half."
"Thanks. I really wanted to know when you guys were gonna have sex. That's great." He shook his head and walked out to the nurse's station.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Cuddy was in the ER. She watched Cameron finish up with a patient, then nodded her over to her. "You offered to do House's budget because you wanted him to owe you, wanted him to take that case. Why?"
Cameron shrugged, "I thought it would help House. Seeing someone worse off than him, possibly curing a guy who has even less to look forward to."
Cuddy nodded and said nothing more, so Cameron started to back away and started off to her office.
But in fact, the Dean did have something to say, "Can I ask you something?" Cameron stopped and looked at her, telling her to go ahead, "How would you like my job?"
Cameron raised her brows in question.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Allison walked in a bit after Foreman left and walked over to her, giving her a quick kiss as she knelt down beside her, "Ready to celebrate?" Remy asked with a waggle of her brows.
"Cuddy just offered me her job temporarily…" She looked up into sea foam and found a glaze look in her eyes. "What?"
Remy shook her head, "I'm sorry… I think it's because we've been talking about sex so much, but I just—I heard you!" She put her 'this is serious' hand out, "And that's an awesome opportunity, but I really just pictured us having sex on Cuddy's desk and that's…" She drew out the last word, "Hhhhhhhot." Remy stared down at her girlfriend's face.
"You think I can do it?"
"Hell yes." Remy said without pause.
The blonde took a breath, "Me too. I start on Monday. Don't tell House." She waggled her brows and leaned in for a kiss, "I'm gonna have so much fun bossing him around."
"I'm gonna have so much fun fucking you on Cuddy's desk."
"God. Is sex all you can think about?" Allison asked holding in her smile.
"Me?! You've been dry-humping and pissy and all kinds of other adjectives that I'll probably get in trouble for using for the last couple weeks!" Allison laughed and Remy caught on, "Oh, I see… You're so funny, Babe." The brunette said sarcastically.
"I love you too." She looked at the IV to see it empty, "You ready?"