Arnold hasn't stopped seeing his mother's tear-stained face all day. "My baby!" she wails during any second of down-time he has. "My poor sweetie! And you were doing so well, too!" The worst parts are when she gives him a teary smile and says, "It looks like we're back to where we started, baby. You can make a new best friend all over again! Won't that be fun?" Every so often, a fictional character tries to nudge their way in—a concerned Tara from Buffy, a mocking Starbuck from BSG—but they always fail.
His father adds a new verse to his mother's song now and then. "Well, gosh darn it, son, what else did you think was going to happen when you stopped following the Book of Mormon? And with all those terrible things you think when you look at that Price boy—have to say I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner."
A concerned Rob catches up with Arnold and Nabulungi as they head into the dining hall that morning. "So, ah, I caught Elder Price on the couch when I went to get breakfast started. He didn't tell me much, but he seems to think he'll be sleeping there for the near future. And that's just not right, right?" He chuckles, but stops when no one else chuckles with him. "I'd like it if you three had a mediated discussion after dinner. Does that sound all right?"
Arnold can't speak. It's up for Nabulungi to say, "Yes, thank you, Elder McKinley."
"It's not going to help," Arnold says once Rob leaves.
"It will," she says definitely, kissing his cheek. "If it does not immediately, then it will be a start. You will see." Arnold wishes she could be less optimistic and more realistic sometimes.
Kevin barely looks at him all day. He proselytizes with Mafala and Gotswana. Arnold waits in agony until after dinner, when all three of them go into Rob's office. Thankfully, Rob's moved the desk outside, and has chairs arranged in a circle. Nabulungi sits between Kevin and Arnold; she holds Arnold's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Kevin leans his elbows on his knees, glowering at the floor, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.
"Okay," says Rob as he closes the door. "Thanks for coming, everyone." He's carrying a notepad and pencil, which he holds ready to use. "Now, what I want us to do is unpack what happened last night using non-judgemental language. Instead of accusing, focus instead on what you feel. As always, whatever you say here doesn't leave the room. Shall we bow our heads?"
Arnold is sure Rob's prayer is lovely, but he completely tunes it out when Kevin-in-Arnold's-head hisses, "How dare you. You were attracted to me this whole time and you let me find out about it like this? Serves me right for ever being friends with an ugly, fat, four-eyed—"
"...live long and prosper," Rob finishes. He looks at the group. "Why don't you explain why you were sleeping on the couch last night, Elder Price?"
After a long sigh, Kevin speaks. "Last night, I woke up to hear these two whispering to each other. It turns out that Sister Ha—Sister Cunningham knows something about me that I told Elder Cunningham in confidence." He snorts. "All this is my fault, I guess: I didn't tell him specifically it was a secret. I just assumed he'd figure it out. Because it's something that I—" He breaks off, then continues with, "Anyway, I got angry and left." Arnold waits for Kevin to add something about him being bi. He doesn't.
He didn't hear. A knot loosens in Arnold's stomach. Thank you, Heavenly Father!
"Elder Cunningham, Sister Cunningham—would you explain why we're here in your own words?" Rob asks.
Arnold opens his mouth, but Nabulungi starts talking. "Elder Price is mistaken. I only guessed at...that. Arnold told me nothing about it."
"Really?" Kevin snorts. "That's a very specific word for a non-native English—"
Rob interrupts. "Elder Price, please wait until they're finished. Elder Cunningham, will you explain what happened last night?"
Sweat dribbles down Arnold's forehead. He wants to lie so badly that telling the truth physically hurts, like taking a blow to the stomach. "Nabulungi, you don't have to protect me. Elder Price is right. I did tell Nabulungi something that Elder Price told me. I knew better, and...I did it anyway." He turns to Kevin, pleading. "I thought she could help."
"Help," Kevin says flatly, glaring at Nabulungi.
"It was wrong." Arnold goes through the motions of swallowing, though his throat is bone dry. "I get that now. I, uh, guess I'm just not used to having...well, more than one friend. And I'm not used to boundaries, either."
"Get used to them," Kevin snaps, and Arnold ducks his head.
"Let Elder Cunningham talk, Elder Price," Rob says. "You'll get your chance to reply."
"I will," Arnold tells Kevin. "I will get used to them, I swear. I never meant to hurt you or make you mad! Just give me a chance and I'll be a better friend." He can't go back to going to movies alone, birthday parties with just Mom and Dad, hitting 'reply' or refreshing a website instead of talking face to face. Guiltily, he glances at Nabulungi, reminding himself that she'll be there.
But he wants Kevin, too.
Kevin keeps glaring at the floor. After a few moments of silence, Rob prompts, "Elder Price, do you have something to say to Elder Cunningham?"
"That's not the only reason I'm angry," Kevin snaps. "Let's talk about why I woke up." He glares between Arnold and Nabulungi. "You two were at least kissing—probably more—with me in the bed right next to you! You," he glances at Nabulungi, "stopped it, so thanks for that. Would've been nice if it hadn't started." When Rob clears his throat, Kevin corrects himself. "I feel disrespected that you two made out right next to me. I thought it was clear that I'd give you whatever alone-time you wanted."
Crap—when did Nabulungi call him my 'boyfriend'? The memory unfurls: after Nabulungi hissed "Stop!" If Kevin knows she stopped them, then he heard Nabulungi call Kevin Arnold's boyfriend.
Arnold's thoughts narrow to a constant scream: PLEASE, GOD—SAVE ME!
"Would either of you like to respond?" Rob asks when neither of them say anything.
Nabulungi takes a breath. "I apologize, Elder Price. Once again, I did not respect your space. It should not have happened."
"I started it," Arnold mutters. "It's not her fault."
Kevin stares at him, jaw clenched, and Arnold wants to sink into the floor.
"So, Elder Cunningham, what do you think Elder Price is saying?" asks Rob.
"He's saying that we shouldn't do that again. And I completely agree. I...um..." 'Felt horny' is probably the wrong thing to say, considering Kevin doesn't know what it feels like. "Nevermind. But I'm sorry, pal."
Rob continues. "Now, the big question: Elder Price, do you think you can sleep in your room tonight?"
Kevin runs his fingers through the hair he normally keeps immaculately in place. "If everyone," he shoots Arnold a suspicious glance, "remembers what they promised."
"I WILL!" says Arnold, Nabulungi nodding beside him. "WE BOTH WILL!"
Rob claps his hands together, beaming. He summarizes what each person said, what the issues are and how they can be resolved. Arnold listens with half an ear; his main focus is Kevin. Every so often Kevin glowers at him, but the heat of his anger seems to have cooled. If Kevin isn't that angry anymore...and he heard Nabulungi call him Arnold's boyfriend... If he heard...
"Wait!" Arnold blurts out, startling Rob and Kevin. "Elder Price, you heard everything after Nabulungi said stop? Like, everything-everything?"
Kevin looks confused. "Yeah."
"And," Arnold can barely catch his breath, "you're...okay with what you heard?"
Kevin shrugs. "Why wouldn't I be?" He glances at Rob, and Arnold suddenly gets it. Of course Kevin isn't saying anything obvious because Rob's here. He thinks Arnold wants to keep his bisexuality a secret.
A surge of relief drowns any coherent thought Arnold has. He finds himself lunging at Kevin and hugging him, babbling, "THANKS, BUDDY! THIS MEANS SO MUCH! I DIDN'T WANT IT TO GET IN THE WAY OF OUR FRIENDSHIP, BECAUSE IT'S JUST A STUPID CRUSH—"
"What?" says Kevin.
"What?" from Rob.
"What?" Arnold parrots weakly, pulling back enough to see the stunned confusion on Kevin's face.
There's a pause as Arnold drops his arms and collapses back into his seat. The sweat rolling down his back becomes ice water. Then the lie hits, beautiful and enriching as rain after a drought.
"Oh gosh," he murmurs, cringing in embarrassment. "I'm so sorry, Nabulungi!"
Nabulungi looks down at her hands, which she clasps in her lap.
"Argh, I'm messing everything up again," Arnold moans. After a moment, he clears his throat and glances at Kevin, who still looks confused. "Guess you kinda figured it out by now, huh?" He makes himself laugh awkwardly—it doesn't require much acting skill. "She's got a bit of a...well...crush. Um. On you."
Nabulungi crosses her arms over her chest, sulky and irritated. "Thank you, Arnold." His heart skips a beat when he can't tell if she's acting or not. I'll make it up to you, honey, I promise!
"I tease her about it," Arnold continues, "and it's become a joke. That's why she said...uh, what was it...how she wasn't going to kiss me where she could be heard by her boyfriend."
Kevin's gaze sharpens as it fixes on Nabulungi. "You said 'my' boyfriend?"
"Yes," she grumbles, not looking anywhere near Kevin, the picture of embarrassment. There—with both him and Nabulungi saying the same thing, Kevin will have no choice but to think he misheard. From Kevin's assessing stare, it's already happening. Case closed.
"Okay!" Rob breaks in, gesturing to the group. "Do we want to keep exploring this? It might be best if we stepped back and processed our emotions for a moment."
"I could process, sure," says Arnold. Process my awesomeness...well, actually, God's awesomeness. I couldn't have done this without Him! He can't help but chuckle. Pretty ironic that my friendship is saved by lies.
Futurama's Bender glares at him. "That's not ironic! That's just coincidence!" Arnold's other fandom friends are are in the back of his mind, where his lies and stories live.
"No," says Kevin quietly.
Arnold freezes. "Huh?"
"No." Kevin's gaze locks on Arnold. "I remember what I heard. She didn't say 'my'. She didn't! She—"
Kevin bursts out laughing.
Blood rushes to Arnold's face. When Kevin doubles over, still howling, tears prickle in the corners of Arnold's eyes. He's found something worse than Kevin being angry at him or disgusted with him: Kevin mocking him. He flashes back to every "Fatty!" and "Loser!", every snicker and sneer and eye-roll when he tried to join in or make friends. Only Nabulungi's hand holding his own keeps him from bolting.
Noticing Arnold's expression, Kevin gasps for air and manages, "I'm not—heh!—laughing at you...just—hah!—at the situation..."
"THAT'S NOT FUNNY, EITHER!" Arnold bellows.
Kevin inhales deeply; after a chortle or two, he finally stops. He shares a look with Rob; something passes between them that's too complicated for Arnold to grasp. Kevin then gulps and turns to Nabulungi. "Sister Ha—Cunningham, could you please step outside for a moment?"
Arnold needs Nabulungi now more than ever. "Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of her! Now what's your problem, Elder Price?"
Kevin seems to shrink, becoming watchful and tense; becoming so unlike his confident, easy self that Arnold starts in surprise. Kevin licks his lips, the mutters, "If you do have, well, a crush on me... I'm okay with that. I really, really am."
"Then why were you LAUGHING AT ME?" Arnold demands. Nabulungi squeezes his hand. In sympathy? In warning? He can't risk looking away from Kevin to find out.
"I was laughing because...well, if I'd known this earlier and realized...certain things...about me..." He blushes, his gaze flicking to and from Nabulungi. "Things might've gone different. But they didn't!" he adds quickly. "And the last thing I want to do is change anything!" Kevin examines his shoes intently. "I can pair up with Elder Hatimbi for proselytizing. It'll...probably help."
"We're not friends!" Kevin shouted once. "I just got stuck with you by the Missionary Training Centre!" Arnold's voice trembles. "You...you don't want to be my companion anymore?"
Startled, Kevin stares at him. "Of course I do!"
"Then why—?"
"Because I want..." Again, Kevin glances at Nabulungi, then away. He falls silent.
Then Arnold gets it. "Nabulungi?"
Kevin groans in frustration. "No!" He gulps, inhales shakily, and glances from Nabulungi to Arnold. "Buddy, you gave me back my faith. It's not...exactly what it was..." He shrugs. "But that's...not really important right now. I just...pal, you mean...so much to me..." He gives a small smile; combined with the warmth in his brown eyes, Arnold's stomach flip-flops.
Arnold has seen Kevin's expression before. It's what Nabulungi gets when she looks at him. He wants to run and hide; to say they've both made a mistake, obviously, because something so amazing can't happen twice in one lifetime.
"Elder Price," Nabulungi says gently, though Kevin flinches back as if expecting a blow, "I want you to be at Arnold's side. I do not want my presence to change what is between you." She kisses Arnold's flushed cheek, whispering, "Just remember: you don't leave me," into his ear. To Kevin, she says, "And if you want to change what is between you to...something else, we can discuss how that might work."
As Kevin starts and begins saying that Nabulungi has obviously misinterpreted the situation, Arnold thinks, Nabulungi...and Kevin...?
"Oh, Arnold, please get this crazy out of your head," says Buffy, Angel and Spike behind her. "You're not cookie-dough! You've done baking, and Nabulungi is eating cookie-you!"
"You know she's only pretending to accept you and Kevin," says Katniss Everdeen, with Peeta and Gale behind her. "Of course she hates it. Any normal person would." Peeta and Gale nod.
"You can still be friends with him," adds Bella Swann, a shirtless Jacob and sparkling Edward behind her. "That can work out!"
"She's right," says Amy Pond, Rory, wearing his Roman centurion outfit, and the Doctor behind her. "I chose Rory but still had sweet adventures with the Doctor. You just have to be sensitive. Um, you'll have to work on that, obviously! But with a little luck..."
He dimly hears Nabulungi saying that, yes, she knows what adultery is, she's just not sure that's the correct word for this situation.
The Doctor steps forward. "Although, changing the rules is very humany-wumany. Never thought you'd be a prophet, did you? The human race is so full of glorious possibilities!"
Jack Harkness leans in. "Did you see Kevin's ass in that underwear?"
But I don't have witty banter by Joss Whedon! I don't have Ron Moore scripting my emotionally-difficult conversations! When I screw up, I won't get a plot that'll help me out of it! I'll just get...real life! And that sucks!
The Doctor scoffs good-naturedly. "Oh, come on! Everybody's a little bit scared of the TARDIS. You never know exactly where it's going to take you—but that's half the fun!"
Jack Harkness adds, "Kevin's. Ass."
"...no right word," Kevin is saying, his voice rising in frustration, "because things like this just don't..." Catching Arnold's eye, he says, "Elder Cunningham, please tell Sister Hatim—Cunningham that...she's...confused." He's shaking his head as if he can't believe what he's hearing.
"Did you mean what you said?" Arnold asks Nabulungi.
She smiles. "I did." He watches her intently; she doesn't seem to be lying.
"Really?"
Her smile is replaced by an exasperated eye-roll. "Yes. You could believe me when—" She stops herself. "That is for another time, I think." Letting go of his hand, she nudges him toward Kevin, who's gaping at them.
Having no idea what to say, Arnold goes with the first thing that comes to mind. "So...want to be my boyfriend?"
Kevin stares into the middle distance. Maybe he has voices in his head, too. God, probably, though Kevin has been weirdly silent about God lately. If not God, then his bishop, his parents, his family and community—and all of them would be screaming 'No!' His eyes dart left and right. Arnold recognizes the same frantic build-up from when Kevin ran from the mission on his second day in Uganda. In a sudden flurry of movement, Kevin leaps up from his chair, throws the door open, and bolts.
Arnold slouches. "I broke him."
Nabulungi sighs in commiseration and kisses his cheek. "Tomorrow is a latter day."
"Thanks."
"Well!" says another voice, and Arnold starts when he remembers Rob is still in the room.
Rob clears his throat, then gives them a small smile. Arnold waits for him to say something wise and kind, something that'll put everything in perspective.
"I knew you were lying about never having a Hell dream!" Rob crows, pointing at Arnold.
Arnold vaguely remembers mentioning something like that a few months ago. "I wasn't."
"Oh." Rob blushes. "Ah, sorry." Then he's normal-Rob once more, gentle and controlled. "How wonderful that you had someone there for you," he gives Nabulungi an especially kind smile, "when you discovered this side of yourself! Now, about Elder Price—"
What is Rob on about? "Nabulungi wasn't there when I was thirteen."
"You were saying about Elder Price?" Nabulungi asks quickly.
The temperature in the room is suddenly much lower. "Seven years without a Hell dream?" Rob asks, no inflection in his voice.
Arnold shrugs. "Well, sure. God made me with these feelings and God loves me—"
"If you know anything about Elder Price that might help us talk to him—" Nabulungi interrupts, but Rob doesn't even look at her.
"—So I just never had a Hell dream, I guess." Rob's steady stare is getting unnerving; Arnold squirms in his seat.
Rob stands up. At the expression on his face, Arnold inadvertantly flinches, expecting a beating. Instead, Rob moves to the door, saying in a strained voice, "I have to check on Eric—toodles!"
It takes Arnold until he reaches the door to his, Nabulungi and Kevin's room to figure out how that could've gone better. "I'm going to tell him I had nightmares of my dad catching me with a guy, okay?"
"Maybe sleep on it," Nabulungi advises.
They enter their room. Kevin is behind the curtain, writing frantically in his journal. Arnold steps forward, but Nabulungi shakes her head and he stops. Arnold pulls out his Kindle, and he and Nabulungi cuddle as they read The Fellowship of the Ring.
After a few hours, Kevin pulls the curtain back. Arnold and Nabulungi share a glance; Kevin has never done that before.
"I've got a bit of a speech here for Elder Neeley." Kevin holds up his journal. "It might get him to rethink leaving."
"Oh." Arnold feels disappointed for a moment. "Okay."
"Mind if I...?" He gestures to their bed. "So you can both read it."
Nabulungi moves so that he and Kevin are sitting side by side; she sits beside Arnold, holding his hand. Arnold leans in to see the pages.
Mason,
I know you feel lost right now. Believe it or not, I know the feeling. You didn't act the way you felt you should, and someone suffered for it. But you are stronger than you feel at this moment. You can learn from this and do better next time, work through the pain. There might be more coming—I want to say that this is the worst that will happen on our mission, but I can't.
Arnold abruptly realizes that Kevin doesn't need to be quite as close as he is to show off his journal. Furthermore, he realizes that Kevin is aware of it: he keeps glancing at Arnold. No, not Arnold—Nabulungi. She meets Kevin's eyes once, smiles, then goes back to reading. A few moments after that, Kevin lets out a breath that he must've been holding for a while.
Grinning, Arnold goes back to reading the journal.