Author's Note: Hello again. So, I will start a new story soon. It's a "My version of Mockingjay." Peeta will not be hijacked and our Evellark couple will have a sweet reunion. Tell me if you are interested in reading it. Please review. Here is chapter 16. Enjoy.
I don't own The Hunger Games
Chapter 16
Katniss's POV
I sit next to Peeta, my head resting on his shoulder. He puts the basket of cheese buns in front of us and gives me one of the cups. "Don't let Haymitch know but I thought it would be nice to try something different." He says with a smirk. I still can't believe he did all this in so little time. For the first time in weeks I feel so hungry that I don't even wait for him to start eating my first cheese bun. They are delicious and warm, just like anything Peeta bakes.
"You know those are my favorite right?" I ask after I swallow my first bite. "Yeah, you told me that before. Do you like it?" he asks. I don't even know why he asks, I like everything he bakes. "Of course I do. They are perfect just like everything you make." I smile at him and he returns it. We lean in together and our lips connect. I can't describe how much pleasure I feel every time Peeta's soft lips touch mine. I wish I could move on and give him all of me. I know that I'm not ready for a physical relationship, especially not right now, but I want to show Peeta how much he means to me. We share a sweet and soft kiss before we pull away.
" I wish I could keep kissing you for the rest of the night, but we better eat those cheese buns before they get cold and gross." He says while catching his breath. I nod, I can't form any words right now. Peeta picks up his cup and give me mine. "Even after everything we went through we found our way back to each other. I promise that whatever happens for now on I will always be by your side, helping you, protecting you, loving you. To us." He raises his cup and I do the same with mine. We touch our cups together and bring them down to our mouths. Whatever this liquid is it tastes awful, burning my throat on its way down. I can't help the face I make and Peeta laughs.
"I know it tastes terrible. I made us some orange juice, I think it would taste better." He says. He gets up and goes to the kitchen. Soon after, he comes back with two cups filled with orange juice. He gives me one and sits back down next to me. He picks up a cheese bun for me and one for him and we eat in silence, watching the flames. After we eat all the cheese buns, or I eat all the cheese buns, Peeta goes to the kitchen and brings us some cupcakes. He places three on my lap. One of them being the first one he made, with the strawberry heart. The second one has the words "love" on the top, written with chocolate. But the third one is what I like the most, Peeta draw my Mockingjay pin on it with orange frosting.
" I didn't see you making this one. I didn't even know we had orange frosting." I say while taking a bite. "I made it while you were cleaning up. After the first games my father's clients, some being from the capitol, started to order their sweets with your Mochingjay pin as the design. Since I was the only person who had seen it up close my father told me to decorate them. The orange frosting, I just added some orange dye to whatever was left of the white frosting." He explains. Peeta is not just an amazing baker, he is also an artist. I remember when we use to work together on the plant book. He could draw every plant just by the description I would give him.
"You are brilliant!" I say. He smiles at me and goes back to eating his cupcakes and staring at the fire. While he watches the fire I watch him. He looks so handsome, so perfect. He has some scars left by the capitol and the fire that killed my sister, but none of them reached his face. His blonde hair reflects the fire, making it shine like the sun, his long eyelashes that caress his cheeks every time he blinks, his cheery lips that feel so soft every time they touch mine. I would probably need a book to describe his eyes, those ocean blue iris that could take me to places I never thought existed. Those beautiful sky blue eyes that are staring right at me. Wait, what?
"Are you having fun?" he smiles at me. I can't meet his gaze, I'm so embarrassed. Peeta caught me staring at him and I have no idea why I was doing it in the first place. I look down and start playing with my fingers, my cheeks are burning. "Hey, why are you blushing? It's alright. I don't mind at all." He brings his hand to my chin and forces me to look at him. "It's okay Katniss" he caress my cheek with his thumb. "I was just admiring how beautiful you are" I whisper, my voice sounding small and fragile, just like a little girl.
"You are the beautiful one here sweetheart" he says while placing his last cupcake back on the plate in front of the fireplace. Before I can argue with him he leans in and capture my lips. Without breaking our kiss I place whatever was left of my third cupcake next to his and throw my arms around his neck. Peeta brings me close by the waist and leave his hands resting in there. We feel so close and so far at the same time. Before I know what he is doing Peeta leans back and pulls me with him. We lie on the floor on our sides, holding each other and kissing. What started as a simple peck became a full kiss, passionate and demanding. Peeta's tongue touches my lower lip and open my mouth, allowing him full access. I've never French kissed. I heard some side conversations at school when I was younger. Some girls describe it as gross and others as the most beautiful thing. The truth is, I'm nervous. I want to take this step and learn something new with him, but I'm afraid that I will mess it up. Peeta pulls away suddenly. There, nice job Katniss you screwed it up.
"Are you okay? Your entire body just tensed" he whispers. Of course he noticed, Peeta can read me like a open book. "Yes, I just..I-I…I never.." How am I supposed to explain this to him. Deep down I know that even though Peeta claimed that he loved me since we were 5 he probably had some girlfriends before he the reaping that bonded our lives forever. He was known as one of the best wrestlers, Peeta and his brothers were always strong and masculine.
"You never what Katniss? It's okay you can talk to me about anything." I don't want for Peeta to think that I'm completely inexpedient, but that is exactly what I am. I never thought that I would actually experience a relationship, and now look at me, I'm not even a virgin anymore, I lost my innocence, my pureness to someone I thought would take care of me forever. I can feel my face becoming pale, I've been so concentrated on Peeta and everything he is doing to me that I actually put all this situation to rest. But the truth is, I'm not and I will never be good enough for him. Peeta deserves someone who knows how to treat him right, to make him feel special. I'm not the one Peeta should be making cupcakes to, I'm not the one she should be preparing a date to, I'm not the one he should be in love with. How am I supposed to keep him by my side when I know that even though I had a great day with him, the moment I stop and lie my head on my pillow everything that happened over this last year is going to come back to my mind and eat me alive. I can't give myself to him, body and soul.
I never had many friends at school. I could say that my true friends were probably only Gale and Madge, but I would listen to the girls' conversation sometimes, even without meaning to. When we were children their conversation would be about how they couldn't wait to grow up and find their prince from the stories they heard from their parents. As time went by everything started to get more realistic. I would hear about their first boyfriends, their first kiss, their first physical experience. There were many different opinions on what actually happens when a girl and a boy decide to take a step forward, but they all had something in common. They all had their first experience with someone they loved. They shared their most intimate secrets with someone they could trust, someone who would take care of them. I will never be able to do that. Gale stole the only piece of innocent I had left. I've killed, I've watched people die, I've lied so many times, but I was proud of keeping myself "pure", at least until that terrible night.
I'm fooling myself if I think that I can keep Peeta. It's just too selfish even to think about. I know that I have to let him go, even though it is going to break me, kill me even. I don't care. I have to set him free. He will find a girl who will be able to love him the way he deserves. They will probably have a healthy physical relationship, and he won't have to keep waiting until broken me decides to heal.
"Katniss, what's wrong? Please talk to me." Peeta says, his voices sounding distant. When I finally realize where I am and what I'm about to do I can't keep the tears that make my vision blurry and stream down my face like a waterfall. "P-P-Peeta, I-I…" I sob, the pain is worse than I imagine. How am I supposed to let this go? "Katniss what is it? You are scaring me." Peeta whispers, he brings a hand up and tries to caress my face but I pull away. It will be better if I just do it quickly. "I-I c-can't d-do t-t-his. I-I'm s-sorry." I can barely understand the words through my sobs.
"It's okay baby, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I'm the one who should be sorry. I pushed you too much. I understand that you are still healing from what happened between you and Gale." He says, I know Peeta well enough to notice that the tone of his voice changed. He sounds hurt, worried and scared. "I-I don't m-mean a-about that. W-We can't…..W-W-We…" I take a deep breath and control the sobs that are jumping out of my mouth. "We can't b-be t-together. I-I'm sorry." Is the only think I can say before the sobs come full force, sending my hands up to cover my face. I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to see his expression, look into his blue eyes right now. "Y-You mean that, y-y-you are pushing me away from you? Is that what you want Katniss?" He asks. I can't bring myself to open my eyes and look at him, but I know that he is crying since his voice is shaking. A small nod is all he gets from me. This hurts more than any physical pain I ever felt. It feels like someone stabbed me right on my heart with the sharpest knife. Only now I can truly feel how much I love him and how much this will break me.
"Katniss I…I love you. You can't do this to me. I don't care if you want to take things slower. I swear I didn't mean to push you too hard, I will be more careful. Just please don't leave me. I have no one left, you are my everything. Please.." The sobs that come out of his mouth makes my heart hurt even more. I finally gain enough courage to uncover my eyes I look at what I did. Peeta is lying on his side, his hands covering his face and painful sobs are shaking his body. I move my body closer to his and caress his hair. "Y-You are g-g-going to be okay. I-I p-promise. Y-You w-will f-f-find s-someone b-better. P-please p-promise m-me t-that y-y-you w-will b-be h-h-happy." I try to push out between my own sobs. This is not how I imagined out first date to end, but if I'm going to set him free I need to do it before is too late. Honestly right now, it feels like it is already too late.
"N-no, I-I d-don't w-w-ant a-a-anybody e-e-else." Peeta says while shaking his head. I don't know what to do. My body feels completely frozen. I don't want to do this, I don't want to leave him. But I can't be so selfish.
I kiss his forehead before I try my best to get up. The pain between my legs is worse than ever, it's not the burning sensation it was before, now it is much worse, like someone is ripping my delicate skin. Even though the pain is too much, I bite my lower lip and make my way to the front door. I don't think Peeta will be able to hear my cries of pain mixed between my sobs. My heart still hurts more than any physical pain.
"P-P-Please d-d-don't g-g-go.." Peeta yells. I could never imagine that Peeta would let himself breakdown like this. He looks like a little child who just lost his mother. He looks completely broken. I hurt him again, and I will keep doing it if I don't get out of his life for good. I know that tomorrow he will feel better, he is letting all his pain out. He went through two Hunger Games, he was tortured, he was hijacked, he lost his entire family and now I'm breaking all the hopes he put up about us. He went through all of this with a smile. He never showed any weakness and I know that even though Peeta is one of the strongest people I know, he needs to let go sometimes before it kills him.
I can't take this anymore. I can't stand here and watch him suffering so much. As fast as my shaking legs let me, I make my way to the front door and leave the house. I'm sure I will regret all of this, I'm too selfish to think that I'm doing the right thing for Peeta. I need to take advantage of my moment of selflessness and give him the opportunity to be happy with someone better and purer than me.
Once I get outside I face a dark sky above me and rain. I was so lost in our little moment that I didn't realize it was raining. I slowly make my way down Peeta's porch and across the street in the middle of the Victors Village. I don't go too far before the agonizing pain in my intimate place makes black spots appears on my vision and my knees to give up on me. I fall face first on the concrete in the middle of the street. I let myself completely breakdown. I cry like I've never cried before. Sobs, hiccups, I can barely breath. The last thing I hear is someone yelling my name and running in my direction. And then everything goes black.
Here we are Tributes. Someone commented on my last chapter that "Katniss should be a bit more wary about what happened to her." I completely agree and I'm so sorry for jumping ahead. I just wanted to create a romantic air between out Star-Crossed Lovers. This chapter was supposed to be their first date and bla bla bla, but I think my brain changed it a little bit. It won't last long, Everllark fans don't worry. I think Katniss needs a little more time to heal so let's take it slow and Please don't hate me. Please review and see you next time.