Author's Note: Hello again Tributes. I don't have anything else to say, so let's go straight to chapter 18. Enjoy

I don't own The Hunger Games

Chapter 18

Katniss's POV

I shouldn't be doing this. I should just leave right now before this goes too far. I know it will be harder, it will hurt us even more if I don't stop. But I just can't. Kissing Peeta makes me feel whole again. His lips bring me hope, they bring me life.

"Peeta, don't do this…I shouldn't…." I try to say between our kisses.

"Shhh, stop holding it back….let go." He whispers against my mouth. And I do. I kiss him like I've been dreaming since I first realized how much I love him.

Peeta pulls on my shirt, trying to bring me to lay down next to him. I tense up, and of course Peeta notices.

"What's wrong? Are you still thinking about leaving?"

"I….I mean….I still….I'm not" I don't actually know how to explain. Lying down with him reminds of me that night. I shouldn't be comparing Peeta with Gale, but what can I do?

I look into Peeta's eyes and I see pure understanding. He knows what I'm feeling without me saying it. We have a connection that nobody will ever be able to break.

"It's okay, it's just me." I try my best to relax. Peeta would never hurt me, I should feel safe in his arms.

I get under the blankets with him, trying my best to ignore the feeling of insecurity. I lay on my side and Peeta does the same, our noses almost touching.

"We need to talk." I whisper. As much as It hurts to say this, I can't compress the feeling that I'm holding him back. I have to be strong enough to do what is right. I should leave Peeta to have a happy life, which I'm not part of. But why can't I bring myself to do it?

"Peeta, I can't do this anymore. You know that we shouldn't be together. You deserve to be happy and….Oh God, how many times do I have to repeat myself?...I can't give you what you want. I'm too broken." I say. Peeta's expression breaks my heart, he looks extremely hurt, his blue eyes losing its brightness.

"I just want for you to understand that I don't want anything else, just you. I don't care how broken you are. Katniss, even if I wanted to, do you think any girl would fall in love with me? Look at me, my mind is completely messed up, my body is full of scars and I'm missing one leg. I'm not the exactly attractive."

What? How can he think that? Peeta is the most handsome boy I know. He has some scars left by the war but most of them are covered by sexy muscles. His fake leg, I got so used to it that I actually think it is a normal part of him. For me, Peeta is extremely attractive, he is the kind of boy most girls dream about. Even after his mind was hijacked he is still sweet and romantic.

"Of course not. Peeta how can you not see how handsome and wonderful you are. I remember when we were in school, girls would fight for your attention." I say while caressing his cheek.

Peeta looks down at his hands, playing with the sheets. "I don't care about any of them. You know what? If you want you can leave. I'm not going to keep you from doing whatever you feel like. I can't put you inside a little glass box to keep you by my side. Just know that I will always love you, no matter what your decision is." He whispers. Tears fill his eyes and I see that he is scared. Scared of losing me. Why is doing the right thing so difficult?

"You will move on and you will be happy. Someday you will see that this is necessary" I kiss Peeta's forehead and try to stand up. My heart breaking, tears making their appearance in the corner of my eyes.

"Can I at least have one last kiss?" he whispers, tears are streaming down his face.

"Okay" I whisper. Slowly I make my way to the other side of the bed. I can finally few my legs but I can barely few the pain between my legs, but I decide to follow my mother's advice, for the first time, and take it easy. One step at a time until I get to Peeta. I lean in and our lips touch. Tears are streaming down both our faces. I pull away slowly when I few Peeta trying to bring me closer. If I don't leave now, I won't be able to leave at all.

"Please don't go." Peeta whispers, I can feel how much he is trying to contain his sobs. I look into his eyes one last time and make my way out the door, slowly. Once I get to the top of the stairs I finally stop, sit on the floor and let myself breakdown. I don't sob loud, I don't want Peeta to hear me.

I sit in there for what seems like hours until I hear the front door opening. Haymitch comes up the stars and almost fall back once he sees me.

"Katniss, what happened?" he says, sitting next to me. I just shake my head, trying to control the tears that are falling down my cheeks like waterfalls. Just by the look he gives me I know that he understands what happened. Me and Peeta do not have a future together.

"Sweetheart let me talk to you about something. How does this make you feel?" Haymitch asks. I take a deep breath and try to make my voice as steady as possible.

"It breaks me Haymitch. I don't want to be away from him but I don't have a choice."

"You told me that you want for him to be happy right? Is he happy now?" Haymitch asks. I shake my head.

"Sweetheart, I know how stubborn you can be, but please listen to me just this time. Peeta will never be happy with someone else. He loves you and he has loved you since you were both 5 years old. So please, get some reason inside your head and go back to that boy before you end up killing both of you." He says. I want to believe in him so bad, but I can't. Every time someone crosses my life they end up getting hurt. I can't let that happen to Peeta, even though it's already too late.

"No Haymitch, I can't. Now can you please help me? I want to go home." Even though that house haunts me I can't stay here. This house is a promise of a future with Peeta. A future I will never be able to have. I'm a killer, a rebel, I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life watching Peeta with his family.

Haymitch signs, stands up and picks me up. "I hope your mother didn't notice you left. She will kill me if she finds out." He says while carrying me out of Peeta's house and straight to my own. My mother is probably still in her room doing who knows what. Haytmich carried me to my room and helps me to lay down on my bed before going to the kitchen and coming back soon after with a cup of water and some pills

"I know how much you hate capitol medicine, but if you want to get better you should take these." He says. He hands me the pills and I study them carefully.

"They won't kill you sweetheart, just swallow them." For the first time I actually follow Haymitch's advice.

"I better go back to my house and take care of my business. If you need anything just tell your mother to call me." I just nod, I never thought that Haymitch could actually act like a father.

I would never admit but I'm already regretting my decision. How could I be so stupid? I could be wrapped in Peeta's arms right now. No Katniss, don't be selfish. He needs to move on, you are only going to destroy him.

I don't know for how long I just sit on my bed, a war going on in my head. My instinct wants me to go back to that house and tell Peeta how much I love him, on the other hand, my rational side knows that I need to stay here and set him free.

I can't describe the pain I'm feeing right now. This is worse than any kind of physical pain I've ever felt. My heart is bleeding, my eyes full of tears. I feel suffocated, doesn't matter how deep I breath, I don't have enough air.

xxx

Peeta's POV

It's been 2 days since we last talked. 2 days and I haven't left my bed. I don't eat, I barely drink any water and I don't feel like taking a shower. I miss her. I miss her so much. I can't understand the reason why she left me. Can't she see that I will never be happy without her?

The sun is starting to set when I hear someone open and close my front door. I don't want to bring my hopes up. Why would Katniss be here anyway? But I can't help but think that maybe she changed her mind.

" Evening boy" Haymitch appears in my room. I should've guessed.

"What is it Haymitch?" I ask, my voice sounding hoarse.

" Look Peeta, I know how much you are suffering because of Sweetheart's decision. But since I can't let you become a living vegetable lying on a bed for the rest of your life, I have something to tell you. I went to town this morning to get some…..er….stuff, and Tom was there." Haymitch says. Tom was one of Gale's friends. Maybe he knows where Gale is, God help him when I finally put my hands on that damn jerk.

"What would I care Haymitch?" I say.

"More and more people are starting to come back from 13. They want to rebuild the district. They want to be able to call this place a home. So the thing is, I was talking to Tom and he told me that he needs some help, the construction crew needs more people. Maybe you could help." Haymitch says.

Construction crew? That doesn't seem like such a bad idea. I mean, I need to do something with my life to get Katniss out of my head. If I don't want to become a drunk like Haymitch I may take this opportunity. It could work.

"Let's say I want to do it. When do I start?" Haymicth smiles. He probably thought I was a lost cause until now.

"Tom said you can go whenever you want. Maybe you should go talk to him, see what you can actually do." I don't know a lot about building houses, but I could definitely learn. If I survived until today I shouldn't throw my life away, right?

With that thought in my mind I stand up, get some clean clother and go take a shower. Haymtich nods, gives me a weak smile and then leaves. I'm going to town, I'm going to talk to Tom and rebuild my life. At least I'm going to try.

Katniss POV

I never thought my life could get so meaningless. I barely leave my room, I just eat and shower because my mother forces me to. I'm completely dead inside. It's like my brain shot off and the only thing I feel is pain. I miss him. I miss him so much. My heart seems to be so broken that it can barely beat.

The last 2 days were a blur. I didn't leave my bedroom at all. I sit on my bed the entire day. My mother brings me food and my pills. She helps me to go to my bathroom and shower. I became a little baby again, I can't do anything by myself.

I haven't seen Peeta since the last time we talked. I wonder how he is doing. Is he suffering as much as I am? Has he finally got someone else to fill his empty life? Sometimes I hope that he will never get over me. I don't want for Peeta to forget me. But isn't that the reason why I left him? I want for him to be happy, even though I won't be part of his life anymore.

The sun is starting to set when I hear some movements outside. I stand up slowly, the pain is finally starting to fade but my mother insists that I should be careful. I make my way to my bedroom window. I see Haymitch going to Peeta's house. Why would he go there? My heart starts to beat faster, what if something happened to him? I'm about to reach for the phone when I see Haymitch leaving Peeta's house, he is wearing a smile on his face. That was quick. As much as I try I can't bring myself to step away from the window. I watch the sunset, the beautiful soft orange, Peeta's favorite color.

I stay there, looking up at the sky until I hear another door open and then close. Peeta is walking towards the town. He looks so different, thinner and pale. He walks looking down at his feet. Peeta never looked down, he used to have such a determined look on his face. I don't know what to feel, I'm so happy that Peeta left his house to go to town and at the same time I'm on the edge of tears by what I just saw. My Peeta looks so broken, so hurt. Because of me.

I walk back to my bed. Once I'm under my blankets, I grab my pillow and cry. I cry for my selfishness. I cry for my broken heart. I cry for Peeta, and how our love, which didn't even start straight, had to end like this.

Peeta's POV

As I walk back to my house I take my time to think. I think about my new job, which I'm starting tomorrow morning. I think about the bakery area, which I didn't have the courage to check. I think about Katniss. I would give anything to have her by my side right now.

When I finally get back to the Victor's Village I can't help my stare at Katniss's house. I don't think she left the house at all since we last talked. I can't deny that I'm sick worried about her. I stare at her window but I can't exactly see what is inside. Don't be stupid Peeta, leave her alone, I think to myself. I have to try to forget. I have to, at least for some time. So I make my way inside my house, I don't even bother to get anything to eat since I'm not very hungry. I go straight to my bed and get ready to sleep, even thought it's not very late. I know that I will have horrifying nightmares, just like any other night. But if this is the only way to see her, then I welcome them.

So here is it. Please don't hate me. One more chapter and we will have some Everllark romance. Next chapter we are back to action. Here is a preview…

I look straight into Haymitch's worried eyes. My hands are shaking, my heart is beating faster than ever and tears are making my vision blurry.

"Please Haymitch, just say it." I whisper, trying to control the sobs that are willing to escape my lips

" Sweetheart please sit down…." Haymitch says.

"NO, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE, JUST PLEASEEE TELL ME" I yell, loud sobs leaving my lips. Haymitch takes my shaking body in his arms and whispers in my ear.

"It's Peeta. I'm sorry Katniss but he is…..Peeta is..." And that's when my entire world falls…

I will try to update tonight, but if I don't have time I promise tomorrow morning. Please review. See you next time