House Divided

Cameron had heard that House was planning Chase's bachelor party. She walked into his office, "Please!"

"No." he didn't look up from his computer.

"Please."

"No. Just because you and Thirteen too are getting married does not mean you can crash a bachelor party."

"Well… Please!" She tried again.

"No."

"Oh, come on House! Why can't we go?!" She whined a little bit.

"Because it's a Bachel or party. You don't have the right parts."

"Are you sure about that?" Cameron smirked.

House raised his brows then sat up straighter, "Drop your pants." He said in challenge, "I need to see that you dangle."

Cameron pursed her lips then turned around and walked out of his office.

~0~0~0~0~0~

House looked at Foreman and Thirteen as they started to walk off with Taub to help with the test, "You two… doing anything?"

They both looked at each other and back to House.

~0~0~0~0~0~

"I can't believe you invited your girlfriend to a strip club." Foreman said as they waited in the locker room for the blonde.

"Hey! It's the only way I'm allowed to go… if she goes too." She shrugged.

"You guys go to strip clubs?"

"Is that so wrong?" Allison asked as she walked in and greeted her girlfriend with a kiss then looked at him.

"No!... not at all… just surprising." He said. His eyes widened as Cameron started stripping right in front of him, "Cameron!"

"Like you're not about to see a whole lot more!" Cameron gave him a look despite him averting his eyes, "I'm not going to wear scrubs to s strip club and I have no clean clothes here…" She explained as she opened Remy's locker to dig in her duffle.

"While everything she said is in fact true… we are going to see more, I do appreciate you averting your ogling eyes from my fiancée's hot, sexy body." Thirteen said as she stood in front of her blonde girlfriend while she changed.

Cameron smirked as she jumped into a pair of skinny jeans then stuffed her feet into a pair of Remy's converse before she pulled on a v-neck, "This is really your back up for around the office?" She looked up at her girlfriend.

"Well… if something happens to make me put my back up on, I'm not gonna be too happy… so, yeah." She defended her clothing choices with sarcasm. "Shall we go see naked women, now?"

~0~0~0~0~0~

"You know what a broken cowboy is?" Foreman asked them both. When he looked from the woman on stage to find two pairs of eyes on him, he said, "It was on House's list of requirements."

Thirteen pursed her lips, "I have three theories."

"Why is House so into this bachelor party thing?" Foreman asked as they turned back to watching the show.

"He needs a reason to be into a bachelor party?" Cameron didn't look at him, but continued the conversation.

"He needs a reason to be into anything." Foreman said.

"Give me your wallet." Cameron held her hand out, as Foreman dug into his pocket. She pulled out a couple bills then gave the wallet to Thirteen who did the same before she put it on the table. The dancer crawled forward and pushed her hips out, letting both women put the money in the hem of her panties.

"House could be trying to tempt Chase into cheating. Break them up."

"You think House is into nurse Karen?" Thirteen retracted her hand from giving the dancer the money and looked at him.

"Why do you still call her 'nurse Karen'?" Foreman asked her. She only shrugged, telling him that is was just a thing at this point, habit.

Cameron looked from the dancer she had just given money to and looked at him, "If Chase cheats then they shouldn't be getting married in the first place."

"So you're okay with House getting Chase smashed enough to make a stupid mistake? 'Cause if Karen leaves him, I'll bet he tries to get you again."

Thirteen shrugged, "Being drunk doesn't change who you are. It just reveals it."

A new dancer came out on stage and jumped on the pole, then once she was upside down, she wrapped a leg around it and slid down in a spiral motion with no hands. All three were distracted by this of course.

"You think she can do the broken cowboy?" Foreman asked.

"God, I hope so." Both Thirteen and Cameron breathed out at the same time.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Foreman, Thirteen and Cameron walked into the x-ray room after they came back from the strip club.

"We brought pictures." Foreman said as he set them down on the lit up table.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was just curious…" Cameron shrugged.

"And Thirteen's not allowed to go unless she's there." Foreman said.

Thirteen only shrugged, "The fact that you sent me on a scouting mission—"

"You're not on the guest list. Bachelor parties are an ancient and sacred male rite of passage."

Taub tried to bring them back to the case, "The ventricle bowing is most likely a pre-existing anatomical anomaly, not the indication of a tumor."

Thirteen looked at it, "No way to know for sure without a brain biopsy." She looked back to House, "If we get drunk enough, there's a chance Cameron and I might make out with one of the strippers. Or become some."

Cameron nodded happily, "Mhmm, mhmm!"

House stared at them both, "Sold."

~0~0~0~0~0~

The bachelor party was well underway and Foreman, Chase, Thirteen and Cameron were all cheering Wilson on as he ran his tongue up one of the stripper's (Karamel) stomachs, took a shot held between her breasts and ate the lime from her mouth.

When he was done, he obviously felt proud of himself as he walked off to the group of doctors and they all cheered some more. At this moment, another stripper (Candi) walked over to the one that Wilson just did the body shot from and salted her stomach then placed a lime wedge between her teeth while Karamel put another shot glass between her breasts.

"Who's next?" Karamel asked.

Cameron stepped forward and knelt down to be level with Candi's stomach.

Wilson looked at Thirteen, "You're okay with this?" he asked her.

"I paid fifty bucks for this!" She said excitedly and watched on.

Cameron licked Candi's stomach then turned and took the shot from Karamel's cleavage and downed it. As Karamel took the glass from her she leaned in and kissed the blonde's lips, which garnered a loud cheer from the crowd. Allison smirked and turned back to Candi, who didn't let the lime go without a kiss of her own, also wanting to please the crowd.

She walked back over and found that her fiancée didn't look to pleased, "Is that not what you paid for?"

Remy glared at her, "I didn't pay for those lips to kiss a strippers!" She pouted.

"Awww, Baby!" Cameron never slurred, so the only way you can tell she's drunk is when she does things like the thing she did next, "I'll make it up to you! You can do a body shot off me!" She took off her shirt and threw it haphazardly as she jumped on the bar and laid down.

Soon tequila was poured into Allison's belly button, salt onto her abdomen, and the lime wedge placed in her mouth. They seemed to forget that their colleagues were there, watching with undivided attention. Thirteen licked the salt, sucked the alcohol and bit the lime, but she quickly took it from her mouth and kissed her fiancée hard.

They eventually found their own little corner and when they decided that they were no longer exhibitionists, they grabbed a tub of Vodka ice cream, found Allison's shirt and went back to their place to finish the party alone…