Epic Fail

Thirteen had been working in the ER with Cameron ever since House went to Mayfield. She knew that seeing House check into the psychiatric hospital was hard for Allison, but she seemed to be doing well… holding up.

They were in her office that morning, eating their breakfast, "You gonna see him today?" She asked the blonde.

"Well… He's supposed to come to the hospital, but I don't know if I'll actually see him… he'll tell me when he's ready for me to see him…" She looked up from stabbing the last piece of her biscuit and gravy, "Or I'll give him no choice." She chuckled.

"Good." Remy stood up and stretched, "Well, boss… Shall we?"

Allison smiled and stood with her. They threw their plates away and went out to do their jobs.

A while later, Thirteen was working on this guy, Vince, whose hands had sporadically begun burning.

"Your NCV test was normal. Rules out carpal tunnel. No evidence of trauma. Your blood work looks normal."

"Then what is it?"

She paused a moment, "I don't know… I'll arrange to have you transferred to a neurologist."

"A neurologist? Don't you have some famous diagnostics guy? What's he doing?"

~0~0~0~0~0~

After hearing the Foreman was given the opportunity to take over as Head of Diagnostics, Thirteen brought him the case. They got through the first DD alright, but something was getting to her, "And yet something's missing." She said after Foreman had acknowledged how well they were doing without House.

Taub looked at her a moment, "I'm short. He's black. You're gay…ish." He said dryly.

"That's it." She said with a smirk as she and Taub walked out of the room to talk to the patient about treatment.

~0~0~0~0~0~

"I don't buy it." Vince said as he listened to them without actually listening.

Taub started explaining, "CRPS isn't that well understood, but–"

"I think it's mercury poisoning. I eat a ton of sushi."

"And you're currently getting mixed reviews in "Speed-the-Plow" on Broadway." She was pretty proud of herself, but when they both looked at her she rolled her eyes, "Google it. It's pretty hard to consume enough fish to give yourself mercury poisoning, and it doesn't usually present solely with pain."

"But it can. Check out the 'Atlantic Medical Journal'. This guy came in with burning pain caused by, uh, erythromelalgia, caused by mercury poisoning."

Thirteen glanced to Taub, "Who needs actual doctors when you got the Internet?"

"No offense, but doctors make mistakes. Medical errors are up 30% this year."

"You should check the rate of patient error." Taub looked at him.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Cameron left Foreman sitting and stewing after she told him that Thirteen and Taub weren't doing what he'd assigned them to do. She ran to the lab first, then after finding it empty to patient's room to forewarn her that he looked pissed that they didn't do the spinal stimulation.

"Rem…?" Cameron slid the door open.

"It'll take just a bit longer before we know the results." She nodded once then turned and smiled at Cameron.

"Okay. How long you guys been doing it?" He asked plainly as she started for the door.

Thirteen knit her brows and turned around, "I think it's best if we kept things professional."

"Tough to do now that I've seen you rock a leopard-print bikini and your girlfriend rock that sexy little white one. Congrats, by the way." He looked at Cameron and Thirteen, "Up top."

Thirteen turned his computer around to see a picture of her and Cameron on the beach from when they finally got to go on their vacation, "You hacked my profile page?"

"Figured I'd check if each of you had the credentials to go with the cojones that you all are obviously trying to fill. One search led to another." He shrugged, "Is there a shot of you guys making out? I'm thinking screen saver."

She glared at him and walked out, pushing Cameron in front of her, "He is so obnoxious."

"He's a patient and you have to deal."

"I know, I know…" Thirteen rolled her eyes and looked at her fiancée, "You need me for something?" She waggled her brows.

"Uhh… Foreman is looking pissed off that you guys didn't do that spinal stimulation…"

Thirteen nodded, "Great!" She rolled her eyes, "Maybe once he gets the pleasure, he'll understand why we ran the test first." She leaned in for a quick kiss, "Thanks for the warning, Boo."

Allison smiled, "You're welcome." She kissed her back and sauntered down the hall, knowing she had her girlfriend's attention.

~0~0~0~0~0~

She was still fuming that Foreman was acting like he was… It was a little ridiculous. He talked like they were making decisions together and then he got mad when Taub or she tried to argue. So… she went to the one place she knew someone would know what to do.

"You're early." House said as he opened the door for Thirteen then turned around and walked to the kitchen.

"For what?"

"I knew you'd show up here complaining about Foreman. Thought you'd hold out for another week at least."

"I showed up to ask if you've seen thrombocytosis with a platelet count under–"

"I went crazy, not stupid. I leave, Foreman embraces his inner mugabe." He took out a small yellow ball with a strainer then started throwing it from hand to hand.

"What's that?"

"Embryonali. He said with an accent, "Un-hatched chicken egg. I'm gonna suck out some of the yolk and replace it with ragout. By the way, you can tell the other lepers that their absence has been noted." He said as he used a syringe to suck some of the yolk out and used another to put the ragout in.

"Cameron didn't come by?" Thirteen asked rather confused.

"Daddy's little co-dependent is all grown up. Making room for daddy's hot bisexual with new boss problems."

"Daddy's little co-dependent is right here." Cameron said as she walked from somewhere inside the apartment.

"Oh good. You're finally done peeing." He took another egg out from his pot and did the same thing he did to the previous.

Cameron rolled her eyes and placed her hand on her fiancée's back, "What's going on, Babe?"

Thirteen leaned forward and shook her head, "I mean, I get it, the patient's a nightmare. He posted his case online. It– you know Foreman. How can I get him to tone it down?"

"Stop being a coward for one thing."

"He's the one who's afraid of failure."

"At a job that no one before House has ever done. His fears are justified." Cameron gave her lover an apologetic look.

House looked between them, "You're just afraid of giving him control over you because last time he had it you got a tumor in your brain and went blind… Not letting him be the boss makes it almost impossible for him to do his job. Pass me those crackers." He gestured for the crackers that Cameron was closest to.

"You're saying that him being a jackass is all my fault because I tried to argue my reasoning for thinking a different diagnosis?"

"I'm saying... That you would be happier if you learned when it's okay to give in, or when it's time to quit because there's not possibility of happiness." He looked up to find two pairs of wide eyes, "What?"

"You just suggested that she give in or quit so that she can be happy." Cameron said.

"What did they do to you in there?" Thirteen cocked her head to the side.

House rolled his eyes and gave them both an egg on a cracker, "Taste this."

They looked at each other then shrugged and ate in one slow bite.

"Um, good!" Cameron's eyes rolled back in her head.

"This might be the best thing I've ever eaten." Thirteen looked up at him, "And, yes, I'm including what you're thinking of now."

Cameron slapped her arm playfully and looked at House, "You are an amazing cook!"

"I know. And yet, my leg hurts." He rubbed his thigh as he sat on a stool.

~0~0~0~0~0~

Thirteen walked into their apartment slowly. She dragged her duffle with her and when she reached the living room, the cuteness that greeted her almost made her forget what had just happened.

Allison was cocooned in their many blankets on the couch in the middle of a horror movie on TV, which still scared her even though she knew the really bad parts were taken out, "Where the hell have you been?" She asked in a panicky voice as Remy came and sat next to her. She sniffed in her girlfriend's mouth, "Are you drunk?"

"No… but I am a little buzzed."

"Why?" She paused the TV and looked at the brunette.

Remy laid into the back of the couch and stared at the paused image of 'Mayhem' the All State Insurance guy laying on the roof of a garage. She shook her head, "I got fired."

"What?!" Allison asked as she burst from her cocoon. She looked like a crazy butterfly full of anger.

"It's okay…" She shrugged, "I was probably going to quit anyways so I could be happy…" She kicked off her shoes and started wrapping herself in Allison's littered blankets.

"Why did he fire you?"

"I think it's because I actually defied him in the exact way that he defied House all the time… I got on the internet again and looked through all the messages that people had been posting even though he told me not to... I got to the answer first." She shrugged.

Allison shook her head, "You wanna come work in the ER until we figure out what to do?"

"That sounds excellent." She smiled and pulled the blonde in for a kiss, "What are we watching?"

"Kiss the Girls."

"Oooohhh. That's a good one. Why are you watching it alone?"

"You weren't here!" Allison jumped up and down in her seat, over excited in her defense.

Remy laughed and dove behind her, becoming the big spoon while they finished the movie.