Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. One more chapter after this then a fateful meeting. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).
Four years after the papers are signed.
Severus wondered around his house, another year was pass since he had read the Hermione's journal. The past year had not been a great one, he had spent many nights in contemplation of his actions during their marriage. Of course his mind always traveled to that one act, the one that he had done in anger to show her she wasn't his master…. Mistress, whatever the case was. The one truly unforgivable act he committed against her. It had been a mistake, he knew it the moment his bedroom door closed and that muggle woman he brought home started stripping her clothes off.
He still followed through with it, he was the one who tarnished the rings he still wore around his neck and the vows he took. Was it any wonder that she lie to him when she walked out the door, he lied to her through the whole of their marriage. He degraded her ever chance he got, in whatever means he could from sex to cooking to cleaning. He kept her out of parts of his life when there was no need to.
He had tried all year to think what that small script at the bottom of the page meant, the only thing he could come up with was one to two possibilities. She had either obliterated herself, which seemed unlikely after what happen with her parents. The second, more viable answer was that she removed the memory, but what she did with it he didn't know. He had found nothing when he packed up the room three years ago.
He took the rings from around his neck letting the chain dangle from his fingers, he watched as the twirled in a circle. He thought about the reveal spell he had come across this year, the long forgotten one. He was going to try it on the journal, see if she had anymore secrets hidden in the depths of the pages.
He wound the chain around his hand as he picked up the book then his wand, he said the spell then opened the book. Oh yes she had hidden more depths in this book, he started to read the very first page that was different and the date was about six months before they married.
~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~
I am still astonished that Severus agreed to Mr. Kaseload's idea of the bonding, I was sure there wasn't a hope in hell of Snape's acceptance of plan. It was such a farfetched idea I was sure he would dismiss it out of hand, or at least there would be lot of fighting make him see that he needed to accept this as a way to avoid Azakban which he didn't deserve.
When Mr. Kaseload informed me Severus agreed and to file the bonding papers I almost thought it was too good to be true. Now it's just a waiting game for the processing of the paperwork. Not that I'm not taking this seriously, I will try to be the wife he deserves to have I just hope I can live up to the expectations.
~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~
Severus looked at the date again then said,
"Why that lying, conniving, fuck ass."
The esteemed Mr. Kaseload lied to him, he told Severus the day before this entry that the bonding papers were filed already.
He might have come around to the idea given time, he knew for sure that Hermione could make a convincing argument when she wanted to. But the choice was taken from both of them, to what end? Further the career of some low level employee, if he ever…. No. when he got his hands on him he would regret the day he crossed Severus Snape.
Everything he had done had hinged on the fact that Hermione had not given him a choice, when in fact she did. He just wasn't privy to it. He rose going to his desk, he wanted to request a meeting with Mr. Kaseload but changed his mind. If he saw the man in foreseeable future his future would surely be in Azakban.
Instead he wrote a quick note to Draco inviting him to lunch tomorrow, if there was anything to know about Mr. Kaseload Draco would either know or be able to find out.
Of course none of this would erase the past, none of it would get him Hermione back. He was sure that door was slammed, literally and figuratively four years ago.
He went back to the journal, going through the pages he didn't come across anything new until the last page.
~~^~~Journal Entry~~^~~
Well I suppose if your reading this page then you are a more powerful wizard than I am a witch, I suppose that goes without saying. I am hoping that as I forgot this journal that it would not be uncovered.
I suppose I should get on with it since I know how you hate me unnecessarily talking, so here it is.
I have no idea what I did to make you hate me so, why you felt the need to lord over me at every turn or degrade me. I've stopped trying to figure it out, it hurts to much to go round and round in my head. All I have tried to do was have an equal partnership with you, of course I should have known better nothing can be equal with you.
I removed two memories, or I have removed one. The other will be removed when I finish writing this, I placed both of them somewhere in the room you so graciously told me was mine and I could do with what I wanted. I believed you when you said that, then the first time I tried to bring something of mine you…. Well I suppose that is all water under the bridge now.
Anyway one is a memory that I can remember I was not able to live with, though I don't remember what the memory was of. The other will be of this journal, I have no reason for doing this other than I don't want these musings to look back on. Really why would I when it's full of miserable memories of me trying to be what I thought you wanted and me not liking what I had become.
Don't get me wrong, I do love you that is why I will sign the fucking divorce papers hoping that in doing that act you will not hate me as much as you do. You'll be free to find what you want and need.
I would say I am sorry, but I don't believe I have done anything wrong to be sorry for. I am sure you could list them and the parchment would be tens of feet long.
I will tell you one thing and I hope that it haunts you for the rest of your life, I love you with all my heart. I'm sure you don't believe me, or think it's some crush or something not real but ask yourself this. If I didn't love you greatly then why would I allow you to treat me like dirt under your feet for over five years.
HG
~~^~~End Journal Entry~~^~~
Severus sat the book on his lap, his hands were shaking so he fisted them. He knew when she walked out the door telling him she never loved him she had lied to him, he didn't blame her for lying to him. Not anymore anyway, she was doing the only thing she could at the time, protecting herself. Isn't that what they all did, didn't he lash out at Lily when she told him she never loved him? Pain will make you do many things that you will regret in the long run.
Then his mind traveled to the memories she left in his house, he was sure what the other one was. He slowly stood going to her room, the room he had not opened the door to in three years. Once he was standing in the room he took his wand laying it in his hand saying,
"Point me Hermione's memories."
He watched the wand spin before pointing toward the closet, inside he found a place in the wall that looked different. Pushing on it the area gave way easily and standing inside were two small bottles, he slowly reached in taking both bottles. One bottle had nothing written on it, the other said. 'DO NOT OPEN' he knew that was the one. He took them with him to his bedroom and the pensive he kept there.
Sitting on the bed with the bottles he put the one with no writing in the drawer, the other he stared at as if it was Nagini ready to strike. He knew what memory it contained, just as he was sure he would look at it as penance for giving her the memory in the first place.
He unwrapped the chain from around his hand placing the rings back around his neck before finally taking the bottle and going to his pensive, he opened the door pulling out the pensive then poured the memory in. taking a deep breath he leaned over his nose touching the surface.
Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.
Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.