A/N: I'm going to space the next few updates out a bit more; this chapter transitions to the next general section of the plot, which I need to bash into a bit better shape before I roll it out. I should still have something for you every few days. Much thanks for all your appreciation and feedback, as always. -HLine

Early Tuesday afternoon Finn went by the Fabray house to see Quinn again, but when she answered the door his smile was met with a frown.

"I suppose you should come in, but you can't stay long," she said. "We do need to talk, though, so I'm glad you came."

"What's going on?" Finn asked, confused, as he followed her into the front hall. Things between them had been comfortable, simple even, more simple than he remembered actually; this sudden change was unexpected.

"Finn... I started spending time with you again just to help you out," Quinn explained. "To make it easier for you, since you remembered me and you didn't remember most of your other friends. But we went too far. We shouldn't have kissed, Finn." She grimaced. "We especially shouldn't have kissed in public."

"Oh." Well we did get carried away, I suppose, but... I don't get it.

"Look, I'm leaving," Quinn said. "I'm going to Yale in a couple of weeks. And I shouldn't have done this, spent time with you again. It was kind of nice, for a while, to turn back the clock, to be with the old you again, and pretend that everything that went wrong didn't. But I shouldn't have and we need to stop."

"You told me about everything, about Puck and the baby," Finn argued. "You've been honest with me now, even if you weren't then."

"It's not the same as actually remembering it happen to you," Quinn insisted. "You don't remember how it felt, how angry you were at how I'd manipulated you. If hearing about something really brought it back, you'd let people tell you more things, and show you more things, like things about you and Rachel. You'd try spending time with her."

"I guess." Finn just stood and looked at her, puzzled. Quinn was the last person he thought would be pushing him towards Rachel, especially with how things had been going.

"You were great together," Quinn said. "Much better than you and me, you could be friends too and we never were. I got in the way of you two a lot and I'm not proud of that or of how I treated you. When you took up with her, and when you left me for her again, it hurt a lot, but really most of that was my pride." She smiled thinly. "There's really no point in us trying again, Finn," she said. "Even if I wasn't leaving, even if there was more between us in the first place – I'd just be waiting for the other shoe to drop." She looked seriously at Finn. "You told me once that you felt that you were tethered to Rachel," she said. "And someday, you're going to look into those brown eyes again, or hear her sing, and that connection will be there, even if you don't know why. And I can't be waiting around for that, or even worse hoping it doesn't happen. Because you two were really great together." She touched his shoulder. "And I'm probably the last person who would want to admit that, so you have to believe me."

"So... we're done?" This reaction wasn't what Finn had been expecting at all.

"We never really got started. Not then, not now. Not even in between. Yes we got carried away and kissed, but I'm pretty sure you didn't really feel anything, other than familiarity, and I know I didn't." She winced. "'Familiar' and 'comfortable' isn't what you should feel when you kiss someone."

"I -" Finn stumbled. He hadn't really felt anything much, just old memories. "I might not feel it, I don't feel a lot of things in my life right now," he mumbled.

"So what, you'll just do these things anyway? Come on, Finn. You may still think you're a kid, but you're not. You're an adult, you've graduated high school, you're old enough to vote and to fight and die for your country, and back in January you realized that Rachel meant so much to you that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. Everyone was completely stunned by that, by the way, including Rachel, so you must have really meant it. That's not a perspective I can relate to, though I hope I have that ahead of me sometime. I thought she was crazy to agree back then, but..." she shrugged. "If anyone could make it work it would be the two of you."

"But I don't remember any of that." It sounded unbelievable that he would have done that, wanted anyone so much, though apparently he had.

"Then that's what needs to be fixed, not you and me. Those things all still happened, even if you don't remember them, and much as I hate to admit it they were a lot better than anything we had together. Look, we were kids, and I was obsessed with being popular and trying to map out the perfect life, one way or another. None of that stuff matters now, of course. And you were the star quarterback – the team actually started winning, if you can believe that – and you could have almost any girl in the school, just because you were cute and nice and really popular. So we were the ultimate popular power couple, and everything we did had something to do with that. Do you even remember us doing anything where I wasn't picky about whether it was the thing we should be doing?"

Finn's face fell even further. "Not really. Never really thought about it."

"I made pretty sure that you didn't," Quinn asserted. "What a bitch, right? If I think about it honestly, I was. Dating you actually made me worse that way, because ultimate popularity was so close. I didn't date you the person as much as I dated the quarterback. I cared that you were popular. Rachel didn't, she just cared about you. And I encouraged you to go along with the bullies, the ones that picked on people like Kurt, and Artie, and Rachel... because that was what popular kids do. I started changing after I joined Glee and got to know them, and after the pregnancy came out and they supported me so much, but I still slid back into my old ways the next year when I was trying to be Prom Queen and you and Rachel were split up." She sighed. "You were far too easy to control, except when it came to music, and to Rachel," she said. "And she's controlling except when it comes to you, she listens to you. I didn't." She laughed hollowly. "I'm not going to now either, but that's because this time I really do know better than you do."

"Why did you join Glee, then?" Finn asked. "It's one of the least popular things you can do."

"To keep hold of you," Quinn admitted. "A lot of good came out of it, I'm really glad I've been part of it, but in the beginning I saw the look in your eyes when you and Rachel sang together, and I didn't like it." She looked sincerely at Finn. "That's just a few weeks away," she stressed. "Just a few weeks after when you've rolled back to. Even without everything that's happened in between, all the things you don't remember, you're still the same guy who fell in love with Rachel. With the girl who inspired you, talked to you, baked for you, studied with you, and always helped you. Who understood you. All things that I'm sorry to admit I never even considered doing for you. Or for anyone. I've never found anything that meaningful myself, but maybe someday I will." She went to the door and held it open for him. "I hope something amazing is out there for me and I'm going for it. You need to as well."

Finn followed her to the door, but stopped to look at her as he passed by. "So that's it, huh?"

"Yes." She gave him a tight smile. "I suppose there's something nice about being the one saying 'no' to you for a change, it's always been the other way around before. But if you were yourself, if you remembered all those things and what you feel, you wouldn't even be asking. You always wanted Rachel more, even when things happened so you couldn't be together." She gave a brittle laugh. "There was even a joke on Jacob's blog, back in junior year, what's Finn doing with Quinn again, has he lost his memory?"

"That's mean."

"Oh, and I was never mean, right?" She paused. "I was awful. I've tried to be better. But what made that joke so hurtful, but so funny for everyone else, is that it was true, that's the only way it really made sense. Even I don't know why you went out with me again. It was probably your pride too, because you were hurt. That's a bad reason. We don't have a good reason, we didn't then and we don't now. So goodbye, Finn, and good luck. I hope it all comes back for you, I really do. But if high school has taught me anything, it's that life doesn't need to pass you by unless you let it."

Finn paused. This was goodbye, he realized. She was going off to college, and he – he had to think about what she'd told him, about the life he'd had that he'd forgotten. He swallowed. "Goodbye, Quinn," he mumbled as he left, his eyes down. "And thank you. For everything."

"Just don't wait too long. She leaves for New York in three weeks."

As Finn drove home in his mom's car, he had to acknowledge that Quinn was right about him needing to accept his missing time. He wasn't the same guy he'd been at the start of sophomore year; most obviously at the moment, he drove a lot better (and legally). He knew his way around a car, too, he was doing well working part-time at the tire shop, and he was glad to be out of high school, even though he missed some of the simple structure it provided. It was cowardly of him to just take some of the things the intervening time had given him without dealing with whatever else it had done to him as well. If he claimed to be eighteen-year-old Finn Hudson, as Puck had commented, he should try being eighteen-year-old Finn Hudson.

And wanting something amazing to be out there for him, like Quinn said – sure, he wanted that, who didn't? Everyone had already told him what the other him had decided that was. Quinn's description of everything Rachel had done for him and been for him certainly sounded like what he'd want, someone who really cared about him, not just who he was. And hearing that from Quinn of all people was unexpected, Quinn hated to lose and to make mistakes, and she hated even more to admit she'd been wrong. For her to tell him that someone else was so much better for him than she was... even with their relationship long in the past for her, he could tell that her admission had been very difficult. Would she do that if it wasn't important? Certainly she thought it was true. And Rachel did seem to understand him, even as he was now, she hadn't had to ask anyone what he needed in the hospital, she'd just gone ahead and made it happen. But he didn't feel anything like that himself, he didn't feel a connection to her now, and knowing who it was supposed to be for him just made it worse. Harder. Like it was some sort of arranged marriage. How could he be expected to just go along with it? And how could he live up to all that expectation about who he was, the himself that he'd forgotten how to be?

Finn exhaled in a rush. He just didn't know what to do about Rachel. And he'd really bailed on her, yeah sure he'd been overwhelmed and needed some time, but it wasn't like he'd done anything with it, he'd mostly just been stalling because he hadn't known what to do. He'd treated his forgotten three years and the changes they'd produced in his life as the problem, not the fact that he couldn't remember them. He hadn't asked for this but neither had she, and he hadn't even tried to get to know her, not really. He'd just hurt her.

Stalling. And now she leaves for New York in three weeks. Shit.

When Finn got home he heard sounds of arguing coming up from the basement.

Kurt's voice came first. "Well I don't see why I shouldn't have my friend over," he said loudly.

"You know why!" That was his mom, frustrated. Finn frowned; he didn't like the tone Kurt was taking with his mom. Nobody got to yell at his mom.

"No I don't," Kurt yelled, clearly losing his cool. "I know you have some sort of problem with it, but I also know you like her or at least you did!"

"I do, very much, but you know Finn has to be my priority right now." She wasn't too far off yelling either.

"For her too, but you won't let her." Kurt's voice had lost the yelling edge, which was good; it sounded more like pleading now.

Her, Finn thought. He means Rachel, Mom doesn't want him to ask Rachel over because of me. He felt his stomach sink. Yeah he was having a hard time with everyone's expectations, and Rachel was the biggest problem of all, but he didn't want people to treat him like he was made of glass either, and have other problems themselves because of it. Bad enough my life got wrecked. Hell, he'd started to get a bit jealous of how well his mom got along with Kurt, and now here they were in a shouting match about how to treat him.

"He needs stability. Home is confusing enough for him, he needs to adjust to his family first -"

Kurt cut her off. "Isn't he doing that? And there's a ring that says she should be part of his family, and they've been close since before this family existed. She's the love of his life, but he doesn't remember her so he's treating her like she's nothing, and for some reason you're supporting him. Do you have any idea how much pain she's in?"

"Do I know what it's like to lose someone, is that what you're asking?"

There was briefly silence from downstairs. Finn moved closer to the stairs but still heard nothing. Then Kurt's voice came again, speaking much more softly.

"I am so sorry, Carole, I didn't mean anything like that, and I didn't mean to yell," Kurt said, sounding choked up. "We've all been there, everyone in this house has lost someone they loved." He sighed. "But Rachel's right there too, this is killing her, and it's not necessary. Finn's alive and well. Can't she get to know him again? Or try to help him remember?" He paused. "Just think about it, please Carole. How can Finn get used to his life again if that doesn't include her? She was going to be his life, what he has now is just unnatural."

Good question, Finn thought, his insides twisting at thinking about how much pain he'd been causing Rachel. 'Cause, yeah, that would have been the plan, we were supposed to get married. But he still didn't feel like he was ready for any of that, he was a teenager, and he didn't know her. But I should.

Finn heard someone coming up from downstairs, and headed up quickly to his room. He didn't want to get caught eavesdropping and definitely didn't want to have to talk about what he'd heard before he had a chance to think about it.

He closed his door and flopped onto his bed, Kurt's words still echoing in his mind: 'Do you have any idea how much pain she's in?' Also Puck's words, from just after he'd woken up: 'Bet she still likes that better than you not talking to her.' And Quinn, today: 'Rachel meant so much to you that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her.' And they were going to, until he couldn't remember. But she did remember, still loved him and wanted him, and she couldn't do anything about it. Especially since he'd pushed her away. Not that she would really go. 'My world is better knowing you exist even if it hurts,' she'd said. That was a lot to take in, that someone felt like that about him, but would he really wish that away? Not just having that, but being the sort of person who could inspire that. Having someone that you were truly connected to, tethered, as Quinn had told him he'd said about himself and Rachel.

He needed to remember, to see if he could actually be that person. He owed it to her, to the girl Quinn had told him about, who had helped him, listened to him, and inspired him. And he owed it to himself, not to lose something that good from his life. He could try, at least, see whether or not it was something he wanted. He hadn't tried at all, he'd been too annoyed at finding himself supposedly committed to a girl he didn't remember choosing to have considered why the self that he didn't remember being might have chosen her. That his older self, memories intact, might actually have known better than his younger self did. An older self that would definitely kick his ass right now, if that was possible, for how badly he'd hurt her. She'd asked him if he wanted to remember, and he'd said that he had, but he'd really just been rejecting everything he'd been told about his 'new' life because he didn't know it and hadn't had any say in it. Including her. Especially her. Yeah it was really hard being around her but – a lot of the time if you take the easy way out all you get is out.

At dinner he heard that Kurt was going out to a movie that night, over on the other side of town.

"I think my car's blocking yours, I'll move it," Carole commented.

"No need, she's picking me up," Kurt said. "No sense in both of us paying for gas, especially now that it's so expensive."

"Yeah, that was a big shock too, gas has sure gone up a lot in the last three years," Finn commented, trying to be part of the conversation while still distracted about what was going on. She. Rachel? Does that mean Rachel's coming here to get him?

He was sitting in the living room after dinner when he heard a car pull up, and went to the window to look. And there she is, and – wow. He looked at her as she stepped out of her car and came up the walk – soft wavy dark hair, red lips, tanned arms and legs, wearing a very short sundress, light cream with little red shapes that might be cherries sprinkled all over it. He hadn't looked at her that much before, he realized, not properly, he'd been too spooked over who she was supposed to be to him. But now... Cute. And hot. What's she doing looking like that to go to the movies with her gay best friend? She was carrying something, he couldn't tell what.

The doorbell rang. "Can you answer that please?" Kurt called out. "I'm not quite ready yet."

Finn was already halfway to the door anyway. He swallowed nervously and opened it.

"Oh," Rachel said as she looked up at him, smiling, blushing a little. "Hello, Finn."

"Hi," Finn responded.

"Tell her I'll be five minutes, please," Kurt called out again.

Rachel laughed. "I can hear you too, Kurt," she called back. "And that's fine." She laughed again, Finn enjoying the sound of it. She had such a lovely voice.

Finn looked at her again, realizing that this was a setup, that Kurt disagreed with his mom's position on not having Rachel over and was managing to have it happen anyway. Still, Finn was starting to disagree with his mom on that too. "Why don't you come in?" he asked, smiling tentatively down at her, noticing that those were indeed cherries on her dress, including at the top where it fit tightly over the soft swell of her boobs. He caught himself looking more closely at those, especially since there was something tucked inside the top of her dress, hanging from a chain around her neck. He reddened a little, embarrassed to be looking there, as he turned away from the door to show her into the living room.

"I hope you're doing well, Finn." She handed him what she was carrying, a large plastic box with some sort of food in it. "Here," she said. "I made quite a lot, I like to bake when I get stressed."

"Well I like to eat when I get stressed, so I guess that works out," Finn joked lamely. "I'll, uh, be right back." So she's stressed, huh? he thought, then castigated himself for his cluelessness. Of course she's stressed. Idiot. He quickly put the box onto the kitchen counter, then returned to the living room. Rachel was sitting in one of the chairs, her knees crossed. With her short dress that meant he could see a long stretch of shapely tanned thigh. Wow. If this is supposed to show me what I'm missing – message received. He sat down on the couch next to the chair, not too close. "So..." he trailed off, unsure what to say. "What movie are you going to? Kurt didn't say."

"The Katy Perry concert movie," Rachel replied. "It's been out for a few weeks, but we were busy. The place across town has it now."

Busy. Yeah, busy worrying about me. "Are, you, uh, a big fan?" He smiled apologetically, since this was something he should know.

"It's certainly more appealing to me than most of the other current movies, and I need a night out," Rachel replied. "She seems nice. And I like a lot of her songs, so I'm looking forward to seeing how she performs them."

"Oh, that's right, you sing," Finn commented, then cringed as he heard himself. Still – might as well let it out. "Okay, hands down, that has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever said," he admitted, chuckling a little, shaking his head at himself. "Like ever. Even compared to things I don't remember saying."

That seemed to defuse things, and Rachel laughed. "Maybe. But that would be telling." She shrugged lightly. "It's okay, Finn."

"Maybe..." Finn took a deep breath. Quinn said hearing her sing was special for me. Just go for it, stop stalling. "Maybe I could hear you sing sometime and then I won't forget that again."

Rachel's breath caught, and he could see her eyes glisten. "I'd like that," she said quietly, then gave him a genuine smile.

Something moving on the wall distracted Finn – Kurt was standing at the foot of the stairs, his head lowered, and Finn could see his reflection in the TV screen on the wall. No idea how long he'd been there. Finn jerked his eyes away from the reflection and back to Rachel. He looked at her, doing his best to really see her, look into her deep brown eyes. He found himself returning her smile, and the tension between them eased.

They were silent, but unlike their previous meetings it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. After a few moments, though, it was broken by the sound of Carole's voice in the hall.

"Are you leaving now, Kurt?"

Rachel's head swung around to the hall where Kurt had been waiting.

"Ah, yes," Kurt said, approaching the living room entrance. "We'd better go if we don't want to miss the previews," he said to Rachel.

"Of course." Rachel stood and walked off, though she gave Finn a small shy smile as she passed him. "Goodnight, Finn."

"Uh, goodnight." Finn stumbled a little over his automatic response. Then the front door closed, and he heard the car drive off. After a few minutes he got up and went to the kitchen, where his mother was putting away the cleaned pots from dinner.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that, Finn," she said. "I don't know what Kurt was thinking."

Finn stared out the kitchen window, looking off into the distance. "That I shouldn't stick my head in the sand?" he ventured. "He's right."

"Is he?" Carole was noncommittal, but watched him carefully.

Finn shrugged. "I can't hide forever." And I'm not the only one who's life has a massive hole in it. He went over to the counter, stalling, and opened the plastic container Rachel had given him. "Hey, this smells good."

"Rachel knows what you like."

Finn picked up a piece and smelled it more closely – banana bread. He smiled and bit into it. "Well this is really great," he mumbled around it. He swallowed. "Mom... do you like Rachel?" He saw her look at him, puzzled. "In the hospital you were saying all those great things about her, but now it's like you don't want her anywhere near me. Do you have a problem with her?"

Carole exhaled. "I like Rachel a lot, Finn. She can be very intense, but she's really a sweetheart, and we've always gotten along wonderfully."

"So what's going on? Is it me?"

"You need space, time to get used to everything that's changed at home," Carole explained. "And as I said, she's very intense. You did ask her for some time."

Finn frowned. "I know I did. But I can't just run away, or I shouldn't. She's not just some girl, she's supposed to be part of my life. And she's Kurt's friend, and just..." he trailed off, trying to make sense of his thoughts. "I know this is so difficult for her and it's like I'm keeping her away from her best friend too. I don't mean to."

"Her best friend?"

"Kurt. I mean, he told me she's his best friend."

"These things aren't always reciprocal. He's a close confidant, of course, but he isn't her best friend." Carole frowned, looking sorrowful.

"Well that's a relief, then she has someone else too," Finn said, but was caught up short when he saw his mother's sad eyes as she shook her head. "What?" he asked, confused, then groaned as the realization came. "Shit. Sorry, didn't mean to swear. It's just -" he shook his head. "I wasn't expecting that."

Carole smiled sadly. "Even at times when you weren't together you were still very good friends, usually," she said. "You've both helped each other when you needed it."

"Like what Quinn told me about her," Finn mused. "Except Rachel needs me now, and I'm not there." She'd smiled at him so brightly, acting like she was okay, but he knew she wasn't. Even without having overheard what Kurt had said, that this was killing her, he knew. She'd done her best to act okay so he wouldn't be uncomfortable, and so he'd actually be willing to spend time with her, even after how he'd treated her. She shouldn't have to go through that for him.

"Quinn? I didn't realize you'd been talking to her," Carole said, giving her son a bit of a hard look. "Do you know what she did?"

"Cheated on me with Puck and convinced me the kid was mine? Yes, she told me."

"Well that's honest of her. Maybe she has changed." But Carole's voice was still sharp.

Finn looked seriously at his mother. "She also told me you haven't forgiven her for that."

"Can't say that I have," she admitted. "You did. But there are lines you don't cross with a mother, and screwing up her kid's life for the sake of your own is way over it."

"I remember you liking Quinn, before."

"I didn't really see that much of her when you first went out, not until the pregnancy mess hit," Carole said. "Certainly it was flattering, an achievement that my boy was dating Quinn Fabray, she's so pretty and popular, her family was so highly thought of. Very high status. But she never tried to relate to us, as people, and it all turned out to be hollow. We were just something she needed to use. And then getting to know Rachel – well her family is rather quirky, and they're well-off and spoil her a lot, but she's very genuine, the opposite of Quinn in the ways that matter." She shrugged. "I wish Quinn all the best, really I do. I hope she has a good life and finds happiness, but preferably with someone I don't know. I can't trust her."

"What would you have done if she was the one I was engaged to?" Finn asked curiously. Quinn was, after all, the only girl he remembered thinking that he might marry someday, even though it had been just idle thoughts.

"Lock you in your room until you came to your senses?" Carole speculated. "I'm very glad you didn't. It was hard enough it being a girl I liked and knew was good for you. You're so young. It's still hard to believe that your relationship really became that serious."

"Yeah," Finn said thoughtfully. "I wonder what I was thinking, proposing," he mused. Quinn had told him that even Rachel hadn't been expecting it, so it must have meant a lot to him to do it.

"You never told me. Certainly you didn't have to in order to go to New York with her, especially with Kurt going too."

"I wish I could remember." Her ring – her hand had been bare, he had noticed. She'd probably done that for his sake, he'd recoiled so sharply from it when he'd seen it last, he'd seen it as her expecting him still to marry her. But though she hadn't had the ring on her hand, she'd had something on that chain around her neck. She would be coming back with Kurt after the movie, right? Maybe he could see it then, not like before but really look at it, try to see if it might trigger something. Trying was a problem, the shrink had said, but triggers, coming across things that could unlock memories, were good. This might be tricky. But he owed it to her to give it a shot, and at the very least he needed to get used to the ring and what it represented.

But it was late when he heard the car drive up, and once Kurt came inside the car drove off.